My Canadian Road So Far - August 2019 Pt.I
I began the month with a physically lazy day whilst getting some writing done, followed by a massage in the early evening. Relaxing and treating myself to Thai massage felt like a great way to start the month. Again, in a brief period of waiting, I drew from the office tarot deck.
I'd only meant to pull one card, but another happened to be stuck to it. They were both Guardian Angel cards.
The top card depicted a red-headed lady Angel with a Jaguar, encouraging brave forward movement with the knowledge that I am protected. Also, very specifically, that someone by whom I am intimidated will become my greatest ally. I had a few people in mind, but the big reveal has yet to come.
The bottom card was another depicting a guardian Angel lady. This card said to trust the visions I've been having, for they are disguised answers to my prayers. She gave the advice that messages coming from a place of love are of a trustworthy nature. Another piece of advice was to remember that people are not perfect, but also to look for the highest good in them.
I went to the library and wrote for awhile, but the bench started up an aching in my still recovering tailbone. (Took a short fall down a long flight of stairs a few months back, for those just tuning in.)
I still had some time to kill before the evening's ceremony, so I went wandering. I walked down one street and remembered that there was some awesome artwork I wanted to get pictures of. One of the murals was huge and I decided I wanted to try the panoramic setting on my phone that functions as a camera.
So I'm walking along this mural, watching the screen as I try to capture the whole thing as one image. And suddenly, there's a Bumble Bee on a yellow flower, big and flat and in my face. "Whoa." I stop in my tracks. I hadn't realized that was part of the mural.
I was instantly brought back to the first part of my Bumble Bee vision during one of the recent sound journeys.
My mind couldn't help but go back to the Vision card I had just pulled. Muy interesante.
I didn't get the hang of the panoramic function, so here is the mural in pieces:
https://instagram.com/p/B1wPH2zh4Su
Just after that, I was walking back to the cave, when I saw a very strange and very wonderful flower with a Honey Bee on it:
https://instagram.com/p/B0q_SHihY9H
Once inside the waiting room/office of the Salt Cave, I saw a Yellow Jacket on the floor.
A few minutes went by and a some ladies older than I came in. The one who sat next to me had a fuzzy Bumble key chain hanging from her purse and I remarked that I liked it.
She thanked me and said that it had come from Ireland. I ended up telling her about the Bee mural in the alley.
I think she must have commented on me liking Bees, because I also told her that Melissa means "Bee" in Greek. She said she has a daughter or a granddaughter or niece who is also named Melissa, and seemed to be very interested in the origin of the name.
What I say next is not meant as slander, but speaking from my personal experience, this sound journey was not at the same level as the others. We didn't share what we saw and felt afterwards, as we do with my usual guide, so I can't say how it was for the others.
I think there were a lot of factors contributing to this sound journey not measuring up for me.
First off, I was suffering from PMS. Three days before I'm on my moon, I am at my worst. Sometimes it's emotionally awful, but usually the negative effects are physical, manifesting as a terrible and persistent ache in the left side of my head and neck.
And this one was really goddamn persistent, because, as mentioned, I had just gotten a massage that usually gets me through the month comfortably. (Unless I somehow hurt myself through my clumsiness.) And so I was incredibly uncomfortable and consequently unable to relax; unable to get into the state where I needed to be.
Secondly, this new guide had come a long way, said she'd had a huge project during retrograde and had recently broken one of her beloved instruments. I fully appreciate her proceeding despite this stress, much like Billy Corgan powering through his food poisoning to rock our socks off with Smashing Pumpkins a couple years ago. But this may have been throwing her off a bit and consequently throwing me off as well.
A third thing is singing in English. I have no problem following my usual guide's spoken English while going down the Rabbit hole, but once I go deeper, only the drum speaks. This must be the better format for me, because although this guide has a very beautiful voice and I loved it when she was singing in other languages, English snaps me right out of my meditative state.
A fourth possible factor is that I seem to respond best to drums. If I recall correctly, drum only played a minor part in my second sound journey, and this may be the reason for the differences in the format of my experiences.
Journeys that are drum alone present more of a story, actually feeling like a journey. I experienced the prior journey with multiple instruments as a series of separated images.
Nothing wrong with the latter, I am planning to attend another at the end of the month. But I really do prefer the circular story format.
In this experience with the new guide, I only saw a couple of scenes before I checked out due to the pain and discomfort my body was causing me.
