The official medical school update.
So since, according to Jette, inquiring minds want to know...
...I'm about 95% sure that I'm going to move to Rochester in July to start medical school. There are a lot of things that swayed me this way. "What are these things?", you might ask. Well...
1. I would be lying if I didn't say that watching "Celebrity Rehab" greatly contributed to my decision to go for it. Whenever I watch this show, I remember why I got on this path in the first place: psych. And I remembered that a life in medicine doesn't have to include working in a hospital, or looking in a microscope all day, or starring at x-rays. My career doesn't encompass *all* that is in the medical field. Those things that turn me off about medicine? Many of them, at least, are things I won't have to do because they're not pertinent to my field. Specializing in psychiatry, for example, is a very different career path and day-to-day experience then say, specializing in trauma surgery.
Psychiatry gets back to the core of what I love: counseling, emotions, the mind-body connection, what makes people tick. Looking back, I really should have majored in psych at Berkeley. I didn't know at the time that within psych- much like with my major, molecular and cell bio (MCB)- you can choose an emphasis within that, including neuro. I didn't know that they offered this more scientific approach to psych.
Instead, feeling turned off by the superficial nature of my psych classes at College of Marin, I elected to take the MCB track with an emphasis in neuro. I wanted to go that next level down, get to the molecular underpinnings of where these mind states were coming from. However, instead, majoring in MCB: Neurobiology lead to me studying how sound is transmitted through the ear to the brain and interpreted; the facial symptoms of a lesion to the 4th cranial nerve; why L-dopa works as therapy for Parkinson's. I remember asking my professors, "Ok, well, so... this is cool, but when do we get to the emotional aspects of the brain?" and being disappointed again and again with their response of, "We don't study that in this class."
It left me feeling really turned off and thinking I was on the wrong track in choosing science as my career. I was on the wrong track, sure, but that was because I chose the wrong track *within* science. Watching Celebrity Rehab has reminded me that yes, this is what interests me and I can do this!
Now, I'm leaving things open, of course. I am still very interested in international medicine, pediatrics... and I know that most people change their minds several times throughout medical school, but it's hopeful to have a tangible, exciting goal to look to as a beacon. It's easy to get lost in all of this, clearly.
2. I'm tired of waiting for the next phase of my life to start. I know that such a huge career decision isn't something to rush into or commit to "just to get it over with", but I just can't bare the thought of starting over with law school. I would still need to take the LSAT, I need to find people to get letters of rec from after being out of school for years, I need to write a personal statement and go through the application process... and all of this, not knowing whether it will pan out, not knowing if practicing law is even really what I want to do. Do I really want to walk away from an acceptance to medical school on that big of an "if"?
But that's a fear-based decision, right? "I'm afraid that I won't do good on the LSAT/won't get into a good law school/won't be as happy as I would be in medicine/etc. so I should just stick to medical school." But I should be able to make the decision about medical school irrespective of my feelings toward law school and vice versa. And in reflecting on this, I think my aversion to medical school was the decision being motivated by fear. I was worried I couldn't hang, I was afraid I would end up miserable like so many doctors I see/hear about, I was anxious about making such a huge commitment.
...shit... writing all that out again, I'm started to confuse myself and thinking maybe I *shouldn't* go to medical school, hahahaha...
...but I guess at the end of the day, I have to remind myself that my career is what I make of it. I needed to stop getting wrapped up in the fear of unhappiness or failure and instead focus on how much I could enjoy this experience.
3. Because at the end of the day, I think about the human body, I think about the amazing microcosm of a universe that it is and the unbelievable way it functions synchronistically, the brilliant design of it all... and I think fuck. What an incredible privilege to spend my life intimately learning every beautiful detail of it.
I think back to this summer when I was studying for the MCAT's bio section and the enthusiastic dedication I found for it. As I was going through the material, I starting seeing so much overlap that it was hard to keep things straight within the bigger picture. The best way for me to learn is big --> small so that I can have some perspective, so I decided to draw a giant outline of the human body on presentation pad paper, spending two weeks going chapter by chapter, painstaking detail by painstaking detail, drawing in every part of every system that the test covered. I google-image searched every anatomical angle I could to make sure I connected the organs, veins, arteries, ducts, and nooks and crannies (that's totally a medical term) properly. It was so satisfying seeing how they all worked together. And to think that I will get to do this even more in depth in medical school! What a thrill. :)
(The pictures have notes on flickr, so it might be worth clicking on the photos and reading).
