I suggest everyone read this.
In The End
(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried
so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
"My Happy Ending" So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
That's how I am usually these days about most things. I'll get annoyed over the fact that I try with something so damn hard, but in the end, it doesn't matter cus either i'll get it wrong or right. Or just drop it entirely. That pertains to math, school in general, family issues, and friends.
The second is what I say to myself some times when I just get fed up with it.
It is time for a serious evaluation. I am sick and tired of bullshit and lies on all fronts.
With school, I'm sick of the bullshit of math. It's just retarted.
I'm getting irritated with my family, just because of this wedding. I'm happy for my cousin and I want to be there to support her, but I don't feel like doing a damn thing to be helpful when my mom just tells me I'm going to do something without asking me. That just pisses me off even more and leads to a big fight between us. Another reason I don't like to go home, (and I told my mother this) is because everytime I do, she complains I'm too skinny, she doesn't like that I don't have eyebrows etc etc etc.
And now comes the best part...
Friends.
This is where the biggest change is coming. It's in process of happening right now. In the past few days-2 weeks I have had a record number of people cycle through my life. Now, I'm used to people coming and going, but passing through this quickly is rough. One person has resurfaced from HS and it's very nice. She is the deal and I instantly could tell she would be a rock, someone who would never dissapear. Ever.
So this is the shout out or whatever you want to call it. If you consider yourself my friend (and you read this) I would highly advise that YOU make contact with ME. I'm not going to chase people that aren't interested in being friends with me. That goes for everyone. I'm fixing to start cutting people out of my life. I'm tired of playing by everyone else's rules.
It's high time the irritating people played by my rules. As I said before, this goes for everyone. I brook no excuses. Saying you were at work, or you were with family or whatever... that's interpreted as a cowardly cop out now and it won't fly. It doesn't take but two seconds to send a text message, REPLY to a text message, or send an IM. It may take up to a whole minute to send a myspace message/email/or call. I mean, oh my god... a whole MINUTE out of your life to let someone know you are still friends. WOOOOW.
Something else that needs to happen is a few people need to have a come to jesus meeting with me. We need to clear some shit up. I'm tired of just over looking things that have been done/said that have hurt me. I'm tired of it. And again I will say that this DOES NOT PERTAIN TO ONE PERSON. Because for some ungodly reason, everyone thinks that it does.
People please, this is my journal, where I post my emotions, opinions, feelings, whatever. Please respect that. I don't go bold faced calling people out in a LiveJournal entry. I don't work that way. So leave the bitchiness at the door, I don't want it.
It is now time for talks to start, and walls (most of them) to come down. Partial distance either needs to close in or just open the fuck up. This in the middle shit won't fly. I'm tired of it.
I will say again people, it doesn't take very long to tell a friend you are thinking of them, you miss them, you want to hang out with them because you haven't seen each other in a few days/weeks/months/whatever. It's like giving someone a smile. It takes little effort, but the effect is large.
Change is happening now. If you don't value my friendship and don't want it, that's fine. Go the fuck away and leave me to the people that are genuine.
If you do value my friendship, let me know people. Show me that there are decent people in the world.
It is time for me to clear the air around me. There is a cloud hanging over my head that's been there for TOO long, and it's got to go. People come and go, yes I'm aware of this... friends don't. Friends are people you can count on and trust 24/7/365. I had a good few of those... and now the number is down to where I can count on one hand.
There ya go. I suggest everyone read that.
Exunt