this is the last place he has to go.
Title: Home Is You Coming Back
Pairing: Thomas Greiss/ Antti Niemi, mentioned past Cristobal Huet/Antti Niemi and one-sided Thomas Greiss/Evgeni Nabokov
Rating: R
Warnings: slash, memories of abuse/non-con, mentions of past depression and suicidal urges
Fandom: Hockey
Summary: When you love someone, you hold onto them until the very last second.
It was hot and sticky in Thomas’ room- the San Jose summer had crept up on them without warning, and Thomas had forgotten to turn on the air conditioning before they’d left for dinner. Antti really didn’t give a shit, though, and he told Thomas as much in between kisses and clenching hands. His heart jumped with every brush of lips against his and for all the façade he was putting on, it was still hard to breathe. His stomach was beginning to feel less than stable and he was pretty sure he was trembling a bit.
He wanted to tell Thomas, explain everything, maybe warn him that Antti wasn’t entirely sure if he could go ahead with this or not, explain that the last sex he’d had made him cry himself to sleep, but he couldn’t move, much less make his voice work. So instead, he buried his face into Thomas’ shoulder, kissed the skin there, and waited.
The heat in the room was making Thomas sweat already, or maybe that was just what Antti was doing to him, because fuck, that was one talented fucking mouth and imagining it maybe on certain other parts of him made his hips buck involuntarily forward and he groaned. Antti laughed breathlessly against his neck but suddenly, the sound seemed off somehow. Thomas paused his roaming hands, tightened his arms and pulled the Finnish man closer to him, listening for any indication that anything was different about him other than arousal.
“What- what are you doing?” shit Antti’s voice really tested his resolve to put the brakes on, but Thomas swallowed thickly and stayed firm, holding the other man still.
His suspicions were solidified by the small tremor that ran through the blond- not anything big, really, easy to be passed as a side effect of what they were- ahem- doing, but Thomas sincerely doubted it. He slid one hand up Antti’s back to cradle his head against his shoulder and pressed his lips right above Antti’s ear.
“Are you alright?” Thomas whispered, voice as soft as he could make it. The trembling was back, a little stronger, and the breaths he felt against his neck more uneven. He waited, heart hammering, on edge for any sound the other man made.
Antti didn’t reply right away, instead pressing closer to Thomas like he was cold and expected Thomas to warm him, as if it was January instead of late June. Thomas felt his heart slowly drop- this alone was starting to confirm his fear. Something was definitely not alright with Antti and Thomas swallowed again and kissed the Finn’s cheek.
“I’m fine,” Thomas nearly missed the whisper, but when it registered, he knew Antti was lying. Thomas had known the man since February of last year, been with him since April of this year, and he could tell when the other man wasn’t telling the whole truth. He just could, and right now Antti was flat-out lying.
“Bullshit,” Thomas replied and Antti huffed in frustration.
“Let it go,” Antti said softly. “It’s not you.”
“I don’t care,” Thomas argued. “I don’t care if I’m not causing it, I want to fix it.”
“We’re in the middle of something.”
“Which is causing this.”
Antti pulled away, looking up into Thomas’ face. He was judging the degree of honesty in the words, Thomas realized, and he stared back steadily before leaning forward and kissing Antti gently. Antti made a small noise and kissed him back, sighing unhappily when Thomas pulled away.
“Tell me?” Thomas asked, fighting to keep the note of pleading from his voice. Antti paused a moment before sighing and nodding, looking very much like he would regret this.
Thomas was determined to prove him wrong.
--
Thomas Greiss was not a violent person. He really wasn’t- he was easygoing and relaxed and it took a lot to get him mad, and even then, he was calm about it. He wasn’t like Evgeni, who was harsh and mean sometimes, or like Joe himself, who tended to blow up fast and calm down hours later, after shouting at the top of his lungs.
Joe had only heard Thomas get angry once, and to be honest, it was bit fuzzy and drowned out by his own blind fury at the time- still, his mind corrected-so, he was thrown completely off guard by the angry, venomous rant he was hearing in a mix of English and biting German, and he had to blink and reorient himself to even begin to make sense of it.
“Thomas?”
“Ich möchte ihn töten!”
“THOMAS!”
That cut the other man off mid-oath and he breathed heavily into the phone.
“Joe, I’m going to kill him. If I ever see him, I am going to kill him, I swear I am, I swear.” Thomas’ voice sounded at once defeated and agonizingly sad. In a moment, the fury welled up again and Thomas spat a quick sentence in German and breathed again, shaky and attempting to calm himself.
