The Bud
Pairing: xiuhan
Genre: fluff, angst
Rating: R
Length: ~7400 words
Warnings: character death (side but not really)
Summary: Their life became hard, exhausting, from the day they got Changmi, but moments like these - as bittersweet as they were - makes Luhan realize how much he truly loves their little family.
a/n: one of my very first fics happy to finally post it after 2,5 years, and just in time for Xiuhan day yaas. huuuuge thanks to my beta Lugoose <3___<3
i don't want to warn more bc it would ruin the story... domestic xiuhan w a twist is all i'm going to say
Luhan comes home after a draining day at school and work. He’s tired and sweaty for unknown reasons; he just wants to melt on the floor and never be solid again. He carelessly places his worn out Chuck Taylors on the shoe rack and tries to hang up his blazer, but it falls to the floor. Not bothering to pick it up and try again, he settles on kicking it before shuffling towards the kitchen.
Walking past the bedroom, he glances inside through the open door. Luhan stops when he has almost reached the kitchen, backtracks a few steps, and this time takes a proper view of the scene unfolding before him.
There on the bed are Minseok and Changmi peacefully sleeping. Minseok has his face pressed on Changmi’s shaggy hair, and the fragile girl is safely tucked between the pillows and Minseok’s broad chest. A fluffy pink blanket is covering their sleeping bodies and - even without seeing properly - Luhan knows Minseok has his arms around the little girl. Luhan takes one, two steps closer; silently taking his phone out of his bag which is still hanging on his shoulder, and takes a picture of this precious moment. The photo comes out a bit blurry because of the poor lighting, but it doesn’t matter. He can always fix the brightness later.
Minseok’s silent snoring and Changmi’s raspy breathing fills Luhan's ears; her squeaky breathing breaks Luhan’s heart every time. Completely forgetting his own state few minutes ago, he lets a tender smile grace his lips. Their life became hard, exhausting, from the day they got Changmi, but moments like these - as bittersweet as they were - makes Luhan realize how much he truly loves their little family.
He drops his bag, throws his phone on it and approaches the sleeping beauties. Taking a seat down carefully on to the edge of the bed, he admires his gorgeous boyfriend and their little girl. Being this close to them, he can faintly smell cherry blossom and cotton candy. They must have bathed before the nap, Luhan thinks. Changmi loves the scent of her glittery pink shower gel, and Minseok would always get a headache from the nauseously sweet smell of it, but that same scent is a perfect way to describe the scene Luhan is witnessing right now. He crawls over Minseok, and lies down behind him. Luhan places his left arm on Minseok and softly lays his hand on Changmi’s smaller one peeking under the blanket. This is bliss, Luhan thinks as he murmurs a soft ‘I love you’ to Minseok's tad clammy neck, and gives an even softer kiss on it as a seal.
-
Luhan wakes up in an empty bed. The bedroom door is slightly ajar, letting the fresh smell of coffee and cucumber fill the air. The thought of cucumber and toasts gets Luhan up from the warm lair of blankets. He walks to the window, drawing curtains aside and welcomes the new day. He shuffles to the kitchen, yawning, and goes to stand behind Minseok, who is busy slicing a banana for Changmi and hasn’t acknowledged Luhan’s presence. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend's shirtless torso.
“Morning”, Luhan speaks next to Minseok's ear, lips lightly touching the earlobe. Minseok hums his response and continues to prepare Changmi’s breakfast; mashed banana mixed with oatmeal. Luhan goes to get himself a cup of freshly made coffee before sitting by the table next to a tired looking Changmi. One thing Luhan has in common with Changmi is that both of them are not early birds. They both start to yawn at the same time, making Luhan smile as he himself yawns.
She has some drool trickling down her chin. Wrinkling his nose, Luhan brings his hand up to wipe it away and then cleans it of on his pajama pants. Changmi gazes at Luhan briefly before focusing on Minseok’s now approaching figure. Minseok hands Luhan the breakfast mush.
“Could you please feed her? I need to hurry and shower before I leave,” the brunette pleads. He knows how hesitant Luhan is to feed her, but he really needs to go soon to avoid being late to work, again.
“Of course, don’t worry about it.” Luhan tries to put on a smile for Minseok, assure the other that he can handle it, but the smile comes out more like a grimace which totally does not assure either of them. Minseok almost sits down, opening his mouth to say something but Luhan beats him to it.
“Minseok, it’s fine. Really.” Luhan decides to ignore his boyfriend and takes a hold of the spoon, dipping it into the mush and bringing it up to Changmi’s mouth. After three spoonfuls, Minseok finally hurries to the bathroom.
Luhan exhales loudly. Trying not to think too much, he feeds her the best way he can.
Changmi is a slow eater. Super slow, actually. It’s frustrating but what can she do about it? Nothing. Her dyskinesia is bad, she is constantly moving around. Sometimes her hand accidentally knocks the spoon full of food onto the floor, or she shifts so quickly that the spoon almost jabs her in the eye.
She has just swallowed when she gets a small spasm. It doesn't surprise Luhan who's more surprised that she hasn’t had a coughing fit or puked her food out yet. The small spasms and seizures are normal in Changmi’s everyday life.
He counts the seconds, as he makes sure she doesn't hurt herself and waits for Changmi to come back to this world. Eventually the spasm goes away, leaving disoriented looking girl behind. Luhan wipes her face and puts his hand on her cheek, caressing it fondly.
“Are you okay, little bud?” he whispers softly, knowing she wouldn’t answer or really understand him. He doesn’t notice Minseok coming back to the kitchen.
“Everything okay?” Minseok asks. He’s wearing proper clothes now, hair towel dry and messy.
“Yeah, nothing new. She had a spasm just now.”
“How long was it?”
“Around 30 seconds.”
“Hmm... That’s a third one within an hour.
“Okay. Hopefully I don’t need to medicate her,” Luhan says and helps Changmi out of her dirty feeding cloth. He takes the dishes from the table and puts them to the sink - he’ll deal with them later. Minseok is already opening the braces of her wheelchair and taking her out of it. He holds her close, lovingly gazing her face while holding her head up; she can't do it well enough to support it herself.
They all go to the living room. Minseok embraces Changmi while Luhan throws pillows and a blanket on the floor, building a nest for Changmi. Luhan puts a Teletubbies DVD on as Minseok lays the girl down, correcting her posture by placing pillows next to and under her upper body. Making sure she is well and okay, Luhan accompanies Minseok to the front door and watches, again, how hesitant Minseok is to leave the other two alone. Minseok still feels bad for dragging Luhan into this situation, and Luhan feels even worse for making Minseok feel that way. But somehow they have managed to continue their lives and survived the hardships.
“Say hi to Yixing for me”, Minseok says before kissing Luhan.
“Of course”, Luhan replies and opens the door for Minseok. “Have a great day at work, hot buns.” That brings out a bright laughter from Minseok, and Luhan feels a bit better.
“Yeah, sure thing, Lulu.”
+
“Are you free tonight, Luhan?” Yixing inquires from the couch he’s sprawled on, mindlessly strumming his guitar.
“Maybe”, Luhan answers without looking up from his note sheets. “Why?”
“I’m bored. You’re bored. Weekend. Life sucks. You now, the usual. So I was thinking we could invite people over.” Luhan groans because that means he needs to clean up and it doesn’t sound appealing to him at the moment. (It never really does.) He wants to finish his homework and go out and about.
“Why can’t we just go out and get smashed?”
“Too lazy. Besides, isn’t it better to pass out in our apartment than out there? The world is not safe for pretty boys like us.”
“True. Any particular people you want here?”
Luhan finishes his homework a moment later, looks at his notes approvingly before joining Yixing on the couch. The other is still playing with his guitar. Luhan takes it away from him, places it somewhere on the floor and jumps on his friend, earning him a startled huff.
“Let’s wrestle.”
“Seriously, Luhan?!”
“Yup, the loser will get the booze and snacks.”
“Oh, it’s on!”
(“I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!” Luhan yells from the door before leaving cackling Yixing behind.)
"Who are all these people?" Luhan asks in awe. Their small two-bedroom apartment is full of people and honestly, it scares him.
"I swear I only invited, like, ten", Yixing says nonchalantly. "But I can assure you these are good people, Luhan. They won't trash this place down. Now, stop being a party pooper and go mingle with them." And he does just that.
Luhan meets and greets friends and their friends, and suddenly he feels slightly calmer. He goes to the kitchen and grabs a new can of beer from the fridge. Leaning against the kitchen counter he observes the people around him. Boys and girls talking, laughing and dancing, even singing can be heard - which is most likely coming from Yixing's room. Suddenly there's a loud crash, like an empty glass being thrown to the wall. Luhan sprints to the living room where Yixing is already picking up the shards of glass from the floor. The boy is so wasted he ends up hurting himself while cleaning the mess. Luhan groans, he hates the sight of blood but what he hates even more is Yixing getting hurt.
One of their school mates cleans the rest of the shards as Luhan walks Yixing to the bathroom where they keep their first aid kit. Yixing flops down on the toilet seat and watches the blonde as he rummages the bathroom, trying to find the kit.
"Hannie, baby. My dearest friend. Man, I love you. You're so good to me!" Yixing slurs, dopey smile adorning his face.
