tired...but still awake
And so....it's 1.17am and I really should be getting to bed (I have to be awake in 6 hours) but....it's just not happening. I don't know why I can't switch off. I guess I'm searching all the time....searching for answers, searching for love, searching for a fairytale, for something extraordinary...I suppose I think if I'm asleep then nothing will progress. Nothing will be found. I cannot bare stasis. I have to move, to feel that I'm being proactive. I yearn for change, new people, new places, new challenges.
I'm missing N more than ever (this is the first time N has been mentioned in my journal and I shall try hard not to do so again). I just yearn for the excitement and fascination he brought into my life. I can kid myself that my life is going so well, that I have all I need...but, without love, there's a void, a terrible void. I hope and wish (so hard) that there IS a love out there for me, somewhere.
I'm missing N more than ever (this is the first time N has been mentioned in my journal and I shall try hard not to do so again). I just yearn for the excitement and fascination he brought into my life. I can kid myself that my life is going so well, that I have all I need...but, without love, there's a void, a terrible void. I hope and wish (so hard) that there IS a love out there for me, somewhere.