More than just a pretty face - 26
Howard looked up at the light, at the true inner essence of Vince Noir, and felt a warmth spread through his chest. He glanced back down at Nacc, in all his pseudo Howardness, and felt the warmth increase when he received a smile in return.
“I can do this,” Howard said with growing conviction.
“You can do this,” Nacc agreed. “Of course you can. You can do anything.”
Howard gave a decisive nod and strode toward the closest wall. It was an odd thing, walls made out of what was essentially Vince’s brain, but Howard reminded himself that he had been to Monkey Hell, had been on adventures in jungles, and Arctic tundras, had scaled mountains, uncovered evil plots, escaped from demons and voodoo witches, battles all manner of weird and hideous creatures. He had done all of that and now he would succeed in this because, he reminded himself, he wouldn’t have been able to do those things without Vince beside him and wouldn’t be able to do anything like it ever again if he didn’t succeed in this. And essentially Vince was still beside him in this, Vince was all around him, everywhere he looked. It was all too easy to keep in mind what was at stake and he he came to stand in front of the closest of the pinkish walls as if facing up to a duel.
“Howard?” Vince whispered in his ear, his voice wobbling. “Howard what is it that you can do? What are you doing?”
Howard put out his hand to run it along the wall and felt it tremble. He pushed but nothing happened. He pushed again, pressing both hands to the fleshy barrier and putting as much of his weight behind it as he could. It didn’t budge.
“Howard?” Vince asked again and Howard had an idea.
“Do you know Vince,” he said casually, softly, his eyes darting about as he tried to anticipate what might happen. “You’re actually one of the most educated people in our social circle. You’re very accomplished, Vince.”
“What?” Vince asked with a disbelieving laugh, as confused as Howard had expected him to be, but behind him the light shone a little brighter and the wall beneath his hands seemed to shudder. “I never even got my GCSEs. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“You have a Btec in Hair Design and you topped your class as I recall. You have a Diploma in Animal Management.”
“Yeah, but-” Vince tried to argue but Howard was having none of it.
“You went to Saint Martin’s College after that. You got your degree in fashion and design, even if you won’t let me frame it for display in the flat. Most of the people we interact with haven’t used even half the brain power you have. You’re clever, Vince. You’re educated. And it is so very sexy.” He left a beat of silence before adding: “I love you.”
The light in the orb suddenly flared and Howard pushed against the wall again and watched it dissolve between his fingers, the cameras and lights that had been within disappearing into clouds of dust as the true light of Vince Noir hit them. Within was a Vince, as Howard had expected, and it didn’t take long for him to realise what part of Vince’s mind this was. He was dressed in black skinny jeans and a t-shirt which should have been tight if there had been an ounce of fat anywhere on the waifish child-man before him.
“I’m so hungry!” he cried, stumbling toward Howard. “Howard, please? Please can I have a snack? Something that’s not malt loaf? I’m so hungry, all the time!”
He grasped Howard’s arms with hands that seemed too brittle to hold on for long and Howard steadied him, nodding his reassurance as he spoke into his headset once more, shuffling himself and Vince’s appetite toward the next wall in need of demolishing.
“Vince? Can you get yourself a snack, please?” he asked carefully. “I’m here with your appetite and he’s rather hungry.”
“Oh,” Vince said in surprise. “But I’m not... I don’t think I should...”
“Do you know something I love about you?” Howard said a little more forcefully. “ The way you eat. The pleasure I see in your face when you eat something new and realise you love it. The way you imitate how turtles eat with those gummy snakes you love. The joy in your eyes when I tell you I’ve made mac and cheese. The way you close your eyes to properly enjoy ice cream. You really appreciate food, Vince. You are a pleasure to cook for... I love you.”
He could hear Vince draw in his breath at that and pushed his hand, and the hands of Vince’s appetite against the next wall, grinning with triumph as it dissolved to nothing. He jumped when there was a loud crunch through the headset but the appetite beside him moaned in pleasure and Howard realised that Vince was eating.
“Toast with peanut butter!” the appetite explained, a giddy smile on his thin face. “Oh, I’ve missed this more than anything! Thank you, Howard.”
They were joined by another Vince as the flesh wall collapsed and Howard startled at the sight of the be-speckled Vince, with his hair combed over and his checkered suit. He was clutching a weather map and blinking at the light all around him.
“And you are?” Howard asked, trying not to sound as bemused as he felt at such a different representation of Vince.
“Insula,” they responded nasally. “I... I mostly do smell. I mean, I don’t do smells. I mean, I’m responsible for Vince’s sense of smell. I’m very good. I can tell when it’s going to rain or snow. I can tell when you’re cooking me something from the other side of the flat. You changed your shampoo last year, I was able to smell that too. I’m very good.”