"Awesomesauce, pal", Luhan turns to Yixing and flicks him on his head. "You sure have a great way to show your gratitude."
Someone knocks on the door a second later and opens it quickly. A bright eyed guy lets himself in before closing the door again.
"Do you guys need help?" He asks kindly, just as Luhan finally finds the bandages, and looks worriedly at Yixing's bleeding hand.
"Thanks, but no. This is not the first time I'm patching up this idiot here.” Luhan replies. But he's is almost as drunk as Yixing. He's swaying slightly and the other guy notices this.
"I kind of insist that I help. I mean, you're not sober but I am."
Annoyed, Luhan huffs at the guy. "I will do just fine, thank you very much. If you're not a nurse or a doctor or whatever, I kindly ask you to leave, Mr. Brighteyes."
"Kim Minseok, not Mr.Brighteyes, and in a matter of fact, here is a nurse for you!"
+
The horrible storm has been keeping Luhan and Minseok up for the whole night. It started when they were getting ready for bed, and it's already 2 a.m. Thankfully it's the end of week and they are both free from work. It's kind of nice to cuddle in the warm cocoon of blankets, listen to the summery rain and wind clawing the window while sharing the stories from the past when they were scared of thunder and lightning.
"As much I enjoy your body heath, I really need to pee", Luhan utters and detangles himself from Minseok's embrace, causing the smaller to whine from the movement. Luhan stabs his toe on one of the boxes scattered on the floor, but luckily gets to the bathroom alive.
They have just moved into their first shared apartment, and they're thrilled. The past week has been full of work and hassling around, however. They decided to leave the stuff where they were on the floor and just enjoy the peace and quiet of their own space. Even though they both had really great roommates, they were more than happy to finally get rid of Yixing and Jongdae. Now it could finally be just the two of them.
Luhan gets his thing done and threads his path back to Minseok's welcoming arms. They have just relaxed again when Minseok's cellphone rings. They both groan out of irritation.
"Ignore it."
"I can't."
The phone call started the biggest challenge their relationship would ever face.
+
"I think we should break up."
"What?"
"We should break up."
"I heard you, but... what? Are you serious? I don't understand."
"My brother and his wife are dead. My parents died years ago, and my grandparents are way too old for this. And I promised my brother that if something was to happen to them, I would take care of her."
"Of course, I understand that Minseok. I'm just having a hard time understanding why we should break up."
"Seriously Luhan? You have seen Changmi, you know she's seriously sick and her condition will get even worse! She will die sooner than later. It's too much of a burden for you, and I can't ask you to stay. But I need to stay with her. She is my family and she needs me, so please Luhan, don't make this harder than it already is."
"No."
"No?"
"Yeah, no. I refuse. Now you listen to me, my stupid little bun. I love you. I fucking love you, you hear me? I know her condition. I know she is your family. I know how this changes our lives and how hard it will be for us, but a burden? Hell no! You can't ask me to stay? Fine, don't, because I will either way. Don't you get it, Minseok? You are a part of my life now and if that means taking care of Changmi, so be it. I'm not good with kids, and you know I don't want them either, but that doesn't mean I'm going to abandon you when you undoubtedly need me."
"Luhan..."
"Stop. This conversation ends here. Now if you excuse me, I'd like to kiss my boyfriend and be there for him."
-
Luhan wakes up in the middle of a night when he hears loud wailing coming from the living room where Changmi's bed is. He shifts slowly to see if Minseok's awake too. The taller is relieved to notice that his boyfriend is still in a deep slumber. He's been working long hours and sleeping less, and Luhan is glad he was the one to wake up.
Luhan silently walks to the living room, and as soon as he's by Changmi's bed he smells the vomit and diarrhea. The bitter smell almost brings tears to his eyes. He wants to laugh because by now he should've been accustomed to this.
He takes few disposable gloves out of a box, and starts to help the pitiful girl out of her dirty pajamas and notices how much more ragged Changmi's breath is from normal. It makes him stop for a second before hurriedly continuing the cleaning and diaper changing.
After finishing, he lowers the bed railing down and scoops Changmi up. The bitter smell is still there, but Luhan could care less. His main purpose is to calm her down, and help her to fall asleep again. Holding her close to his chest, Luhan wanders around their tiny living room and hums under his breath. He holds her tiny body as close to his as he can. Luhan closes his eyes as he opens his mouth and quietly sings the song he's been practicing with Yixing. The lyrics are not really suitable for the moment but it doesn't matter. Being so engrossed in his doings, Luhan doesn't notice Minseok standing by their bedroom door.
(Minseok had woken up to an empty bed and thought that Luhan had gone to the bathroom, but the longer he waited the more worried he became. He sat up and tried to listen any voices from the apartment, and after a moment he started to hear a soft humming voice coming from somewhere else. The boy stood up and walked to the open door of their bedroom.
Luhan was slowly walking around and holding their little girl tightly against him. Singing quietly, eyes closed, Luhan's face was pressed against Changmi's sleeping form. The room was dark apart from the few streaks of light coming from outside, and the streaks made Luhan glow like an angel.
It may be because of an exhaustion and badly slept nights that caused Minseok to shed tears, but he knows it's because of Luhan, and how truly lucky Minseok is to have him by his side.)
He dries his eyes and turns his back to Luhan. As much as he wants to join the other two, he decides it's better to leave Luhan alone and have his moment with Changmi alone. Seeing Luhan like that with their girl is rare so Minseok is happy to know the blonde is warming up to her.
Five minutes later Minseok hears Luhan coming back to their room and lying down on the bed again. He turns around and the blonde in his arms.
"Did I wake you up?" Luhan speaks against Minseok's throat.
"No", Minseok answers and pecks Luhan's forehead. "Where were you?"
"Oh. You know, bathroom", Luhan says, snuggling closer to him.
"Mmm", Minseok hums and smiles, wondering how he managed to get this perfect man.
+
"I said I could do this. I said I would never leave him, or them. But look at me now! Here I am, crying to my best friend for how awful I am for wanting this to be over." Luhan had asked Yixing to have a few beers with him because he wanted to speak with someone about his situation.
"I am a terrible person, simply horrible. The worst boyfriend ever." Luhan mumbles, tracing the outlines of the bottle with his fingers. "The WORST, I'm telling you."
"How many times do I have to say this: You are not a bad person. You are not a careless boyfriend, Luhan”, Yixing stops and takes the bottle out of Luhan's hands so he can take a
firm hold of his best friend’s trembling hands.
"I wouldn't even be your friend if you were the person you say you are. And I wouldn't be your best friend if I didn't correct you every time. Luhan, look at me when I'm talking to you." He tugs Luhan's hands, causing him to face his best friend.
"You are a wonderful person, bright, caring and trustworthy. And Minseok makes you even better than you already were!"
Luhan has stopped crying, and now he is the one clinging on Yixing's hands.
"It's normal to feel what you are feeling right now. It will go away, sooner or later, trust me. But have you ever thought of how Minseok feels? He must feel even worse. Why hasn't he told you anything? Because he doesn't want to burden you with it."
"How do you know that?" Luhan asks, confused.
"He told me. Like you have told me many times."
"What?!"
"Changmi is his family. He feels the need to be the strong one and help you with your burden."
"What burden? I told him it's not a burden! That idiot!"
Yixing laughs at Luhan's sudden outburst, which of course confuses Luhan to no end "Why are you laughing!?"
"You two are too perfect for each other, so in love. Yet you still can't ease the weight you both seem to carry." Yixing shakes his head and smiles at his dumb friend.
"I suggest you go home and kiss the living shit out of your boyfriend."
Luhan has already stood up before Yixing could even finish. He grabs his things, but before turning away he thanks Yixing.
"Thank you. I feel like I don't get to say this often enough, but thank you. I can never make this up for you, and sometimes I even stop to think how you still stand me. Really, thank you Yixing."
With that Luhan walks away, leaving smiling Yixing behind. "Idiots."
-
"Hey Yixing, could you hold Changmi for a second?"
"Of course", Yixing says, and takes Changmi from the other brunette.
"Thanks. I'll be right back." Minseok leaves Yixing and Changmi in the living room, and goes to help Luhan with the cake.
It's Changmi's fourth birthday and the boys are getting ready for the celebrations. It's going to be spent with just them and their few other friends from work and school. Beside it being Changmi's birthday party, Luhan and Minseok decided to hold a small Thank you -party for everyone who has helped them.
"Are you sure you can handle that?" Minseok asks warily. The way Luhan is trying to decorate the cake is not pretty. "I mean, you're doing...umm... great work, Luhan, but how about I continue from here on?" Minseok carefully pries the candies away from his boyfriend's hand
and pushes him slightly aside.
"What? I thought I was doing a great job", Luhan pouts, and is disappointed how he managed to screw this one up too. Earlier he was decorating the apartment, but it didn't end up nice and the same thing happened with the banner. Luhan is the artist here, but somehow Minseok -and Yixing alike- wants him to stay away from pretty much everything.
Minseok places the decorations away and turns to his moping boyfriend. "I love you Lu, but maybe you should take Changmi and be with her. She's with Yixing, but I think she could take a nap", he says and wraps his arms around the blonde. "You both could take a nap, actually"
Luhan huffs, "You just want to get rid of me."
