long overdue.
so everytime i start out an entry, i say something along the lines of 'i haven't updated in so long.' because i hardly ever do. so here's the scoop:
i'm a full-time leader now for Damascus Young Life which is awesome, but kind of scary. i've been working with them most of this school year. the other girl leader is melissa...we were 'best friends' this whole year. it was really great becuase i'd been praying for God to bless my girl relationships...i really needed more of them; stronger ones. i really was able to open up to melissa...i told her lots of stuff about me that nobody knows. half the time i felt like she wasn't listening, but i think she just had a short attention span. anyway, i confided in her about tyler. we broke up last september, and didn't see each other at all for months. she was so great...gave me lots of advice and comforting words. then i introduced her to alex, his best friend in february, and they hit it off at first. they started dating, and then the four of us started group dating...and tyler and i started kissing. probably a bad idea. but we were talking about what the future might hold, and about getting back together. well long story short, within a few short weeks of meeting each other, melissa and tyler went behind alex's and my backs and got together, despite our questioning of their relationship. i caught them...i went over to tyler's house at 1AM one nite to tap on his basement window so we could talk--something i'd always done. and found that they were in there....watching a movie in his bed. the three of us went to his room to 'talk things out,' and i ended up in tears over stuff....looked over and saw him mimicking me, and lost it. i really blew up...like worse than i ever have. i knocked some stuff off of his shelf onto his bed, because i just felt like i was ripping apart inside. corny, huh? well i know i shouldn't have reacted in my anger like that, though i do think it's understandable. so i went to his work the next day and apologized. i called her and apologized too...but i was still so hurt that she had lied to me, and seemed to not care how i felt. she and i sat down with bobby patton who is the head leader at Damascus YL later that week to seek reconciliation...i told her i'd do my best to be a friend to her no matter what she did, but i told her how i felt about it...how betrayed i felt, and how i couldn't believe that she'd choose to compromise our friendship that way. well she made her choice...they're still together. i'm dating someone new now too...but i still have a really hard time with the situation.
much as i try not to feel this way, i just feel hatred toward her sometimes. honestly, a big part of me is really happy for tyler....i know he was really miserable the entire time we were broken up, and i'm glad he found someone goofy like melissa--they're good for each other, i'll admit. but i just wish the timing could have been better--not when he was kissing me 2 days before i caught them; not when we were in the midst of possibly getting back together; not when she was dating his best friend. and i wish the girl he found could have been someone other than my best friend. tyler doesn't believe that alex is still upset with him or hurt at all, becuase alex won't tell him that. but alex talks to me...i think he's mostly tired of tyler lying. ty broke a lamp in my house right before this happened...he told my mom a check was in the mail for it. that was a lie of course...i dunno. i'm happy for him. sometimes i jsut miss him so much though. even just his friendship. i know we wouldn't work out...i just want to be his friend again. spend time with him. and that will never be again. and i kind of miss melissa's friendship...not really though. because i didn't feel like she listened to me, and honestly, she kind of got on my nerves at times...these are things you put up with when you love your friend. but that friendship obviously wasn't worth putting up with stuff like that. so anyway...i don't know why i wrote about that. it feels good to write, and get all the gunk out.
lola ray is recording their second album right now. supposedly, it's amazing. i look forward to hearing it. i have 12 piano students....crazy. it's good money, and i really enjoy doing it. i think i lucked out in that area.
brian and julie are getting married....that is nuts...i remember when he first met her and got a crush on her. it's so sweet...
after i pay off my phonebill debt and make my car payment, i'm buying a keytar.
that's all i have to say about that.
i'm a full-time leader now for Damascus Young Life which is awesome, but kind of scary. i've been working with them most of this school year. the other girl leader is melissa...we were 'best friends' this whole year. it was really great becuase i'd been praying for God to bless my girl relationships...i really needed more of them; stronger ones. i really was able to open up to melissa...i told her lots of stuff about me that nobody knows. half the time i felt like she wasn't listening, but i think she just had a short attention span. anyway, i confided in her about tyler. we broke up last september, and didn't see each other at all for months. she was so great...gave me lots of advice and comforting words. then i introduced her to alex, his best friend in february, and they hit it off at first. they started dating, and then the four of us started group dating...and tyler and i started kissing. probably a bad idea. but we were talking about what the future might hold, and about getting back together. well long story short, within a few short weeks of meeting each other, melissa and tyler went behind alex's and my backs and got together, despite our questioning of their relationship. i caught them...i went over to tyler's house at 1AM one nite to tap on his basement window so we could talk--something i'd always done. and found that they were in there....watching a movie in his bed. the three of us went to his room to 'talk things out,' and i ended up in tears over stuff....looked over and saw him mimicking me, and lost it. i really blew up...like worse than i ever have. i knocked some stuff off of his shelf onto his bed, because i just felt like i was ripping apart inside. corny, huh? well i know i shouldn't have reacted in my anger like that, though i do think it's understandable. so i went to his work the next day and apologized. i called her and apologized too...but i was still so hurt that she had lied to me, and seemed to not care how i felt. she and i sat down with bobby patton who is the head leader at Damascus YL later that week to seek reconciliation...i told her i'd do my best to be a friend to her no matter what she did, but i told her how i felt about it...how betrayed i felt, and how i couldn't believe that she'd choose to compromise our friendship that way. well she made her choice...they're still together. i'm dating someone new now too...but i still have a really hard time with the situation.
much as i try not to feel this way, i just feel hatred toward her sometimes. honestly, a big part of me is really happy for tyler....i know he was really miserable the entire time we were broken up, and i'm glad he found someone goofy like melissa--they're good for each other, i'll admit. but i just wish the timing could have been better--not when he was kissing me 2 days before i caught them; not when we were in the midst of possibly getting back together; not when she was dating his best friend. and i wish the girl he found could have been someone other than my best friend. tyler doesn't believe that alex is still upset with him or hurt at all, becuase alex won't tell him that. but alex talks to me...i think he's mostly tired of tyler lying. ty broke a lamp in my house right before this happened...he told my mom a check was in the mail for it. that was a lie of course...i dunno. i'm happy for him. sometimes i jsut miss him so much though. even just his friendship. i know we wouldn't work out...i just want to be his friend again. spend time with him. and that will never be again. and i kind of miss melissa's friendship...not really though. because i didn't feel like she listened to me, and honestly, she kind of got on my nerves at times...these are things you put up with when you love your friend. but that friendship obviously wasn't worth putting up with stuff like that. so anyway...i don't know why i wrote about that. it feels good to write, and get all the gunk out.
lola ray is recording their second album right now. supposedly, it's amazing. i look forward to hearing it. i have 12 piano students....crazy. it's good money, and i really enjoy doing it. i think i lucked out in that area.
brian and julie are getting married....that is nuts...i remember when he first met her and got a crush on her. it's so sweet...
after i pay off my phonebill debt and make my car payment, i'm buying a keytar.
that's all i have to say about that.