“I don’t know what to do,” the stark honesty in Thomas’ voice made Joe’s heart ache. He still had no idea what Thomas was going on about, but he recognized those words, that tone, that feeling- he’d felt it all before, still kind of did. Thomas sniffed hard, clearing his throat, and Joe realized he was choking back tears and now he was shocked.
“Thomas, stop. Breathe,” he ordered, waiting until he heard the young German man comply with his instructions. He glanced up to see Evgeni, sleep-rumpled, staring questioningly at Joe from the doorway. Joe beckoned him over and the other sat next to him, head resting on Joe’s shoulder.
“Explain what’s going on,” Joe told Thomas, voice gentle and acutely aware of Yevi listening to every word.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” Thomas said honestly, and Joe could see him run his hands trough his hair in pure frustration and Joe bit his lip in concern.
“Just tell me who you think you want to kill,” Joe suggested lightly, and Evgeni looked up in disbelief.
“Thomas?” he mouthed, eyes wide, and Joe nodded wryly. Evgeni looked shocked, and Joe’s emotions mirrored that perfectly.
Thomas took a shuddering breath.
“Same person you do,” he said, his voice low and tense and suddenly Joe’s heart took and angry leap and he reached out and wrapped an arm tight around Evgeni, like he could protect him from the mere mention of That Man.
“What?” Joe’s voice betrayed his calm façade, and Yevi scooted closer, sensing something was off. Joe felt calmed by Evgeni’s nearness and briefly closed his eyes to control himself.
“I...um, I was told something today,” Thomas tried to explain. “By a, um, friend, that, um, he did the same thing to a person we know.”
Joe’s heart dropped.
“And also, the person he, um, did it to, was, um........” Thomas’ voice caught. “His boyfriend.”
Joe had no words. He sort of gaped into the distance, fingers clutching his phone so hard his knuckles were white. He pulled Evgeni closer and the man complied easily, wrapping his arms around Joe’s torso.
“I just don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, Thomas,” Joe whispered, voice hoarse. “Who? Who, Thomas?”
“I can’t- I can’t say right now.” Thomas was adamant and Joe could see an argument would be fruitless.
“Alright,” Joe accepted.
“I’m gonna- I have to go,” Thomas said. “I just-”
“Try and breathe,” Joe advised. “And just- do the same as before.” He did not mention Evgeni’s name, he refused to ever say when Evgeni was raped, especially not with the man in the room, but Thomas understood.
“Ok,” he said quietly. “Ok.”
“Go,” Joe said gently, and hung up the phone, turning instantly to capture Yevi’s lips with his own.
--
Antti was awakened from blissful sleep by someone touching him and he groaned, cracking his eyes open, ready to convey his absolute displeasure to Thomas because really Antti was comfortable and warm and asleep and now he was not happy.
“Good morning,” Thomas whispered, and Antti huffed, reaching up blindly to shove at Thomas’ chest.
“Who says,” he grumbled, trying to turn over, and Thomas just laughed at him, a sound that definitely did not improve his mood.
“Babe,” Thomas whispered, pressing close to Antti’s back, fingers trailing over the Finn’s shoulders. When Antti did not respond, Thomas pushed himself up and leaned over Antti, kissing him softly.
“Anttiii,” he called and to his delight, the blond cracked an angry eye open to look at him.
“Go away,” Antti whined, trying to pull a pillow over his head. Thomas would have none of that and grabbed ahold of Antti’s wrists, stilling him. He was rewarded with a full on pout and he just grinned.
“How am I supposed to give you your birthday present if I go away?” Thomas asked into Antti’s ear, and the other man smiled and squinted up at him.
“Is my birthday present sleep?” he asked hopefully and Thomas laughed.
“No,” he said lightly and Antti scowled.
“Do you at least have coffee for me at this hour?” Antti bitched and Thomas nuzzled his face into Antti’s neck, licking him mischievously just for the annoyed groan and shove he would get.
“Of course I do,” Thomas said, voice wounded. “I cooked you breakfast, too!”
Antti just stared at him.
“I don’t want food poisoning for my birthday,” he said slowly, eyes wary. Which, ok, yeah, Thomas wasn’t the best cook in the world, and yeah, he did get his sister sick one time, but please, it was like the other man didn’t trust him or something!
“My cooking will not give you food poisoning,” he protested and Antti smirked. Thomas stuck his tongue out at him, prompting a full on laugh from the other.
“Besides,” Thomas informed his boyfriend. “I practiced for a long time.”
