(no subject)
im not doing good, at all. i've been sick for like what it seems a week straight now. There's never anything to look forward to, and im the tool my family uses to throw around to make everyone feel better. i have problems too, but right now i dont have anyone to vent them to. i need my cousin melinda, she really helps. i like being around people my age, especially my cousins. i dont understand life. Im introduced to love and then its taken away from me, and i have no control over it. i believe that everything happens for a reason, but for what reason is everything that makes me happy taken away from me? i dont want to grow up with regret, i believe in living life to the fullest and doing what makes you happy. how can i do that? i dont want to grow up thinking, i wish i wouldve done things different. i dont believe in regret. but i dont know how to make things right. i am an emotional girl, i go through depressions thrown at me every now and then...and its hard to get out of. Especially now. i had a dream i was with Eddie, it seemed so real and i was so fucking happy...but then i woke up to reality...and i was crying. I haven't had the purest thoughts right now, they are ridiculous...and its something i know my aunt wouldnt be proud of if i had done it to myself. So i am trying to look for the brighter side in things, but there doesnt seem to even be a sliver of light anywhere. I need help. More than i have ever needed it. i never really knew what problems where and what stress its capable of, until now. my hairs falling out, i always feel nausiated and not hungry. every time i eat i feel like i have to throw up. i cant sleep, and im not happy. i havent felt so shadowed in my life. what in the hell is my destiny?