Quaggy
I think all I do anymore is cry.
If the last few weeks of pregnancy continue this way, I may not make it.
This morning, Tom and I met with a pediatrician. I actually liked her. She was nice, and friendly, and most importantly she was honest. I asked her questions, and she gave me her opinion, and gave me resources to find answers that I could live with. My biggest question right now is whether to vaccinate baby Wes for Hep B at birth, or whether I can delay it a few years. Trust me, I really am no hippie. I find that day after day I grow more and more conservative. I think vaccinations are a God-send. But I don't include all vaccinations in that category. I also don't feel that people should necessarily do things simply because people tell them to do things. I also don't feel that the medical community is always right.
Hepatitis B is predominantly a sexually transmitted disease. It is transmitted the same way that AIDS is spread; through sharing needles, having unprotected sex, through the birth canal or breast milk of a Hep B positive mother, etc. This leads me to question why my day old infant needs the vaccination. I wasn't vaccinated for it, nor was Tom as an infant. Recently I have done so, because of my exposure to blood-born pathogens in the clinical and work setting, but Tom has not been. And neither one of us have Hep B. The only chance that my child would be exposed to Hep B is if he for some reason ended up needing a blood transfusion.
Through research I found that the vaccination has been common practice at birth nearly worldwide since around 1991. Hep B is a disease on the WHO's list of illnesses to be eradicated. I guess the first step in this process was to get high risk people to get vaccinated, and when this didn't significantly impact the rate of infection, they began to make it common practice for all people. The vaccination contains both yeast and mercury, which I am supposed to avoid being pregnant. They tell me to avoid yeast rolls and tuna, yet it is okay for my day old infant to get an injection of both? I am not attacking all vaccinations because for most the risks outweigh the benefit, but this one I just can't see the rationale. I will probably end up rolling with the punches, and just letting them stab my son in the thigh at the hospital, and give him this completely unnecessary protocol, but I don't know why.
The part of the whole thing that has me worked up is this. We are sitting there, and I am asking these questions to the doctor, and she is looking at me like I am some freak whose gonna let my kid get measles or mumps because of some silly toxin, bogus research, or naivety. My husband who hasn't said a single world the whole time says, "why don't you want him to have it anyway?" I was caught off guard, and therefore had no response, and was left feeling stupid, and kinda ganged up on really. He apologized later and said that we should have been on the same page going in there, which is totally true, but I don't know how to do that. I feel like I try and have these conversations with my husband in advance about all of this, and he has no opinion, which is fine, but he also doesn't do much in the way of helping me resolve the problem. I can't even tell you how many times I have asked his opinion on circumcision, and it is always the same, some degree of "we will figure it out later."
What hurts me is that I am trying to be an informed consumer. I am trying to be a good mom. I am suddenly about to be faced with the task of making life decisions for a little person, that may or may not affect them for the rest of their lives. I am completely discouraged by this task. I know I shouldn't get so worked up about all of it, all I can do is make the best decisions I can, and hope they end up working out, but I wish I felt I had a little more assistance. Maybe I over analyze. Maybe I get too worked up over this little stuff, that will probably have zero impact on him ever. But I wish Tom would at least try to make the things that are important to me, important to him, or pretend to do so. He is so supportive in every aspect of my life except for when I stress out about Wes, maybe because it is just that--stress. However, I can't help but feel that if he had done some research of his own before he went with me this morning, he too would have been asking the doctor why, not asking me why.
If the last few weeks of pregnancy continue this way, I may not make it.
This morning, Tom and I met with a pediatrician. I actually liked her. She was nice, and friendly, and most importantly she was honest. I asked her questions, and she gave me her opinion, and gave me resources to find answers that I could live with. My biggest question right now is whether to vaccinate baby Wes for Hep B at birth, or whether I can delay it a few years. Trust me, I really am no hippie. I find that day after day I grow more and more conservative. I think vaccinations are a God-send. But I don't include all vaccinations in that category. I also don't feel that people should necessarily do things simply because people tell them to do things. I also don't feel that the medical community is always right.
Hepatitis B is predominantly a sexually transmitted disease. It is transmitted the same way that AIDS is spread; through sharing needles, having unprotected sex, through the birth canal or breast milk of a Hep B positive mother, etc. This leads me to question why my day old infant needs the vaccination. I wasn't vaccinated for it, nor was Tom as an infant. Recently I have done so, because of my exposure to blood-born pathogens in the clinical and work setting, but Tom has not been. And neither one of us have Hep B. The only chance that my child would be exposed to Hep B is if he for some reason ended up needing a blood transfusion.
Through research I found that the vaccination has been common practice at birth nearly worldwide since around 1991. Hep B is a disease on the WHO's list of illnesses to be eradicated. I guess the first step in this process was to get high risk people to get vaccinated, and when this didn't significantly impact the rate of infection, they began to make it common practice for all people. The vaccination contains both yeast and mercury, which I am supposed to avoid being pregnant. They tell me to avoid yeast rolls and tuna, yet it is okay for my day old infant to get an injection of both? I am not attacking all vaccinations because for most the risks outweigh the benefit, but this one I just can't see the rationale. I will probably end up rolling with the punches, and just letting them stab my son in the thigh at the hospital, and give him this completely unnecessary protocol, but I don't know why.
The part of the whole thing that has me worked up is this. We are sitting there, and I am asking these questions to the doctor, and she is looking at me like I am some freak whose gonna let my kid get measles or mumps because of some silly toxin, bogus research, or naivety. My husband who hasn't said a single world the whole time says, "why don't you want him to have it anyway?" I was caught off guard, and therefore had no response, and was left feeling stupid, and kinda ganged up on really. He apologized later and said that we should have been on the same page going in there, which is totally true, but I don't know how to do that. I feel like I try and have these conversations with my husband in advance about all of this, and he has no opinion, which is fine, but he also doesn't do much in the way of helping me resolve the problem. I can't even tell you how many times I have asked his opinion on circumcision, and it is always the same, some degree of "we will figure it out later."
What hurts me is that I am trying to be an informed consumer. I am trying to be a good mom. I am suddenly about to be faced with the task of making life decisions for a little person, that may or may not affect them for the rest of their lives. I am completely discouraged by this task. I know I shouldn't get so worked up about all of it, all I can do is make the best decisions I can, and hope they end up working out, but I wish I felt I had a little more assistance. Maybe I over analyze. Maybe I get too worked up over this little stuff, that will probably have zero impact on him ever. But I wish Tom would at least try to make the things that are important to me, important to him, or pretend to do so. He is so supportive in every aspect of my life except for when I stress out about Wes, maybe because it is just that--stress. However, I can't help but feel that if he had done some research of his own before he went with me this morning, he too would have been asking the doctor why, not asking me why.