Regurgitated thoughts...that should have been dead...some of them FOR A YEAR
Reading through Arielle's LJ...
I'm such a shithead. I mean, sure, I felt like she was treating me like complete crap...the first two months we dated weren't really memorable at all because, well, we both had huge issues. Then the fighting before I left and while I was gone...
I have so much to make up for. In a month. What the fuck. I can do it.
Even though I have no money. I'm leaving. My life is shit. Gee, Arielle and I switched roles...holy fuck.
Anyway, I'm intending on making this the best month of our lives...because it has to be for two years.
Because I love her.
Because I owe it to myself, and maybe to her, to show that I'm not such a fucking idiot.
Jess was a naive, ideological, mistake. There. I've said it.
It was my first pure idea of love, and it was, um, well, destroyed. I've felt like it was my fault. Like it would change.
It won't change.
Now, here's Arielle. In love. With me. SHE STAYED with me. Maybe she'll stay with me for the next two years. If she does, fuck my ill-concieved idea of "love" that I thought I understood from a girl who probably barely understands herself...not through a fault of her own, but because of her age. Fine.
I forgive Jess.
I forgive the two months Arielle and I shared.
Now, I have to forgive myself.
For being such a dumb-fucktard.
(Fine, fine Bev, a dumb, right wing, fucktard :-D)
I'm such a shithead. I mean, sure, I felt like she was treating me like complete crap...the first two months we dated weren't really memorable at all because, well, we both had huge issues. Then the fighting before I left and while I was gone...
I have so much to make up for. In a month. What the fuck. I can do it.
Even though I have no money. I'm leaving. My life is shit. Gee, Arielle and I switched roles...holy fuck.
Anyway, I'm intending on making this the best month of our lives...because it has to be for two years.
Because I love her.
Because I owe it to myself, and maybe to her, to show that I'm not such a fucking idiot.
Jess was a naive, ideological, mistake. There. I've said it.
It was my first pure idea of love, and it was, um, well, destroyed. I've felt like it was my fault. Like it would change.
It won't change.
Now, here's Arielle. In love. With me. SHE STAYED with me. Maybe she'll stay with me for the next two years. If she does, fuck my ill-concieved idea of "love" that I thought I understood from a girl who probably barely understands herself...not through a fault of her own, but because of her age. Fine.
I forgive Jess.
I forgive the two months Arielle and I shared.
Now, I have to forgive myself.
For being such a dumb-fucktard.
(Fine, fine Bev, a dumb, right wing, fucktard :-D)