(no subject)
This weekend was pretty cool I must say. The women's retreat was more than I imagined it to be. I was concerned about the songs I was preparing to sing mostly because I haven't really sang since Devin's wedding. And of course the allergies and cold that I have. But as always, God came through and guided me right through it. The message was great - Angie did such an awesome job talking about a subject that hits so hard. Being a married woman with two children, I can appreciate the pain she went through. And Devin and I talked a long time about the same thing happening to someone close to us in our family. Hard subject, and she talked and shared so well. God was really with her because we talked before everything began and she was a nervous wreck. God can handle all things and he really demonstrated that through her.
I haven't been really vocal with some of the feelings that I have and emotional mix ups that I have with some people. Just because it's always better to hold my tongue. I've done that and God has really talked through that silence and let me realize so many things about myself and about the direction He wants me to go in (although it's encrypted right now and I can't figure it all out yet). Sometimes we can just be so rushed to be overly consumed in things that we don't see the turn that God is leading you to. Then BANG! And let me tell you it hurts. But overall, it is for the good. I realized this weekend that I don't put God first... and I have to. I put everything and everyone else in front of what God really wants for me. It's hard to see what God wants for you when you have so many other demands that seem to be pressing and pulling. You just have to cut the ropes and let go. My expectations of what other people should be doing is misplaced and spiritually misleading. I'm not focused and definitely not centered. But that's the beauty of being broken, I love being put back together by the only one who really knows me and my heart.
The fact is that most people really don't know me and don't care to. I mean they know me and who I am but really... they cannot say that they really know me. But that's cool b/c it goes both ways doesn't it? It is hard to put out the effort to really get to know someone without there being a need for that person. Maybe that doesn't make sense but that's what I have been dealing with.
I haven't been really vocal with some of the feelings that I have and emotional mix ups that I have with some people. Just because it's always better to hold my tongue. I've done that and God has really talked through that silence and let me realize so many things about myself and about the direction He wants me to go in (although it's encrypted right now and I can't figure it all out yet). Sometimes we can just be so rushed to be overly consumed in things that we don't see the turn that God is leading you to. Then BANG! And let me tell you it hurts. But overall, it is for the good. I realized this weekend that I don't put God first... and I have to. I put everything and everyone else in front of what God really wants for me. It's hard to see what God wants for you when you have so many other demands that seem to be pressing and pulling. You just have to cut the ropes and let go. My expectations of what other people should be doing is misplaced and spiritually misleading. I'm not focused and definitely not centered. But that's the beauty of being broken, I love being put back together by the only one who really knows me and my heart.
The fact is that most people really don't know me and don't care to. I mean they know me and who I am but really... they cannot say that they really know me. But that's cool b/c it goes both ways doesn't it? It is hard to put out the effort to really get to know someone without there being a need for that person. Maybe that doesn't make sense but that's what I have been dealing with.