Awake again.
I like my self. Some times I'm so proud of smart ideas of mine, that I don't need anyone else to admit my wiseness.
Best way to start science career and grow my english skills is to find online writing job in this subject.
I feel huge inspiration. Lately I were depressed that I don't have any sense in my life, it's boring, no deep in perceptions, all activity drown in desperate.
I never did my own research, or did rarely and had a pleasure doing it. This subject didn't overwhelmed by depressed thoughts and dogmas of my helplessness. I feel almost free to dream and act.
That's my desire - scrutinizing the world I living in. I want to help people and animals, but that kind of activity have to much of defeatism. I tried and always heard: "u can't change anything, that's how world work"
When I was a teen I had passion and desire. Sex were something connected to strong proximity feelings, to sympathy and philanthropia. I saw my life as an interesting journey of adventure and mistery. I felt like I have all power in the world and my wishes would be enough to guide me.
I want to return that "me" badly. It's my real face, not impotent frightened women that I'm now, afraid to fight, to say truth in the eyes, be honest and kind. I was that, but broken like a cheap clock. Now it's more difficult to rase that person from ashes, then back there just use energy and naive of youth. But anything posible and it's not a big dial while I want it.