Short fic: For Now, Kurt/Blaine, R
Title: For Now
Author: littlemrstom
Fandom: Glee
Pairing(s): Kurt/Blaine
Rating: R
Warnings: Adult Content, Angst, Past Self-harming
Word Count: 2000
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; I own nothing but the plot. I especially do not own Glee. Sad times.
Summary: No matter what their histories may be, they’ll always be Kurt and Blaine and Blaine and Kurt.
Author Notes: Written for this prompt on the glee_kink_meme.
For the first time in his life, Kurt thinks he’s been rendered speechless. His mouth won’t move to form the words he thinks he wants to say and his eyes won’t stop staring. His head hurts and his heart hurts and he has to force himself to blink a few times to prove he’s not just scratched the backs of his eyelids.
But no, he hasn’t, and Kurt knows he hasn’t when he opens his eyes and the scratches are still there, clear as day.
Blaine had warned him about it, they’d had that conversation only moments before, and still Kurt wants to believe that he’s going mad and that there aren’t actually long red gashes across Blaine’s otherwise pale thighs.
---
“Kurt, Kurt, please slow down,” Blaine says into Kurt’s ear as Kurt’s fingers hook under Blaine’s undershirt and tug it over his head. He’s already gotten rid of the dowdy blazer, shirt and tie of Blaine’s uniform, and now Kurt has his perfect boyfriend in just his grey school pants and socks and Blaine is telling him to stop?
Kurt does, though, and allows his arms to fall, his hands resting on Blaine’s shoulders, gently stroking the skin he finds there. “Hey, what’s up?” he asks gently, catching Blaine’s eye and being met with a worried expression. “Too fast?”
Blaine shakes his head and instead leans in for a kiss, though unlike the previous ones they’ve been sharing, this one is soft and gentle and barely lasts more than two seconds.
“Blaine, is something wrong?” Kurt presses, because the look he’s seeing on Blaine’s face is a look that he’s never seen there before; his brow is crinkled into a deeply-set frown and his usually smiling mouth is curling downwards at the edges. “Did I do something?”
At that, Blaine’s eyes widen. “No! No, of course not. Please don’t think that. Please don’t ever think that.” Blaine’s fingers reach up and find Kurt’s, clinging to them almost desperately as he twines and untwines them, twines and untwines them. “I...”
“You what, Blaine?” Kurt asks softly, and he begins to stroke the back of Blaine’s hand with the pad of his thumb.
“I have to tell you something before we, you know, go further.” Blaine fidgets on Kurt’s bed. His eyes are downcast, not focusing on anything in particular, and he can feel Kurt’s eyes on him, waiting for an explanation.
“Blaine,” Kurt’s voice cuts into Blaine’s wonky concentration. “You can tell me anything, you know that.” Kurt drops one of Blaine’s hands and brings it up to his face to cup his chin, shifting closer at the same time. Blaine presses himself into his side, needing to feel his presence closer and he nods against Kurt’s bare shoulder.
“I know.” Blaine’s chest heaves as he takes in a deep breath and just as he’s about to speak, Kurt gently tugs on the hand that is still enclosed in his and pulls them down until they’re lying horizontally on the bed. Kurt snuggles close and pulls Blaine even closer until they’re half hugging, half clinging to each other, and Blaine feels himself relax a little.
“Better?” Kurt asks.
Blaine just smiles in response; he fears if he says anything else before what he wants to say he’ll chicken out now that he has the words hanging off the tip of his tongue. “Kurt,” he begins, voice quiet and wavering slightly. “I-I’m not right, Kurt.”
“What-”
Again, Blaine ignores his comment. “There’s something I haven’t told you. I haven’t told you before and now I have to because you’re going to see them and I don’t want you to think any less of me.”
“See what? I would never…” Kurt starts, but then Blaine closes his eyes and when he reopens them, they are glassy with unshed tears. “Blaine,” he whispers, pulling his boyfriend impossibly closer still. “Please tell me. I could never think of you differently.”
Blaine’s chin wobbles and Kurt can feel it where it’s pressed against his neck. He’s worried-he’s never seen Blaine like this and it’s killing him inside.
“I used to-god, I am so useless,” Blaine suddenly groans and he moves as if to pull away from Kurt, but Kurt is stronger than he looks and Blaine finds himself unable to move away, no matter how hard he tries.
“Blaine,” Kurt’s voice is surprisingly calm yet powerful and Blaine finds himself unable to do anything but succumb.