He pushed his spectacles up his nose and blinked at Howard expectantly and Howard wondered how he could use this information to compliment Vince.
“Well done,” he said eventually before speaking in to his mic. “Vince, is it true that you can tell when it’s going to snow or rain?”
“Hmm?” Vince, voice was muffled as he swallowed the last of his toast. “Well, yeah. But that’s no big deal, surely.”
“Not everyone can do that, Vince,” Howard pointed out reasonably. “I can’t do that. You’re a person of many talents, Vince. The more I see of your brain the more amazed I am at what a complex person you are. There’s so much going on inside your head, Vince, so much to discover. I love you.”
The next wall disappeared at the touch of his and the various VInces’ hands and Howard felt a strange electricity in the air around them - an excitement that he could practically taste - and Pons stood from the ruins of his cell and smiled at them all, turning immediately to place his hands against the next wall as Howard told Vince of how much he admired his ability to dream so vividly and recount it so well, at his ability to tell stories, to perform, to draw people in with his charm and sweetness. The more members of Vince’s brain community there were with him, and the more Vince seemed to accept the praise, the easier it became to rid Vince’s mind of the walls the NSP had constructed. It seemed to take no time at all, though Howard was aware that in reality they must have been at it for most of the night, and his throat felt dry and raw by the time he realised that there were no more walls, only Vince’s of all sizes, varieties and genders all around him. They were talking excitedly to each other and embracing, complimenting one another which in turn increased the light that was shining forth from Vince’s essence and filling the large brain room.
Even two security Vinces were there, laughing and showing off their thin, pencil moustaches and doffing their hats bashfully. Howard felt an immense sense of satisfaction at a job well done as he observed the joy around him, and at the way Vince was humming happily in his ear, until he realised that even the passage that led to the NSP’s office had disappeared and that the glittery incarnation of all of Vince’s worst thoughts was now stalking toward him, the other Vinces moving back to give him a clear path.
“Did you do this?” the Negative Self-Perception asked quietly, his voice somewhere between menace and fear.
“I had to,” Howard told him, doing his best to hold his ground and not simply lose his nerve and turn tail like the coward he knew he so often was. “For the good of Vince. You were destroying him.”
“But now you’re destroying me.”
He stood face to face with the NSP, watching the man’s chest heave with rage and pain, but he couldn’t feel any anger or hatred toward him, not anymore.
“Howard?” Vince suddenly asked, sounding small and distant. “Is something wrong? Did we do the wrong thing?”
“No, not at all,” Howard replied without doubt. “I love you, Vince,” he said, staring in to the eyes of the one part of Vince’s mind that he knew would struggle to truly believe it. “I love you. Glittery titbox and all. Nobody’s perfect, but who wants perfect? I want you. And I love you. And not just for what’s on the outside. You are more than just a pretty face, Vince. You are sunshine, inside and out. You are kindness and laughter and stupid pranks and crimps and every musical genre under the sun, and you are sweetness and gentleness and yet so sharp too. You have a quick mind and great sense of humour and I could talk about all the things I love about you for hours on end, in fact I just have. And when I get back out of here I probably will again. Because I love you. And I will continue to love you, no matter what, through good and bad and all the subtle and nuanced in between times too. And I will love you, even when you cannot love yourself.” He took a step forward and stretched out his hand to brush his fingers over a silvery cheek and watched a shower of sequins fall in their wake. “I love you, Vince Noir.”
He heard a sob in his ear, but when Vince went to return the declaration of love the words were overshadowed by the words of the NSP.
“I don’t want to die.”
Howard frowned. He hadn’t been expecting anything like this. He hadn’t expected to feel sympathy for the villain of the piece.
“You... you won’t. Why will you die?” he asked, and the NSPs shoulders slumped as he looked up at Howard beseechingly.
“If he’s got you, he’ll never hear me again. You do this, I’ll cease to exist.”
“No,” Howard argued. “No, you don’t need to worry about that. Everyone has these thoughts, sees themselves negatively sometimes. You won’t just disappear. I... We just need you to stop trying to destroy everything that is Vince to ensure your own survival. It’s hard, not being popular, trust me I know. But you don’t have to be the villain.”
“But I’m Negative Self-Perception!” the sequined brain cell wailed. “It’s what I am!”
“I know, and labels can be a right nuisance ,” Howard agreed. “But you can be a help, rather than a hindrance.”
“How?” he asked in a small, timid voice that Howard recognised as the tone Vince used when at his most vulnerable.
He couldn’t hate someone (or something) that personified Vince’s worst feelings about himself. Beneath his spangled exterior the NSP quite obviously disliked himself more than anyone else possibly could.