Antti raised an eyebrow disbelievingly.
“I guess I’ll try,” he finally conceded. “But I swear to God-”
The rest of his sentence was cut off by Thomas’ deep kiss, morning breath and all, and Antti wasn’t sure why he had wanted to go to sleep again anymore.
--
“Well?” Thomas asked later, leaning over the back of his couch where Antti sat, curled up with another mug of coffee- a little milk, a lot of sugar, Thomas had it down by now- and the Finn looked up at him.
“I guess it wasn’t so bad,” he teased, reaching up to drag Thomas’ face closer. “Only a little food poisoning.”
Thomas opened his mouth to protest, but Antti kissed him and pulled on his arm to get him to sit next to him on the long couch. Thomas obeyed, climbing over the back and landing nearly on top of Antti, who moved his coffee out of the way with a huff. Thomas laughed and pulled Antti over to him.
“Can I have some?” he asked, indicating the coffee, and Antti gave him a surprised look.
“You hate coffee,” he said dubiously, handing it over curiously. Thomas shrugged.
“I know, I just wanted to do this,” he explained, and promptly set the mug down on the side table, far out of reach of the now-fuming Finn. He grinned unapologetically and ignored the vaguely-threatening Finnish words he heard, reaching out to cradle Antti’s cheek and pulling him forward, kissing the protests out of his mouth.
Antti must not have been that mad about his coffee, or maybe he just like to kiss more, because he instantly leaned into Thomas, a little noise of content escaping without warning and Thomas smiled into Antti’s mouth.
The German felt hands tangle in his hair and yes, now he’s got him, because that was the one sure sign that Antti was peacefully blissed out and Thomas had him right where he wanted him.
Antti nudged his nose against Thomas’ as the other man pulled away briefly, and his eyes shone. Good lord, Thomas felt his heart clench and he wrapped his arms around the blond and flipped them around so that Thomas was pressing him into the couch. He held still there for a moment, eyes locked on Antti’s, and the Finn smiled up at him and that was it.
He couldn’t really remember how long they stayed like that, kissing and holding, but it didn’t even matter. Thomas ducked his head down to gently nip at Antti’s neck and Antti whined, going still and breathing hard. Thomas grinned against the smooth skin, biting down again, one hand reaching up to gently hold Antti’s head away. The other man whimpered and pressed up into Thomas and shit Thomas needed to learn to control himself better if he wanted to keep doing this. He pulled away from the hickey he’d been working into Antti’s neck, shutting his eyes and clenching his free hand in an effort to will himself to calm down.
“What’s wrong?” Thomas was pretty sure Antti’s voice was illegal in at least seven countries and it did approximately nothing to help the certain part of his body that ignored everything he was trying to tell it.
“Hold on,” he eventually answered, what seemed like years later. Antti looked mildly confused.
“I’m trying to, um, calm down,” he attempted to elaborate, and understanding flickered across Antti’s face- followed swiftly by a devilish smirk.
“Antti-” he warned, but his threat never even had a chance to develop because Antti was arching up against him and godfuckingdamnit Thomas could not handle this.
“Mein Gott,” he hissed into the other man’s ear and the fucking smirk he felt against his shoulder went straight to the goddamn wrong place. Thomas groaned and went to touch but he froze.
Should he ask permission for this? Ask too much and he knew it annoyed Antti, but ask too little and Thomas felt like he frightened Antti (though the Finn vehemently denied it.) Thankfully, Antti sensed his deliberation and answered with a shove of his hips up against Thomas’, drawing out another tortured grunt and Thomas knew he had to flip the fucking tables fast or this would be out of his control.
Antti moved to repeat the action and Thomas quickly reached down and palmed the Finn hard, attaching his teeth to Antti’s neck again. The reaction was beautiful- Antti gasped and writhed against the German, a small whimper accompanying him. Ignoring the hard breathing, Thomas refused to relent, pulling Antti in for a filthy, deep kiss.
“T-Thomas,” Antti’s voice was now illegal in twenty countries and a couple planets and Thomas sternly told his dick no.
He didn’t answer, biting down again and sucking on the prominent hickey that hopefully wouldn’t fade for a nice long while. Antti fucking moaned, and Thomas had no doubt that Antti could feel his dick swell against his hip.
“T-T-Thomas, Thomas-” Antti’s voice was so thick with accent, Thomas almost couldn’t understand his own name. Antti reached up blindly and dug his nails into Thomas’ back through his t-shirt, whining and trying again. “Thomas!”
