she's one of my best friends of all the songs
My December posting meme schedule is borked to hell and back thanks to parent-teacher conferences. I shall do these in the order I feel like!
Today's topic: a Tori song that means everything to you for
newredshoes.
Oof. There are literally dozens of Tori Amos songs that mean a great deal to me. I could write so many different versions of this post! Thankfully, the topic is A song, not THE song, so I'll go with one of Tori's most tender yet world-weary songs.
"Cooling" is one of Tori's best loved b-sides. In my opinion, it's one of her best songs, period. I adore the live version on To Venus and Back: Still Orbiting because the beginning features Tori explaining to the audience: "She just didn't want to be on any of the records." Maybe because "Cooling" is so transcendently beautiful she would take over any album, I don't know. The live version I just mentioned is the one I know best, so I'm listening to it as I write this post.
This song. Picture this: you're in a dying relationship, but you're not ready to let go. The love between the two of you has cooled before your love has, if that makes sense. I first heard this song in high school, before any of my crushes were requited, and this song still ripped my heart in half with its truth. In college, heartbroken and in the exact situation described in the song, I would turn to this song for catharsis, for a little bit of comfort. I know that I have been driven like the snow, I would think, blaming myself for being "too" something--too emotional, too invested, too much for another person to handle. This soft ode to love lost let me know that I wasn't the only person to ever feel this way.
(I know this post is mostly about the live version off Orbiting, but I have to mention the verse Tori used to leave out of the live performances: Woman, you got too many brambles hiding under these bushes. Again, it's this idea of woman as too much, woman as this powerful force that outmatches this other man's capacity for love. It hurts, you bleed from the raw edge of it, but something inside this song tells you that he wasn't the one.)
I have to mention something else. I've never been in this situation, but sometimes I picture a woman singing this to another woman, one who's afraid to be with her. Like this: And is your place in heaven worth giving up these kisses? It's the way Tori's voice almost breaks on "giving up," like maybe this narrative isn't as simple as "one person is in love, the other person used to be 'in like' but isn't anymore." Maybe both people were in love, but one person had other loves, and the love of being accepted won out over everything. But that's just one story available in the song. God, this song is so fucking gorgeous and heartbreaking.
The last thing I'll say about this song (in this post--no promises on any others!) is something I said to a friend this August. She asked me what songs I wanted to hear most at the Tori concert that night. I stopped to think. "Cooling" would have been my automatic answer, but it didn't feel right anymore. I said as much, adding, "It's still a beautiful song, and very true, but I don't need it the same way I did." And I don't. I would still lose my mind and weep openly if I ever heard it in concert, but I'm in a happy relationship with someone who respects me. I never feel like "too much" for him, though I still worry about it every now and then. The catharsis I experience now is a memory.
So yeah. "Cooling" is one of my top songs of all time.
http://littledust.dreamwidth.org/542676.html |
comments | Comment at Dreamwidth
Today's topic: a Tori song that means everything to you for
newredshoes.
Oof. There are literally dozens of Tori Amos songs that mean a great deal to me. I could write so many different versions of this post! Thankfully, the topic is A song, not THE song, so I'll go with one of Tori's most tender yet world-weary songs.
"Cooling" is one of Tori's best loved b-sides. In my opinion, it's one of her best songs, period. I adore the live version on To Venus and Back: Still Orbiting because the beginning features Tori explaining to the audience: "She just didn't want to be on any of the records." Maybe because "Cooling" is so transcendently beautiful she would take over any album, I don't know. The live version I just mentioned is the one I know best, so I'm listening to it as I write this post.
This song. Picture this: you're in a dying relationship, but you're not ready to let go. The love between the two of you has cooled before your love has, if that makes sense. I first heard this song in high school, before any of my crushes were requited, and this song still ripped my heart in half with its truth. In college, heartbroken and in the exact situation described in the song, I would turn to this song for catharsis, for a little bit of comfort. I know that I have been driven like the snow, I would think, blaming myself for being "too" something--too emotional, too invested, too much for another person to handle. This soft ode to love lost let me know that I wasn't the only person to ever feel this way.
(I know this post is mostly about the live version off Orbiting, but I have to mention the verse Tori used to leave out of the live performances: Woman, you got too many brambles hiding under these bushes. Again, it's this idea of woman as too much, woman as this powerful force that outmatches this other man's capacity for love. It hurts, you bleed from the raw edge of it, but something inside this song tells you that he wasn't the one.)
I have to mention something else. I've never been in this situation, but sometimes I picture a woman singing this to another woman, one who's afraid to be with her. Like this: And is your place in heaven worth giving up these kisses? It's the way Tori's voice almost breaks on "giving up," like maybe this narrative isn't as simple as "one person is in love, the other person used to be 'in like' but isn't anymore." Maybe both people were in love, but one person had other loves, and the love of being accepted won out over everything. But that's just one story available in the song. God, this song is so fucking gorgeous and heartbreaking.
The last thing I'll say about this song (in this post--no promises on any others!) is something I said to a friend this August. She asked me what songs I wanted to hear most at the Tori concert that night. I stopped to think. "Cooling" would have been my automatic answer, but it didn't feel right anymore. I said as much, adding, "It's still a beautiful song, and very true, but I don't need it the same way I did." And I don't. I would still lose my mind and weep openly if I ever heard it in concert, but I'm in a happy relationship with someone who respects me. I never feel like "too much" for him, though I still worry about it every now and then. The catharsis I experience now is a memory.
So yeah. "Cooling" is one of my top songs of all time.
http://littledust.dreamwidth.org/542676.html |
comments | Comment at Dreamwidth