I can bend and not break or I can break and take it with a smile...
Yes i am aware it is 2:30 in the morning and im typing a live journal entry. But i can't sleep and i just got off the phone with kate. we talked for oh gosh who knows how long maybe 2 and a half hours..at least..it was a great convo though. Thanks so much for the advice kate i really really apreciate it a lot. I really needed that.
i miss her..and i miss louiza and all of my friends i've drifted apart from..
I realized a lot of things tonight and thank you Kate for helping me realize some of these things. There are just some things in life you just need someone to help you to realize. like things you would have eventually figured out on your own..but not until it was too late. I guess i've just been too busy hating everyone and everything and hating life lately that i havent opened my eyes to the good things that are happening. I havent stopped to realize just how lucky i am to have a great family and a house to live in and a boyfriend who loves me. Also that i have friends who really do care even though i dont think they do, and they have all along it's just me who has been so busy thinking they dont care and thinking that they hate me that i havent noticed it's me who is too busy maybe thinking about someone else all the time. its kinda like that quote:
"when you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look around because you most likely have turned your back on the world"
I guess i just realize that i have it alright. I really do. I mean i couldnt ask for a better family. I love each one of them my mom, my daddy of course, and even Michael. i really do. My life wouldnt be the same if i didnt come home to them each day. So many people have been there for me when i need them and i'm just so sorry i havent been there for anyone lately when they probably need me. I also realize that right now i need my friends and my family more than anyone else. I've been focusing on one relationship lately and one just isnt enough. Because you need the other relationships in your life to better appreciate the other ones, and to make you a happier person. They all balance each other out.
Some girls would kill for a boyfriend who treats me how Adam treats me and yet most of the time i dont even take a second to think about that and how he doesnt have to do half the things he does for me but he does them because he loves me. All i've ever wanted was a guy like him and now i have him. Maybe i go on about how i dont think i can trust him but maybe the one i dont trust is myself. Maybe its me i'm afraid might make a dumb mistake and screw the whole thing up. Maybe the one who has really changed is me, not him. i mean i could be wrong about all of this but i think i'm kind of figuring things out.So maybe i dont like it when he like talks to other girls or flirts with them but at the end of the day whos the one girl he calls to say I love you?
I mean what other guy would come over and hang out with Me and my family and go out to dinner with My Mom, my dad and i on a friday night and actually enjoy themselves? Who comes over and sits on the couch and waits for an hour for me to get ready when he can be doing a lot more with his time? i mean little things that this guy does for me.i can't even get into it. I'll be here all night. I guess this entry is an appology kind of. To everyone i have been unfair to.
I've been selfish and i'm sorry. I've been recieving and recieving and not giving anything back.
at least i'm figuring this all out before its too late...
i mean... i hope its not too late.....
Well i'm off to bed now..its like 3:00 and finally, i think im tired.
Goodnight.
<3Always
Jane Elizabeth <3
Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy
stranger than your sympathy
i miss her..and i miss louiza and all of my friends i've drifted apart from..
I realized a lot of things tonight and thank you Kate for helping me realize some of these things. There are just some things in life you just need someone to help you to realize. like things you would have eventually figured out on your own..but not until it was too late. I guess i've just been too busy hating everyone and everything and hating life lately that i havent opened my eyes to the good things that are happening. I havent stopped to realize just how lucky i am to have a great family and a house to live in and a boyfriend who loves me. Also that i have friends who really do care even though i dont think they do, and they have all along it's just me who has been so busy thinking they dont care and thinking that they hate me that i havent noticed it's me who is too busy maybe thinking about someone else all the time. its kinda like that quote:
"when you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look around because you most likely have turned your back on the world"
I guess i just realize that i have it alright. I really do. I mean i couldnt ask for a better family. I love each one of them my mom, my daddy of course, and even Michael. i really do. My life wouldnt be the same if i didnt come home to them each day. So many people have been there for me when i need them and i'm just so sorry i havent been there for anyone lately when they probably need me. I also realize that right now i need my friends and my family more than anyone else. I've been focusing on one relationship lately and one just isnt enough. Because you need the other relationships in your life to better appreciate the other ones, and to make you a happier person. They all balance each other out.
Some girls would kill for a boyfriend who treats me how Adam treats me and yet most of the time i dont even take a second to think about that and how he doesnt have to do half the things he does for me but he does them because he loves me. All i've ever wanted was a guy like him and now i have him. Maybe i go on about how i dont think i can trust him but maybe the one i dont trust is myself. Maybe its me i'm afraid might make a dumb mistake and screw the whole thing up. Maybe the one who has really changed is me, not him. i mean i could be wrong about all of this but i think i'm kind of figuring things out.So maybe i dont like it when he like talks to other girls or flirts with them but at the end of the day whos the one girl he calls to say I love you?
I mean what other guy would come over and hang out with Me and my family and go out to dinner with My Mom, my dad and i on a friday night and actually enjoy themselves? Who comes over and sits on the couch and waits for an hour for me to get ready when he can be doing a lot more with his time? i mean little things that this guy does for me.i can't even get into it. I'll be here all night. I guess this entry is an appology kind of. To everyone i have been unfair to.
I've been selfish and i'm sorry. I've been recieving and recieving and not giving anything back.
at least i'm figuring this all out before its too late...
i mean... i hope its not too late.....
Well i'm off to bed now..its like 3:00 and finally, i think im tired.
Goodnight.
<3Always
Jane Elizabeth <3
Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy
stranger than your sympathy