(no subject)
ok this is going to be a deep entry well because i really need to write i feel writing gets things acrossed better im just going to mention some things about whats been going on for the past few days no weeks would be a better word. I understand vinny is upset with me but what about is what i dont know am i like some kind of toy that he likes to play with actually maybe i shouldn't have written that but i am going to keep it up there anyways. My father bitches to me about almost everything now because of my mom and i finally told my mother that i actually had thoughts about suicide and she started to cry about it which i guess is normal since she says she "loves" me. Right now im waiting for my BF to come home and i wonde what we are going to do cause it see,s like my mom is tired so me and him just might go out instead. Saw a couple of people today one i didn't want to see but saw anyways, saw bella which was like a suprise i wonder how she really is doing and i know this entry seems to be very long but i feel i need to write it. My father is always complaining about me talking to my BF but he doesn't get is that i talk to him allt he time is because he is the on;y that gets me we have been friends for a very long time and he was there for me even when we weren't going out
now the thing that kind of gets me a little mad is that vinny said that he would still be there as a friend but i dont see it all i see is mind games jokes laughing and they probably think im in pain but really im not guess i shouldn't have written that either but oh well at this point i dont care what people think of me im so fed up with everything home life and at times my relationship but that seems to be the good thing right now even my singing is getting tense and now i've got surgery coming for me and have to spend the summer at my fathers which should be a good thing but at times i really dont think i should go cause ever since these problems came up its like im getting slapped around and its leaving marks now red scars. I've been trying to start a band hope it works cause music is the only thing holding me together and im sick and tired of people making up stupid excuses saying that i dont know what music is about and what it means and that im nothing but a fucking little poser so u know what call me names i know where I stand so i will be just fine i think i need to start writing big entries like this every saturday and chris sorry but im not going to junoir prom srry im not sure yet ok well that all im gonna write my mother is getting tired some um yeah.
now the thing that kind of gets me a little mad is that vinny said that he would still be there as a friend but i dont see it all i see is mind games jokes laughing and they probably think im in pain but really im not guess i shouldn't have written that either but oh well at this point i dont care what people think of me im so fed up with everything home life and at times my relationship but that seems to be the good thing right now even my singing is getting tense and now i've got surgery coming for me and have to spend the summer at my fathers which should be a good thing but at times i really dont think i should go cause ever since these problems came up its like im getting slapped around and its leaving marks now red scars. I've been trying to start a band hope it works cause music is the only thing holding me together and im sick and tired of people making up stupid excuses saying that i dont know what music is about and what it means and that im nothing but a fucking little poser so u know what call me names i know where I stand so i will be just fine i think i need to start writing big entries like this every saturday and chris sorry but im not going to junoir prom srry im not sure yet ok well that all im gonna write my mother is getting tired some um yeah.