Thomas immediately stopped, turning his face against Antti’s neck in hesitation.
“What, babe?” he asked, hoping his voice didn’t sound fucking terrified. Shit, did he do something wrong?
Antti whined in frustration, pushing Thomas’ face out of his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. Thomas kissed back, heart hammering, and pulled away to see a smile that made him freeze for an entirely different reason.
He leaned down to capture those lips again but was stopped by a millimeter away.
“Thomas?” It was barely a whisper, but Thomas heard it anyway, he could hear everything Antti said, always.
“Yeah?”
“Thomas, not on the couch.”
There was a really long pause while Thomas’ brain struggled to catch up with what he was fucking hearing and tried to decide what it meant. Antti rolled his eyes at the confused look on Thomas’ face and ran his hands down the German’s back impatiently.
“In bed,” and fuckfuckfuckfuck this was happening and Thomas could handle it, he really could, except where he didn’t know if he could, didn’t know if he knew how to do it with without fucking up and he sort of felt dizzy and incapable of anything, really. Antti ran his fingers though his hair and laughed at him, jolting him back to reality.
Yeah, ok, this was happening. It was time.
Thomas kissed Antti and rolled off him, holding out a hand to haul him off the couch.
--
“Wow,” Antti said, and Thomas wasn’t entirely sure he liked the tone in the Finn’s voice, giving him a look that told him so.
“Didn’t know that this was a dick-judging contest,” he said with a frown and Antti smirked cheekily.
“It’s not,” he replied, fingers locked around the other’s neck and a shit eating grin on his face. “I’m just surprised you were telling the truth.”
Thomas paused in his roaming exploration of Antti’s chest and glanced up at him in confusion.
“What?”
Antti laughed at him, another thing Thomas wasn’t sure he liked in bed, and kissed him.
“You weren’t compensating for anything,” he whispered, emphasis on the anything and Thomas grinned hard, a blush he wasn’t proud of spreading over his face.
--
This was happening.
His heart pounded and his brain was kind of shorting out but Antti felt different from last time, felt different than months before. He was still scared- the sudden clench of his stomach told him as much when Thomas’ hands gently coaxed his thighs open- but it felt secondhand almost, like Antti could get past it.
It felt old and Antti wanted to do this for the first time in a long time.
He made a noise of discontent when Thomas’ hands were suddenly absent and threw a pout at the other man’s back. Thomas was leaning off the bed and Antti’s eyes wrinkled in momentary confusion until he leaned back clutching a condom and bottle of lube.
Antti’s heart dropped a bit and he leaned up to kiss Thomas hard, trying to force the feeling away.
He could do this.
Thomas settled his hands on Antti’s hips, leaning heavily on him to trail kisses down Antti’s chest. Antti’s breath hitched almost painfully and he forced down the war going on in his head, he tried to forcibly slam the door closed on the noisy interruptions. His brain screamed at him to remember what Cris had done, to remind him how that had felt, to ask why he thought Thomas wouldn’t do the same, and his heart and body tried to drag him back to the present.
Calloused hands closed around his dick and he let out a noise halfway between a moan and a strangled cry. Thomas chuckled against his neck where he was still working on that damn hickey, apparently determined to make it as dark as possible. Antti felt the vibrations from the laughter reverberate against him and a shudder ran through him, and that was it, the door slammed on the fucking war in his head.
He moaned again, louder, knowing what it did to the other man. Predictably, Thomas let out a string of German curses, sounding strangled. Antti shoved at his shoulder, pushed him off of him. Thomas went easily, rolling onto his back and Antti took advantage, straddling him. He quirked an amused eyebrow at the look on Thomas’ face, somewhere between incredibly fucking turned on and agitated at being dethroned as the dominator so quickly.
Antti bit his lip, swallowing hard and leaned forward, biting Thomas’ shoulder lightly as retribution before moving on, moving down. He fought back a grin at every fucking sound he drew from Thomas, instead focusing on how incredibly hot those sounds were and how he could possibly hear them again.
Glancing up at Thomas’ flushed face, he smirked, pleased with himself. Thomas was gripping his sheets so hard his knuckles were white and his breathing was stuttered. Licking his lips, Antti nipped at Thomas’ inner thigh and shit Thomas made the best fucking noise yet. Antti took a deep breath, ignoring his fast-beating heart and briefly closed his eyes.
Not Cristobal, not Cristobal, not Cristobal he repeated in his head. This wasn’t Cristobal, this was Thomas and Antti would be fine.
