Well if he's really yours, make him do something.
I've been watching the same movies repeatedly lately, I guess because I hate them and that's a feeling that puts my mind to rest immediately. Beautifully distracting, I enjoy my own company.
The weather is boring today. I fear summer is over. Summer is over and I haven't accomplished anything, nothing has really changed, and I have totally omitted having any real fun. No beach, no camping, no walking around at all. The days have been spent running around in the car, or napping off hangovers, or simply having whoever be angry at me for whatever. The nights have been sparatic at best. Sometimes I get to leave Salisbury, some of THOSE times, I have fun, some of those times, Ryan does too. Nope, this summer has not gone smoothly in the least.
I wish I could say that I've learned just one thing that would service my future, near or far. But for now, I am holding ground, hoping for the best. I don't feel in control of the good or the bad, only the stagnant.
I miss having friends. The friends who were never mine to begin with need to be replaced. Of course the people I am not talking about are exceptions to the way my life is going right now, but the past is such an uncertain thing to bring to the present.
I loathe the sound of my father shining his shoes. Why does he do that anyway? What a fucking moron. He is shining motorcycle boots to mirrors, and I am nothing to him. There are times I want to throw my things around, destroy everything I've ever put on display to express myself, just so that he could treat me the way he does and I could feel like the worthless ghost he wants me to understand I am. As for right now, I am confused and do a good job of avoiding him. I am basically in the way, and that's no way to live.
Drinking lots of water really does put happiness right around the corner though. I feel refreshed, but sort of silly to be drinking so many glasses while the sky won't stop raining and I shiver without sweater and socks.
Halloween is my favorite occasion. I will dress up as myself this year.
The weather is boring today. I fear summer is over. Summer is over and I haven't accomplished anything, nothing has really changed, and I have totally omitted having any real fun. No beach, no camping, no walking around at all. The days have been spent running around in the car, or napping off hangovers, or simply having whoever be angry at me for whatever. The nights have been sparatic at best. Sometimes I get to leave Salisbury, some of THOSE times, I have fun, some of those times, Ryan does too. Nope, this summer has not gone smoothly in the least.
I wish I could say that I've learned just one thing that would service my future, near or far. But for now, I am holding ground, hoping for the best. I don't feel in control of the good or the bad, only the stagnant.
I miss having friends. The friends who were never mine to begin with need to be replaced. Of course the people I am not talking about are exceptions to the way my life is going right now, but the past is such an uncertain thing to bring to the present.
I loathe the sound of my father shining his shoes. Why does he do that anyway? What a fucking moron. He is shining motorcycle boots to mirrors, and I am nothing to him. There are times I want to throw my things around, destroy everything I've ever put on display to express myself, just so that he could treat me the way he does and I could feel like the worthless ghost he wants me to understand I am. As for right now, I am confused and do a good job of avoiding him. I am basically in the way, and that's no way to live.
Drinking lots of water really does put happiness right around the corner though. I feel refreshed, but sort of silly to be drinking so many glasses while the sky won't stop raining and I shiver without sweater and socks.
Halloween is my favorite occasion. I will dress up as myself this year.