(no subject)
mehh i cant sleep.
livejournal has been somewhat rejected in the place of writing in an actual journal or word document. sorry to all my adoring fans.
hi to roomieface and ex-roomieface.
tonights epiphinay was basically that, sometimes, i don't think i've changed a bit since i've come to school. sometimes i feel like i get into exactly the same situations i got into my freshman year. i still sit here playing the waiting to be IMed game, and i let things drive me nutso. Basically, i decided i am owned. (pwnd?) I let myself get completly wrapped up in others and then get frusterated when they fail to rearrange their lives to give me the attention i want. I know its completly ridiculous of me to get so infaturated, but i've also realized that i don't need someone who isn't going to make me a priotiry sometimes. def not all the time. but not never.
but, even though i sit here and claim that, i can fake being dunzo as much as i want, but i know i never really am. This situation is not going to end in .5 seconds. But i need to get a grip, and stop playing the getting my hopes up game. Theres no reason to wonder every night if we'll end up hanging out, but that dosnt stop me from always thinking it in the back of my mind. and then i get let down, becasue there are other things in his life, like sleeping and watching football, that clearly win over hanging out with me.
i can't belive the situation just carried right over into this year. i think i year of these stagnant aim convos and limited hanging out will drive me crazy.
But he did come over twice last week and we ended up talking for like a thousand years.
so, i guess i'll just see where things go. i hope they go somewhere.
i just wonder how long itll take. after all, at the end of last year, i got a "becasue i've wanted to do that for a while"
i don't want none of that this year mr. crazypants. if its gonna happen, just man up and do it. don't drive me crazy and make me wait. k thanks.
thats the worst. the not knowing. i can't tell either way with him, and i'd much rather that he just let me know one way or the other. i always feel like i'd rather be told i've got no chance and he thinks i'm smelly than this state of second guessing everything becasue i dont know what he wants.
but like i said to robin, it always drives me more crazy NOT to see/hear from/hang out with him than it makes me happy to see/hear from/hang out with him. Not that i don't really like the latter, i just bug out much more from the former.
for some reason i just thought of the great gatsby. putting everything up on that pedistal..miserable without it, but heartbroken when the real thing can't live up to whatever youve built up in your mind.
oh, livejournaling and insomnia. gooood timeees.
meliss...shhhhh. don't go telling him i livejournal obsessivly about him while you guys are having one of your amazing 1337 conversations.
loooove you roomie mcroomerson.
jenna, out.