When the words finally escape his mouth, the first tear slides out of his eye. “I used to self-harm, Kurt.” Another tear. A choked sob. Blaine draws back from Kurt a little on the bed, as if expecting to be pushed away anyway.
Kurt does nothing. “What?” His tone is questioning, misunderstanding.
“You heard me. I know, I’m pathetic and stupid and… Oh god, why did I tell you? You deserve so much more than someone like me, Kurt, someone who actually feels like they have a grip. I’ll just go-”
Blaine doesn’t think he’s ever been held harder than when Kurt holds him then. He cuts Blaine off by reaching out and securing his arms around Blaine’s neck, pulling them to sitting and squeezing him tighter than he ever has before. “Don’t you ever, ever say anything like that again,” Kurt eventually says as he pulls back from Blaine enough to be able to see his face. “Please, don’t. That is so untrue and you know it, Blaine. I love you.”
“God, Kurt, I love you, too, you know that.”
Kurt smiles at Blaine’s words and tangles his fingers in the loose, un-gelled hair at the nape of Blaine’s neck as he leans in for a kiss. For a moment, Blaine is hesitant, but when he finally allows himself to feel Kurt’s lips, he can’t help but sigh against them in relief.
“I won’t pry,” Kurt tells him quietly when they’ve separated again and Kurt has pulled them back down to the bed. “I won’t ask why, it’s completely your decision if you tell me, okay?” Blaine nods, kissing Kurt again gratefully. “I’d-I’d like to see them, though. If you’ll show me.”
Blaine immediately recoils.
“Hey,” Kurt cuts back in, keeping his boyfriend in place with his grip on his neck. “You said yourself I’m going to see them. I just, I want to make sure you’re alright. Please?”
Blaine is completely silent as he considers Kurt’s question for a moment, but then his face relaxes as he reaches for the button on his trousers and slides them off. The action is anything but sexual compared to the previous frantic moments they shared when Blaine was literally popping the buttons off Kurt’s designer shirt and Kurt was all but tearing Blaine out of his uniform. His heart is racing at a thousand miles an hour as he finally sits back on the bed in only his underwear, and suddenly Blaine is stripped of all the faux confidence he uses as a shield.
There’s no hiding anymore.
---
“Blaine,” Kurt says when he finally finds his voice, but he’s not really asking for his attention; it’s that it is the only word he can remember how to say properly. He swallows around his tongue, taking a moment to collect himself, and tears his eyes away from Blaine’s legs to meet his gaze. There are a couple of tears running down Blaine’s cheeks and Kurt leans up to kiss them away, just holding Blaine’s face close to his own for a few seconds. “It’s over now,” he whispers against his ear, dropping a kiss there, too. “Okay? Scars will heal, both inside and out.”
“Kurt,” Blaine chokes out alongside another sob, and it’s all he can do to keep from breaking down completely. He reaches out and grabs Kurt’s side, manoeuvring them until he’s able to pull them to sitting and eventually pull Kurt onto his lap. He settles his head against Kurt’s chest, finding comfort in the fact he can feel-not just hear-Kurt’s heartbeat, and Kurt secures himself in place by locking his legs around Blaine’s waist, arms resting over his shoulders. “Thank you,” he eventually says, hiding a sniffle in his shoulder and nuzzling Kurt’s jaw. The skin there is soft and smells faintly of vanilla, and somehow it brings a smile to Blaine’s face. He kisses the same spot, once, twice, three times, until he moves upwards to finally kiss Kurt’s lips, and the love he feels for Kurt in that moment multiplies tenfold. His stomach clenches and, if it’s possible, his heart speeds up further and all he wants is Kurt. Everything needs to be Kurt, because Kurt stops the hurting. Kurt makes him forget everything, especially when he smiles that crooked little smile he’s smiling now because he just knows.
“Hey,” Kurt whispers to him when Blaine finally releases his lips enough to gasp in some much-needed oxygen.
“Hi,” Blaine returns in the same quiet tone. He shivers as he feels fingers drifting up his sides and almost, but not quite, tickling over his ribs. He smiles a small smile and puts his hands over Kurt’s, stopping them in their tracks, and, slowly, he rotates them until, once again, they’re horizontal, but this time Blaine is hovering over Kurt, their faces only a breath apart with their chests just touching. “I love you,” Blaine says sincerely, the words leaving his mouth before he can stop them.
Kurt’s eyes light up. “I know,” he answers, touching their lips together, and before he can make a move to deepen it, Blaine is leaning back and removing their last articles of clothing.