Antti slid a careful hand around the base of Thomas’ dick and Thomas whimpered a bit. Smiling triumphantly to himself, he slowly licked up the side, deliberately drawing it out for as long as possible, waiting to hear how much German he could hear.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Thomas chanted, and Antti closed his mouth around the head. Thomas jerked up a bit and Antti dug his nails warningly into his hip.
“Sorry,” Thomas gasped out. Antti ignored him and shut his eyes. He knew what to do- he was kind of ashamed to admit he’d been doing this for awhile- but he felt..... automatic when he did it. Like it required no thought, no feeling, and he was tired of doing something that really made him feel like shit. He couldn’t just stop though, not when he’d just begun, and fucking hell, his stomach churned.
A hand gently cupped his cheek, and Thomas tilted Antti’s face up. His eyes held that look Antti was way too familiar with, the look that clearly told him “Antti, I know you’re hiding something. Antti, I know what you’re thinking. Just tell me.”
Apparently, being incredibly turned on didn’t take anything away from this particular talent, and Antti turned his face into Thomas’ palm and let him lead him up. They pressed nose to nose, frantic touches momentarily stilled and forgotten, and Thomas gently leaned forward those last few inches and kissed Antti.
“Look at me?” he requested and Antti forced his gaze up from where he was steadily staring into Thomas’ shoulder. He reluctantly met Thomas’ eyes and accepted the soft peck to his cheek.
“Yeah?” he asked quietly and Thomas tilted his head.
“We don’t have to do this, Antti,” Thomas said, carefully enunciating every word. “We don’t have to do anything. It is up to you.”
Antti had heard this speech before, heard it every time they felt like the might be moving forward, and every time, Antti put on the brakes, knowing he couldn’t lie to Thomas and that he didn’t want to, anyway.
This time, it burst something in Antti, it hit him hard, and he yanked Thomas’ face down to kiss him desperately, trying to convey words he didn’t even know how to say. He really, really hoped Thomas got the message, hoped he could understand this like he understood everything else, and let his eyes fall shut.
Thomas pulled back and Antti felt his thumbs swipe down his cheekbones before he took a deep breath and looked across at Thomas again.
“I want to,” he promised, and it was true, he did, he really did. “I just don’t like.....that.”
“So don’t do it,” Thomas said simply and Antti nodded. He bit his lip and Thomas smiled affectionately. Wrapping his arms around Antti’s torso, he gently flipped them over, straddling Antti and pressing him into the mattress. Antti gave a stuttered moan as their hips rolled together and Jesus, Thomas’ eyes went wide.
He fumbled with something above his head and Antti heard the cap pop open and he stilled. Thomas caught his eye and Antti swallowed.
“Yes,” he said, and Thomas leaned down to kiss him, hands gently coaxing Antti’s legs open.
His heart hammered.
He reached up and dragged Thomas’ closer. The German got the message and dropped kisses all over Antti’s face, soothing and distracting and by the time Thomas got back to Antti’s lips, his muscles had calmed themselves down.
Thomas’ thumbs rubbed circles into Antti’s hips, then his lower back, then down. Antti wound a hand in Thomas’ hair when he felt the coldness of the lube against his entrance and Thomas paused.
“Antti....” he whispered quietly, pressing a kiss above the Finn’s ear. He didn’t need to complete his question, Antti understood, and he nodded before pulling back to look up at Thomas.
“Yes, Thomas,” he said and the other man leaned back down quickly to press a kiss against the hickey on Antti’s neck. “Yes.”
Before he quite knew what was happening, he felt fingers slide into him, and ok, that didn’t feel too bad. He resolutely told his brain to shut the fuck up and closed his eyes against Thomas’ neck.
Thomas worked him open, pausing ever so often to gently remind Antti to relax, relax, babe, relax for me. By the time Thomas was nearly done, Antti had calmed down to the point of panting eagerlyf into Thomas’ ear.
Thomas fucking stopped the slide of his fingers and Antti impatiently nipped his earlobe, earning a breathless laugh from the German. Without warning, Thomas bent his fingers just so and holy fuck Antti had forgotten how good this felt, like actual lightning was shooting across his skin and his hips bucked down onto Thomas’ fingers. He moaned, letting his head fall back onto the pillow and arching his back enough to cause Thomas to curse in German.
Antti decided he liked those words and reached up to re-tangle his fingers in Thomas’ hair. The tearing of the condom wrapper barely registered in his mind, and when it did it had a hard time filtering through the haze of pleasure Antti felt. Shit when had Thomas grabbed his dick and God if he didn’t keep going Antti was going to scream and he whined low and deep in his throat when Thomas’ hand disappeared from where it needed to be.
