So much going on..
I still feel like i haven't found myself, you know.
being blonde doesn't make me feel good. I went back to my roots so i don't have to dye it anymore, but..before when i had red hair thats what made me stand out. couldn't compare me to many girls with a hair color so unordinary, right? now, i feel plain..like nothing in particular about me is unique or extra~defined. Maybe i should stick with the red.
I think life generally right now is really hard. Its not right being 17 with out a job and not going to school. On top of it all, all i want to do is be there for my mom..but, how can i when all i want to do is cry and rip my hair out when im home. My little sister is in my opinion, is possessed. She talks back to my mom, hits her, hits me and my siblings..so on and on and on. My other siblings are just, immature, i guess..and my mom feels alone. All i want to do is be here for her, but how can i when the one place that feels like home to me is an hour away? At my grandma's i have my cousins, who feel more like my brothers and my sister more to me than my own, there's no fighting, no feeling of wanting to rip my hair out. (But of course the crying i cannot escape, which comes on a monthly basis.) Im comfortable, i can sleep at night, whereas here im up all night and going crazy. Not to mention, the one thing that makes me feel the best being up there, my boyfriend. I don't think anyone else could ever make me feel the same. How is it that i found something so good in such a rotten situation? and i couldn't possibly just throw this away. And i have no friends up there, everyone is down here that i love and i miss. My cousin melinda is like my walking diary and eddie is definately a best friend..but what the hell do i do?
what the hell do i do?
being blonde doesn't make me feel good. I went back to my roots so i don't have to dye it anymore, but..before when i had red hair thats what made me stand out. couldn't compare me to many girls with a hair color so unordinary, right? now, i feel plain..like nothing in particular about me is unique or extra~defined. Maybe i should stick with the red.
I think life generally right now is really hard. Its not right being 17 with out a job and not going to school. On top of it all, all i want to do is be there for my mom..but, how can i when all i want to do is cry and rip my hair out when im home. My little sister is in my opinion, is possessed. She talks back to my mom, hits her, hits me and my siblings..so on and on and on. My other siblings are just, immature, i guess..and my mom feels alone. All i want to do is be here for her, but how can i when the one place that feels like home to me is an hour away? At my grandma's i have my cousins, who feel more like my brothers and my sister more to me than my own, there's no fighting, no feeling of wanting to rip my hair out. (But of course the crying i cannot escape, which comes on a monthly basis.) Im comfortable, i can sleep at night, whereas here im up all night and going crazy. Not to mention, the one thing that makes me feel the best being up there, my boyfriend. I don't think anyone else could ever make me feel the same. How is it that i found something so good in such a rotten situation? and i couldn't possibly just throw this away. And i have no friends up there, everyone is down here that i love and i miss. My cousin melinda is like my walking diary and eddie is definately a best friend..but what the hell do i do?
what the hell do i do?