The mood is wholly different to earlier on, now. Before, it had been frenzied, hurried movements with the intention of sex, sex and sex, both teenagers overwhelmed with lust and desire and other such emotions, but now? Now, the air is heavier with the newly exposed truth and, instead of desire and lust, the atmosphere is weighed down with love, love and love and when their bodies touch fully for the first time, both boys gasp at the sensation. This is completely new for them; sure, they’ve been intimate together before, but most occasions have been nervous fumbles under the covers with all the lights out and the main aim had been to please and be pleased. Now, the lights are on and nothing is hidden anymore.
It’s just Kurt and Blaine and Blaine and Kurt and this is them.
Not a word crosses either of the pair’s lips as Blaine rocks himself slowly against Kurt’s thigh. Kurt mewls against Blaine’s jaw where their cheeks pressed together, and somehow, this feels so much more intimate than anything they could have been thinking of earlier. Kurt’s hands wind around Blaine’s neck and splay across his shoulder blades, fingers tense and holding on tightly, and his hips sway to meet Blaine’s movements.
It isn’t long before the atmosphere changes once again as Blaine’s actions begin to gain speed; the air is sticky with sweat and murmured confessions of love as their hips move quicker and quicker and more and more and soon Blaine is stiffening and swearing, releasing over Kurt’s hip and Kurt is gasping and clawing harder at Blaine’s back until he, too, is stiffening and breathing Blaine’s name as he follows in Blaine’s footsteps.
In the moments that follow, there’s still no real exchange of words save for Blaine’s muttered thank yous and Kurt’s don’t thank mes. Blaine relaxes until he rolls into Kurt’s arms and he just allows Kurt to hold him tightly. Kurt lifts his left leg and brings it to rest over both of Blaine’s, their ankles interlocking and then Kurt follows the same setlist of actions to link their fingers together.
Blaine’s palm is sweaty in his, but Kurt barely notices it. He barely notices the sweaty palm, the random curl sticking out on the top of Blaine’s head, nor does he notice the array of scars on Blaine’s leg, because it is not those things that make Blaine. Blaine makes up most of Blaine and, Kurt thinks, he completes him, because something about the way they’re laying just fits and Kurt knows it has to mean something.
So they’ll just be Kurt and Blaine and Blaine and Kurt, and for now everything will be okay.
Author: littlemrstom
Fandom: Glee
Pairing(s): Kurt/Blaine
Rating: R
Warnings: Adult Content, Angst, Past Self-harming
Word Count: 2000
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; I own nothing but the plot. I especially do not own Glee. Sad times.
Summary: No matter what their histories may be, they’ll always be Kurt and Blaine and Blaine and Kurt.
Author Notes: Written for this prompt on the glee_kink_meme.
For the first time in his life, Kurt thinks he’s been rendered speechless. His mouth won’t move to form the words he thinks he wants to say and his eyes won’t stop staring. His head hurts and his heart hurts and he has to force himself to blink a few times to prove he’s not just scratched the backs of his eyelids.
But no, he hasn’t, and Kurt knows he hasn’t when he opens his eyes and the scratches are still there, clear as day.
Blaine had warned him about it, they’d had that conversation only moments before, and still Kurt wants to believe that he’s going mad and that there aren’t actually long red gashes across Blaine’s otherwise pale thighs.
---
“Kurt, Kurt, please slow down,” Blaine says into Kurt’s ear as Kurt’s fingers hook under Blaine’s undershirt and tug it over his head. He’s already gotten rid of the dowdy blazer, shirt and tie of Blaine’s uniform, and now Kurt has his perfect boyfriend in just his grey school pants and socks and Blaine is telling him to stop?
Kurt does, though, and allows his arms to fall, his hands resting on Blaine’s shoulders, gently stroking the skin he finds there. “Hey, what’s up?” he asks gently, catching Blaine’s eye and being met with a worried expression. “Too fast?”
Blaine shakes his head and instead leans in for a kiss, though unlike the previous ones they’ve been sharing, this one is soft and gentle and barely lasts more than two seconds.
“Blaine, is something wrong?” Kurt presses, because the look he’s seeing on Blaine’s face is a look that he’s never seen there before; his brow is crinkled into a deeply-set frown and his usually smiling mouth is curling downwards at the edges. “Did I do something?”
At that, Blaine’s eyes widen. “No! No, of course not. Please don’t think that. Please don’t ever think that.” Blaine’s fingers reach up and find Kurt’s, clinging to them almost desperately as he twines and untwines them, twines and untwines them. “I...”
