getting it out
upset
isn’t quite the term i’d use
to describe myself last night
too much effort-
today
to try and go back
to figure it out
instead
i am frozen
somewhere inside
where it matters most
nothing
but a blank spot
where my emotions would be
should be?
if i had
them
three grueling hours
-last night-
spent responding to questions
from an undergrad
still bright eyed
bushy tailed
wet behind the ears
trying to stuff me in the
neat little box
of unfortunates
another number for her statistics
just another
fucked
up
chick
head aching
knife piercing my eyes
throat gone hoarse
2 bottles of water
-and still dry-
nauseas
emotion roiling
beneath my skin
my composure is cracked
but i won’t let her
see that
making my getaway
runaway
home
where my space has been
invaded
boys playin
w/ my toys
can’t complain
i let them in
once
apparently is enough
for a standing invitation
any distraction is welcome
anyway
cause i don’t want to deal
w/ the pain
unleashed
whirling behind
my eyes
i hide
w/ pleasantries
and silence
holding out
for someone
-anyone-
to recognize
…
house full
of friend-like
family
…
it’s just as well
they don’t
they’re not ready to face
-suspect-
subject to my
disdain
i’d rather be
alone
anyway
*
telling myself
that i don’t care
that no one
dares
to see beyond
their limits of understanding
the awkward silence
when i speak
my past
my thoughts
my reality
-all too
unpretty
but i don’t care
i’ll be ok
just close them off
i’ll be ok
because i dare
i am
ok
ok
ok