There are fireworks outside my house.
So I think this marks a little over 48 hours that I’ve been home, and all I can think about is the kindly pharmacist man who shall deliver me what I need most, pills.
Normally I can at least clarify or explain away ONE thing that’s wrong. But so far Im not sure whether its nothing that’s wrong, or too many somethings?
Hell, this entry alone is sucking the life out of me. But I cant help but think that if I friggin finish it perhaps ill feel better. Or perhaps ill be entirely wrong and irritated with myself for thinking that writing my life away would soothe my soul and wasting time. But in all actuality that turn out is very unlikely. I’m counterproductive. And self-contradictory.
The days prior to tally evacuation were full of thrilling, drunk nights… by myself. Everyone else had studying or catching up to do before they left. My mind was out of tally way before I was. Knowing I’d have this month w/ puppy n sean (mainly my perro) and knowing that even four hours couldn’t keep my timothy mcniel and I off the phonelines I had nothing to keep my mind in tally for.
The trip down was a nonstop 9 cd imprisonment with my mother, I didn’t even drive. She makes me want to eat a live porcupine, whole. In the words of Adam Sandler in Spanglish, “I realize that was a very strange way to express myself.”
Time Constraint of people now forces me to be blunt and factual, my apologies, it makes for utterly mundane reading…
Kyle thinks he knows me better then he does, granted he knows me better then everyone minus 3 ppl on earth but not better then myself and I hate it. He’s been acting/speaking like this for a week and half now, I’ve seen him twice. I want to scream at him when im with him, but its not worth it.
I miss puppy, bad. I don’t even know why, I suppose it’s the simplicity, the ease at which he puts me. He just does little things that I take delight in, and he understands me more then I give him credit for, and he’s just fuckin’ adorable.
I love the way tim cries, he tries not to cuz he knows it freaks me out, but not from him oddly, its beautiful out of my baby brother. I miss him, and our car chats. I’m calling him tonight.
I’m determined this summer to get back in touch w/ Nat, I cant help but feel like it will bring me back to simpler times. I get to see stef in alittle, that should mildly console me.
I wish robyn and adri and nikki lived closer. Plain and simple, I like them, and their company and I wish I could be in the prescense of it more often.
I desperately need a job, one that’s very unrelated to dance.
Alex is one of the few things I take solace in. he hasn’t changed, he’s grown, but not changed, something I never understood when erik said it, but in his case.. I do. I need him in my life.
I was so stoked for summer, its here, its now, its in my fuckin face, and I just want to crawl into a hole and die. That sounds like a seriously fantabulous soloution right now.
Phil is having a gathering tonight it should be nice, I hope.
I need more ventation time, my mom has been blating music all fucking day I don’t know whats gotten into her but its annoying and loud and I fucking hate it.
I feel like im 14 again crying in my bathroom shower praying to god to take me away. Telling him I wanted to go home.
I want to go home. And technically I have two houses now, yet im still wandering empty streets in search of shelter.
Normally I can at least clarify or explain away ONE thing that’s wrong. But so far Im not sure whether its nothing that’s wrong, or too many somethings?
Hell, this entry alone is sucking the life out of me. But I cant help but think that if I friggin finish it perhaps ill feel better. Or perhaps ill be entirely wrong and irritated with myself for thinking that writing my life away would soothe my soul and wasting time. But in all actuality that turn out is very unlikely. I’m counterproductive. And self-contradictory.
The days prior to tally evacuation were full of thrilling, drunk nights… by myself. Everyone else had studying or catching up to do before they left. My mind was out of tally way before I was. Knowing I’d have this month w/ puppy n sean (mainly my perro) and knowing that even four hours couldn’t keep my timothy mcniel and I off the phonelines I had nothing to keep my mind in tally for.
The trip down was a nonstop 9 cd imprisonment with my mother, I didn’t even drive. She makes me want to eat a live porcupine, whole. In the words of Adam Sandler in Spanglish, “I realize that was a very strange way to express myself.”
Time Constraint of people now forces me to be blunt and factual, my apologies, it makes for utterly mundane reading…
Kyle thinks he knows me better then he does, granted he knows me better then everyone minus 3 ppl on earth but not better then myself and I hate it. He’s been acting/speaking like this for a week and half now, I’ve seen him twice. I want to scream at him when im with him, but its not worth it.
I miss puppy, bad. I don’t even know why, I suppose it’s the simplicity, the ease at which he puts me. He just does little things that I take delight in, and he understands me more then I give him credit for, and he’s just fuckin’ adorable.
I love the way tim cries, he tries not to cuz he knows it freaks me out, but not from him oddly, its beautiful out of my baby brother. I miss him, and our car chats. I’m calling him tonight.
I’m determined this summer to get back in touch w/ Nat, I cant help but feel like it will bring me back to simpler times. I get to see stef in alittle, that should mildly console me.
I wish robyn and adri and nikki lived closer. Plain and simple, I like them, and their company and I wish I could be in the prescense of it more often.
I desperately need a job, one that’s very unrelated to dance.
Alex is one of the few things I take solace in. he hasn’t changed, he’s grown, but not changed, something I never understood when erik said it, but in his case.. I do. I need him in my life.
I was so stoked for summer, its here, its now, its in my fuckin face, and I just want to crawl into a hole and die. That sounds like a seriously fantabulous soloution right now.
Phil is having a gathering tonight it should be nice, I hope.
I need more ventation time, my mom has been blating music all fucking day I don’t know whats gotten into her but its annoying and loud and I fucking hate it.
I feel like im 14 again crying in my bathroom shower praying to god to take me away. Telling him I wanted to go home.
I want to go home. And technically I have two houses now, yet im still wandering empty streets in search of shelter.