RAPIDLY.
I’m back on everything again. Only new, cymbalta… we’ll see I guess…they think it might be seasonal affective disorder. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. However It coincides w/ all the W. but only kyle makes me feel that way at least. And its not really his fault I guess when you make someone your world youre making them be something for you they didn’t ask for something they may not necessarily be willing to fulfill… its my fault.
I hate tarpon bend. I just do.
Somedays I miss tally but then I think about all the work that it represents and its not so great sometimes… but at least my space there is MY space. And its defined and simple and clean. My aunt n cousins moved in and my house is totally different new sofas, the office is gone, its jp’s room now. Its good for them and for my mom its just more of a reminder of one less place I have.. one less resource. And it happens to everyone when they go away but I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Its just this weird place I go in between bcc and tarpon. Whatever.
Erik is on the fone and he asked me if I was updating my journal and I thought about the word “updating” and I don’t think im doing that I think I’m rambling.. and it made me think how my life is rambling, and my future is rambling and I’m never realy updating because nothing really changes, accept for my house and furniture… I just keep losing more friends… and It made me think of FRIENDS and “friends”… and all my old theories, and how they still totally hold true even over these past 3 or 4 years…I’ve known erik for 3 years isn’t that weird? I think its weird.
I got some money from 2 of my aunts for my bday..that was all. A few unexpected text messages and phone calls from ppl I never thought would have cared it was my bday… but that was it, like always… it disappeared into the summer…
I visited kyle. His friends don’t like me, big surprise. That was sarcasm… the truth is that I AM surprised at the fact that I don’t care. I tried. Oh well.
Watching him w/ his friends at fgcu made me think of fresh. Summer at fsu, and robyn and sobel and josh n anna and phil and puppy and everyone and how we were all so new to one another and how exciting last summer was. This time last year I had a belly full of shitty Chinese food and was probably sitting in anna and robyns room right now. I keep comparing the times.
What am I going to do w/ my life? Where am I going? What can I do? I still don’t know. I’m so fucked.
I still don’t have anyone. I have no one to go to or call when I get scared and lonely. I feel like I’m imposing on everyone or bothering them or whining and everyone says they want me to go to them but at the same time idont like that… I want someone who I WANT to go to.. who truly WANTS me to go to them and who I could call and would ALWAYS ANSWER…and they’d know me completely and get it and itd b simple…
Im rapidly forgetting daddy. RAPIDLY.
I hate tarpon bend. I just do.
Somedays I miss tally but then I think about all the work that it represents and its not so great sometimes… but at least my space there is MY space. And its defined and simple and clean. My aunt n cousins moved in and my house is totally different new sofas, the office is gone, its jp’s room now. Its good for them and for my mom its just more of a reminder of one less place I have.. one less resource. And it happens to everyone when they go away but I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Its just this weird place I go in between bcc and tarpon. Whatever.
Erik is on the fone and he asked me if I was updating my journal and I thought about the word “updating” and I don’t think im doing that I think I’m rambling.. and it made me think how my life is rambling, and my future is rambling and I’m never realy updating because nothing really changes, accept for my house and furniture… I just keep losing more friends… and It made me think of FRIENDS and “friends”… and all my old theories, and how they still totally hold true even over these past 3 or 4 years…I’ve known erik for 3 years isn’t that weird? I think its weird.
I got some money from 2 of my aunts for my bday..that was all. A few unexpected text messages and phone calls from ppl I never thought would have cared it was my bday… but that was it, like always… it disappeared into the summer…
I visited kyle. His friends don’t like me, big surprise. That was sarcasm… the truth is that I AM surprised at the fact that I don’t care. I tried. Oh well.
Watching him w/ his friends at fgcu made me think of fresh. Summer at fsu, and robyn and sobel and josh n anna and phil and puppy and everyone and how we were all so new to one another and how exciting last summer was. This time last year I had a belly full of shitty Chinese food and was probably sitting in anna and robyns room right now. I keep comparing the times.
What am I going to do w/ my life? Where am I going? What can I do? I still don’t know. I’m so fucked.
I still don’t have anyone. I have no one to go to or call when I get scared and lonely. I feel like I’m imposing on everyone or bothering them or whining and everyone says they want me to go to them but at the same time idont like that… I want someone who I WANT to go to.. who truly WANTS me to go to them and who I could call and would ALWAYS ANSWER…and they’d know me completely and get it and itd b simple…
Im rapidly forgetting daddy. RAPIDLY.