“Without you Vince would probably think he was invincible,” Howard explained. “When you’re off duty Vince does things like putting on two eye patches and going flying in a helicopter piloted by Bob Fossil. Am I right?” He raised an eyebrow and fancied he could see a blush spread across the silver face “You can be a balancing influence, a force for good ultimately.”
The NSP looked off in to the distance, his brow crinkling in concentration as he thought through what Howard had said.
“So... what do I do?”
“It’s time to take a step back,” Howard told him, feeling the weight of the moment, how important his words were, and how carefully they had to be delivered if this was to work. “It’s time to be part of the ensemble rather than the soloist.”
“But I’m Negative Self-Perception. No body likes me.”
There was quiet murmuring in the crowd around them but Howard wasn’t sure who they were agreeing with.
“So give yourself a name rather than a title, like Amy and Lottie,” Howard suggested.
“A name? Like what? Like Frank, or Steve, or something?” the NSP asked and Howard nodded enthusiastically.
“Steve’s good, if that’s what you want.”
“But they’re still going to hate me.”
“Well...”
“No we won’t,” came a voice from the corner and Howard span around, his heart suddenly pounding.
“Amy?”
The crowd parted for her as she walked elegantly toward him, hips swaying and red heels clicking on the floor. She smiled, the sort of Vince Noir megawatt smile that always made a tingle rush through Howard’s spine, and Howard smiled back. Her lips were red again, the glossy, cherry colour they were supposed to be and, as she approached him she reached her hand up to flick one of the last silver sequins from her cheek. She stopped in front of Howard and ran a hand lovingly down his chest before leaning in to kiss him delicately on the cheek.
“Hey, Howard,” she said in a low, sultry tone. “Thanks.”
Howard nodded, unsure what to say, or whether he’d be able to say anything at all, but Amy seemed to understand. She gave him another smile before turning her attention to the glittery personification standing sheepishly in the centre of the brain space.
“Sweetheart. Steve,” Amy said kindly, walking forward. “Let me tell you something about Vince Noir. For all our vanity, our sharp tongue, our teasing, for all our foibles and failings, there is one thing Vince can never do. And that is holding a grudge. Now come here.”
Amy opened her arms and waited as the brain cell known as Steve, formerly the NSP, thought about her words and then walked slowly into her embrace. Howard beamed, filled to bursting with pride for the woman who was such an integral part of the person he loved, and loved in her own right. And then there was a movement to his right and Vince’s inner child and childhood memories burst forth from the crowd of Vinces and ran forward to hug Steve as well, wrapping their little arms around his hips and holding on so tight that even their eyes were squeezed shut. After that the other parts of Vince’s brain seemed to decide that this was one of those times when the best thing to do was follow the crowd and they came forward in ones and twos to add their arms to the escalating group hug. Howard wondered if maybe he was supposed to join in as well but figured it was a moment for Vince, and that he was quite happy to watch for now and save his hug for his Vince, once he was back in the wider world.
“I love you, Howard,” Vince’s voice crackled through the headphones, as if he too felt the urge to hug and be held. “I know we’ve said it a lot tonight, but I really, really do. What you said was well beautiful. Can’t wait to get you back out here with me. ‘M gonna kiss you senseless, just you wait.”
Howard chuckled at that but didn’t have the time to think of a witty reply because the Vince’s were shuffling apart, spreading out into a circle, and there was a sense of excitement building in the air as they moved back from where Amy and the two youngest Vinces still stood. At first Howard thought the NSP really had disappeared and his heart jolted in panic but then Amy too stood back and Howard realised that standing between Vince’s childhood memories and his inner child was someone quite their own size, still all in sequins (though how it was more of a romper suit than a form fitting bodysuit), but a child.
Lottie ran forward again to wrap him into another hug, picking him up and smiling lovingly.
“Now this is someone I remember!”
There was a great deal of cheering and whooping and clapping after that and Howard decided to leave them to it, wandering back toward the colourful plinth and the light above it, like the tatty moth he was beneath the blue and yellow scuba suit. He put his hands up against the coloured glass feeling the warmth and life within, marveling at how it somehow did radiate what could only be called the Essence of Vince. He wondered if there was something similar inside his own mind, wondered if it was anything as beautiful as Vince’s.
He had just begun to contemplate the existence of the soul and how it impacted on the brain’s ability to function when he realised that while he was alone, he was not really alone.
“Well done,” Nacc told him. “Very well done. You did it. I knew you could.”
“Thank you, sir,” Howard replied, still a little awkward about talking to his doplegengar, knowing that they were the one in charge of giving Vince his pleasure signals. “But I’m afraid the rest of the work will be yours. I helped get things moving but only Vince can really fix Vince.”
