days keep passing me by
Curled up in bed, feeling increadibly sorry for myself.
I'm mentally and physically drained. All I seem to want to do is eat, sleep and even sometimes wallow in the bath. Which frustrates me; as i'm getting tired of being miss buddah belly. talking of which, I've never had such a firm belly in my life before, albeit rather round and achey.
Hours, days and weeks just seem to keep passing me by so quickly.
I forget that life is continuing on around me outwith my little 'here and now and that which consumes everything' going on... I think tom forgets too that everything isn't just normal with me and that i can't just get on with day to day life so easily as he does. In 3 weeks there will be a wee one here and needing to be my priority and placed; only then can normality return.
I think im also miserable due to the time of year, it feels like 'everyone' else with be having such a cosey christmas. And im worried im going to end up spending mine hiding away or at the foster carers with the wee one..
At least i have plans which will be put into effect after my wee ones safe. loose the excess hang; start working; save; buy myself a car; move into my own flat; settle myself down into a routine... Live life how i want to and not just exist any more. and if toms still there, then ive done exceptionaly well for myself.
In the mean time i dont need everyone around me dictating how i should live/act/do/be. Last night i had a revelation; my parents have NO authority over me anymore. Im nearly 20 and do not need any one else, be that parent, boyfriend or friend to make my decisions for me... But it unerves me that thinking along those lines ill feel and will just end up alone.
Maybe thats what i should focus on. That infact it is okay to be alone.
Ramble over for just now.
X-posted darktemptation and littlenipper
I'm mentally and physically drained. All I seem to want to do is eat, sleep and even sometimes wallow in the bath. Which frustrates me; as i'm getting tired of being miss buddah belly. talking of which, I've never had such a firm belly in my life before, albeit rather round and achey.
Hours, days and weeks just seem to keep passing me by so quickly.
I forget that life is continuing on around me outwith my little 'here and now and that which consumes everything' going on... I think tom forgets too that everything isn't just normal with me and that i can't just get on with day to day life so easily as he does. In 3 weeks there will be a wee one here and needing to be my priority and placed; only then can normality return.
I think im also miserable due to the time of year, it feels like 'everyone' else with be having such a cosey christmas. And im worried im going to end up spending mine hiding away or at the foster carers with the wee one..
At least i have plans which will be put into effect after my wee ones safe. loose the excess hang; start working; save; buy myself a car; move into my own flat; settle myself down into a routine... Live life how i want to and not just exist any more. and if toms still there, then ive done exceptionaly well for myself.
In the mean time i dont need everyone around me dictating how i should live/act/do/be. Last night i had a revelation; my parents have NO authority over me anymore. Im nearly 20 and do not need any one else, be that parent, boyfriend or friend to make my decisions for me... But it unerves me that thinking along those lines ill feel and will just end up alone.
Maybe thats what i should focus on. That infact it is okay to be alone.
Ramble over for just now.
X-posted darktemptation and littlenipper