And finally, my venting to Jay as I was working on the reproductive system, courtesy of Jay's enthusiasm for screen caps:
4. Speaking with Becca and my cousin, who is in her first year of med school, was comforting as well. They both assured me that it is well worth it, I will handle the material just fine, and that yes, it is a shit ton of work, but it is actually very enjoyable for the most part.
5. I'm ready to move on from here for now. However, honestly this is one of the issues I'm most conflicted about because I feel like finally- after nearly 25 years, hahaha- I am settling in here and finding my sweet spot. I've fallen in love with SF in a way I never expected. I feel like I'm just getting to know her as a city and it's too soon to end such an exciting love affair. On the other hand, there's really nothing keeping me here. I don't have any strings attached: no relationship, no awesome apartment, no stellar job... I have my friends and family, but the close ones will remain regardless of the distance. My friendship with Becca is a testament to that. Plus with the age and nature of the internet, most of my friendships with all of you are pretty much isolated to online interactions anyway, so nothing will really change. ;)
Again, I just feel really ready to start this next chapter in my life.
But damn. I'm gonna fucking miss my SF house hardcore. *super sad house whore face*
So the 5% holding me back?
1. Doctors are miserable. Most of them would not recommend to their children to go into the field.
2. Going along with #1, the medical field is so, so broken. This is probably the worst time in the history of medicine to get into it.
3. As I mentioned before, I'm not stoked on the city of Rochester or, from what I gathered in the brief time I spent there, the student body. I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel really disconnected from the students. But who knows? It only takes one other student like me there to see me through the experience. If I was accepted, it's possible that someone similar was as well!
4. There's a part of me that worries that I'm just giving in to the path of least resistance right now and getting caught up in the fanciful idea of becoming a doctor without being honest about whether this is what I want or not.
5. Brr. Did I mention FUCKING BRRRR?!
So there's your update, as scattered as it is. :)
...I'm about 95% sure that I'm going to move to Rochester in July to start medical school. There are a lot of things that swayed me this way. "What are these things?", you might ask. Well...
1. I would be lying if I didn't say that watching "Celebrity Rehab" greatly contributed to my decision to go for it. Whenever I watch this show, I remember why I got on this path in the first place: psych. And I remembered that a life in medicine doesn't have to include working in a hospital, or looking in a microscope all day, or starring at x-rays. My career doesn't encompass *all* that is in the medical field. Those things that turn me off about medicine? Many of them, at least, are things I won't have to do because they're not pertinent to my field. Specializing in psychiatry, for example, is a very different career path and day-to-day experience then say, specializing in trauma surgery.
Psychiatry gets back to the core of what I love: counseling, emotions, the mind-body connection, what makes people tick. Looking back, I really should have majored in psych at Berkeley. I didn't know at the time that within psych- much like with my major, molecular and cell bio (MCB)- you can choose an emphasis within that, including neuro. I didn't know that they offered this more scientific approach to psych.
Instead, feeling turned off by the superficial nature of my psych classes at College of Marin, I elected to take the MCB track with an emphasis in neuro. I wanted to go that next level down, get to the molecular underpinnings of where these mind states were coming from. However, instead, majoring in MCB: Neurobiology lead to me studying how sound is transmitted through the ear to the brain and interpreted; the facial symptoms of a lesion to the 4th cranial nerve; why L-dopa works as therapy for Parkinson's. I remember asking my professors, "Ok, well, so... this is cool, but when do we get to the emotional aspects of the brain?" and being disappointed again and again with their response of, "We don't study that in this class."
It left me feeling really turned off and thinking I was on the wrong track in choosing science as my career. I was on the wrong track, sure, but that was because I chose the wrong track *within* science. Watching Celebrity Rehab has reminded me that yes, this is what interests me and I can do this!
Now, I'm leaving things open, of course. I am still very interested in international medicine, pediatrics... and I know that most people change their minds several times throughout medical school, but it's hopeful to have a tangible, exciting goal to look to as a beacon. It's easy to get lost in all of this, clearly.
