Discordia peacefully restless
She said she was proud of us... and that means so much to me. I haven't heard those words from anyone (who meant anything) in some while. (Yes, that is with some selfish pride because I know she likes me better than some others.. I am humanflesh, through and through, but that aside...) It was such a relief to hear those exact words. She said so much, all at once. (We both tried not to cry; My resolve more for her sake than anything else since if I left control at the door, she'd go all to pieces... one of the things I love about her..).
"I am proud of where you are in life. I am proud of your decisions and the way you handled everything. I'm proud to know you and love you and be loved by you. I'm proud to have you as a part of my family. I'm proud to be able to call you daughter."
That really topped off the cake for me. I keep telling people I'm happy, and I am, but it's so much more when someone else is proud of your efforts. It's not perfect, but there's certainly a little bit of heaven going on. It's just... I look at where God has brought me and I am amazed and humbled and shaken that He chose to work everything out this way.. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9). God is a wicked organizer. I wish I had his 1337 5|{!|_|_5.
He always wanted to be a Youth Pastor, and I wanted to be a Missionary (and deep down my desire to be used has never gone away though it's been put by the wayside). I know God would greatly use us if we only set aside our selves and stepped out of our comfort zone.
God is being so good right now. I have so much peace about where I'm at, where we're at, and yet... I'm restless for more. I want the full force of a spirit filled life. I feel a fleshly sadness and forboding hesitence, but I also have a burden of obedience. I love my God, but I am not giving my all as I should. This is one of the wierdest/best feelings I've had since the last time I sat down and evaluated my walk (it was rather cold sitting out on the porch in the dark talking it over with the man God put in my life). I want this verse to be dead on: “Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight.” (Psalm 119:143). I know it's not going to be easy, and others may be unwilling parts of the change, but I understand so much and the rest I trust God will give be strength to bear. I know it won't be easy.
Matthew 5
The Cost of Following Jesus
18 When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake.
19 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."
20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."
21 Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."
22 But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."
That is my ultimate goal.
Right now I need to start with those in my own back yard. I need to stop letting things slip aside, and burden me. I need to take care of the past and then let it go so that I can bringing glory to God in a visible way.
"I am proud of where you are in life. I am proud of your decisions and the way you handled everything. I'm proud to know you and love you and be loved by you. I'm proud to have you as a part of my family. I'm proud to be able to call you daughter."
That really topped off the cake for me. I keep telling people I'm happy, and I am, but it's so much more when someone else is proud of your efforts. It's not perfect, but there's certainly a little bit of heaven going on. It's just... I look at where God has brought me and I am amazed and humbled and shaken that He chose to work everything out this way.. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9). God is a wicked organizer. I wish I had his 1337 5|{!|_|_5.
He always wanted to be a Youth Pastor, and I wanted to be a Missionary (and deep down my desire to be used has never gone away though it's been put by the wayside). I know God would greatly use us if we only set aside our selves and stepped out of our comfort zone.
God is being so good right now. I have so much peace about where I'm at, where we're at, and yet... I'm restless for more. I want the full force of a spirit filled life. I feel a fleshly sadness and forboding hesitence, but I also have a burden of obedience. I love my God, but I am not giving my all as I should. This is one of the wierdest/best feelings I've had since the last time I sat down and evaluated my walk (it was rather cold sitting out on the porch in the dark talking it over with the man God put in my life). I want this verse to be dead on: “Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight.” (Psalm 119:143). I know it's not going to be easy, and others may be unwilling parts of the change, but I understand so much and the rest I trust God will give be strength to bear. I know it won't be easy.
Matthew 5
The Cost of Following Jesus
18 When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake.
19 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."
20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."
21 Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."
22 But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."
That is my ultimate goal.
Right now I need to start with those in my own back yard. I need to stop letting things slip aside, and burden me. I need to take care of the past and then let it go so that I can bringing glory to God in a visible way.