Finally an update!
Ok, so...wow. It's been a while since I've updated...a long while. So here it goes. Life has been fairly good. Been working a LOT, but still got to go to Door County with the fam which was tons of fun. I also got to go to Summerfest with Amers to see Kenny Chesney, Gretchen Wilson, and PAT GREEN!!!!! YAY! :-)
But now for the real update. So...Matt decided that we needed to "take a break" this semester cuz apparently our busy schedules will make us fight....which I think is a load a crap. I mean, ok. I have always been busy, and this semester will be no different. I have always had a lot on my plate and I've always dealt with it fine. And maybe this is just the optimist in me, but wouldn't a busy semester like this make our relationship stronger? I mean, ok. Let's say that we do get back together and that we end up having a life together (which we have talked about)....what is gonna happen when our jobs make us busy and we don't see each other? Is he gonna want another break then? Is he gonna make us separate from our marriage?? I mean, come on. EVERY relationship has it's rocky patches, but in the end it just makes us stronger. I would think a busy time like this would be a good test of our relationship. And not only that, but why would this make us fight? We've never even had a fight before! Ugh. I mean, who ever heard of stopping a perfectly good relationship because of fear of the unknown. I mean, this is someone that I thought I would marry...or might. And now THIS happens...I mean what is WRONG with the world?????
Ok, and also he dropped this on me like a ton of bricks. He told me that he had been thinking about this for a while, but he never even talked to me about it. If this were truly a good relationship, he would have talked to me about this earlier, and BEFORE he had fully made up his mind. A relationship is comprised of TWO people, and any decisions that affect those two people should be made by both of them, not just one. But he had his mind already made up before he even picked up the phone. He had no consideration for my feelings whatsoever. He thought I was totally overreacting, but honestly, how was I supposed to act?? I mean, I had NO idea this was coming. He said he'd been thinking about it for a while, but he NEVER discussed with me the possibility of "taking a break."
And THEN last night I read his Xanga. Ohhhhh that was interesting. In it, he said that he told me it was "over." Which he didn't do. He told me that we were "taking a break." I mean, if this truly is "over" then tell me. Don't drag me on with the false hope of a future that you don't want. Don't say it's a "break" if it really isn't. And he called me "immature" for the way I handled myself. Ok, I'm sorry but crying and acting hurt and being mad is NOT immature, it is a completely natural and expected reaction after what happened. So don't dump that crap on me! DON'T make me out to be the bad guy here. YOU did this, YOU wanted this, and YOU have to live with the consequences. I handled myself in the only way I knew how. How would YOU like it if I had done this to you? Huh? You would NOT have acted like a little angel, trust me. He also COMPLETELY negated my feelings of anger and hurt. He said "yeah, she didn't know it was coming, but...." Ok, there is NO "but" in that sentence. You CANNOT completely negate my feelings just because you had been thinking about this for a while. Your prior thought does not mean that this was not a total shock to me. It just doesn't work that way. Sorry. And you know what hit me the hardest? The fact that by reading his Xanga I realized that taking this "break" was a lot for convenience for him...or so it seems. He keeps saying "I I I, me me me." "This will make it easier for me" or "I think..." and he had NO consideration how this would affect me. I mean, this is going to be one of the hardest semesters for me simply because of my recital and getting my portfolio ready. Did he EVER stop to think that maybe I would want his support through all of that? Did he ever think that maybe the reason I thought I could do all of this was because I knew he'd be there for me when I needed him??? NO! He didn't consider me AT ALL when he made this decision.
So...yeah. I just wish I understood all this. I mean, David has been telling me to call him, and I think I'm finally ready to. I need answers to these questions. But I needed to do it on my own schedule. I mean, Matt had time to think about this before he made this decision, so I needed time for all of this to sink in and to process it before I talked to him again because I didn't want to say anything that I would regret later. So when you get mad at me for not calling you, realize that I needed time to work through all of this. This is not a wound that heals overnight...it takes time...a lot of time. And then, when I was ready to call him he didn't want to talk!!! I asked him when would be a good time and he couldn't even give me that! I mean, if I have people telling me that you want me to call you, then talk to me! >:-O AAAAGGGHHHH!
