i stupid
ok, first off, a big thank you to everyone who sent me lovey notes about ocs. it went great and i think they recommended me.
i stupid because there is a certain someone with whom i get along very well, but i am feeling kinda squishy (a laurenism) 'cause i enjoy this person very much but i have issues. plus, i do not really want to be involved with anyone and i kinda don't want to get married (or even think about it). plus i have this stupid childish wish to be swept off my feet and loved like...um...clyde loved bonnie, like rhett truly loved scarlett, like bert loved ernie (teasing, for cjo), like last of the mohicans (sigh). i'm afraid of being ordinary and i don't want ordinary like other people, especially this ordinary boring love that everyone has down here where you just get along with someone so you get married and have kids and clean the house and have bills and plan vacations. that's incredibly stifling to me. so i'm all fucked up about this. plus he has been invited to go to dinner with my parents and see christmas lights one night and i know they will hate him for all those little imperfections that i am overly aware of, such as age and his slobbiness in appearance (which i kinda share, but not consistently) and he is a trifle overweight. this i'm not really attracted to. and my family will not like him. ok, i've never cared what they think in the past, but i feel different about him and want him to meet them and make a good impression and all kinds of (potentially) serious stuff. what the fuck is wrong with me? i confused. but i've seen pictures from a few months ago where he's in shape and has a goatee and is neatly dressed (and hot!) so what happened? but he's sweet, thinks i'm great, has CABIN FEVER, TOO (first time ever), and thinks the same as me on so many things. i want things to be really, exceptionally slow. in fact, committment issues have me absolutely petrified. this is really private stuff, so no comments please, if you can read this.
p.s. to all the little wanna-be skater fucks that i've been dealing with in the past days: punk is a sociopolitical movement and if you wanna be punk, get into the culture, don't be a poser, most specifically, the fucking huge pants you are wearing are JNCO'S as in JEAN COMPANY, it's a goddamned abbreviation (jn = jean, co. = company) they're a punk company. sheesh. plus read a goddamned book sometime like Henry Miller or Huxley or Bill McKibben or somebody, anybody. just get a clue. and oh yeah, if you wanna see the misfits, please realize they suck now that Len Danzig formed his own band like 10 years ago. if you don't know who len danzig is, do not buy the fucking tickets from me at ticketmaster and then look at me like you are so much cooler than me. and lastly, if you have a piercing, know what guage it is so you don't look like a fucking dumbass when i ask you. thank you and have a good day.
i stupid because there is a certain someone with whom i get along very well, but i am feeling kinda squishy (a laurenism) 'cause i enjoy this person very much but i have issues. plus, i do not really want to be involved with anyone and i kinda don't want to get married (or even think about it). plus i have this stupid childish wish to be swept off my feet and loved like...um...clyde loved bonnie, like rhett truly loved scarlett, like bert loved ernie (teasing, for cjo), like last of the mohicans (sigh). i'm afraid of being ordinary and i don't want ordinary like other people, especially this ordinary boring love that everyone has down here where you just get along with someone so you get married and have kids and clean the house and have bills and plan vacations. that's incredibly stifling to me. so i'm all fucked up about this. plus he has been invited to go to dinner with my parents and see christmas lights one night and i know they will hate him for all those little imperfections that i am overly aware of, such as age and his slobbiness in appearance (which i kinda share, but not consistently) and he is a trifle overweight. this i'm not really attracted to. and my family will not like him. ok, i've never cared what they think in the past, but i feel different about him and want him to meet them and make a good impression and all kinds of (potentially) serious stuff. what the fuck is wrong with me? i confused. but i've seen pictures from a few months ago where he's in shape and has a goatee and is neatly dressed (and hot!) so what happened? but he's sweet, thinks i'm great, has CABIN FEVER, TOO (first time ever), and thinks the same as me on so many things. i want things to be really, exceptionally slow. in fact, committment issues have me absolutely petrified. this is really private stuff, so no comments please, if you can read this.
p.s. to all the little wanna-be skater fucks that i've been dealing with in the past days: punk is a sociopolitical movement and if you wanna be punk, get into the culture, don't be a poser, most specifically, the fucking huge pants you are wearing are JNCO'S as in JEAN COMPANY, it's a goddamned abbreviation (jn = jean, co. = company) they're a punk company. sheesh. plus read a goddamned book sometime like Henry Miller or Huxley or Bill McKibben or somebody, anybody. just get a clue. and oh yeah, if you wanna see the misfits, please realize they suck now that Len Danzig formed his own band like 10 years ago. if you don't know who len danzig is, do not buy the fucking tickets from me at ticketmaster and then look at me like you are so much cooler than me. and lastly, if you have a piercing, know what guage it is so you don't look like a fucking dumbass when i ask you. thank you and have a good day.