Minseok kisses him on the cheek. "True", he murmurs against Luhan's lips, before kissing him.
"Fine." Luhan pecks Minseok back and leaves the kitchen. He's not really mad, just disappointed over that he's such a failure. He finds Yixing dancing with Changmi; the girl is smiling and sounding delighted as she's being moved around. Luhan approaches the dancing duo, holding his arms out.
"May I please have this dance?" Luhan bows and waits his best friend's approval.
"Of course", he answers and helps the happy girl into Luhan's arms. The boy holds her and dance their way to the bedroom. "Let's dance until we hit dreamland, shall we?" The girl only gurgles.
+
Luhan wakes up feeling oddly fine, no hangover and no headache. He's surprised to find himself in his own bed, fully clothed and alone. He slowly sits up, as in testing if he really was feeling this good. He moves to the edge of the bed and stands up, still carefully observing surroundings and trying not to make any sudden movements. He hears noises coming from the kitchen, and then the scent of food hits his nose. Luhan starts to move toward the heavenly smell.
Luhan finds Yixing sitting by the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone.
"Hey," Luhan greets and sits down before Yixing. His roommate lifts his gaze and smirks at him.
"Well, well, well. Hey to you, too." Yixing leaves his phone lying on the table and gives his full attention to a confused Luhan.
"Hangover?" Yixing asks.
"No, not yet, I think. I know it will come soon. How about you?"
"I'm good. Did you have fun?"
"I think so, yeah. Why are you looking at me like that? You're creeping me out.” Luhan shifts farther as the other leans closer.
"Do you remember what happened yesterday? After bandaging up my hand?" Yixing asks and waves his injured hand, and suddenly Luhan is hit by a stabbing headache and the blurry pictures from last night.
(After Mr. Brighteyes' help, the trio got out of the bathroom. Yixing assured Luhan he was feeling fine and that he just needed more alcohol to dull the stinging pain in his hand. Luhan was about to protest but his friend had already turned away.
"No need to worry too much. It was just a small cut", the man beside Luhan spoke, and he turned his attention to the smaller guy. The blonde blurted out the first thing that came up to his mind as he locked his gaze with the other guy.
"Why are your eyes so bright, Mr. Brighteyes?"
The other laughed loudly. "That's a really good question, but unfortunately I have no answer to it. And please, it's Minseok."
Luhan stared at Minseok, but couldn't focus on anything else other than his eyes; they were bright and big and so captivating, making it difficult for Luhan to move his gaze away.
"Maybe I should stick by your side and find out the reason then?" Luhan uttered. He knew he was being forward, but he wanted to test the waters. At first he didn't like Minseok and the way he intruded, but the way he treated Yixing's cut and smiled after it made him change his mind quite quickly. The longer Minseok was beside him the more the blond wanted to get to know the nurse.
Minseok snorted. "Is that your way to ask me out?"
"Is it effective?"
"Effective? Not really, but unique? Definitely." Minseok's answer made Luhan smirk, and he leaned closer to the shorter guy.
"What do I need to do for you to go out on a date with me?"
Even though Minseok thought Luhan was handsome as hell, he didn't falter away but smirked back. He tiptoed a bit until he felt Luhan's breath on his lips. Minseok lifted his hand and placed it on Luhan's neck, holding him still and whispered his answer against the taller male's lips.
"Sober up.")
Yixing cackled as he watches his friend trying to gather up the happenings from last night in his head. He almost spits out his coffee and laughs even louder than before when he notices Luhan blushing. The blonde remembers everything, the embarrasment mixed with the on-coming hangover being a deadly combination.
Luhan groans and flops down from the chair on to the floor, hiding his face with his arms.
"Oh god, why am I so embarrassing?" He groans. "Why didn't you stop me, you dick?"
"You looked so cute I just couldn't", Yixing answers between his snicker. "I really do enjoy seeing you in this state, but the good part in me wants to see your face when I tell you that he left you his phone number."
Fuck the headache, Luhan thinks as he sits up way too fast. "What."
Yixing ignores the remark and nods his head towards Luhan's room.
Getting the hint, the other boy almost runs there. He stands by the door for a second when a bright green post-it note on his pillow catches his eyes.
Kim Minseok aka Mr. Brighteyes
010- xxx xxx xxx
Text me when sober
After getting rid of the hangover, which unfortunately took almost the whole day, Luhan finally takes his phone out and texts Minseok. He comes up with a cool way to ask the bright
eyed male to do something with him. It might be a bit too bold, but Luhan takes the risk.
hey you wanna come over and nap?
It only takes a minute for Minseok to answer.
yeah
+
Minseok tries to open the door of his and Jongdae's shared apartment, but it's impossible when there's Luhan humping him from behind.
"Luhan, as much as I want your dick in me, I still need to put this key in the hole first", Minseok huffs. The taller groans but moves nevertheless.
"Hurry up, hot buns, you made me like this so take responsibility." And really, it's Minseok's fault Luhan can't keep his hands away.
First of all, Minseok is too handsome, too hot, too sexy, too everything, and the fact alone is making Luhan wanting to touch his boyfriend 24/7. Second, it's their first anniversary and they should be having mind-blowing sex at this very moment. And third, he did very suggestive things whenever Luhan least expected, making Luhan stutter to the waiter. It started to become difficult for the blond to hide his boner when they were still waiting for the dessert; the last course was a huge mistake and Minseok shall feel Luhan's revenge.
Finally, the door opens and Luhan pushes the elder in, helping him get rid of his shoes and jacket. Minseok laughs, but complies as Luhan gives him silent orders. When they get to Minseok's room, Minseok has his button-up shirt undone and zipper down while Luhan still has his clothes on, making the brunette frown.
"How come you're so good at undressing me? I haven't even had a chance to touch your buttons, and it's making me frustrated, Lu." Luhan stops harassing his boyfriend's neck for a second before pushing him lightly onto the bed, making Minseok's stomach wide open for Luhan's eager mouth. The brunette moans as Luhan plays with his other nipple with his tongue, hands busy stripping the boy's shirt off and throwing it somewhere far away.
"Undressing you is something I enjoy doing, and I'm proud of being so good at it", Luhan explains while moving south, lips never stopping to touch the hot skin of Minseok's body.
"The more efficient, the faster I can begin undoing you."
Minseok's breath quickens as Luhan does a long lick from Minseok's navel to the open zipper of his jeans. The taller male skillfully gets rid of the sinful skinny jeans his boyfriend is wearing, and without hesitation begins to lick Minseok's semi hard cock through the briefs, enjoying the sound the male under him lets out.
"Haa, of course", the flushed brunet moans. It's ridiculous how good Luhan is at this, at undressing Minseok and driving him crazy. He enjoys being manhandled by Luhan, but right now he decided that he wants to be the one fucking Luhan to oblivion.
They kiss passionately, touching and feeling each other, before Minseok shifts Luhan under him.
"Now this is what I want tonight", Minseok breathes out as he silences Luhan's aroused moans with his lips. The blond is so into it that he can't even protest (why would he?), and Minseok continues his little adventure on Luhan's neck and chest and stomach and thighs and --
"Oh, fuck!” Luhan is not even trying to be quiet for the sake of Minseok's neighbors, and Minseok honestly doesn't care.
-
The whole month has been great, and everything was going well. Changmi was well. Minseok and Luhan was feeling well, but of course something bad tends to happen when you least expect it. This time the bad thing was Changmi getting sick -more than usually.
They're in the hospital. Luhan's getting coffee for them, and Minseok is by Changmi's side, her small hand securely between his. She was struggling to breathe so they had to give her an oxygen mask. She also has a high fever, epileptic seizures more frequent, and whatever they feed her she almost immediately pukes it out.
Luhan comes back with two steaming cups of hot coffee, placing one on the table within Minseok's reach before taking his place on the other side of the bed. He takes a sip and properly faces the other.
"You sure you want to stay here for the night?" Luhan asks and watches as Minseok thins his lips, eyes still on Changmi.
"Yes."
Luhan sighs. This is the third night at the hospital, and Minseok refuses to leave her side. Luhan understands, really. He is worried too, but the way Minseok seems to punish himself for whatever reason makes Luhan frustrated and angry, although he knows he can't do or say anything to change his boyfriend's mind.
"I'm going to fetch a few clean shirts from home, and maybe bring something good to eat, okay?"
"Okay."
"Yixing said he's on his way, so don't get startled when he gets here", Luhan says and stands up again. He walks up next to Minseok and leans down to kiss his head. "I'll be back soon."
When he gets back, Yixing is already there, occupying what used to be his seat. He has his guitar with him, and he's playing tunes they know Changmi enjoys. Once more Luhan is feeling grateful for having such a wonderful friend.
The blonde is glad to notice that Minseok has drunk the coffee and that he looks a tad more human than earlier. It must be the effect Yixing has on people, Luhan thinks, but not bitterly - he's just happy Minseok's feeling as good as he could despite the situation.
They eat the kimbaps he brought in silence, occasionally murmuring few words here and there, topic varying between the weather and Jongin's dogs.
