Pushing.
It's strange to think that in such a short amount of time I will be leaving for college. I know that most people say that 9 months is an eternity. But it truth, it truly isn't. Nine months could be a time well spent, getting to know the people around you more in depth, getting to know yourself more in depth, or just focusing on something that you have always wanted to.
For me, the next nine months are going to spent worrying about the rest of my life. I think about this most the the time I am awake, and for those of you that are aware.. that is normally 21 hours of the day. I cannot seem to get my mind off of the future. I think about the choices that I have made in the past month that could affect the future, in reverse I also think of the affect the future can make on the decisions I have made in the past. I'm not sure if that makes perfect sense to anyone but myself, I gues that is of no relevance though.
Second.
I hate to make something big of something small, but why would he do something small that could be turned into something so big, at least to me. If something was just a game, why cheat? You want to win, that's fine. You can take your trophy boy because the game of lies means nothing to me. I cannot comprehend the brain that finds it okay to look into the eyes of someone that you say you care about and tell them something that you know is not true, about something that is so small.
I don't want to be lied to, just as no one else does. It just hurts to trust someone and have them look you into the eyes and tell you something that you know is not true.
hurts.