The last three wishes… (Part IV) p2
Tile: The last three wishes…
Author: Yay me!!
Genre: drama, romance, angst (okay, I’m cursing myself for attempting to do such a thing… T__T), …
Rating: NC-15 (my first time ever!)
Paring: Sakuraiba, Ohmiya…
Disclaimer: is it necessary to state that sentence every time? I don’t own them, okie?
Sumary: One day, when you open your eyes and you realize the world has turned up side down, you are about to give up every thing that you love, what will you do? What do you wish for?...
Part IV: The second wish, the wish of love… : finally, the promise they made to have a picnic have come true, what will happen then…?!?!
Word count: ~6000 *phew~~~*
Part II
The beach party lasted several hours afterwards, until all of them agreed that it was time for Jun to have a sweet night sleep, for Ohmiya couple to do some “bedtime private” things and for you to have some pills and then go to sleep in the loving melody of Sho-chan’s rap-like lullaby…
It was dark and cold outside when they got out from the hut. The breeze danced around them, the salty smell of the ocean made it way to their nose, causing a tickle feeling running down through their body, top to toe.
“Wanna go for a walk?” - you asked Sho-chan, using the infamous puppy eyes technique, knowing that he would turn you down if you didn’t do so. It had always worked.
“Umn… but it’s dark and freezing… oh… um …o….okay…” - he sighed and gave in. After all, you had used your special technique, no one would ever dare to resist…
They usually said that the darkness was always cold and full of sadness and despair. You had thought it was true, but now, you thought that maybe, it was not. Because while you were walking along the seashore, hand in hand with the one you loved the most, you felt darkness was melting, and, you were now, dancing in the stream of sparkling and delight.
Life was easier when you enjoyed it, accepted every thing about it. To be honest, you had wanted to run away far from the reality showing in front of you, you did it with all your strength and will, because, despite all others’ thought, you just couldn’t pretend to be so cheerful all the time. Soon you realized, avoiding things that sooner or latter would happed was useless. That’s how things was, how things would become… It was useless from the very beginning. Because not thing could ever change the twist of fate, as it had already stroked. The more you ran away from it, or avoided it, or tried to destroyed it, or do anything just to refused to face it, the more you would be suffered from the effect that those actions resulted in.
Refusing to take some pills when you thought by doing so, you could feel like you were not ill at all was not helping. Because taking in fever constantly, every day, as the result, wasn’t considered as an idea of not being ill. Dancing around using all your strength to carry out your work was not helping, because being exhausted at the end of the day couldn’t even eat anything let alone throwing it up afterwards was not helping. Locking yourself up in the bathroom or running way to far, isolated country was not helping. If you haven’t noticed, doing do just brought you much nearer to the end. Yeah, that was sucked, but you’d rather do so than face with the fear, your very own fear…
Now, it was not like that you wanted to stop doing so, but you just simply were now tired and wanted to dive in the warmth of the others. Yet again, you agreed that life was easier when you enjoyed it… and accepted it… and went through it ‘till the end…
That thought somehow sent a shiver through your spine…
Sho-chan wrapped his arms around you when he noticed your trembles.
“See? I told you. It’s cold out here, wanna go inside now” - his voice was full of caring and concern. The feeling of his tickling breath made you warm and smile. If every day could be like today, then you have not thing else to worry, to regret, anytime, you could say, you were ready…
You tilted hour head aside and looked at the hut that they all would spent the night. The window of Leader and Nino’s bedroom was still opened letting some dim light from the room spreading out over the dark beach. From where you were standing, you could still see their figures. It seemed like Oh-chan was reading some kind of magazine while Nino was lying on his lap and playing with his DS. Their calm and loving atmosphere was spreading across the room, out of the window and touching your senses. A smile stretched through your face all of sudden, you swung out your arms, reaching to hug Sho-chan’s shoulder from behind, earning a little jerk from him, you felt like giggling. But you didn’t know, soon, he calmed down and began to form a new plan.
“Look at them; don’t you think they look just like a married couple?” - he gently said as soft as a whisper. His breath was against your neck, dancing around it sensitively. You felt an outburst of emotion and sensation flooding across your mind and body.
His head drew closer to you, just as yours did to him. It was not until you both were nose to nose that your heart bit faster, and faster, and faster. It had been racing from the very beginning from the time his hands wandering around our waist, from the time, his breath tickling your left ear, right at the spot that he had always known so well.
“Ma-chan ~~~”- he murmured softly… Your body shuddered; you felt the sensation, the thing you had forgotten for a long time. Your hands awkwardly resting at his heart, it was racing like crazy… he was feeling the same; you both, wanted the same thing…
But you knew it couldn’t happen. You couldn’t do that.