The most vivid of them, not surprisingly, occurred to the beat of a drum. Everything around me was pure white snow and ice. I just stood there, staring out for a long time.
Then I looked down and saw a Harbor Seal. "Hi buddy", I said, kneeling down and hugging them. They put their gray, black-dotted feather feet around me and hugged back, it was lovely. (I feel I should mention that the Seal did not actually have feathered feet. I'm referring to the origin of the word Pinniped.)
Then I saw small, rolling green hills and a lot of fog. I got the impression that I was in Ireland, but I can't say for certain. Though it seems likely that this impression was influenced by hearing the Bumble key chain is from Ireland.
It was lovely to see Seal though, who brings good tidings for dreams of the day and of the night.
***
There was a jazz festival going on in the town where Dusky's dad lives and his sister was working at it. So we went out for the day. We were going to see some of the music, but ended up at their dad's place for most of the visit.
Which was fine, their dad is great at telling stories, has a good sense of humor. And Dusky doesn't get to see his dad all that much, so I knew it was important to him to get the quality time in.
I had a nice mini meart-to-heart with Dusky's sister when the boys went out for a few minutes. Always good to get some clarity on things.
Later, when Dusky and I did go out and about for a bit, we went to the hotel in town that makes a delicious burger made of beets and I suspect pea protein as well. I order it every time it's available. They also have the best french fries I've ever tasted.
On the way into the hotel we ran into this random, fun setup:
https://instagram.com/p/B0wGWOUB1aG
On the way back to Dusky's dad's place, we could hear the festival music and I recognized the song being played as a cover of "Stupid Cupid" by Connie Francis. As we walked, I sang along in between our greedy gobbling of the fantastic french fries.
***
There has been a lot of Dragonfly in my life as of late, between appearances and a marker.
Two years ago, one of my Cinderblock family members gave me this Dragonfly, who had passed away on her windshield:
The two year anniversary of this gift fell on the day Dusky and I went out to house sit for his dad for a couple days and a night. I enjoyed the sleepy bus ride out, watching the lake. It was nice to get a change of setting, however brief.
I ordered food from the hotel restaurant that I like so much a couple of times during our stay.
We got really stoned, mailed some postcards, watched a bunch of Brooklyn 9-9 and listened to a lot of music. Mostly classical music and classic rock. It was a peaceful time.
The mundane aside, the Dragonfly marker was about firmly mentally establishing standards of living. Our mini trip made us both think about what we would want and need in a place of our own and in our desired settings.
I put forth that it was important to me to have natural organic food available. Being an advocate for the pollinators, I have a deep desire to stop giving any support to the practice of heavy pesticides. And I'm not too keen on any genetic modifications to food that isn't a simple hybridization, such as the mixing of lemons and oranges.
We both agreed that we would like to have a decent plot of land with a tiny house for each of us, a guest tiny house and big work spaces. And of course for me, a greenhouse.
That night I got back into Duolingo for the first time in a long time. Dusky and I practiced Spanish together and later I picked up where I left off with French.
Out of curiosity I also had a peek at Irish and Welsh. The latter two are not as high on the priority list, but one day I'd like to visit both of the latter, so why not?
The following day was a 12 day marker from when the Ant crawled on me at the Sound Journey. It felt like foundations were being built. Not just the newly voiced standards for what we would like in a living space, but also in regard to what I really want next in my life.
I love dreaming about having a store like where I work, and maybe I will when I'm older. But the more I think about it, the more I think I'm not ready to be tied down.
Maybe into my forties I'll be more in the state of mind to settle into a place and a routine - not to mention in more of a financial position to begin the endeavor of opening a store.
But right now, in my thirties, I'm making up for lost time. This feels more like a time for me to be independent and do some traveling, try new things. As I once wrote in a poem I've been "chained to Calafia's island."
Going back and reading over my poetry there's multiple poems where I clearly needed to get a break from California. Or at least from the Bay.
Wyoming in 2012 was a breath of fresh air that saved my soul, but it wasn't long before I was feeling trapped again.
Now is the time for me to listen to myself, now is the time to stop ignoring my needs.
Before we left town in the early evening, I went back to a store where I'd been eyeing a tye dyed dress with a heart in the middle. I had exclaimed excitedly to Dusky that it was like a watermelon, with rippling greens and a pink heart in the middle. I'm not big on heart shapes unless Deadpool is making them with his hands, but this dress somehow spoke to me.
