(no subject)
I feel a little lost sometimes. It's not a fleeting thing, either. It lasts for days. Right now, all I want to do is sleep, but I've slept so much I'm almost too awake, too lucid. It's too easy to think and thinking undoes me. There's a clamour in my head - one third thought, one third memory, one third fear. I want to write, to escape to that one place where everything falls as I plan but my mind is a grasshopper and won't sit long enough to create anything but frustration.
Kate time tomorrow - Monday morning ritual; out at ten to our favourite cafe, two cups of coffee or chocolate, or whatever, then lunch - a sandwich, a salad, good conversation, then she drops me here and scoots off to her lecture.
Left behind again.
And I'm feeling sorry for myself... drips of hurt and remembered hurt and loneliness. Emails I don't want from someone I need to forget. It's a strain to ignore, but I'm doing it.
And sod it, it's late, and I'm too awake and too sorry for myself, if I carry on like this you can just pin me on the LJ cliché board and be justified in laughing. I'll go read instead.
Kate time tomorrow - Monday morning ritual; out at ten to our favourite cafe, two cups of coffee or chocolate, or whatever, then lunch - a sandwich, a salad, good conversation, then she drops me here and scoots off to her lecture.
Left behind again.
And I'm feeling sorry for myself... drips of hurt and remembered hurt and loneliness. Emails I don't want from someone I need to forget. It's a strain to ignore, but I'm doing it.
And sod it, it's late, and I'm too awake and too sorry for myself, if I carry on like this you can just pin me on the LJ cliché board and be justified in laughing. I'll go read instead.