er - carter/megan - be still my heart - rated PG
title: be still my heart
fandom: ER
pairing: carter/megan (ofc)
letter: a for awry- table # 4, for a_to_z_prompts
summary: The bliss of John and Megan's wedding is shattered by devastating news.
rating: PG.
word count: 1556
warnings/spoilers: Death of a child.
a/n: Dr. Megan Riley is an original character of mine who I'm pairing with Carter for my fic's in this challenge. You'll get to know more about her as you read :) ER timeline wise for this one, season 10.
disclaimer: I do not own the characters of ER. This is purely written for entertainment only.
Be Still My Heart
John always knew Megan would look stunning on their wedding day. Since they had moved in together he’d imagined it, how she’d walk down the aisle smiling at him, how everyone would stare and be in awe that she had chosen him, of all people, to spend the rest of his life with; and he’d proudly stand with her in all her perfection.
Of course, things on their actual wedding day were slightly different than the image in his head. For one, Megan was six months pregnant with their second baby, for two, Jayden, who was nearing four years old, walked his mother down the aisle in a very small reception held at the gardens behind the church in town. Megan wasn’t big on religion, but she was happy enough to marry outside one just on sunset.
Their vows were simple, because they didn’t need words to describe what they felt for one another. They both just knew.
John, you’ve been my best friend for almost a decade. I didn’t think I was the kind of person who knew how to be happy... but I wanted to learn... I wanted to be happy. And you...John, you make me so happy. You are the most wonderful man that I have ever known, and I am so honoured to be your wife. I was born to love you. And I always will.
Megs... I struggled so much to find the right words to say. Because there are no words for what you’ve brought to my life. You make me laugh, you make me so happy. You’ve always been my family; you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I know I’ll love you forever, because I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.
And then, they kissed. The crowd applauded, Jayden bounced up and down and clung gleefully to his father’s hair when John lifted him up onto their shoulders for the walk back down the aisle.
Megan felt a satisfying chorus of kicks from within her, her second child’s way of celebrating the wedding, as the new family headed to the reception hall.
It was a beautiful night, spent laughing and cheering with their friends, family and colleagues. It was everything a wedding should be, as was the honeymoon the week after. And when Megan and John came home to prepare for the birth of their new baby - another son - everything was still perfect.
Jayden was thrilled about the prospect of a new baby brother. He helped his parents pick the colour of the room, helped them paint, offered some of his baby toys to the crib for when the newborn was ready to come home.
But Megan knew something was going awry when she was in the first week of her seventh month. The baby stopped moving. It was times like this she hated being a doctor, because immediately she thought the worst.
John was worried, too, when she mentioned one morning that the whole night had passed without a kick or a roll, or anything. So he grabbed up Jayden before he’d even finished his breakfast and rushed his family to the hospital.
Abby was working, and happily took charge of Jayden, setting him up in the break room with some colouring books and toys.
John took Megan straight up to the Obstetrics ward and flagged down a doctor, and head of the OB department, Janet Coburn.
Megan’s heart was racing as she lifted her shirt to expose her pregnant belly to the doctor, praying to everyone and everything that the baby would just kick her now so she could go home with her boys.
“Ok, let’s see...” Dr. Coburn clicked on the ultrasound monitor, squirted some cool gel onto Megan’s belly, and used the wand to search her uterus for the little life. “When was the last time you’re sure you felt the baby move?” Dr. Coburn asked carefully.
“Yesterday.” Megan answered quietly. She could see her baby, and he wasn’t active.
“And you haven’t been experiencing bleeding or cramping?”
“No, nothing.” Megan shook her head; she could see the heartbeat now. Or rather, where it should have been.
John was fighting back tears, because he could see it, too. “Are you sure,” He cleared his throat. “That you’ve got the positioning right?”
Dr. Coburn nodded to him sharply, and set the wand down. “I’m sorry... I can’t find a heartbeat.”
Megan’s lip started to quiver; she felt John snatch up her hand and hold it to his lips.