Thomas chuckled at him and Antti forced his eyes to open, unable to articulate anything beyond panting and the name of the man on top of him. He felt something press against his entrance and he realized with a jolt that it was Thomas’ dick and this was happening. Thomas gently grabbed Antti’s chin and turned his face up and looked at him. He waited and Antti knew what he wanted but he couldn’t speak so he licked his lips and nodded again.
Thomas captured Antti’s lips in a firm kiss, and pressed forward. Antti gasped into Thomas’ mouth and fuck it hurt, but not like what he expected, not nearly as bad as he’d thought, so he just took a deep breath and tried to relax, adjust around the intrusion. Thomas’ hand gently swiped through his hair and cradled his face and Antti felt safe.
“Go,” he whispered, and kissed Thomas’ cheek.
He listened and Antti couldn’t help but hold his breath as Thomas slowly, slowly sliding in until he was all the way inside and this is what Antti had waited for. He squirmed, uncomfortable, and Thomas reached down and urged Antti’s legs up and around his hips, changing the angle and suddenly it felt a hell of a lot better.
Antti groaned as Thomas gripped his hips and moved and his thumbs pressed sohardjustright on his skin and Antti saw stars, he swore he did. He arched up and met Thomas on every thrust, yanking him down for probably the sloppiest kiss they’d ever shared but he didn’t care just wanted to reach, grab, touch, everything as long as Thomas kept moving because it felt like Antti was on fire.
Thomas was cursing in a broken mix of English and German and Antti couldn’t understand a word because shit even Finnish was almost gone, and he was wordless, just crying out with moans and incoherent noises that may have been Thomas’ name. He really couldn’t tell because the other man pulled one hand away from Antti’s hip and reached between them and he felt Thomas’ hand close around his aching dick just as Thomas brushed against that spot deep in him and that was it.
Thomas’ lips swallowed up Antti’s cry as he came, clenching hard around Thomas, and the German stiffened and groaned out Antti’s name into the Finn’s lips. Antti was trembling hard, and Thomas was no better, a collapsed weight against Antti’s body as they both struggled to catch their breath.
Thomas recovered first, reaching up to cup Antti’s cheek, lips fluttering lightly all over Antti’s sweaty skin. It took Antti a few moments to realize Thomas was breathing words with his kisses, whispering them over and over like he wanted them imprinted on Antti’s skin.
“Ich liebe dich.”
“Thomas,” Antti murmured, voice feeling lost in the easy silence between them. Thomas’ lips left his collarbone and found Antti’s again and Antti felt sure he was floating and couldn’t come down- but it was ok as long as Thomas was floating with him. Antti felt a hand back at his hip and winced a bit as Thomas pulled out.
“Sorry, babe,” Thomas said quietly, kissing his forehead and Antti gave him a small smile. He stretched up as Thomas leaned away, pulling the condom off and tossing it in the general vicinity of his trash can. Antti reached over the side of the bed, fishing around for his t-shirt, and Thomas took it from him with another smile.
Antti grinned back, feeling slightly stupid and Thomas gently cleaned them both up before throwing the shirt in the same direction as the condom, muttering about dealing with it later.
Antti pushed himself up, tugging the sheets back and climbing under them, tugging Thomas with him. The German evidently had no objections as he promptly pulled Antti closer, prompting a soft laugh from his boyfriend.
“I knew you liked to cuddle,” Antti teased, voice low and into Thomas’ chest. The other man huffed and tightened his arms around Antti, burying his face into Antti’s hair, sweaty as it was.
“Happy birthday,” he chose to reply instead and Antti’s returning smile was so big it threatened to fall off his face. He buried his face into Thomas’ shoulder and the other man gently ran his fingers down Antti’s side, lulling them both into sleepy and content silence.
“Thomas?” Antti asked nervously, clinging to the precipice of consciousness and sleep. Thomas stirred briefly, and Antti clung without meaning to.
“Hmm?” Thomas answered, the sound low and rumbling in his chest. Antti pressed his lips to Thomas’ collarbone before looking up, angling his voice to make sure Thomas heard it.
“Minä rakastan sinua,” he whispered, and there was a long pause where Antti could hear his heartbeat in his ears.
“Ich liebe dich auch,” Thomas’ voice almost broke and Antti arched up to kiss him gently before allowing Thomas to tug him back into his arms again. He pressed himself close to the other man, closed his eyes, and breathed.
--
fin.