Ok, I'm done.............for now.
But now for the real update. So...Matt decided that we needed to "take a break" this semester cuz apparently our busy schedules will make us fight....which I think is a load a crap. I mean, ok. I have always been busy, and this semester will be no different. I have always had a lot on my plate and I've always dealt with it fine. And maybe this is just the optimist in me, but wouldn't a busy semester like this make our relationship stronger? I mean, ok. Let's say that we do get back together and that we end up having a life together (which we have talked about)....what is gonna happen when our jobs make us busy and we don't see each other? Is he gonna want another break then? Is he gonna make us separate from our marriage?? I mean, come on. EVERY relationship has it's rocky patches, but in the end it just makes us stronger. I would think a busy time like this would be a good test of our relationship. And not only that, but why would this make us fight? We've never even had a fight before! Ugh. I mean, who ever heard of stopping a perfectly good relationship because of fear of the unknown. I mean, this is someone that I thought I would marry...or might. And now THIS happens...I mean what is WRONG with the world?????
Ok, and also he dropped this on me like a ton of bricks. He told me that he had been thinking about this for a while, but he never even talked to me about it. If this were truly a good relationship, he would have talked to me about this earlier, and BEFORE he had fully made up his mind. A relationship is comprised of TWO people, and any decisions that affect those two people should be made by both of them, not just one. But he had his mind already made up before he even picked up the phone. He had no consideration for my feelings whatsoever. He thought I was totally overreacting, but honestly, how was I supposed to act?? I mean, I had NO idea this was coming. He said he'd been thinking about it for a while, but he NEVER discussed with me the possibility of "taking a break."
And THEN last night I read his Xanga. Ohhhhh that was interesting. In it, he said that he told me it was "over." Which he didn't do. He told me that we were "taking a break." I mean, if this truly is "over" then tell me. Don't drag me on with the false hope of a future that you don't want. Don't say it's a "break" if it really isn't. And he called me "immature" for the way I handled myself. Ok, I'm sorry but crying and acting hurt and being mad is NOT immature, it is a completely natural and expected reaction after what happened. So don't dump that crap on me! DON'T make me out to be the bad guy here. YOU did this, YOU wanted this, and YOU have to live with the consequences. I handled myself in the only way I knew how. How would YOU like it if I had done this to you? Huh? You would NOT have acted like a little angel, trust me. He also COMPLETELY negated my feelings of anger and hurt. He said "yeah, she didn't know it was coming, but...." Ok, there is NO "but" in that sentence. You CANNOT completely negate my feelings just because you had been thinking about this for a while. Your prior thought does not mean that this was not a total shock to me. It just doesn't work that way. Sorry. And you know what hit me the hardest? The fact that by reading his Xanga I realized that taking this "break" was a lot for convenience for him...or so it seems. He keeps saying "I I I, me me me." "This will make it easier for me" or "I think..." and he had NO consideration how this would affect me. I mean, this is going to be one of the hardest semesters for me simply because of my recital and getting my portfolio ready. Did he EVER stop to think that maybe I would want his support through all of that? Did he ever think that maybe the reason I thought I could do all of this was because I knew he'd be there for me when I needed him??? NO! He didn't consider me AT ALL when he made this decision.
So...yeah. I just wish I understood all this. I mean, David has been telling me to call him, and I think I'm finally ready to. I need answers to these questions. But I needed to do it on my own schedule. I mean, Matt had time to think about this before he made this decision, so I needed time for all of this to sink in and to process it before I talked to him again because I didn't want to say anything that I would regret later. So when you get mad at me for not calling you, realize that I needed time to work through all of this. This is not a wound that heals overnight...it takes time...a lot of time. And then, when I was ready to call him he didn't want to talk!!! I asked him when would be a good time and he couldn't even give me that! I mean, if I have people telling me that you want me to call you, then talk to me! >:-O AAAAGGGHHHH!
Ok, I'm done.............for now.