When we went inside and saw more of them, I also liked one with more colors and a purple heart. He said he thought I should go with the purple heart. I was uncertain of which to choose, but after trying them on, I had to agree him.
They also had a brilliant patch that said HEALTHCARE and the THC in it was highlighted in a different color. I didn't get it at the time because I was trying to be budget conscious, but I'm definitely going back to get it next month.
We also met a goddamn adorable Chesapeake Bay Retriever mix named Molly. Just looking at these pics again makes my heart squeal with the delight. I know the last shot in this series looks like she's biting my neck, but it was all love.
https://instagram.com/p/B06nYhEBGiu
***
Dusky's sister came out and we had a lovely visit. Mostly talk of music and shows over some drinks and for me, a few hits. My favorite part of the night had to be when we got on the subject of Stranger Things and the energy level in the room went up a palpable few notches.
***
We took another brief trip out to the town where Dusky's dad lives and of course while there, we stopped at my favorite place to eat. I went to see if the store with the patch was open, but I'd missed them by about an hour. Small town shops do close early.
While eating, this fellow was intently scoping us out, no doubt hoping to snag a few of those fantastic french fries:
and on the way back we stopped at one of the world renowned parks. This stop too, was fairly brief, but long enough for me to take some shots of the amazing taxidermy in the visitor centre. (All the animals died of natural causes.) I
I also giggled when I saw that the kids section had a couple puppets that we carry where I work.
***
Getting prepped to go house sit in the valley for about two weeks. I can't wait, I love it up there. Looking forward to peace, quiet and hammocks.
Today we picked up the rental car and it is very odd. I got a complimentary upgrade for some reason, so instead of the tiny skateboard of a car I was expecting, we were given an intermediate sized hybrid. I grumbled about it at first. "Friggin machine, tell me what to do."
The shifter was a knob, the car was all but silent, the seat automatically moved forward when the car started and back when it turned off.
Typical shitty new car design when it comes to the back window. Yeah I know, now there's cameras and sensors to help you out backing up.
And that's cool, but the window is still a safety concern, if the technology gives out or screws up.
Anyhow, I got used to it and even grew a little fond of it when Dusky started calling it Rocinante.
We have been watching a bunch of The Expanse and as Dusky pointed out, the knob to shift is just like the one Alex uses on the Roci. Fun!
I'd only meant to pull one card, but another happened to be stuck to it. They were both Guardian Angel cards.
The top card depicted a red-headed lady Angel with a Jaguar, encouraging brave forward movement with the knowledge that I am protected. Also, very specifically, that someone by whom I am intimidated will become my greatest ally. I had a few people in mind, but the big reveal has yet to come.
The bottom card was another depicting a guardian Angel lady. This card said to trust the visions I've been having, for they are disguised answers to my prayers. She gave the advice that messages coming from a place of love are of a trustworthy nature. Another piece of advice was to remember that people are not perfect, but also to look for the highest good in them.
I went to the library and wrote for awhile, but the bench started up an aching in my still recovering tailbone. (Took a short fall down a long flight of stairs a few months back, for those just tuning in.)
I still had some time to kill before the evening's ceremony, so I went wandering. I walked down one street and remembered that there was some awesome artwork I wanted to get pictures of. One of the murals was huge and I decided I wanted to try the panoramic setting on my phone that functions as a camera.
So I'm walking along this mural, watching the screen as I try to capture the whole thing as one image. And suddenly, there's a Bumble Bee on a yellow flower, big and flat and in my face. "Whoa." I stop in my tracks. I hadn't realized that was part of the mural.
I was instantly brought back to the first part of my Bumble Bee vision during one of the recent sound journeys.
My mind couldn't help but go back to the Vision card I had just pulled. Muy interesante.
I didn't get the hang of the panoramic function, so here is the mural in pieces:
https://instagram.com/p/B1wPH2zh4Su
Just after that, I was walking back to the cave, when I saw a very strange and very wonderful flower with a Honey Bee on it:
https://instagram.com/p/B0q_SHihY9H
Once inside the waiting room/office of the Salt Cave, I saw a Yellow Jacket on the floor.
A few minutes went by and a some ladies older than I came in. The one who sat next to me had a fuzzy Bumble key chain hanging from her purse and I remarked that I liked it.
She thanked me and said that it had come from Ireland. I ended up telling her about the Bee mural in the alley.
