the first seriously lazy sunday of the new year.
with a few thoughts and ideas for what i want to do in the next one.
this past year has been an interesting ride. i think i've come out a bit better, more confident, maybe a bit better equipped to take care of myself. i spend more time alone, pay both more and less attention and at the moment seem to be over my (first of many?) "twenties freak out". i have pretty good friends (some better than others) and i've been expanding outside of work into new people and things to do (sort of). i've learned how to make friends with bartenders, and not to feel (quite as) self concious at a bar by myself. i've danced and partied and made my own decisions. there have been more family celebrations than tragedies (thank god. i don't know that another year of heartache, tragedy and tears wouldn't end with me in it) including weddings and plans for weddings and babies and expansion into joy. i've made dresses and clothes and bags and cards. i've finally started to make my apartment home, though i don't know how long i'll stay here. i've come to terms with some of my childhood issues (ah, the joys of childhood) and rediscovered the love of my family in such a way that if i am perfectly happy going home and just hanging out with them and no other friends. bad things have happened this year too, i'm sure. at the moment, i can't recall enough about any of them to consider it. perhaps i just block it out, but it's prolly just not as important to me as it used to be.
i have high hopes of finding new friends and lovers and family and joy in the coming year. i'm trying to embrace myself as an adult (though i'm sure i'll always feel about 12 and awkward, it's okay) and the responsibilities that go hand in hand with that. i'm trying to cook more, make more things for myself and friends, and learn new skills. i mean to organize (slowly) my room and house and save money and hang out with my cat more and not feel guilty about staying home instead of going out and flirt more and have more fun and wear more skirts and get more better about everything. i'd like to lose some weight, but i don't care if i don't and i'd like to find a new fun outside thing to do, but i know i'll find it eventually and i'd like to be able to talk to people more honestly and still be friends instead of running away and i mean to write more letters and watch more movies and just enjoy what life brings.
and that's what i mean to do in the next year.
this past year has been an interesting ride. i think i've come out a bit better, more confident, maybe a bit better equipped to take care of myself. i spend more time alone, pay both more and less attention and at the moment seem to be over my (first of many?) "twenties freak out". i have pretty good friends (some better than others) and i've been expanding outside of work into new people and things to do (sort of). i've learned how to make friends with bartenders, and not to feel (quite as) self concious at a bar by myself. i've danced and partied and made my own decisions. there have been more family celebrations than tragedies (thank god. i don't know that another year of heartache, tragedy and tears wouldn't end with me in it) including weddings and plans for weddings and babies and expansion into joy. i've made dresses and clothes and bags and cards. i've finally started to make my apartment home, though i don't know how long i'll stay here. i've come to terms with some of my childhood issues (ah, the joys of childhood) and rediscovered the love of my family in such a way that if i am perfectly happy going home and just hanging out with them and no other friends. bad things have happened this year too, i'm sure. at the moment, i can't recall enough about any of them to consider it. perhaps i just block it out, but it's prolly just not as important to me as it used to be.
i have high hopes of finding new friends and lovers and family and joy in the coming year. i'm trying to embrace myself as an adult (though i'm sure i'll always feel about 12 and awkward, it's okay) and the responsibilities that go hand in hand with that. i'm trying to cook more, make more things for myself and friends, and learn new skills. i mean to organize (slowly) my room and house and save money and hang out with my cat more and not feel guilty about staying home instead of going out and flirt more and have more fun and wear more skirts and get more better about everything. i'd like to lose some weight, but i don't care if i don't and i'd like to find a new fun outside thing to do, but i know i'll find it eventually and i'd like to be able to talk to people more honestly and still be friends instead of running away and i mean to write more letters and watch more movies and just enjoy what life brings.
and that's what i mean to do in the next year.