“I’m very sorry,” She touched Megan’s shoulder. “But the baby died.”
“No,” Megan wailed softly. “Not my baby.”
“This is not your fault,” Dr. Coburn assured her. “Sometime’s Mother Nature can be a real bitch. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this and you know it, you both do.”
Megan just kept sniffling and crying, rocking back and forth with her hands protectively cradling her baby. “But he’s in here!” She suddenly yelled. “He’s inside me!”
“Megs.” John rose and hugged his arms around her, she shoved him off but he wouldn’t let her go. “It’s not your fault, honey, it’s nothing that you did wrong.”
“I’m going to have to induce labour, to deliver the foetus.” Dr. Coburn said. “It’s what’s safest for you.” She stared gravely and Megan’s chart and then headed out of the room. “I’ll leave you alone.”
“John,” Megan wept into his arm. “Our baby’s alive...” She cried. “I know he is!”
“No, he’s not angel, I’m so sorry.” John squeezed her hard.
“But... why?!” She screamed into his shoulder. “Why my baby? Why my baby?”
---
When Megan stopped crying; her heart felt empty. She didn’t have any more emotion inside of her; she had nothing left to give. She’d given it all to her unborn son.
Dr. Coburn initiated the labour; and Megan had to endure all the agony and heartache of birth without any reward. John sat with her, crying, as she delivered their stillborn son. The deafening silence that followed his delivery shattered Megan’s heart into a thousand pieces. She could see her baby; but he wasn’t her son. He was a shell.
John was pulled aside by the doctor, she told him that Megan had to say goodbye to the baby or she would likely never to recover, but John didn’t know how to make her do that.
A nurse cleaned the silent infant and wrapped him in a blanket. She rested him in a glass cot beside Megan’s bed, but her back was to the baby and she didn’t turn around.
Everyone left the room, leaving John with his wife. “Megan...” He sat in front of her, right up near her face. “You know this was an accident. You know that. It was nothing we did wrong, okay?” He gulped. “But we have to say goodbye to our son now. I have to help you to do that,” His voice broke. “And I dunno how to do that.”
Megan squinted her eyes tight, somehow more tears shed as she listened to his words.
“Will you help me?” John begged. “Please?"
Megan drew in a deep breath, and nodded ever so slightly.
John made his way to the baby, and gently picked him up. He was so light and so quiet; he just looked like he was sleeping. Megan rolled over, and when she set her eyes on her baby she started to openly cry once more. John climbed onto the bed with her and they held their baby between them.
And together they sat, connected by their grief, until Megan was ready to let go.
John set the baby back in his bed once Megan was asleep, and exited the room. Dr. Coburn said something to him, but he didn’t hear. Various colleagues had come to see the pair to give their heartfelt condolences, but John hadn’t paid attention. Instead he went straight to the break room where Jayden was stacking blocks to form a little city around him. “Hi Daddy!” He said as his father came in, obviously too busy to bother leaving his blocks.
“Hey, buddy.” John said, sinking heavily into the couch beside his sons’ masterpiece.
“Where’s Mummy?” He asked as he added a red block to a pile of green ones.
“She’s resting.”
“Why?”
“Jayden, come here a sec,” John reached down and lifted his son up onto his lap.
“Why are you sad, Daddy?” Jayden’s voice was very concerned.
“Well...” John tried to even his voice. “Jayden, I have to tell you something. And I need you to be a brave boy, alright?” The child nodded. “We’re not going to be bringing your little brother home.”
Jayden was confused. “Why?”
John felt thick tears slip down his cheeks. “Because he went to heaven.”
“With Gammy?” Jayden asked. He hadn’t known his grandmother long; but he’d adored her, and she him.
“Yeah,” John agreed. “With Gammy.”
Jayden looked down at the block he was twirling in his hands, his cheeks puffed sadly and a scowl forming on his face.
“It’s ok, buddy,” John pulled him in over his shoulder and gave him a tight hug. “It’s gonna be okay,” John started to weep again, he didn’t know who he was trying to convince, his son or himself.