“Let’s go back to our room, okay?” - you turn your head away, whispering softly, knowing that your voice would be blown away by the strong wind over the sea… and some how, you did hoped that to happen.
You could felt his tense risen up, but you didn’t regret doing so. Yeah, you wanted to do it with him, desperately wanted, but… so what? You couldn’t anyway, just couldn’t.
Leading both of you to your room, somehow, you really felt tired. Maybe a walk along the seaside didn’t help after all. Right now, each time you took in some air, your lungs felt like frozen, sending an sincere shiver down to your spine. You tired your best to hide it away from Sho’s eyes, but when the feeling of warm arms wrapping around your collar, and your cheeks was warmed up by rubbing against his, you realized he noticed; just like he had always done, noticing everything around you, about you. You did felt grateful, really, because just by seeing those little simple things, you knew you were not alone.
Moving your arms up to cup your palm on his hand, ensuring him that you were all right, you let out a faint smile. He leaned further into your back, hugging you tightly, putting all his strength into it, making you know he love you, so much that he could never let you go. Sho-chan’s arms were cozy and secure, they gave you the comfortable feeling, calming you from every waves that struggle to wash you down, waves of tiresome, exhaust, hurt, and worried. In his arms, the whole cosmos seemed to be quieter, the chaotic outside seemed to fade away… in his arms, you recalled those old days, “the other life” you called it, and it brought you, not just peace, but the energy to continue living on…
Your string of thought suddenly snapped stopped when you felt a moist, and hot, skillful tongue straying down your neck. And when it paused at the collarbone, you had already struggled to breathe. The sensation, emotion was too great. It had almost overwhelmed your self-control, almost. You needed to suppress it, had to. You couldn’t allow yourself to do it. No…
You closed your eyes and concentrated, you let your thought wandering out of your brain, out of yourself, out of your soul… anywhere but not here, not now… no…
The reasons why you did this senseless thing, you honestly could not face those, could not name those… Maybe because you was just afraid of facing the truth that, now, you were unable to satisfied him, showing you were sick and soon no longer be there for him to touch, to feel…
Or
Maybe, deep inside, you knew that if you continue to do so, to keep growing closer to him, to create more contact with him, to strengthen the bind between you and him, you could not tell yourself to let him go anymore. You would give in and make things more difficult and harder for you both to do it, to separate… when the time came and things needed to be settled…
“Ummn…”
You jerked - “what was that sound?”… you knew you should open your eyes now and stop it… but the feeling, this feeling was good and you just felt like staying there, not worrying about anything anymore…this felling, somehow, it was so familiar… you wondered who made it… it seemed like coming from… your… mouth!?!?
Your eyes snapped opened and you were there, Sho-chan was there, holding on to each other. He was kissing somewhere behind your left ear… and you were… responding to it!
“No, no! No! Don’t! Please…” - you slipped.
And you saw it, his eyes, your reflection, the pain, the hurtful gaze… No, not again… you had been trying to avoid things like this to happen, you didn’t want him be disappointed like this. That was why you refused doing it with him. But now, when you saw these painful things something inside you cracked open…
Making your beloveds facing the fact of losing someone, they all considered as a member of their family, was bad enough. You knew whose that fault was.
And now, you really don’t want to do anything more to broke them down just like the way the illness had broken you…
So you lean forward, cupping your hands around his flushed, tear-stained cheeks. You realized how many troubles you had caused the others. Where was it, the long lost time that you could laugh everything off, knowing that, by doing so, everything else would be just fine…
The laugh you told yourself to make every day, every moment in your happy-healthy life, each of them carried the love you dedicated to the others. Now. It was lost…
You still stretched your face and made out something seemed like a smile. They were not alike, the smile you used to make and the one that you did now. Now, it crooked and twisted in pain… it was ugly and… all together, it brought sadness to everyone who saw it…
You didn’t want that to happen… not at all…
And suddenly, the flood of realization and acknowledgement overwhelmed you, drowning you with its glamorous affection. Right there, at the moment you could back off, could tell Sho-chan to back off, could make sure both of you would do to bed and sleep in each other’s arm, just like every day. But the realization came to you and stayed, it opened your self-conscious mind, leading you to the light…
Why shouldn’t you go ahead? Fear? Cowardice? But fear of what? Being a coward because of what? This whole things, silly things was inside you and made you confused… what if you go ahead?...
To tell the fact, you’ll die anyway… and soon… If you could not overcome this tissue, how could you overcome that greater fear?
“I… miss you…” - you said silently, knowing clearly what kind of reaction he would make. His face lit in disbelief.
To you, this could be the last time…
You had caused troubles and problems before, now there was no time left to fix things, but you still could do something to make up for it…
It was time you should realized the fat and deal with it…
This, could be your last time…
And so, you leaned in…
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