“You what, Blaine?” Kurt asks softly, and he begins to stroke the back of Blaine’s hand with the pad of his thumb.
“I have to tell you something before we, you know, go further.” Blaine fidgets on Kurt’s bed. His eyes are downcast, not focusing on anything in particular, and he can feel Kurt’s eyes on him, waiting for an explanation.
“Blaine,” Kurt’s voice cuts into Blaine’s wonky concentration. “You can tell me anything, you know that.” Kurt drops one of Blaine’s hands and brings it up to his face to cup his chin, shifting closer at the same time. Blaine presses himself into his side, needing to feel his presence closer and he nods against Kurt’s bare shoulder.
“I know.” Blaine’s chest heaves as he takes in a deep breath and just as he’s about to speak, Kurt gently tugs on the hand that is still enclosed in his and pulls them down until they’re lying horizontally on the bed. Kurt snuggles close and pulls Blaine even closer until they’re half hugging, half clinging to each other, and Blaine feels himself relax a little.
“Better?” Kurt asks.
Blaine just smiles in response; he fears if he says anything else before what he wants to say he’ll chicken out now that he has the words hanging off the tip of his tongue. “Kurt,” he begins, voice quiet and wavering slightly. “I-I’m not right, Kurt.”
“What-”
Again, Blaine ignores his comment. “There’s something I haven’t told you. I haven’t told you before and now I have to because you’re going to see them and I don’t want you to think any less of me.”
“See what? I would never…” Kurt starts, but then Blaine closes his eyes and when he reopens them, they are glassy with unshed tears. “Blaine,” he whispers, pulling his boyfriend impossibly closer still. “Please tell me. I could never think of you differently.”
Blaine’s chin wobbles and Kurt can feel it where it’s pressed against his neck. He’s worried-he’s never seen Blaine like this and it’s killing him inside.
“I used to-god, I am so useless,” Blaine suddenly groans and he moves as if to pull away from Kurt, but Kurt is stronger than he looks and Blaine finds himself unable to move away, no matter how hard he tries.
“Blaine,” Kurt’s voice is surprisingly calm yet powerful and Blaine finds himself unable to do anything but succumb.
When the words finally escape his mouth, the first tear slides out of his eye. “I used to self-harm, Kurt.” Another tear. A choked sob. Blaine draws back from Kurt a little on the bed, as if expecting to be pushed away anyway.
Kurt does nothing. “What?” His tone is questioning, misunderstanding.
“You heard me. I know, I’m pathetic and stupid and… Oh god, why did I tell you? You deserve so much more than someone like me, Kurt, someone who actually feels like they have a grip. I’ll just go-”
Blaine doesn’t think he’s ever been held harder than when Kurt holds him then. He cuts Blaine off by reaching out and securing his arms around Blaine’s neck, pulling them to sitting and squeezing him tighter than he ever has before. “Don’t you ever, ever say anything like that again,” Kurt eventually says as he pulls back from Blaine enough to be able to see his face. “Please, don’t. That is so untrue and you know it, Blaine. I love you.”
“God, Kurt, I love you, too, you know that.”
Kurt smiles at Blaine’s words and tangles his fingers in the loose, un-gelled hair at the nape of Blaine’s neck as he leans in for a kiss. For a moment, Blaine is hesitant, but when he finally allows himself to feel Kurt’s lips, he can’t help but sigh against them in relief.
“I won’t pry,” Kurt tells him quietly when they’ve separated again and Kurt has pulled them back down to the bed. “I won’t ask why, it’s completely your decision if you tell me, okay?” Blaine nods, kissing Kurt again gratefully. “I’d-I’d like to see them, though. If you’ll show me.”
Blaine immediately recoils.
“Hey,” Kurt cuts back in, keeping his boyfriend in place with his grip on his neck. “You said yourself I’m going to see them. I just, I want to make sure you’re alright. Please?”
Blaine is completely silent as he considers Kurt’s question for a moment, but then his face relaxes as he reaches for the button on his trousers and slides them off. The action is anything but sexual compared to the previous frantic moments they shared when Blaine was literally popping the buttons off Kurt’s designer shirt and Kurt was all but tearing Blaine out of his uniform. His heart is racing at a thousand miles an hour as he finally sits back on the bed in only his underwear, and suddenly Blaine is stripped of all the faux confidence he uses as a shield.
There’s no hiding anymore.
