(no subject)
I'm not sure I can do this anymore.
I'm terribly unhappy right now and I have been for the past year. I don't think Marquette is the right place for me to be. I've made sparatic comments concerning my discontent but nothing I've said has been definite, just thoughts circling in my head. Winter break was an escape for me. All I do while I'm at school is count the days until I can go home again. Whenever I leave Milwaukee, I feel relieved. I was hoping that this feeling would deminish upon my return to college life after winter break. However, I've been back for 2 days and I'm already depressed.
I need time to go home and get happy with myself. I need to find out that
I called my mom in tears this morning. I told her my story and she told me she could see I was unhappy here. She could see it was all an act.
Right now I'm in the process of finding how much tuition I'll be reimbursed and whether my scholarship will be able to be transferred if I decide to return for the fall semester.
This decision was fueled by many things and yes, steve was one of them. I know that none of you understand our relationship or know anything about it, actually. But I was unhappy here after my first month or two. It's not fair to me that I spend another 2 and a half years in a place where I'm unhappy simply because I don't want people to think I'm leaving to be with a boy. At the moment Steve and I are not together. We're taking some time apart. After talking to Kristen this afternoon, I realized that I'm settling for things that I shouldn't be settling for. Just because I'm comfortable with him doesn't mean that I should allow for things to happen that are happening. I need to be apart and start to be happy with myself and then I can decide if I want to be with him, if it really is meant to be...
I need to go home and get my head on straight. It'll be so much easier for me to do that at home. I'm only taking a semester off. I will return to school in the fall and it will most likely be marquette.
I need help.