"Thank you for coming today, Yixing, but I think you should go now", Luhan says, "The nurse will come here soon to give her the medicine, and then it's time to go to sleep", he continues, pretending that Changmi hasn't been sleeping all day.
"No problem, I'll come again tomorrow, with Jongdae. Is there anything we could do for you guys?" The raven haired male asks when Luhan helps him to the door- which opens as soon as they reach it with Changmi's nurse walking in.
"Just having you here is enough, thank you." Yixing squeezes Luhan's shoulder before leaving, the guitar case swaying from side to side as he walks away.
Sleeping on a chair is not something anyone'd recommend, but thankfully the room has a small couch where Minseok and Luhan are sitting right now, Minseok leaning on the latter's shoulder with Luhan's arm tightly wrapped around his drained boyfriend. They both watch the slumbering form of Changmi, her gasps for air and the dripping sound from the oxygen tank filling their ears. Minseok turns his face against Luhan's chest, inhaling the familiar scent.
"How long do you think she will suffer?"
At first Luhan doesn't get what Minseok means, but soon understands the implications; how long before she passes away? Luhan wants to say what he really thinks, but he can't because Minseok might not be ready.
"I don't know, Minseok."
The smaller male closes his eyes and says what they both have been thinking but never said out loud.
"She's living on a borrowed time, I know, but I h-hope... no, I know s-she's leaving us soon", he hugs Luhan closer and Luhan feels Minseok's wobbling lips on his chest. "I have known this since the day she was placed in my arms, a-and I thought I would be ready when the day comes... But, fuck, how wrong I was."
Luhan quietly comforts his exhausted boyfriend the best he can. It is his turn to be the strong one. He knows Minseok doesn't need his thoughts and words, he knows him being there, keeping Minseok from breaking apart, is enough.
Luhan cries when Minseok falls asleep, who's too tired to cry anymore, just like he has done every night since they got to the hospital.
They wake up few hours later, bodies stiff from sleeping in uncomfortable postures. The first thing they both do is to check Changmi's heart rate from the monitor. It's weak, weaker than the last time. Minseok scrambles up, almost throwing himself to Changmi, and starts caressing
her pale little cheek.
Luhan goes to fetch the nurse.
Few hours later, Kim Changmi quietly passes away.
-
Luhan is grateful Jondgae is here to distract Minseok the best way he can, letting Luhan and Yixing to take care of preparing the eerily quiet apartment. It's like an unspoken rule to ignore Changmi's bed in the living room, still being in the same shape as it was when Changmi got hospitalized; blanket messily tossed aside, few toys here and there, and her favorite rabbit plush toy still lying on the pillow.
Luhan places a vase full of dark pink roses on a table right next to a framed picture of Changmi. The picture was taken when they had just gotten her one and a half years ago. Luhan will always remember that day.
(They were out that day, enjoying the sun and heat.It was a hot but not too sizzling summer day. She was wearing a light yellow cotton dress that had small pink and blue flowers on it, and in her hair she had a messily made flower crown (made by Luhan, thank you very much). Minseok and Luhan were lying on a blanket laid out on the grass with Changmi between them.
The young couple was happy for finally starting to figure out how to manage with the little girl. But why that day stuck to Luhan's mind was because Changmi, who usually doesn't use her face much, smiled at him, eyes locked to his and her tiny pink lips peeking slighty upwards. It might have been a small thing to everyone else, but not to Luhan; that small smile reassured him that they were going be okay, he and Minseok, together.)
Half of the bouquet is made of rose buds, just like they asked, and seeing them next to Changmi's picture makes Luhan's breath hitch. He turns away, managing to blink the tears away before continuing the preparations. Be strong now; cry later, Luhan thinks as he approaches Minseok who is talking with Jongdae in the kitchen.
"You ready?" Luhan asks as soon as he's next to Minseok, wrapping his arms around him.
"Yeah", Minseok answers and hugs Luhan back. They stay like that for a moment until Jongdae taps the shorter boy on his shoulder.
"We should all go to the living room. The others should be here soon." And as in cue, the doorbell rings.
The memorial service officially starts when the last guest arrives - only ten minutes late - and they all gather around the table in the middle of the living room. The candle light flickers on the table as Minseok comes to stand next to it, placing something very important there.
"It is only right to have them here as well", he says and looks at the framed picture he brought. The picture has three people in it -Minseok's brother and his wife, and baby Changmi.
Minseok wipes his eyes. "It seems like I still have a lot of tears to shed", he silently laughs, eyes glistening as he scans through the room with his eyes. Luhan walks to his boyfriend, taking his shaking hand in his, and comforts him like he has the past two weeks.
The comforting gesture breaks Minseok completely, and Luhan can't but to take him properly into his arms. The taller turns his own stinging eyes up, staring at the white roof and hearing a few other sniffles here and there; he can recognize Yixing's voice in any shape ever.
Jongdae steps forward and starts talking about Changmi, how they got to know each other and memories they had shared (like the time when Jondgae first saw her and how she puked on him), drawing laughter out of the guests and Luhan alike. One by one each of the guests say something, most of them being funny stories.
Minseok has already said and done so much, and it's only right for Luhan to speak when it's their turn.
"There are so much to say about our little, precious girl. During this too short period of time together we managed to experience a lot, good and bad things. I am forever grateful for them all, but most of all I am thankful for how she helped me grow as a person, helped me love and share more", Luhan coughs, trying to focus on speaking, "S-she... surely was something special, and I feel privileged that I got the chance to be with her and call her m-my little girl", Luhan is outward crying now, and it's getting harder to focus on the people around him, "She was the daughter I never knew I wanted, but I am glad I, we, had her."
Luhan turns to Minseok, takes his face in his hands, and caresses his cheeks. It's wrong for someone to look so beautiful when crying, Luhan thinks as he catches the tears with his thumbs.
"Our beautiful bud who withered away too soon."
-
"Rock, paper, scissors? The loser cooks whatever the winner wants", Luhan suggests as soon as he comes home from work. Minseok lifts his eyes from the book he's reading on their reddish couch, legs crossed and blanket covering most of them.
"You do know you suck at it?"
"Pfft, unnecessary details. Maybe I'm better than I was... yesterday", Luhan says as he walks to the couch, leaning down to kiss the shorter male before walking towards the kitchen. Minseok puts his novel away, wraps the blanket properly around himself and follows his boyfriend.
"Let's just order in. How about pizza?" Minseok suggests and glues himself to Luhan's back, arms clinging tightly around his torso. The taller stops whatever he was trying to do and faces the red haired male.
"Pizza is more than okay."
They stand there in silence, smiling slightly with arms around each other. Minseok pushes Luhan's fringe away from his eyes. "How was your day?"
"Surprisingly good, actually. Yixing was being way too nice to me, it made me suspicious. Even Kyungsoo was playing nice, he even tried to crack a joke! Now THAT if anything was weird", Luhan says. "Yours?"
"It would have been quiet if Jongdae hadn't called. He sure knows how to speak nonsense", Minseok answers, laughing.
"Tell me about it", Luhan snorts.
They both act like they don't know why their friends were behaving unusually weird.
“So how does pepperoni pizza sound?” Minseok asks after abandoning Luhan in the kitchen. He fetches his phone and opens the way too familiar delivery application. “With extra cheese, right?”
“Perfect”, the blond agrees easily.
While waiting the pizza to arrive Luhan goes to change his clothes and Minseok sets the coffee table for them, placing napkins and couple cans of beer neatly on it. Luhan walks to where the other one is, holding something in his hand.
“Look what I bought”, he says and gives a small, glittery pink candle to the other. “I thought it would be more than suitable for her.”
Minseok traces the surface of the candle, then smells it. “Thank god it doesn't smell like that awful shower gel she loved.” Luhan snorts and takes Minseok to where Changmi's cradle used to be. They got rid of the bed soon after the funeral, and set a small table there instead along with a picture of Changmi, one of her parents, and a saved spot for candles.
Minseok lits the candle, and just then the doorbell rings.
“I'll get it”, Luhan says, leaving Minseok alone with the flickering candle light.
Minseok breathes out. “One year”, he speaks quietly, and turns back to Luhan who's already laying the pizza box down and opening their drinks.
“You want to talk?” Luhan asks.
“No, let's just watch a movie or something.”
+
"She's beautiful", Luhan says, amazed.
"You've seen her before, Lu!" Minseok snorts.
"I know but seeing her in our apartment - in your arms - is something I wasn't prepared for. You two look perfect together", Luhan says, watching as his boyfriend carries Changmi around their livingroom.
"You old sap", Minseok laughs again, because Luhan is once again acting ridiculous. The blonde smiles and closes his eyes, taking a breath in and out.
"What are you thinking about?" Minseok asks and approaches Luhan.
"You, as usual", Luhan opens his eyes, grinning widely, "You and having a mini you in your arms like Changmi is."
"You know that's not quite possible, right?"
"Shh, don't ruin this", Luhan answers and embraces both Minseok and Changmi. "You know I usually get what I want, and if I want that, I will make it happen."