2. I'm tired of waiting for the next phase of my life to start. I know that such a huge career decision isn't something to rush into or commit to "just to get it over with", but I just can't bare the thought of starting over with law school. I would still need to take the LSAT, I need to find people to get letters of rec from after being out of school for years, I need to write a personal statement and go through the application process... and all of this, not knowing whether it will pan out, not knowing if practicing law is even really what I want to do. Do I really want to walk away from an acceptance to medical school on that big of an "if"?
But that's a fear-based decision, right? "I'm afraid that I won't do good on the LSAT/won't get into a good law school/won't be as happy as I would be in medicine/etc. so I should just stick to medical school." But I should be able to make the decision about medical school irrespective of my feelings toward law school and vice versa. And in reflecting on this, I think my aversion to medical school was the decision being motivated by fear. I was worried I couldn't hang, I was afraid I would end up miserable like so many doctors I see/hear about, I was anxious about making such a huge commitment.
...shit... writing all that out again, I'm started to confuse myself and thinking maybe I *shouldn't* go to medical school, hahahaha...
...but I guess at the end of the day, I have to remind myself that my career is what I make of it. I needed to stop getting wrapped up in the fear of unhappiness or failure and instead focus on how much I could enjoy this experience.
3. Because at the end of the day, I think about the human body, I think about the amazing microcosm of a universe that it is and the unbelievable way it functions synchronistically, the brilliant design of it all... and I think fuck. What an incredible privilege to spend my life intimately learning every beautiful detail of it.
I think back to this summer when I was studying for the MCAT's bio section and the enthusiastic dedication I found for it. As I was going through the material, I starting seeing so much overlap that it was hard to keep things straight within the bigger picture. The best way for me to learn is big --> small so that I can have some perspective, so I decided to draw a giant outline of the human body on presentation pad paper, spending two weeks going chapter by chapter, painstaking detail by painstaking detail, drawing in every part of every system that the test covered. I google-image searched every anatomical angle I could to make sure I connected the organs, veins, arteries, ducts, and nooks and crannies (that's totally a medical term) properly. It was so satisfying seeing how they all worked together. And to think that I will get to do this even more in depth in medical school! What a thrill. :)
(The pictures have notes on flickr, so it might be worth clicking on the photos and reading).
And finally, my venting to Jay as I was working on the reproductive system, courtesy of Jay's enthusiasm for screen caps:
4. Speaking with Becca and my cousin, who is in her first year of med school, was comforting as well. They both assured me that it is well worth it, I will handle the material just fine, and that yes, it is a shit ton of work, but it is actually very enjoyable for the most part.
5. I'm ready to move on from here for now. However, honestly this is one of the issues I'm most conflicted about because I feel like finally- after nearly 25 years, hahaha- I am settling in here and finding my sweet spot. I've fallen in love with SF in a way I never expected. I feel like I'm just getting to know her as a city and it's too soon to end such an exciting love affair. On the other hand, there's really nothing keeping me here. I don't have any strings attached: no relationship, no awesome apartment, no stellar job... I have my friends and family, but the close ones will remain regardless of the distance. My friendship with Becca is a testament to that. Plus with the age and nature of the internet, most of my friendships with all of you are pretty much isolated to online interactions anyway, so nothing will really change. ;)
Again, I just feel really ready to start this next chapter in my life.
But damn. I'm gonna fucking miss my SF house hardcore. *super sad house whore face*
So the 5% holding me back?
1. Doctors are miserable. Most of them would not recommend to their children to go into the field.
2. Going along with #1, the medical field is so, so broken. This is probably the worst time in the history of medicine to get into it.
3. As I mentioned before, I'm not stoked on the city of Rochester or, from what I gathered in the brief time I spent there, the student body. I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel really disconnected from the students. But who knows? It only takes one other student like me there to see me through the experience. If I was accepted, it's possible that someone similar was as well!
4. There's a part of me that worries that I'm just giving in to the path of least resistance right now and getting caught up in the fanciful idea of becoming a doctor without being honest about whether this is what I want or not.
5. Brr. Did I mention FUCKING BRRRR?!
So there's your update, as scattered as it is. :)