Sex

[littleredboots]

Does anyone else really hate sex? I mean do you not think it just gets in the way of so much? Between worrying about performance, from you and them, and poor performance, from you or them, worrying about STIs and god knows what else. With pain and emotions and protection and wanting it, needing it. Wanting to not want or need it. The emotional

Comments

[aoife_lushon]

I'm lucky enough to have one or two very close friends (I'll call them friends although outsiders observing our relationships would probably jump to conclusions to the contrary) who probably share your point of view in that they are quite happy to hold people or to be held all night long without the expectation of sex. The problem with this is that you have to get to know someone extremely well before you can move to this stage in a friendship - feelings in this situation are often a lot more complicated than if you had actually had sex because of the physical and emotional closeness without the physical attraction, as it were.

I think the best way to avoid having a purely lustuous relationship with a side-helping of emotional closeness is to start the relationship with a period of celibacy. That doesn't mean that you can't sleep in the same bed, but when you do you should make clear that you do not wish to have sex until you know the person on a deeper level - my recommendation being 3 months as close friends or partners but you may feel more comfortable with setting your own limits. The best relationships I've ever had have been based on that theory and I know that it certainly works for me when that's the kind of relationship that I want but more recently I've tended to ignore my own standards and go for what my body tells me to do - findings from this research to follow :P

Just as a s side note: if you're thinking about fungus and bacteria before or during sex I'm wondering how you ever climax..

The smells and textures are part of the psychological side of sex - the pheremones are apparently glorious aphrodesiacs and the textures relate to pleasure-senstive neurones. Odd but true unfortunately. And the most psychologically important part of sex hasn't even been mentioned here - power. The power relationships in the bedroom are amazingly interesting to study and often very different to what goes on in the actual relationship. The most timid person can be an absolute dominatrix in the bedroom :)

Sorry for the long comment - procrastinating before I continue with my assignment and sexology is one of my favourite areas of study in psychology :P

[littleredboots]

oh no, i think sex is fascinating too. Generally and mostly agree. but mostly the depth of your comment mostly serves to show how annoying and frustrating sex can be, because it just is that complicated. go to the library and look up sex... good lord.