Minseok looks up to his dumb boyfriend, eyes bright and glistening. "I know."
a/n
-fyi changmi means rose in korean
-if i offended someone, i'm sorry. i tried to make this as realistic as i could by using my own experiences
Genre: fluff, angst
Rating: R
Length: ~7400 words
Warnings: character death (side but not really)
Summary: Their life became hard, exhausting, from the day they got Changmi, but moments like these - as bittersweet as they were - makes Luhan realize how much he truly loves their little family.
a/n: one of my very first fics happy to finally post it after 2,5 years, and just in time for Xiuhan day yaas. huuuuge thanks to my beta Lugoose <3___<3
i don't want to warn more bc it would ruin the story... domestic xiuhan w a twist is all i'm going to say
Luhan comes home after a draining day at school and work. He’s tired and sweaty for unknown reasons; he just wants to melt on the floor and never be solid again. He carelessly places his worn out Chuck Taylors on the shoe rack and tries to hang up his blazer, but it falls to the floor. Not bothering to pick it up and try again, he settles on kicking it before shuffling towards the kitchen.
Walking past the bedroom, he glances inside through the open door. Luhan stops when he has almost reached the kitchen, backtracks a few steps, and this time takes a proper view of the scene unfolding before him.
There on the bed are Minseok and Changmi peacefully sleeping. Minseok has his face pressed on Changmi’s shaggy hair, and the fragile girl is safely tucked between the pillows and Minseok’s broad chest. A fluffy pink blanket is covering their sleeping bodies and - even without seeing properly - Luhan knows Minseok has his arms around the little girl. Luhan takes one, two steps closer; silently taking his phone out of his bag which is still hanging on his shoulder, and takes a picture of this precious moment. The photo comes out a bit blurry because of the poor lighting, but it doesn’t matter. He can always fix the brightness later.
Minseok’s silent snoring and Changmi’s raspy breathing fills Luhan's ears; her squeaky breathing breaks Luhan’s heart every time. Completely forgetting his own state few minutes ago, he lets a tender smile grace his lips. Their life became hard, exhausting, from the day they got Changmi, but moments like these - as bittersweet as they were - makes Luhan realize how much he truly loves their little family.
He drops his bag, throws his phone on it and approaches the sleeping beauties. Taking a seat down carefully on to the edge of the bed, he admires his gorgeous boyfriend and their little girl. Being this close to them, he can faintly smell cherry blossom and cotton candy. They must have bathed before the nap, Luhan thinks. Changmi loves the scent of her glittery pink shower gel, and Minseok would always get a headache from the nauseously sweet smell of it, but that same scent is a perfect way to describe the scene Luhan is witnessing right now. He crawls over Minseok, and lies down behind him. Luhan places his left arm on Minseok and softly lays his hand on Changmi’s smaller one peeking under the blanket. This is bliss, Luhan thinks as he murmurs a soft ‘I love you’ to Minseok's tad clammy neck, and gives an even softer kiss on it as a seal.
-
Luhan wakes up in an empty bed. The bedroom door is slightly ajar, letting the fresh smell of coffee and cucumber fill the air. The thought of cucumber and toasts gets Luhan up from the warm lair of blankets. He walks to the window, drawing curtains aside and welcomes the new day. He shuffles to the kitchen, yawning, and goes to stand behind Minseok, who is busy slicing a banana for Changmi and hasn’t acknowledged Luhan’s presence. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend's shirtless torso.
“Morning”, Luhan speaks next to Minseok's ear, lips lightly touching the earlobe. Minseok hums his response and continues to prepare Changmi’s breakfast; mashed banana mixed with oatmeal. Luhan goes to get himself a cup of freshly made coffee before sitting by the table next to a tired looking Changmi. One thing Luhan has in common with Changmi is that both of them are not early birds. They both start to yawn at the same time, making Luhan smile as he himself yawns.
She has some drool trickling down her chin. Wrinkling his nose, Luhan brings his hand up to wipe it away and then cleans it of on his pajama pants. Changmi gazes at Luhan briefly before focusing on Minseok’s now approaching figure. Minseok hands Luhan the breakfast mush.
“Could you please feed her? I need to hurry and shower before I leave,” the brunette pleads. He knows how hesitant Luhan is to feed her, but he really needs to go soon to avoid being late to work, again.
“Of course, don’t worry about it.” Luhan tries to put on a smile for Minseok, assure the other that he can handle it, but the smile comes out more like a grimace which totally does not assure either of them. Minseok almost sits down, opening his mouth to say something but Luhan beats him to it.
“Minseok, it’s fine. Really.” Luhan decides to ignore his boyfriend and takes a hold of the spoon, dipping it into the mush and bringing it up to Changmi’s mouth. After three spoonfuls, Minseok finally hurries to the bathroom.
Luhan exhales loudly. Trying not to think too much, he feeds her the best way he can.
Changmi is a slow eater. Super slow, actually. It’s frustrating but what can she do about it? Nothing. Her dyskinesia is bad, she is constantly moving around. Sometimes her hand accidentally knocks the spoon full of food onto the floor, or she shifts so quickly that the spoon almost jabs her in the eye.
She has just swallowed when she gets a small spasm. It doesn't surprise Luhan who's more surprised that she hasn’t had a coughing fit or puked her food out yet. The small spasms and seizures are normal in Changmi’s everyday life.
He counts the seconds, as he makes sure she doesn't hurt herself and waits for Changmi to come back to this world. Eventually the spasm goes away, leaving disoriented looking girl behind. Luhan wipes her face and puts his hand on her cheek, caressing it fondly.
“Are you okay, little bud?” he whispers softly, knowing she wouldn’t answer or really understand him. He doesn’t notice Minseok coming back to the kitchen.
“Everything okay?” Minseok asks. He’s wearing proper clothes now, hair towel dry and messy.
“Yeah, nothing new. She had a spasm just now.”
“How long was it?”
“Around 30 seconds.”
“Hmm... That’s a third one within an hour.
“Okay. Hopefully I don’t need to medicate her,” Luhan says and helps Changmi out of her dirty feeding cloth. He takes the dishes from the table and puts them to the sink - he’ll deal with them later. Minseok is already opening the braces of her wheelchair and taking her out of it. He holds her close, lovingly gazing her face while holding her head up; she can't do it well enough to support it herself.
They all go to the living room. Minseok embraces Changmi while Luhan throws pillows and a blanket on the floor, building a nest for Changmi. Luhan puts a Teletubbies DVD on as Minseok lays the girl down, correcting her posture by placing pillows next to and under her upper body. Making sure she is well and okay, Luhan accompanies Minseok to the front door and watches, again, how hesitant Minseok is to leave the other two alone. Minseok still feels bad for dragging Luhan into this situation, and Luhan feels even worse for making Minseok feel that way. But somehow they have managed to continue their lives and survived the hardships.
“Say hi to Yixing for me”, Minseok says before kissing Luhan.
“Of course”, Luhan replies and opens the door for Minseok. “Have a great day at work, hot buns.” That brings out a bright laughter from Minseok, and Luhan feels a bit better.
“Yeah, sure thing, Lulu.”
+
“Are you free tonight, Luhan?” Yixing inquires from the couch he’s sprawled on, mindlessly strumming his guitar.
“Maybe”, Luhan answers without looking up from his note sheets. “Why?”
“I’m bored. You’re bored. Weekend. Life sucks. You now, the usual. So I was thinking we could invite people over.” Luhan groans because that means he needs to clean up and it doesn’t sound appealing to him at the moment. (It never really does.) He wants to finish his homework and go out and about.
“Why can’t we just go out and get smashed?”
“Too lazy. Besides, isn’t it better to pass out in our apartment than out there? The world is not safe for pretty boys like us.”
“True. Any particular people you want here?”
Luhan finishes his homework a moment later, looks at his notes approvingly before joining Yixing on the couch. The other is still playing with his guitar. Luhan takes it away from him, places it somewhere on the floor and jumps on his friend, earning him a startled huff.
“Let’s wrestle.”
“Seriously, Luhan?!”
“Yup, the loser will get the booze and snacks.”
“Oh, it’s on!”
(“I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!” Luhan yells from the door before leaving cackling Yixing behind.)
"Who are all these people?" Luhan asks in awe. Their small two-bedroom apartment is full of people and honestly, it scares him.
"I swear I only invited, like, ten", Yixing says nonchalantly. "But I can assure you these are good people, Luhan. They won't trash this place down. Now, stop being a party pooper and go mingle with them." And he does just that.
Luhan meets and greets friends and their friends, and suddenly he feels slightly calmer. He goes to the kitchen and grabs a new can of beer from the fridge. Leaning against the kitchen counter he observes the people around him. Boys and girls talking, laughing and dancing, even singing can be heard - which is most likely coming from Yixing's room. Suddenly there's a loud crash, like an empty glass being thrown to the wall. Luhan sprints to the living room where Yixing is already picking up the shards of glass from the floor. The boy is so wasted he ends up hurting himself while cleaning the mess. Luhan groans, he hates the sight of blood but what he hates even more is Yixing getting hurt.
One of their school mates cleans the rest of the shards as Luhan walks Yixing to the bathroom where they keep their first aid kit. Yixing flops down on the toilet seat and watches the blonde as he rummages the bathroom, trying to find the kit.
"Hannie, baby. My dearest friend. Man, I love you. You're so good to me!" Yixing slurs, dopey smile adorning his face.
