my week without music.
It started on Monday, and ended on Saturday, but it felt like so much longer during the course of each day. Uni started this week as well, and I'm accustomed to listening to music while I'm walking to the bus stop and when I'm on the bus. It took a little while to get used to it. Without the distractions, I found myself thinking about a lot of things which never really came up in my train of thoughts.
I found myself wondering whether I am happy at this moment in life. Should I be using my time more effectively, rather than stay at home and hope something will happen. I thought about if the direction of my life was going the way I had thought it would or not. Turns out I'm still confused about what I want to be and where I want to go in life. I used to have a set of dreams which helped me get through the difficult stages, but I've let go of them now. Now, nothing can console me when things go badly. I don't have that idealistic, but comforting, dream which I turn to when I question what's happening in my life.
I also found myself thinking about other people, and not just myself. When I listen to music, I like to create stories about myself using the song I'm listening to. Without music this week, I realised how selfish I am. I knew that I was selfish already, but with the constant music surrounding and clouding out my thoughts, I never truly recognised the extent of my self-centredness. My friends from uni, my friends from high school, my family....all of them came up during my walks and bus rides.
My week, as a whole, went by quicker than I thought it would. To the point where I've realised that music isn't such a big part of my life after all. I used to think that music was a huge part of my life. I used to think that without music, life would be really mundane and worthless. Now I know that it's not true. Now I know that without music, life still goes on, be it just a bit quieter.
I'm not really sure what to take from this experience. Going without music completely has stilled my mind. It's taken it to a place where I'm using my brain a lot more to think, rather than it being filled with sweet words and melody. Something I realised a while back was that I've become a lot more dumber since I started listening to music all the time. My independent thoughts seemed to slowly fade away, as well as my ability to debate, to ponder over things, to argue like an intellectual being. I felt like I was getting more simple-minded as the days passed. On the other hand, I like listening to songs. The feelings inside me are translated into words, and I feel just that bit more happier when I listen to music.
I just wonder whether I have fallen into a trap.