(no subject)
so matt called two days ago and i was super excited. he asked what the plans were for the weekend (cause i was planning on going to visit him this weekend). well as we were talking i told him that we didn't have concrete plans cause my sister jaimie is coming through town. he said that he would only have a little bit of time to hang out because it is the last weekend of camp. so then i asked him if i really should come up cause i don't want to go up there and be more of a bother than a blessing. he said that although he does really really want to see me since it is his last weekend with the other staff he rather i not come up cause after all it will only be one more week until he gets home.
after all this i am a bit hurt cause i was really looking forward to seeing him, but i was ok cause i knew that i would have felt worst if i had gone up there and he didn't have the time to hang out with me. i hate this kind of feeling. i'm sad because i don't get to see him, happy because i didn't go up there and get hurt more, mad because i had been so excited to go up there, and a whole lot of other emotions. i mean i wish that for once i could just get mad at him. but my feelings for him always get in the way.
he talked about another girl to me. normally i wouldn't have thought twice about it but this time it seemed different. he apoligized for talking about her, but i told him it was ok because if we are going to be friends then we have to talk about things friends talk about. i guess i just wasn't completely prepared for that especially since he had just explained to me about how he wanted to spend time with his friends from camp. he had even said that if everyone went and got drunk or something that he could always just hang out with her. it sort of made me feel like he was choosing her over me. does that sound dumb? i think it kind of does cause we are broken up and have been now for almost 4 months. but i am not used to it.
even though i was upset about it origionally i am actually kind of ok with it all now. i mean if i wasn't going to see my friends for a long time i would want to spend as much time with them as possible. i think i was just so upset because it caught me off guard.
after all this i am a bit hurt cause i was really looking forward to seeing him, but i was ok cause i knew that i would have felt worst if i had gone up there and he didn't have the time to hang out with me. i hate this kind of feeling. i'm sad because i don't get to see him, happy because i didn't go up there and get hurt more, mad because i had been so excited to go up there, and a whole lot of other emotions. i mean i wish that for once i could just get mad at him. but my feelings for him always get in the way.
he talked about another girl to me. normally i wouldn't have thought twice about it but this time it seemed different. he apoligized for talking about her, but i told him it was ok because if we are going to be friends then we have to talk about things friends talk about. i guess i just wasn't completely prepared for that especially since he had just explained to me about how he wanted to spend time with his friends from camp. he had even said that if everyone went and got drunk or something that he could always just hang out with her. it sort of made me feel like he was choosing her over me. does that sound dumb? i think it kind of does cause we are broken up and have been now for almost 4 months. but i am not used to it.
even though i was upset about it origionally i am actually kind of ok with it all now. i mean if i wasn't going to see my friends for a long time i would want to spend as much time with them as possible. i think i was just so upset because it caught me off guard.