"Awesomesauce, pal", Luhan turns to Yixing and flicks him on his head. "You sure have a great way to show your gratitude."
Someone knocks on the door a second later and opens it quickly. A bright eyed guy lets himself in before closing the door again.
"Do you guys need help?" He asks kindly, just as Luhan finally finds the bandages, and looks worriedly at Yixing's bleeding hand.
"Thanks, but no. This is not the first time I'm patching up this idiot here.” Luhan replies. But he's is almost as drunk as Yixing. He's swaying slightly and the other guy notices this.
"I kind of insist that I help. I mean, you're not sober but I am."
Annoyed, Luhan huffs at the guy. "I will do just fine, thank you very much. If you're not a nurse or a doctor or whatever, I kindly ask you to leave, Mr. Brighteyes."
"Kim Minseok, not Mr.Brighteyes, and in a matter of fact, here is a nurse for you!"
+
The horrible storm has been keeping Luhan and Minseok up for the whole night. It started when they were getting ready for bed, and it's already 2 a.m. Thankfully it's the end of week and they are both free from work. It's kind of nice to cuddle in the warm cocoon of blankets, listen to the summery rain and wind clawing the window while sharing the stories from the past when they were scared of thunder and lightning.
"As much I enjoy your body heath, I really need to pee", Luhan utters and detangles himself from Minseok's embrace, causing the smaller to whine from the movement. Luhan stabs his toe on one of the boxes scattered on the floor, but luckily gets to the bathroom alive.
They have just moved into their first shared apartment, and they're thrilled. The past week has been full of work and hassling around, however. They decided to leave the stuff where they were on the floor and just enjoy the peace and quiet of their own space. Even though they both had really great roommates, they were more than happy to finally get rid of Yixing and Jongdae. Now it could finally be just the two of them.
Luhan gets his thing done and threads his path back to Minseok's welcoming arms. They have just relaxed again when Minseok's cellphone rings. They both groan out of irritation.
"Ignore it."
"I can't."
The phone call started the biggest challenge their relationship would ever face.
+
"I think we should break up."
"What?"
"We should break up."
"I heard you, but... what? Are you serious? I don't understand."
"My brother and his wife are dead. My parents died years ago, and my grandparents are way too old for this. And I promised my brother that if something was to happen to them, I would take care of her."
"Of course, I understand that Minseok. I'm just having a hard time understanding why we should break up."
"Seriously Luhan? You have seen Changmi, you know she's seriously sick and her condition will get even worse! She will die sooner than later. It's too much of a burden for you, and I can't ask you to stay. But I need to stay with her. She is my family and she needs me, so please Luhan, don't make this harder than it already is."
"No."
"No?"
"Yeah, no. I refuse. Now you listen to me, my stupid little bun. I love you. I fucking love you, you hear me? I know her condition. I know she is your family. I know how this changes our lives and how hard it will be for us, but a burden? Hell no! You can't ask me to stay? Fine, don't, because I will either way. Don't you get it, Minseok? You are a part of my life now and if that means taking care of Changmi, so be it. I'm not good with kids, and you know I don't want them either, but that doesn't mean I'm going to abandon you when you undoubtedly need me."
"Luhan..."
"Stop. This conversation ends here. Now if you excuse me, I'd like to kiss my boyfriend and be there for him."
-
Luhan wakes up in the middle of a night when he hears loud wailing coming from the living room where Changmi's bed is. He shifts slowly to see if Minseok's awake too. The taller is relieved to notice that his boyfriend is still in a deep slumber. He's been working long hours and sleeping less, and Luhan is glad he was the one to wake up.
Luhan silently walks to the living room, and as soon as he's by Changmi's bed he smells the vomit and diarrhea. The bitter smell almost brings tears to his eyes. He wants to laugh because by now he should've been accustomed to this.
He takes few disposable gloves out of a box, and starts to help the pitiful girl out of her dirty pajamas and notices how much more ragged Changmi's breath is from normal. It makes him stop for a second before hurriedly continuing the cleaning and diaper changing.
After finishing, he lowers the bed railing down and scoops Changmi up. The bitter smell is still there, but Luhan could care less. His main purpose is to calm her down, and help her to fall asleep again. Holding her close to his chest, Luhan wanders around their tiny living room and hums under his breath. He holds her tiny body as close to his as he can. Luhan closes his eyes as he opens his mouth and quietly sings the song he's been practicing with Yixing. The lyrics are not really suitable for the moment but it doesn't matter. Being so engrossed in his doings, Luhan doesn't notice Minseok standing by their bedroom door.
(Minseok had woken up to an empty bed and thought that Luhan had gone to the bathroom, but the longer he waited the more worried he became. He sat up and tried to listen any voices from the apartment, and after a moment he started to hear a soft humming voice coming from somewhere else. The boy stood up and walked to the open door of their bedroom.
Luhan was slowly walking around and holding their little girl tightly against him. Singing quietly, eyes closed, Luhan's face was pressed against Changmi's sleeping form. The room was dark apart from the few streaks of light coming from outside, and the streaks made Luhan glow like an angel.
It may be because of an exhaustion and badly slept nights that caused Minseok to shed tears, but he knows it's because of Luhan, and how truly lucky Minseok is to have him by his side.)
He dries his eyes and turns his back to Luhan. As much as he wants to join the other two, he decides it's better to leave Luhan alone and have his moment with Changmi alone. Seeing Luhan like that with their girl is rare so Minseok is happy to know the blonde is warming up to her.
Five minutes later Minseok hears Luhan coming back to their room and lying down on the bed again. He turns around and the blonde in his arms.
"Did I wake you up?" Luhan speaks against Minseok's throat.
"No", Minseok answers and pecks Luhan's forehead. "Where were you?"
"Oh. You know, bathroom", Luhan says, snuggling closer to him.
"Mmm", Minseok hums and smiles, wondering how he managed to get this perfect man.
+
"I said I could do this. I said I would never leave him, or them. But look at me now! Here I am, crying to my best friend for how awful I am for wanting this to be over." Luhan had asked Yixing to have a few beers with him because he wanted to speak with someone about his situation.
"I am a terrible person, simply horrible. The worst boyfriend ever." Luhan mumbles, tracing the outlines of the bottle with his fingers. "The WORST, I'm telling you."
"How many times do I have to say this: You are not a bad person. You are not a careless boyfriend, Luhan”, Yixing stops and takes the bottle out of Luhan's hands so he can take a
firm hold of his best friend’s trembling hands.
"I wouldn't even be your friend if you were the person you say you are. And I wouldn't be your best friend if I didn't correct you every time. Luhan, look at me when I'm talking to you." He tugs Luhan's hands, causing him to face his best friend.
"You are a wonderful person, bright, caring and trustworthy. And Minseok makes you even better than you already were!"
Luhan has stopped crying, and now he is the one clinging on Yixing's hands.
"It's normal to feel what you are feeling right now. It will go away, sooner or later, trust me. But have you ever thought of how Minseok feels? He must feel even worse. Why hasn't he told you anything? Because he doesn't want to burden you with it."
"How do you know that?" Luhan asks, confused.
"He told me. Like you have told me many times."
"What?!"
"Changmi is his family. He feels the need to be the strong one and help you with your burden."
"What burden? I told him it's not a burden! That idiot!"
Yixing laughs at Luhan's sudden outburst, which of course confuses Luhan to no end "Why are you laughing!?"
"You two are too perfect for each other, so in love. Yet you still can't ease the weight you both seem to carry." Yixing shakes his head and smiles at his dumb friend.
"I suggest you go home and kiss the living shit out of your boyfriend."
Luhan has already stood up before Yixing could even finish. He grabs his things, but before turning away he thanks Yixing.
"Thank you. I feel like I don't get to say this often enough, but thank you. I can never make this up for you, and sometimes I even stop to think how you still stand me. Really, thank you Yixing."
With that Luhan walks away, leaving smiling Yixing behind. "Idiots."
-
"Hey Yixing, could you hold Changmi for a second?"
"Of course", Yixing says, and takes Changmi from the other brunette.
"Thanks. I'll be right back." Minseok leaves Yixing and Changmi in the living room, and goes to help Luhan with the cake.
It's Changmi's fourth birthday and the boys are getting ready for the celebrations. It's going to be spent with just them and their few other friends from work and school. Beside it being Changmi's birthday party, Luhan and Minseok decided to hold a small Thank you -party for everyone who has helped them.
"Are you sure you can handle that?" Minseok asks warily. The way Luhan is trying to decorate the cake is not pretty. "I mean, you're doing...umm... great work, Luhan, but how about I continue from here on?" Minseok carefully pries the candies away from his boyfriend's hand
and pushes him slightly aside.
"What? I thought I was doing a great job", Luhan pouts, and is disappointed how he managed to screw this one up too. Earlier he was decorating the apartment, but it didn't end up nice and the same thing happened with the banner. Luhan is the artist here, but somehow Minseok -and Yixing alike- wants him to stay away from pretty much everything.
Minseok places the decorations away and turns to his moping boyfriend. "I love you Lu, but maybe you should take Changmi and be with her. She's with Yixing, but I think she could take a nap", he says and wraps his arms around the blonde. "You both could take a nap, actually"
Luhan huffs, "You just want to get rid of me."
