Ponderings...
I am completely guilty of being a selfish and guilt-filled human being... I think about myself too much, and I know that, and I can't seem to change that no matter how much effort I put into it...
I have dug myself into a completely self-depressive, anti-social hole that is so deep that it's hard for anyone to drag me completely out of, and I'm so out of practice that it's bloody hard when I'm around people. I am trying though, I am trying so hard to connect with my friends again, it feels uncomfotable but I know that I have to improve socially if I ever want to be anywhere near being comfortable in the real world. I am chucking myself into social situations that I know I'll feel and be awkward in... I'm quiet, I don't know what to say, I feel mostly like I'm a complete and utter outsider and I don't know how to make conversations.
And I so lost in everyway in general. Life as itself is not the easiest thing, I know, I know that everyone is a victim of it, and I have no fucking idea how everyone does it, how so many people are still alive... I guess I'm really in a depressed mode...
On another hand, or maybe the same hand I guess, I'm in a griefing mode again in the case of Spring Awakening. Listening to podcasts now, from theatrevoice, the official podcasts, and it makes me so sad that it's not still open, the reviews are so fab and there was so much passion and enthusasm... it just makes me fucking mad, but mostly sad...
I have dug myself into a completely self-depressive, anti-social hole that is so deep that it's hard for anyone to drag me completely out of, and I'm so out of practice that it's bloody hard when I'm around people. I am trying though, I am trying so hard to connect with my friends again, it feels uncomfotable but I know that I have to improve socially if I ever want to be anywhere near being comfortable in the real world. I am chucking myself into social situations that I know I'll feel and be awkward in... I'm quiet, I don't know what to say, I feel mostly like I'm a complete and utter outsider and I don't know how to make conversations.
And I so lost in everyway in general. Life as itself is not the easiest thing, I know, I know that everyone is a victim of it, and I have no fucking idea how everyone does it, how so many people are still alive... I guess I'm really in a depressed mode...
On another hand, or maybe the same hand I guess, I'm in a griefing mode again in the case of Spring Awakening. Listening to podcasts now, from theatrevoice, the official podcasts, and it makes me so sad that it's not still open, the reviews are so fab and there was so much passion and enthusasm... it just makes me fucking mad, but mostly sad...