my damndable directionless self.
I remember quite clearly. It was the 1st grade. The first thing I truly remember anyone having a real criticsim about me. I was told I didn't follow directions well.
I still don't.
It's not that I don't know that something needs to be done a certain way, I just really pride myself at taking a different route. The tried and true has always been the safest, always the quickest way to the destination. I believe that I've been predestined to be a backroads kinda girl. What do most people miss? I'm too curious for my own good. Call it stubborness if you will, call it angst, or a youthful rebellion, but I was born a rebel and my 1st grade teacher will attest.
My mother told me, that I needed to follow my teacher's directions. I was brought up in a strict religion that had so many rules and restrictions, far more than any elementary school, so why should I respect the directions of a humble non-religious sect such as Mrs. Harris when God's were truly the only ones I need follow? I felt so bad about it. Could I not read the directions as well as the other kids? No, I was the only child in Kindergarten that camé ready-made, with reading skills of a 2nd grader, so what was it?
Now in the 15 odd years that have since passed, I've realized that it's just who Iam, who I've always been. I say fuck the usual, go for the unusual, the spaces in between the lines, the paths untrodden, the trails unmarked, the seas, unsailed. I can't handle the the directions of someone else's opinon...which is truly all they are. I question them to no end and cannot for the life of me blindly trust that they know what is the best direction for me to follow.
I don't think my mother fully realized that she herself taught me this line of thinking...or maybe she did. Either way, I'm thankful for it despite that dreadful Mrs. Harris.
I still don't.
It's not that I don't know that something needs to be done a certain way, I just really pride myself at taking a different route. The tried and true has always been the safest, always the quickest way to the destination. I believe that I've been predestined to be a backroads kinda girl. What do most people miss? I'm too curious for my own good. Call it stubborness if you will, call it angst, or a youthful rebellion, but I was born a rebel and my 1st grade teacher will attest.
My mother told me, that I needed to follow my teacher's directions. I was brought up in a strict religion that had so many rules and restrictions, far more than any elementary school, so why should I respect the directions of a humble non-religious sect such as Mrs. Harris when God's were truly the only ones I need follow? I felt so bad about it. Could I not read the directions as well as the other kids? No, I was the only child in Kindergarten that camé ready-made, with reading skills of a 2nd grader, so what was it?
Now in the 15 odd years that have since passed, I've realized that it's just who Iam, who I've always been. I say fuck the usual, go for the unusual, the spaces in between the lines, the paths untrodden, the trails unmarked, the seas, unsailed. I can't handle the the directions of someone else's opinon...which is truly all they are. I question them to no end and cannot for the life of me blindly trust that they know what is the best direction for me to follow.
I don't think my mother fully realized that she herself taught me this line of thinking...or maybe she did. Either way, I'm thankful for it despite that dreadful Mrs. Harris.