Minseok kisses him on the cheek. "True", he murmurs against Luhan's lips, before kissing him.
"Fine." Luhan pecks Minseok back and leaves the kitchen. He's not really mad, just disappointed over that he's such a failure. He finds Yixing dancing with Changmi; the girl is smiling and sounding delighted as she's being moved around. Luhan approaches the dancing duo, holding his arms out.
"May I please have this dance?" Luhan bows and waits his best friend's approval.
"Of course", he answers and helps the happy girl into Luhan's arms. The boy holds her and dance their way to the bedroom. "Let's dance until we hit dreamland, shall we?" The girl only gurgles.
+
Luhan wakes up feeling oddly fine, no hangover and no headache. He's surprised to find himself in his own bed, fully clothed and alone. He slowly sits up, as in testing if he really was feeling this good. He moves to the edge of the bed and stands up, still carefully observing surroundings and trying not to make any sudden movements. He hears noises coming from the kitchen, and then the scent of food hits his nose. Luhan starts to move toward the heavenly smell.
Luhan finds Yixing sitting by the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone.
"Hey," Luhan greets and sits down before Yixing. His roommate lifts his gaze and smirks at him.
"Well, well, well. Hey to you, too." Yixing leaves his phone lying on the table and gives his full attention to a confused Luhan.
"Hangover?" Yixing asks.
"No, not yet, I think. I know it will come soon. How about you?"
"I'm good. Did you have fun?"
"I think so, yeah. Why are you looking at me like that? You're creeping me out.” Luhan shifts farther as the other leans closer.
"Do you remember what happened yesterday? After bandaging up my hand?" Yixing asks and waves his injured hand, and suddenly Luhan is hit by a stabbing headache and the blurry pictures from last night.
(After Mr. Brighteyes' help, the trio got out of the bathroom. Yixing assured Luhan he was feeling fine and that he just needed more alcohol to dull the stinging pain in his hand. Luhan was about to protest but his friend had already turned away.
"No need to worry too much. It was just a small cut", the man beside Luhan spoke, and he turned his attention to the smaller guy. The blonde blurted out the first thing that came up to his mind as he locked his gaze with the other guy.
"Why are your eyes so bright, Mr. Brighteyes?"
The other laughed loudly. "That's a really good question, but unfortunately I have no answer to it. And please, it's Minseok."
Luhan stared at Minseok, but couldn't focus on anything else other than his eyes; they were bright and big and so captivating, making it difficult for Luhan to move his gaze away.
"Maybe I should stick by your side and find out the reason then?" Luhan uttered. He knew he was being forward, but he wanted to test the waters. At first he didn't like Minseok and the way he intruded, but the way he treated Yixing's cut and smiled after it made him change his mind quite quickly. The longer Minseok was beside him the more the blond wanted to get to know the nurse.
Minseok snorted. "Is that your way to ask me out?"
"Is it effective?"
"Effective? Not really, but unique? Definitely." Minseok's answer made Luhan smirk, and he leaned closer to the shorter guy.
"What do I need to do for you to go out on a date with me?"
Even though Minseok thought Luhan was handsome as hell, he didn't falter away but smirked back. He tiptoed a bit until he felt Luhan's breath on his lips. Minseok lifted his hand and placed it on Luhan's neck, holding him still and whispered his answer against the taller male's lips.
"Sober up.")
Yixing cackled as he watches his friend trying to gather up the happenings from last night in his head. He almost spits out his coffee and laughs even louder than before when he notices Luhan blushing. The blonde remembers everything, the embarrasment mixed with the on-coming hangover being a deadly combination.
Luhan groans and flops down from the chair on to the floor, hiding his face with his arms.
"Oh god, why am I so embarrassing?" He groans. "Why didn't you stop me, you dick?"
"You looked so cute I just couldn't", Yixing answers between his snicker. "I really do enjoy seeing you in this state, but the good part in me wants to see your face when I tell you that he left you his phone number."
Fuck the headache, Luhan thinks as he sits up way too fast. "What."
Yixing ignores the remark and nods his head towards Luhan's room.
Getting the hint, the other boy almost runs there. He stands by the door for a second when a bright green post-it note on his pillow catches his eyes.
Kim Minseok aka Mr. Brighteyes
010- xxx xxx xxx
Text me when sober
After getting rid of the hangover, which unfortunately took almost the whole day, Luhan finally takes his phone out and texts Minseok. He comes up with a cool way to ask the bright
eyed male to do something with him. It might be a bit too bold, but Luhan takes the risk.
hey you wanna come over and nap?
It only takes a minute for Minseok to answer.
yeah
+
Minseok tries to open the door of his and Jongdae's shared apartment, but it's impossible when there's Luhan humping him from behind.
"Luhan, as much as I want your dick in me, I still need to put this key in the hole first", Minseok huffs. The taller groans but moves nevertheless.
"Hurry up, hot buns, you made me like this so take responsibility." And really, it's Minseok's fault Luhan can't keep his hands away.
First of all, Minseok is too handsome, too hot, too sexy, too everything, and the fact alone is making Luhan wanting to touch his boyfriend 24/7. Second, it's their first anniversary and they should be having mind-blowing sex at this very moment. And third, he did very suggestive things whenever Luhan least expected, making Luhan stutter to the waiter. It started to become difficult for the blond to hide his boner when they were still waiting for the dessert; the last course was a huge mistake and Minseok shall feel Luhan's revenge.
Finally, the door opens and Luhan pushes the elder in, helping him get rid of his shoes and jacket. Minseok laughs, but complies as Luhan gives him silent orders. When they get to Minseok's room, Minseok has his button-up shirt undone and zipper down while Luhan still has his clothes on, making the brunette frown.
"How come you're so good at undressing me? I haven't even had a chance to touch your buttons, and it's making me frustrated, Lu." Luhan stops harassing his boyfriend's neck for a second before pushing him lightly onto the bed, making Minseok's stomach wide open for Luhan's eager mouth. The brunette moans as Luhan plays with his other nipple with his tongue, hands busy stripping the boy's shirt off and throwing it somewhere far away.
"Undressing you is something I enjoy doing, and I'm proud of being so good at it", Luhan explains while moving south, lips never stopping to touch the hot skin of Minseok's body.
"The more efficient, the faster I can begin undoing you."
Minseok's breath quickens as Luhan does a long lick from Minseok's navel to the open zipper of his jeans. The taller male skillfully gets rid of the sinful skinny jeans his boyfriend is wearing, and without hesitation begins to lick Minseok's semi hard cock through the briefs, enjoying the sound the male under him lets out.
"Haa, of course", the flushed brunet moans. It's ridiculous how good Luhan is at this, at undressing Minseok and driving him crazy. He enjoys being manhandled by Luhan, but right now he decided that he wants to be the one fucking Luhan to oblivion.
They kiss passionately, touching and feeling each other, before Minseok shifts Luhan under him.
"Now this is what I want tonight", Minseok breathes out as he silences Luhan's aroused moans with his lips. The blond is so into it that he can't even protest (why would he?), and Minseok continues his little adventure on Luhan's neck and chest and stomach and thighs and --
"Oh, fuck!” Luhan is not even trying to be quiet for the sake of Minseok's neighbors, and Minseok honestly doesn't care.
-
The whole month has been great, and everything was going well. Changmi was well. Minseok and Luhan was feeling well, but of course something bad tends to happen when you least expect it. This time the bad thing was Changmi getting sick -more than usually.
They're in the hospital. Luhan's getting coffee for them, and Minseok is by Changmi's side, her small hand securely between his. She was struggling to breathe so they had to give her an oxygen mask. She also has a high fever, epileptic seizures more frequent, and whatever they feed her she almost immediately pukes it out.
Luhan comes back with two steaming cups of hot coffee, placing one on the table within Minseok's reach before taking his place on the other side of the bed. He takes a sip and properly faces the other.
"You sure you want to stay here for the night?" Luhan asks and watches as Minseok thins his lips, eyes still on Changmi.
"Yes."
Luhan sighs. This is the third night at the hospital, and Minseok refuses to leave her side. Luhan understands, really. He is worried too, but the way Minseok seems to punish himself for whatever reason makes Luhan frustrated and angry, although he knows he can't do or say anything to change his boyfriend's mind.
"I'm going to fetch a few clean shirts from home, and maybe bring something good to eat, okay?"
"Okay."
"Yixing said he's on his way, so don't get startled when he gets here", Luhan says and stands up again. He walks up next to Minseok and leans down to kiss his head. "I'll be back soon."
When he gets back, Yixing is already there, occupying what used to be his seat. He has his guitar with him, and he's playing tunes they know Changmi enjoys. Once more Luhan is feeling grateful for having such a wonderful friend.
The blonde is glad to notice that Minseok has drunk the coffee and that he looks a tad more human than earlier. It must be the effect Yixing has on people, Luhan thinks, but not bitterly - he's just happy Minseok's feeling as good as he could despite the situation.
They eat the kimbaps he brought in silence, occasionally murmuring few words here and there, topic varying between the weather and Jongin's dogs.
