Blowing off some steam
Arg! I just need out. Seriously, time for a change. Danny is out of work- again and has been all week. We're behind on all our bills (surprise surprise) again, and I thought we'd be able to catch up by next month if he kept working about 40 hours a week, but here we go again.
I've been looking into relocating to Maine, for a few reasons, but there is far more work up there welding than there is here, and danny will not do anything else. It's like that's all he wants to do and he had blinders on to anything else. He hasn't even looked for a job at all this week. As far as Maine jobs, I've sent his resume to about 4-5 places in Maine, and printed out his resume to send to SEVEN- yes 7 more places, which sits in my filing cabinet, not faxed. I found one place this week that was paying up to $36 an hour for welders and pipefitters, but they just have a phone number. He didn't call, though he told me he was going to two days ago. I also found one more job for him to send his resume into, which is yet to be done.
He wants to get his pipe welding certification, which would be great if he had the $200 that it's going to cost, and if he was working. My logic is that a lot of companies will pay you to get certified if you stay with them for so long. His other company did that, but although he was certified, he didn't take it with him when he left because he didn't stay the agreed amount of time. He thinks that once he gets certified, he'll be able to work on a lot of gvnt jobs, which pay gvnt wages. However, if there isn't any work, there just isn't work. And there isn't. Not here right now. But in two weeks I've found 13-14 welding jobs in Maine for him to consider. He wants me to do all the darned leg work, I can't go and take his gosh darned interview for the kid, for goodness sakes.
My mom is moving to Milo at the end of the month. I'm going with her to settle her in and then danny is coming up to get me and the kids about a week 1/2 later. Or that's the plan as of now. I've already started packing up some of the house, getting rid of the crap, and trying to figure out Uhaul prices and such. It's going to cost us roughly $1200 just to move, including truck, gas for both my vehicle and the uhaul, first months rent, and a little for groceries. We'll be staying with my mom and step dad for the first few months, until we can get a home of our own. But, I want to go sooner than later and danny is vice versa.
He told me a while ago (maybe 8 or more months ago) that we would go in the summer and try it, here it is August- almost fall, and he's saying, "not yet". It's frustrating. There isn't a way for him to provide for his family here, but he wants to stay... makes no sense to me.
I know that this- this state, this city, even this house- is all he knows. He's lived in this house since he was about 3 or 4. However, I don't like the city. I can't take the kids outside to play in the yard because there is not yard- I have to drive them to the park if I want to let them play. The neighbors in 3 out of 4 apts are immigrants. A few illegal, a few legal only cause they have children that are Citizens. There are a bunch of guys living in the house next door, and I couldn't even identify them if I had to because there is always someone new. There are LITERALLY 21 different last names on mail that come in that name minus my mother and father. My father actually wrote down all the names on the mail because he was certain they were illegal. Scares me a bit, cause who knows what kind of ppl these are. I don't know if they are pedophiles or what not. I have two little ones to worry about.
The school system kinda stinks, and I've called Head Start at least 5 times trying to get a response. I had an app sent to me, and that was the end of it. I've left message after message trying to figure out the status of his app, but no one ever called me back. I've left messages on 3 different machines. So, then, if I can, I have to get him ready for public school- but wait- not so easy. I have to call on September 1st to set up an appointment to get Jacob SCREENED. Can you believe that- they're going to screen him for preschool. This isn't college for goodness sakes. And if he's "smart enough", he is eligible for preschool- if and when there is a slot available to him, because there is only 7 slots per preschool classroom. Otherwise, I would have to pay for preschool. I can't get any help financially because I'm not working or enrolled in school at least 20 hours a week and both parents have to be working at least that much- even if I'm pregnant and at home with another child. hahahah (anxious laugh)
I dont even know what I'm going to do about bills. My cable is due for shut off. I had to set up a pay plan for my gas and electric, which I did before, but couldn't keep up with it cause danny was out of work then. I had to make another one, which equals out to about 5-6 hundred a month- due the 24th. Mind you, I have NO income next week at all cause danny hasn't worked this week. Then there are the rest of the bills- the car is probably going to be repossessed anytime now, since we're 3 months behind, although danny's mother told me she would be making two of those 3 payments LAST month. Still waiting on that. Oh yeah, then there's that other thing- I'm pregnant again! lol How am I supposed to support 3 babies on no income when I can't even support two. And everytime we've applied for transitional assistance we've had so much paperwork we've had to get that it's impossible. I have to get letters from my last employer, danny has to get on from his. WE have to both file for unemployment (though I'm not eligible), we have to get utility bills, landlord verifications, birth certificates, ss cards, registration to the car, marriage certificate... the list goes on. HOWEVER, they never tell you what you need the first time. They tell you part of it, then you go back, and you are told you need more paperwork. All the while, we have NO income- meaning nothing- nothing for anything, and they won't give us emergency help cause we dont pay rent. Like paying rent makes it any easier?! Ugh....
I just wish danny would open himself to change- he's such a freakin creature of habit that he could live completely happy doing the same darn thing over and over again.
And I've been so depressed I haven't wanted to talk to barely anyone. I haven't gone to church in weeks, nor have I picked up the phone when people from church call. I haven't done anything in the church that I'm supposed to. I haven't even read my Scriptures in ... idk over a month. Even mealtime prayer is frustrating to me. It's just said- not felt right now. I hate feeling that way. I can get motivated to get packing done every few days- maybe some laundry, a clean kitchen floor possibly, but that's about it.