“It’ll all be okay...”
---
fandom: ER
pairing: carter/megan (ofc)
letter: a for awry- table # 4, for a_to_z_prompts
summary: The bliss of John and Megan's wedding is shattered by devastating news.
rating: PG.
word count: 1556
warnings/spoilers: Death of a child.
a/n: Dr. Megan Riley is an original character of mine who I'm pairing with Carter for my fic's in this challenge. You'll get to know more about her as you read :) ER timeline wise for this one, season 10.
disclaimer: I do not own the characters of ER. This is purely written for entertainment only.
Be Still My Heart
John always knew Megan would look stunning on their wedding day. Since they had moved in together he’d imagined it, how she’d walk down the aisle smiling at him, how everyone would stare and be in awe that she had chosen him, of all people, to spend the rest of his life with; and he’d proudly stand with her in all her perfection.
Of course, things on their actual wedding day were slightly different than the image in his head. For one, Megan was six months pregnant with their second baby, for two, Jayden, who was nearing four years old, walked his mother down the aisle in a very small reception held at the gardens behind the church in town. Megan wasn’t big on religion, but she was happy enough to marry outside one just on sunset.
Their vows were simple, because they didn’t need words to describe what they felt for one another. They both just knew.
John, you’ve been my best friend for almost a decade. I didn’t think I was the kind of person who knew how to be happy... but I wanted to learn... I wanted to be happy. And you...John, you make me so happy. You are the most wonderful man that I have ever known, and I am so honoured to be your wife. I was born to love you. And I always will.
Megs... I struggled so much to find the right words to say. Because there are no words for what you’ve brought to my life. You make me laugh, you make me so happy. You’ve always been my family; you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I know I’ll love you forever, because I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.
And then, they kissed. The crowd applauded, Jayden bounced up and down and clung gleefully to his father’s hair when John lifted him up onto their shoulders for the walk back down the aisle.
Megan felt a satisfying chorus of kicks from within her, her second child’s way of celebrating the wedding, as the new family headed to the reception hall.
It was a beautiful night, spent laughing and cheering with their friends, family and colleagues. It was everything a wedding should be, as was the honeymoon the week after. And when Megan and John came home to prepare for the birth of their new baby - another son - everything was still perfect.
Jayden was thrilled about the prospect of a new baby brother. He helped his parents pick the colour of the room, helped them paint, offered some of his baby toys to the crib for when the newborn was ready to come home.
But Megan knew something was going awry when she was in the first week of her seventh month. The baby stopped moving. It was times like this she hated being a doctor, because immediately she thought the worst.
John was worried, too, when she mentioned one morning that the whole night had passed without a kick or a roll, or anything. So he grabbed up Jayden before he’d even finished his breakfast and rushed his family to the hospital.
Abby was working, and happily took charge of Jayden, setting him up in the break room with some colouring books and toys.
John took Megan straight up to the Obstetrics ward and flagged down a doctor, and head of the OB department, Janet Coburn.
Megan’s heart was racing as she lifted her shirt to expose her pregnant belly to the doctor, praying to everyone and everything that the baby would just kick her now so she could go home with her boys.
“Ok, let’s see...” Dr. Coburn clicked on the ultrasound monitor, squirted some cool gel onto Megan’s belly, and used the wand to search her uterus for the little life. “When was the last time you’re sure you felt the baby move?” Dr. Coburn asked carefully.
“Yesterday.” Megan answered quietly. She could see her baby, and he wasn’t active.
“And you haven’t been experiencing bleeding or cramping?”
“No, nothing.” Megan shook her head; she could see the heartbeat now. Or rather, where it should have been.
John was fighting back tears, because he could see it, too. “Are you sure,” He cleared his throat. “That you’ve got the positioning right?”
Dr. Coburn nodded to him sharply, and set the wand down. “I’m sorry... I can’t find a heartbeat.”
Megan’s lip started to quiver; she felt John snatch up her hand and hold it to his lips.
“I’m very sorry,” She touched Megan’s shoulder. “But the baby died.”