“Indeed,” the pseudo Howard agreed. “Wise words from a man of great intellect and handsome features. There is a great deal to do. There are blockages in the pipes, the serotonin flow has been reduced as a result of the walls that were built through here and it shall take time and care to repair them. Luckily I have a great deal of experience in such matters. Have I ever told you of my time working in the drains? I am a man of many worldly pursuits, you know.”
“I’m sure you are,” Howard agreed. “But maybe you can tell me another time.”
“Or maybe you would prefer to know other things,” Nacc waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Just between you and me, he likes to have his hair stroked.”
“What?” Howard asked, suddenly feeling like a rabbit caught in a car’s headlights, sensing his impending doom with no way to escape.
“You heard what I said. Vince finds massages of his scalp and gentle brushing of his hair to be very pleasurable. I thought you might find such information useful.”
“Well, I...” Howard stammered. He’d never had the sex talk with his parents, a fact for which he had been mostly pleased, and having a similar discussion with Vince’s pleasure centre (who looked just like him!) was almost enough to give him a full case of the Chokes.
“I don’t think I need any advice, thanks all the same.”
“Or perhaps you would prefer to learn the secrets of the massaging of his balls?” Nacc continued saucily. “He likes that as well.”
“No! No, hair tips are fine!” Howard squawked, edging away. “And who are you being now? I thought you were supposed to be me, not Rudi van DiSarzio!”
“Are you willing to caress the balls of the one you love, Howard Moon?” Nacc continued, his voice rising and adding to Howard’s growing embarrassment.
“Well, yes, of course,” Howard hissed. “I love Vince and... Howard Moon is not a man to shirk his responsibilities as a lover. It will be a pleasure to give him pleasure. And it’s not as if I’m unfamiliar with the equipment. I don’t need any tips from you, sir. Thank you very much.”
Nacc just grinned wolfishly and let out a low chuckle.
“Howard Moon knows his way around a pair of balls without a guide?” he asked teasingly and Howard felt the heat in his cheeks fan to a flame as he realised what he’d admitted to so casually, and loudly. He took another step backwards, trying to think of a polite way to escape the conversation and almost collapsed with relief when he heard Amy call his name.
“Howard!” she called as she trotted toward him. “Howard I’ve been looking for you. I wanted to say thank you.”
“You already did,” Howard reminded her, wrapping his arms around her waist like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Well I wanted to say thank you properly then,” she told him with a smile, her eyes dancing with amusement and affection. “If that’s alright with Vince, of course. I knew you’d come through for us in the end. Thank you, Howard.”
She tilted her chin upward and Howard took the cue to lower his own until her lips pressed lightly against his. It was a chaste kiss, a sharing of emotion between two friends, and Howard felt his heart flutter in his chest as he realised that he truly did understand that difference between his affection for Amy and his deep love for Vince.
As they parted Howard heard Vince sigh. It was a contented, sleepy noise and Howard wondered just how long he had been inside of Vince’s brain, and how much longer the affects of the shrink ray would last.
“You alright there, Vince?” he asked as he pulled Amy into a tight embrace, feeling her snuggle into his arms, rubbing her face against his chest like a cat.
“Yeah,” Vince answered. “I actually feel pretty good. Tired though. Shattered actually. Is it time for you to come home now, Howard?”
“Yeah, Little Man, I think it is,” Howard said with a smile, until the reality of how that might be done hit him like a breeze block of fear. “Except...”
“Except what, Howard?” Vince asked with concern, but Howard didn’t want to worry him now, not after all he’d been through. He cleared his throat and tried his best to sound confident and reassuring.
“Oh, nothing to worry about, nothing I can’t handle. Howard Moon is a man of many plans, and we will have this all sorted out in no time at all, don’t you worry.”
“Worry about what though, Howard?” Vince asked, his voice becoming shrill as Howard’s reassurances made him more stressed rather than relaxed.
“Well,” Howard said slowly. “About how exactly I’m going to get out of your head in order to kiss you, is all.”
“Oh,” Vince replied. “I hadn’t really thought of that.”
There was silence for a moment as both men shared the horrible thought that they had no idea how exactly to end the adventure and that Howard wouldn’t be able to survive for long inside of Vince.
“I think I might be able to help you out there, Darling,” Amy suddenly spoke up. “Come with me, yeah? We’ll get you sorted.” She turned to lead Howard back through the brain space but stopped after a few steps and turned back, her eyes focusing sharply on Nacc as he sat by the plinth cleaning his pipe. “You can come too, if you want to,” she said in a husky tone that Howard had once heard directed at him. “You look like you could be... all sorts of fun.”
“I did not need to hear that,” Howard and Vince said as one, but Amy just laughed.
She had a plan.