Everything just seems hurry up and wait. I can't get my hopes up for anything anymore, because everytime I do, I feel let down. I don't even know what I'm going to do about school. Am I going in the fall, or what? And how am I going to pay for it, since I didn't apply for financial aid? Stresssssss
I've been looking into relocating to Maine, for a few reasons, but there is far more work up there welding than there is here, and danny will not do anything else. It's like that's all he wants to do and he had blinders on to anything else. He hasn't even looked for a job at all this week. As far as Maine jobs, I've sent his resume to about 4-5 places in Maine, and printed out his resume to send to SEVEN- yes 7 more places, which sits in my filing cabinet, not faxed. I found one place this week that was paying up to $36 an hour for welders and pipefitters, but they just have a phone number. He didn't call, though he told me he was going to two days ago. I also found one more job for him to send his resume into, which is yet to be done.
He wants to get his pipe welding certification, which would be great if he had the $200 that it's going to cost, and if he was working. My logic is that a lot of companies will pay you to get certified if you stay with them for so long. His other company did that, but although he was certified, he didn't take it with him when he left because he didn't stay the agreed amount of time. He thinks that once he gets certified, he'll be able to work on a lot of gvnt jobs, which pay gvnt wages. However, if there isn't any work, there just isn't work. And there isn't. Not here right now. But in two weeks I've found 13-14 welding jobs in Maine for him to consider. He wants me to do all the darned leg work, I can't go and take his gosh darned interview for the kid, for goodness sakes.
My mom is moving to Milo at the end of the month. I'm going with her to settle her in and then danny is coming up to get me and the kids about a week 1/2 later. Or that's the plan as of now. I've already started packing up some of the house, getting rid of the crap, and trying to figure out Uhaul prices and such. It's going to cost us roughly $1200 just to move, including truck, gas for both my vehicle and the uhaul, first months rent, and a little for groceries. We'll be staying with my mom and step dad for the first few months, until we can get a home of our own. But, I want to go sooner than later and danny is vice versa.
He told me a while ago (maybe 8 or more months ago) that we would go in the summer and try it, here it is August- almost fall, and he's saying, "not yet". It's frustrating. There isn't a way for him to provide for his family here, but he wants to stay... makes no sense to me.
I know that this- this state, this city, even this house- is all he knows. He's lived in this house since he was about 3 or 4. However, I don't like the city. I can't take the kids outside to play in the yard because there is not yard- I have to drive them to the park if I want to let them play. The neighbors in 3 out of 4 apts are immigrants. A few illegal, a few legal only cause they have children that are Citizens. There are a bunch of guys living in the house next door, and I couldn't even identify them if I had to because there is always someone new. There are LITERALLY 21 different last names on mail that come in that name minus my mother and father. My father actually wrote down all the names on the mail because he was certain they were illegal. Scares me a bit, cause who knows what kind of ppl these are. I don't know if they are pedophiles or what not. I have two little ones to worry about.
The school system kinda stinks, and I've called Head Start at least 5 times trying to get a response. I had an app sent to me, and that was the end of it. I've left message after message trying to figure out the status of his app, but no one ever called me back. I've left messages on 3 different machines. So, then, if I can, I have to get him ready for public school- but wait- not so easy. I have to call on September 1st to set up an appointment to get Jacob SCREENED. Can you believe that- they're going to screen him for preschool. This isn't college for goodness sakes. And if he's "smart enough", he is eligible for preschool- if and when there is a slot available to him, because there is only 7 slots per preschool classroom. Otherwise, I would have to pay for preschool. I can't get any help financially because I'm not working or enrolled in school at least 20 hours a week and both parents have to be working at least that much- even if I'm pregnant and at home with another child. hahahah (anxious laugh)
I dont even know what I'm going to do about bills. My cable is due for shut off. I had to set up a pay plan for my gas and electric, which I did before, but couldn't keep up with it cause danny was out of work then. I had to make another one, which equals out to about 5-6 hundred a month- due the 24th. Mind you, I have NO income next week at all cause danny hasn't worked this week. Then there are the rest of the bills- the car is probably going to be repossessed anytime now, since we're 3 months behind, although danny's mother told me she would be making two of those 3 payments LAST month. Still waiting on that. Oh yeah, then there's that other thing- I'm pregnant again! lol How am I supposed to support 3 babies on no income when I can't even support two. And everytime we've applied for transitional assistance we've had so much paperwork we've had to get that it's impossible. I have to get letters from my last employer, danny has to get on from his. WE have to both file for unemployment (though I'm not eligible), we have to get utility bills, landlord verifications, birth certificates, ss cards, registration to the car, marriage certificate... the list goes on. HOWEVER, they never tell you what you need the first time. They tell you part of it, then you go back, and you are told you need more paperwork. All the while, we have NO income- meaning nothing- nothing for anything, and they won't give us emergency help cause we dont pay rent. Like paying rent makes it any easier?! Ugh....
I just wish danny would open himself to change- he's such a freakin creature of habit that he could live completely happy doing the same darn thing over and over again.
And I've been so depressed I haven't wanted to talk to barely anyone. I haven't gone to church in weeks, nor have I picked up the phone when people from church call. I haven't done anything in the church that I'm supposed to. I haven't even read my Scriptures in ... idk over a month. Even mealtime prayer is frustrating to me. It's just said- not felt right now. I hate feeling that way. I can get motivated to get packing done every few days- maybe some laundry, a clean kitchen floor possibly, but that's about it.
Everything just seems hurry up and wait. I can't get my hopes up for anything anymore, because everytime I do, I feel let down. I don't even know what I'm going to do about school. Am I going in the fall, or what? And how am I going to pay for it, since I didn't apply for financial aid? Stresssssss