“No,” Megan wailed softly. “Not my baby.”
“This is not your fault,” Dr. Coburn assured her. “Sometime’s Mother Nature can be a real bitch. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this and you know it, you both do.”
Megan just kept sniffling and crying, rocking back and forth with her hands protectively cradling her baby. “But he’s in here!” She suddenly yelled. “He’s inside me!”
“Megs.” John rose and hugged his arms around her, she shoved him off but he wouldn’t let her go. “It’s not your fault, honey, it’s nothing that you did wrong.”
“I’m going to have to induce labour, to deliver the foetus.” Dr. Coburn said. “It’s what’s safest for you.” She stared gravely and Megan’s chart and then headed out of the room. “I’ll leave you alone.”
“John,” Megan wept into his arm. “Our baby’s alive...” She cried. “I know he is!”
“No, he’s not angel, I’m so sorry.” John squeezed her hard.
“But... why?!” She screamed into his shoulder. “Why my baby? Why my baby?”
---
When Megan stopped crying; her heart felt empty. She didn’t have any more emotion inside of her; she had nothing left to give. She’d given it all to her unborn son.
Dr. Coburn initiated the labour; and Megan had to endure all the agony and heartache of birth without any reward. John sat with her, crying, as she delivered their stillborn son. The deafening silence that followed his delivery shattered Megan’s heart into a thousand pieces. She could see her baby; but he wasn’t her son. He was a shell.
John was pulled aside by the doctor, she told him that Megan had to say goodbye to the baby or she would likely never to recover, but John didn’t know how to make her do that.
A nurse cleaned the silent infant and wrapped him in a blanket. She rested him in a glass cot beside Megan’s bed, but her back was to the baby and she didn’t turn around.
Everyone left the room, leaving John with his wife. “Megan...” He sat in front of her, right up near her face. “You know this was an accident. You know that. It was nothing we did wrong, okay?” He gulped. “But we have to say goodbye to our son now. I have to help you to do that,” His voice broke. “And I dunno how to do that.”
Megan squinted her eyes tight, somehow more tears shed as she listened to his words.
“Will you help me?” John begged. “Please?"
Megan drew in a deep breath, and nodded ever so slightly.
John made his way to the baby, and gently picked him up. He was so light and so quiet; he just looked like he was sleeping. Megan rolled over, and when she set her eyes on her baby she started to openly cry once more. John climbed onto the bed with her and they held their baby between them.
And together they sat, connected by their grief, until Megan was ready to let go.
John set the baby back in his bed once Megan was asleep, and exited the room. Dr. Coburn said something to him, but he didn’t hear. Various colleagues had come to see the pair to give their heartfelt condolences, but John hadn’t paid attention. Instead he went straight to the break room where Jayden was stacking blocks to form a little city around him. “Hi Daddy!” He said as his father came in, obviously too busy to bother leaving his blocks.
“Hey, buddy.” John said, sinking heavily into the couch beside his sons’ masterpiece.
“Where’s Mummy?” He asked as he added a red block to a pile of green ones.
“She’s resting.”
“Why?”
“Jayden, come here a sec,” John reached down and lifted his son up onto his lap.
“Why are you sad, Daddy?” Jayden’s voice was very concerned.
“Well...” John tried to even his voice. “Jayden, I have to tell you something. And I need you to be a brave boy, alright?” The child nodded. “We’re not going to be bringing your little brother home.”
Jayden was confused. “Why?”
John felt thick tears slip down his cheeks. “Because he went to heaven.”
“With Gammy?” Jayden asked. He hadn’t known his grandmother long; but he’d adored her, and she him.
“Yeah,” John agreed. “With Gammy.”
Jayden looked down at the block he was twirling in his hands, his cheeks puffed sadly and a scowl forming on his face.
“It’s ok, buddy,” John pulled him in over his shoulder and gave him a tight hug. “It’s gonna be okay,” John started to weep again, he didn’t know who he was trying to convince, his son or himself.
“It’ll all be okay...”
---