---
“Blaine,” Kurt says when he finally finds his voice, but he’s not really asking for his attention; it’s that it is the only word he can remember how to say properly. He swallows around his tongue, taking a moment to collect himself, and tears his eyes away from Blaine’s legs to meet his gaze. There are a couple of tears running down Blaine’s cheeks and Kurt leans up to kiss them away, just holding Blaine’s face close to his own for a few seconds. “It’s over now,” he whispers against his ear, dropping a kiss there, too. “Okay? Scars will heal, both inside and out.”
“Kurt,” Blaine chokes out alongside another sob, and it’s all he can do to keep from breaking down completely. He reaches out and grabs Kurt’s side, manoeuvring them until he’s able to pull them to sitting and eventually pull Kurt onto his lap. He settles his head against Kurt’s chest, finding comfort in the fact he can feel-not just hear-Kurt’s heartbeat, and Kurt secures himself in place by locking his legs around Blaine’s waist, arms resting over his shoulders. “Thank you,” he eventually says, hiding a sniffle in his shoulder and nuzzling Kurt’s jaw. The skin there is soft and smells faintly of vanilla, and somehow it brings a smile to Blaine’s face. He kisses the same spot, once, twice, three times, until he moves upwards to finally kiss Kurt’s lips, and the love he feels for Kurt in that moment multiplies tenfold. His stomach clenches and, if it’s possible, his heart speeds up further and all he wants is Kurt. Everything needs to be Kurt, because Kurt stops the hurting. Kurt makes him forget everything, especially when he smiles that crooked little smile he’s smiling now because he just knows.
“Hey,” Kurt whispers to him when Blaine finally releases his lips enough to gasp in some much-needed oxygen.
“Hi,” Blaine returns in the same quiet tone. He shivers as he feels fingers drifting up his sides and almost, but not quite, tickling over his ribs. He smiles a small smile and puts his hands over Kurt’s, stopping them in their tracks, and, slowly, he rotates them until, once again, they’re horizontal, but this time Blaine is hovering over Kurt, their faces only a breath apart with their chests just touching. “I love you,” Blaine says sincerely, the words leaving his mouth before he can stop them.
Kurt’s eyes light up. “I know,” he answers, touching their lips together, and before he can make a move to deepen it, Blaine is leaning back and removing their last articles of clothing.
The mood is wholly different to earlier on, now. Before, it had been frenzied, hurried movements with the intention of sex, sex and sex, both teenagers overwhelmed with lust and desire and other such emotions, but now? Now, the air is heavier with the newly exposed truth and, instead of desire and lust, the atmosphere is weighed down with love, love and love and when their bodies touch fully for the first time, both boys gasp at the sensation. This is completely new for them; sure, they’ve been intimate together before, but most occasions have been nervous fumbles under the covers with all the lights out and the main aim had been to please and be pleased. Now, the lights are on and nothing is hidden anymore.
It’s just Kurt and Blaine and Blaine and Kurt and this is them.
Not a word crosses either of the pair’s lips as Blaine rocks himself slowly against Kurt’s thigh. Kurt mewls against Blaine’s jaw where their cheeks pressed together, and somehow, this feels so much more intimate than anything they could have been thinking of earlier. Kurt’s hands wind around Blaine’s neck and splay across his shoulder blades, fingers tense and holding on tightly, and his hips sway to meet Blaine’s movements.
It isn’t long before the atmosphere changes once again as Blaine’s actions begin to gain speed; the air is sticky with sweat and murmured confessions of love as their hips move quicker and quicker and more and more and soon Blaine is stiffening and swearing, releasing over Kurt’s hip and Kurt is gasping and clawing harder at Blaine’s back until he, too, is stiffening and breathing Blaine’s name as he follows in Blaine’s footsteps.
In the moments that follow, there’s still no real exchange of words save for Blaine’s muttered thank yous and Kurt’s don’t thank mes. Blaine relaxes until he rolls into Kurt’s arms and he just allows Kurt to hold him tightly. Kurt lifts his left leg and brings it to rest over both of Blaine’s, their ankles interlocking and then Kurt follows the same setlist of actions to link their fingers together.
Blaine’s palm is sweaty in his, but Kurt barely notices it. He barely notices the sweaty palm, the random curl sticking out on the top of Blaine’s head, nor does he notice the array of scars on Blaine’s leg, because it is not those things that make Blaine. Blaine makes up most of Blaine and, Kurt thinks, he completes him, because something about the way they’re laying just fits and Kurt knows it has to mean something.
So they’ll just be Kurt and Blaine and Blaine and Kurt, and for now everything will be okay.