(no subject)
Recently, I have been feeling rather sad. Normally, I would not dish out depressing nonesense into my livejournal, but I just need to get this off my chest.
Today I realized that no one ever seems to know who I am. This, really, does not make much of a difference to me. There are 6 billion people in the world. I'd say about 100 would know my name. And that's ok. It's not important to have lots of friends -- it's the quality of the friends you have, right? This doesn't really pertain to friends. Just people in general. I feel like no one knows who I am. Throughout the year, I have not said much in my education classes. I just like to listen to what other people say, because I think it is interesting. I'm not the class clown, or the one who always answers questions, or just makes side remarks. I sit in the back and I pay attention... but usually I keep my mouth shut. Maybe it is for this reason that I discovered today that no one in these classes knows who I am. Granted, it is a fairly large class. But I could name everyone in that classroom very easily. Sometimes it just sucks to realize that you obviously have not made any impact whatsoever on these people. And that hurts. When things are going on, and you know that no one cares if you are there or not, that sucks too.
I have met so many people in my life. I have been introduced to tons of people, and I really try to remember their names. Granted, it's hard, especially in college when you meet like 4 new people a week. But I can remember faces. If I were to meet you again, I would know that we had met before. Sometimes, I think I would just like this in return. It hurts when you are ready to say "yes we've met before" but the other person jumps in with "no, i don't think we've met." I realize that there is nothing spectaculr about myself that a person might remember. I'm not pretty. I don't dress cool. I guess sometimes I just expect more from people. But maybe my expectations are too high.
Another thing that bothers me is the trouble I seem to have with paranoia. Or not paranoia, but an actual real problem. Sometimes I will catch people in my class look at me and laugh. Or if I stand up to say something, no one gives a crap as to what I have to say. I just don't like to be ignored. And that is the trouble I've been having lately. People ignoring me. Maybe not on purpose, but I can feel it. If you have a real reason to hate me, then please do. I guess what I really wish is that people would notice me. People would care. And of course, people do care about me. I know that. And I appreciate that. I guess it's just some internal conflict I've been having lately. It's very hard to explain.
I guess I just want people to know who I am. Or at least that I exist.
sometimes i wish i could just escape.
Today I realized that no one ever seems to know who I am. This, really, does not make much of a difference to me. There are 6 billion people in the world. I'd say about 100 would know my name. And that's ok. It's not important to have lots of friends -- it's the quality of the friends you have, right? This doesn't really pertain to friends. Just people in general. I feel like no one knows who I am. Throughout the year, I have not said much in my education classes. I just like to listen to what other people say, because I think it is interesting. I'm not the class clown, or the one who always answers questions, or just makes side remarks. I sit in the back and I pay attention... but usually I keep my mouth shut. Maybe it is for this reason that I discovered today that no one in these classes knows who I am. Granted, it is a fairly large class. But I could name everyone in that classroom very easily. Sometimes it just sucks to realize that you obviously have not made any impact whatsoever on these people. And that hurts. When things are going on, and you know that no one cares if you are there or not, that sucks too.
I have met so many people in my life. I have been introduced to tons of people, and I really try to remember their names. Granted, it's hard, especially in college when you meet like 4 new people a week. But I can remember faces. If I were to meet you again, I would know that we had met before. Sometimes, I think I would just like this in return. It hurts when you are ready to say "yes we've met before" but the other person jumps in with "no, i don't think we've met." I realize that there is nothing spectaculr about myself that a person might remember. I'm not pretty. I don't dress cool. I guess sometimes I just expect more from people. But maybe my expectations are too high.
Another thing that bothers me is the trouble I seem to have with paranoia. Or not paranoia, but an actual real problem. Sometimes I will catch people in my class look at me and laugh. Or if I stand up to say something, no one gives a crap as to what I have to say. I just don't like to be ignored. And that is the trouble I've been having lately. People ignoring me. Maybe not on purpose, but I can feel it. If you have a real reason to hate me, then please do. I guess what I really wish is that people would notice me. People would care. And of course, people do care about me. I know that. And I appreciate that. I guess it's just some internal conflict I've been having lately. It's very hard to explain.
I guess I just want people to know who I am. Or at least that I exist.
sometimes i wish i could just escape.