I think she must have commented on me liking Bees, because I also told her that Melissa means "Bee" in Greek. She said she has a daughter or a granddaughter or niece who is also named Melissa, and seemed to be very interested in the origin of the name.
What I say next is not meant as slander, but speaking from my personal experience, this sound journey was not at the same level as the others. We didn't share what we saw and felt afterwards, as we do with my usual guide, so I can't say how it was for the others.
I think there were a lot of factors contributing to this sound journey not measuring up for me.
First off, I was suffering from PMS. Three days before I'm on my moon, I am at my worst. Sometimes it's emotionally awful, but usually the negative effects are physical, manifesting as a terrible and persistent ache in the left side of my head and neck.
And this one was really goddamn persistent, because, as mentioned, I had just gotten a massage that usually gets me through the month comfortably. (Unless I somehow hurt myself through my clumsiness.) And so I was incredibly uncomfortable and consequently unable to relax; unable to get into the state where I needed to be.
Secondly, this new guide had come a long way, said she'd had a huge project during retrograde and had recently broken one of her beloved instruments. I fully appreciate her proceeding despite this stress, much like Billy Corgan powering through his food poisoning to rock our socks off with Smashing Pumpkins a couple years ago. But this may have been throwing her off a bit and consequently throwing me off as well.
A third thing is singing in English. I have no problem following my usual guide's spoken English while going down the Rabbit hole, but once I go deeper, only the drum speaks. This must be the better format for me, because although this guide has a very beautiful voice and I loved it when she was singing in other languages, English snaps me right out of my meditative state.
A fourth possible factor is that I seem to respond best to drums. If I recall correctly, drum only played a minor part in my second sound journey, and this may be the reason for the differences in the format of my experiences.
Journeys that are drum alone present more of a story, actually feeling like a journey. I experienced the prior journey with multiple instruments as a series of separated images.
Nothing wrong with the latter, I am planning to attend another at the end of the month. But I really do prefer the circular story format.
In this experience with the new guide, I only saw a couple of scenes before I checked out due to the pain and discomfort my body was causing me.
The most vivid of them, not surprisingly, occurred to the beat of a drum. Everything around me was pure white snow and ice. I just stood there, staring out for a long time.
Then I looked down and saw a Harbor Seal. "Hi buddy", I said, kneeling down and hugging them. They put their gray, black-dotted feather feet around me and hugged back, it was lovely. (I feel I should mention that the Seal did not actually have feathered feet. I'm referring to the origin of the word Pinniped.)
Then I saw small, rolling green hills and a lot of fog. I got the impression that I was in Ireland, but I can't say for certain. Though it seems likely that this impression was influenced by hearing the Bumble key chain is from Ireland.
It was lovely to see Seal though, who brings good tidings for dreams of the day and of the night.
***
There was a jazz festival going on in the town where Dusky's dad lives and his sister was working at it. So we went out for the day. We were going to see some of the music, but ended up at their dad's place for most of the visit.
Which was fine, their dad is great at telling stories, has a good sense of humor. And Dusky doesn't get to see his dad all that much, so I knew it was important to him to get the quality time in.
I had a nice mini meart-to-heart with Dusky's sister when the boys went out for a few minutes. Always good to get some clarity on things.
Later, when Dusky and I did go out and about for a bit, we went to the hotel in town that makes a delicious burger made of beets and I suspect pea protein as well. I order it every time it's available. They also have the best french fries I've ever tasted.
On the way into the hotel we ran into this random, fun setup:
https://instagram.com/p/B0wGWOUB1aG
On the way back to Dusky's dad's place, we could hear the festival music and I recognized the song being played as a cover of "Stupid Cupid" by Connie Francis. As we walked, I sang along in between our greedy gobbling of the fantastic french fries.
***
There has been a lot of Dragonfly in my life as of late, between appearances and a marker.
Two years ago, one of my Cinderblock family members gave me this Dragonfly, who had passed away on her windshield:
The two year anniversary of this gift fell on the day Dusky and I went out to house sit for his dad for a couple days and a night. I enjoyed the sleepy bus ride out, watching the lake. It was nice to get a change of setting, however brief.
I ordered food from the hotel restaurant that I like so much a couple of times during our stay.
We got really stoned, mailed some postcards, watched a bunch of Brooklyn 9-9 and listened to a lot of music. Mostly classical music and classic rock. It was a peaceful time.