"Thank you for coming today, Yixing, but I think you should go now", Luhan says, "The nurse will come here soon to give her the medicine, and then it's time to go to sleep", he continues, pretending that Changmi hasn't been sleeping all day.
"No problem, I'll come again tomorrow, with Jongdae. Is there anything we could do for you guys?" The raven haired male asks when Luhan helps him to the door- which opens as soon as they reach it with Changmi's nurse walking in.
"Just having you here is enough, thank you." Yixing squeezes Luhan's shoulder before leaving, the guitar case swaying from side to side as he walks away.
Sleeping on a chair is not something anyone'd recommend, but thankfully the room has a small couch where Minseok and Luhan are sitting right now, Minseok leaning on the latter's shoulder with Luhan's arm tightly wrapped around his drained boyfriend. They both watch the slumbering form of Changmi, her gasps for air and the dripping sound from the oxygen tank filling their ears. Minseok turns his face against Luhan's chest, inhaling the familiar scent.
"How long do you think she will suffer?"
At first Luhan doesn't get what Minseok means, but soon understands the implications; how long before she passes away? Luhan wants to say what he really thinks, but he can't because Minseok might not be ready.
"I don't know, Minseok."
The smaller male closes his eyes and says what they both have been thinking but never said out loud.
"She's living on a borrowed time, I know, but I h-hope... no, I know s-she's leaving us soon", he hugs Luhan closer and Luhan feels Minseok's wobbling lips on his chest. "I have known this since the day she was placed in my arms, a-and I thought I would be ready when the day comes... But, fuck, how wrong I was."
Luhan quietly comforts his exhausted boyfriend the best he can. It is his turn to be the strong one. He knows Minseok doesn't need his thoughts and words, he knows him being there, keeping Minseok from breaking apart, is enough.
Luhan cries when Minseok falls asleep, who's too tired to cry anymore, just like he has done every night since they got to the hospital.
They wake up few hours later, bodies stiff from sleeping in uncomfortable postures. The first thing they both do is to check Changmi's heart rate from the monitor. It's weak, weaker than the last time. Minseok scrambles up, almost throwing himself to Changmi, and starts caressing
her pale little cheek.
Luhan goes to fetch the nurse.
Few hours later, Kim Changmi quietly passes away.
-
Luhan is grateful Jondgae is here to distract Minseok the best way he can, letting Luhan and Yixing to take care of preparing the eerily quiet apartment. It's like an unspoken rule to ignore Changmi's bed in the living room, still being in the same shape as it was when Changmi got hospitalized; blanket messily tossed aside, few toys here and there, and her favorite rabbit plush toy still lying on the pillow.
Luhan places a vase full of dark pink roses on a table right next to a framed picture of Changmi. The picture was taken when they had just gotten her one and a half years ago. Luhan will always remember that day.
(They were out that day, enjoying the sun and heat.It was a hot but not too sizzling summer day. She was wearing a light yellow cotton dress that had small pink and blue flowers on it, and in her hair she had a messily made flower crown (made by Luhan, thank you very much). Minseok and Luhan were lying on a blanket laid out on the grass with Changmi between them.
The young couple was happy for finally starting to figure out how to manage with the little girl. But why that day stuck to Luhan's mind was because Changmi, who usually doesn't use her face much, smiled at him, eyes locked to his and her tiny pink lips peeking slighty upwards. It might have been a small thing to everyone else, but not to Luhan; that small smile reassured him that they were going be okay, he and Minseok, together.)
Half of the bouquet is made of rose buds, just like they asked, and seeing them next to Changmi's picture makes Luhan's breath hitch. He turns away, managing to blink the tears away before continuing the preparations. Be strong now; cry later, Luhan thinks as he approaches Minseok who is talking with Jongdae in the kitchen.
"You ready?" Luhan asks as soon as he's next to Minseok, wrapping his arms around him.
"Yeah", Minseok answers and hugs Luhan back. They stay like that for a moment until Jongdae taps the shorter boy on his shoulder.
"We should all go to the living room. The others should be here soon." And as in cue, the doorbell rings.
The memorial service officially starts when the last guest arrives - only ten minutes late - and they all gather around the table in the middle of the living room. The candle light flickers on the table as Minseok comes to stand next to it, placing something very important there.
"It is only right to have them here as well", he says and looks at the framed picture he brought. The picture has three people in it -Minseok's brother and his wife, and baby Changmi.
Minseok wipes his eyes. "It seems like I still have a lot of tears to shed", he silently laughs, eyes glistening as he scans through the room with his eyes. Luhan walks to his boyfriend, taking his shaking hand in his, and comforts him like he has the past two weeks.
The comforting gesture breaks Minseok completely, and Luhan can't but to take him properly into his arms. The taller turns his own stinging eyes up, staring at the white roof and hearing a few other sniffles here and there; he can recognize Yixing's voice in any shape ever.
Jongdae steps forward and starts talking about Changmi, how they got to know each other and memories they had shared (like the time when Jondgae first saw her and how she puked on him), drawing laughter out of the guests and Luhan alike. One by one each of the guests say something, most of them being funny stories.
Minseok has already said and done so much, and it's only right for Luhan to speak when it's their turn.
"There are so much to say about our little, precious girl. During this too short period of time together we managed to experience a lot, good and bad things. I am forever grateful for them all, but most of all I am thankful for how she helped me grow as a person, helped me love and share more", Luhan coughs, trying to focus on speaking, "S-she... surely was something special, and I feel privileged that I got the chance to be with her and call her m-my little girl", Luhan is outward crying now, and it's getting harder to focus on the people around him, "She was the daughter I never knew I wanted, but I am glad I, we, had her."
Luhan turns to Minseok, takes his face in his hands, and caresses his cheeks. It's wrong for someone to look so beautiful when crying, Luhan thinks as he catches the tears with his thumbs.
"Our beautiful bud who withered away too soon."
-
"Rock, paper, scissors? The loser cooks whatever the winner wants", Luhan suggests as soon as he comes home from work. Minseok lifts his eyes from the book he's reading on their reddish couch, legs crossed and blanket covering most of them.
"You do know you suck at it?"
"Pfft, unnecessary details. Maybe I'm better than I was... yesterday", Luhan says as he walks to the couch, leaning down to kiss the shorter male before walking towards the kitchen. Minseok puts his novel away, wraps the blanket properly around himself and follows his boyfriend.
"Let's just order in. How about pizza?" Minseok suggests and glues himself to Luhan's back, arms clinging tightly around his torso. The taller stops whatever he was trying to do and faces the red haired male.
"Pizza is more than okay."
They stand there in silence, smiling slightly with arms around each other. Minseok pushes Luhan's fringe away from his eyes. "How was your day?"
"Surprisingly good, actually. Yixing was being way too nice to me, it made me suspicious. Even Kyungsoo was playing nice, he even tried to crack a joke! Now THAT if anything was weird", Luhan says. "Yours?"
"It would have been quiet if Jongdae hadn't called. He sure knows how to speak nonsense", Minseok answers, laughing.
"Tell me about it", Luhan snorts.
They both act like they don't know why their friends were behaving unusually weird.
“So how does pepperoni pizza sound?” Minseok asks after abandoning Luhan in the kitchen. He fetches his phone and opens the way too familiar delivery application. “With extra cheese, right?”
“Perfect”, the blond agrees easily.
While waiting the pizza to arrive Luhan goes to change his clothes and Minseok sets the coffee table for them, placing napkins and couple cans of beer neatly on it. Luhan walks to where the other one is, holding something in his hand.
“Look what I bought”, he says and gives a small, glittery pink candle to the other. “I thought it would be more than suitable for her.”
Minseok traces the surface of the candle, then smells it. “Thank god it doesn't smell like that awful shower gel she loved.” Luhan snorts and takes Minseok to where Changmi's cradle used to be. They got rid of the bed soon after the funeral, and set a small table there instead along with a picture of Changmi, one of her parents, and a saved spot for candles.
Minseok lits the candle, and just then the doorbell rings.
“I'll get it”, Luhan says, leaving Minseok alone with the flickering candle light.
Minseok breathes out. “One year”, he speaks quietly, and turns back to Luhan who's already laying the pizza box down and opening their drinks.
“You want to talk?” Luhan asks.
“No, let's just watch a movie or something.”
+
"She's beautiful", Luhan says, amazed.
"You've seen her before, Lu!" Minseok snorts.
"I know but seeing her in our apartment - in your arms - is something I wasn't prepared for. You two look perfect together", Luhan says, watching as his boyfriend carries Changmi around their livingroom.
"You old sap", Minseok laughs again, because Luhan is once again acting ridiculous. The blonde smiles and closes his eyes, taking a breath in and out.
"What are you thinking about?" Minseok asks and approaches Luhan.
"You, as usual", Luhan opens his eyes, grinning widely, "You and having a mini you in your arms like Changmi is."
"You know that's not quite possible, right?"
"Shh, don't ruin this", Luhan answers and embraces both Minseok and Changmi. "You know I usually get what I want, and if I want that, I will make it happen."
Minseok looks up to his dumb boyfriend, eyes bright and glistening. "I know."
a/n
-fyi changmi means rose in korean
-if i offended someone, i'm sorry. i tried to make this as realistic as i could by using my own experiences