The mundane aside, the Dragonfly marker was about firmly mentally establishing standards of living. Our mini trip made us both think about what we would want and need in a place of our own and in our desired settings.
I put forth that it was important to me to have natural organic food available. Being an advocate for the pollinators, I have a deep desire to stop giving any support to the practice of heavy pesticides. And I'm not too keen on any genetic modifications to food that isn't a simple hybridization, such as the mixing of lemons and oranges.
We both agreed that we would like to have a decent plot of land with a tiny house for each of us, a guest tiny house and big work spaces. And of course for me, a greenhouse.
That night I got back into Duolingo for the first time in a long time. Dusky and I practiced Spanish together and later I picked up where I left off with French.
Out of curiosity I also had a peek at Irish and Welsh. The latter two are not as high on the priority list, but one day I'd like to visit both of the latter, so why not?
The following day was a 12 day marker from when the Ant crawled on me at the Sound Journey. It felt like foundations were being built. Not just the newly voiced standards for what we would like in a living space, but also in regard to what I really want next in my life.
I love dreaming about having a store like where I work, and maybe I will when I'm older. But the more I think about it, the more I think I'm not ready to be tied down.
Maybe into my forties I'll be more in the state of mind to settle into a place and a routine - not to mention in more of a financial position to begin the endeavor of opening a store.
But right now, in my thirties, I'm making up for lost time. This feels more like a time for me to be independent and do some traveling, try new things. As I once wrote in a poem I've been "chained to Calafia's island."
Going back and reading over my poetry there's multiple poems where I clearly needed to get a break from California. Or at least from the Bay.
Wyoming in 2012 was a breath of fresh air that saved my soul, but it wasn't long before I was feeling trapped again.
Now is the time for me to listen to myself, now is the time to stop ignoring my needs.
Before we left town in the early evening, I went back to a store where I'd been eyeing a tye dyed dress with a heart in the middle. I had exclaimed excitedly to Dusky that it was like a watermelon, with rippling greens and a pink heart in the middle. I'm not big on heart shapes unless Deadpool is making them with his hands, but this dress somehow spoke to me.
When we went inside and saw more of them, I also liked one with more colors and a purple heart. He said he thought I should go with the purple heart. I was uncertain of which to choose, but after trying them on, I had to agree him.
They also had a brilliant patch that said HEALTHCARE and the THC in it was highlighted in a different color. I didn't get it at the time because I was trying to be budget conscious, but I'm definitely going back to get it next month.
We also met a goddamn adorable Chesapeake Bay Retriever mix named Molly. Just looking at these pics again makes my heart squeal with the delight. I know the last shot in this series looks like she's biting my neck, but it was all love.
https://instagram.com/p/B06nYhEBGiu
***
Dusky's sister came out and we had a lovely visit. Mostly talk of music and shows over some drinks and for me, a few hits. My favorite part of the night had to be when we got on the subject of Stranger Things and the energy level in the room went up a palpable few notches.
***
We took another brief trip out to the town where Dusky's dad lives and of course while there, we stopped at my favorite place to eat. I went to see if the store with the patch was open, but I'd missed them by about an hour. Small town shops do close early.
While eating, this fellow was intently scoping us out, no doubt hoping to snag a few of those fantastic french fries:
and on the way back we stopped at one of the world renowned parks. This stop too, was fairly brief, but long enough for me to take some shots of the amazing taxidermy in the visitor centre. (All the animals died of natural causes.) I
I also giggled when I saw that the kids section had a couple puppets that we carry where I work.
***
Getting prepped to go house sit in the valley for about two weeks. I can't wait, I love it up there. Looking forward to peace, quiet and hammocks.
Today we picked up the rental car and it is very odd. I got a complimentary upgrade for some reason, so instead of the tiny skateboard of a car I was expecting, we were given an intermediate sized hybrid. I grumbled about it at first. "Friggin machine, tell me what to do."
The shifter was a knob, the car was all but silent, the seat automatically moved forward when the car started and back when it turned off.
Typical shitty new car design when it comes to the back window. Yeah I know, now there's cameras and sensors to help you out backing up.
And that's cool, but the window is still a safety concern, if the technology gives out or screws up.
Anyhow, I got used to it and even grew a little fond of it when Dusky started calling it Rocinante.
We have been watching a bunch of The Expanse and as Dusky pointed out, the knob to shift is just like the one Alex uses on the Roci. Fun!