Fic: and the heart is hard to translate
Title: and the heart is hard to translate
Author: littleboycalico
Pairing: Pinto AU
Rating: NC-17
Length: 6720
Prompt filled: For years, Zach Quinto has been trying to tell his gorgeous pal Chris that he loves him. But even Zach's surprised when one night his best friend turns to him for comfort -- and they have the most incredible sex! Chris is shocked -- Zach is his closest friend, the buddy who's held his hand through a string of disastrous blind dates and crazy exes. Sex with him was a huge mistake. Now Zach knows all his secrets fantasies...
Warnings: Brief Zach/OMC and Chris/OMC. Slight virgin role play. Boys with feelings.
Disclaimer: Lies.
A/N: Written for pintoharlequin. Eternal gratitude to my two lovely and fantastic betas, eefreeboo and marlee813, for their amazing job and cheerleading. <3
Zach smiles politely as Kyle scoots closer to Chris and whispers something in his ear. From across the table, he can’t see exactly what Kyle’s hand is doing in Chris’ lap, but it makes Zach squirmy and uncomfortable all the same. He drains the rest of his beer and watches as Kyle continues his gratuitous display of PDA.
“You ready to head out?”
Zach snaps his head to his left and finds his boyfriend’s face just inches from his.
“Umm. Yeah. It’s late, we should go,” he says to Paul.
He turns his attention back to Chris and raises an eyebrow when he sees that Kyle has Chris’ earlobe in his mouth. Clearing his throat, he raises his eyebrow even higher until Chris looks up and gives Kyle a gentle shove.
“Oh. Right. We’ll probably head over to Kyle’s for the night,” Chris tells him. “Is that alright, K?”
“Sure thing, babe.”
Zach tastes bile in the back of throat and glances at Paul, who’s already slid out of the booth they were occupying to pay their tab. He follows suit and stands by the table as Chris and Kyle take their sweet ass time getting up, giggling like school children.
“This was fun,” Kyle says and loops an arm over Zach’s shoulders as though it was acceptable. “We should double-date again.”
“Mmm-hmm, yeah,” Zach responds and gives Kyle a totally fake smile.
They step out into the crisp spring New York night and Zach begins walking in the direction of the two-bedroom apartment he shares with Chris.
“See you tomorrow, Zach!” Chris hollers as he hails a cab for him and Kyle.
“Okay. See you,” Zach offers weakly. He watches them enter the cab and speed away. “Ugh.”
“Not impressed?” Paul asks.
“No.”
“You cold?”
“What was up with the way he chews? Like with his mouth open all the time? Did you see that?” Zach says, ignoring Paul’s question.
“I didn’t notice.”
“It was weird. I say this about everyone he dates, but I don’t get what Chris sees in him. He’s like, too quirky, you know? Who greets everyone with ‘good morning’ regardless of what time it is? Or keeps taxidermed squirrels in their apartment? He has nothing in common with Chris. And he’s all over Chris all the time, like he could not keep his hands off him,” Zach complains. “And what was up with all the ‘babe’ stuff. Like, it’s your third date, home slice, lay off the terms of endearment, ‘kay?”
They round the corner and arrive at the brownstone where Zach and Chris have been roommates for five years. He trudges up the front stairs and pauses to fish his keys out from his pocket.
“I don’t get why Chris can’t find someone decent. It’s always someone who’s a half-brained idiot or a complete asshole. He’s such an amazing guy and he wants so much more than a half-dozen fucks before being dumped. He deserves someone equally as wonderful and someone that appreciates him for all he is and -- Paul?”
Zach looks back at him boyfriend still standing on the sidewalk. He gestures at the door.
“Are you coming up?” Zach asks.
There’s an unreadable look on Paul’s face. He bites his lower lip before slowly walking up the stairs to Zach.
“I don’t think so,” he says slowly.
“Why not? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how else to say this,” Paul begins and shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking a lot about this and... it’s not working out. We’re not working out,” he says softly.
Zach searches his eyes for any signs that he might be joking.
“What are you talking about?” Zach asks.
“I really wanted us to work out. I think you’re great and I really really like you, Zach. I’m at the point where I might more than really really like you, except you happen to really really be in love with your best friend Chris.”
It takes a moment for the words to sink in, but when they do, Zach laughs at the absurdity of what Paul just said. He stops, then laughs again even harder.
“I’m not in love with Chris. He’s my closest friend and I care a lot about him, but I’m not in love with him. That’s ridiculous.”
A feeling of dread seeps into his stomach before he even finishes his denial.
“Either way, I feel like I’m always second fiddle to Chris. And that was fine for a while. I’m not about to come between you two and your friendship. I realize that it’s something special.” Paul shrugs. “I need more though. You’re constantly talking about Chris. You rip apart any guy that’s he’s interested in. You invite him along to things when I think it’s just going to be the two of us.”
“I thought you were cool with Chris,” Zach objects.
“I am. I think he’s great. But sometimes I want to be with you. Just you. I’m not dating you and Chris. I’m dating you.”
Zach opens his mouth to protest again, but can’t find the words.
“I need to know that I’m as important to you as Chris is,” Paul adds.
“You are,” Zach says, not at all convincing.
“Am I?” Paul asks. “You can lie to me all you want, but stop lying to yourself.” He places a gentle hand on Zach’s arm. “You’re only hurting yourself,” Paul adds before the turns and walks down the stairs, giving Zach a sad smile. “Take some time and really think about it. Take care, Zach.”
Paul’s figure retreats down the street and disappears into the dark. Zach fumbles with his keys and opens the front door, walking heavily up to his apartment and unlocking it. After he steps inside and kicks off his shoes, he makes his way to his bedroom and flops down on his bed.
It doesn’t take long for him to realize that Paul was right.
***
The beeping of the MTA bus as it’s discharging passengers on the corner and the bustle of people hurrying on their way home makes it difficult for Zach to hear what Chris is saying on the other end of the phone. He’s repeated it three times before Zach plugs a finger in right ear to block out the noise of the street, pushing the earpiece as close to his head as possible.
“Hey, sorry, I can’t really hear. Say that again?” he asks.
“Kyle and I broke up.”
He stops dead in his tracks. A few annoyed rush-hour pedestrians impatiently push and scurry around him to run down the stairs toward the subway. The green awning of the Starbucks looks like a safe haven from foot traffic so Zach makes his way over, dodging a mother and her stroller in the process.
“Are you there, Zach?” Chris asks.
“What... what happened?” Zach stammers.
There’s a pause before Chris lets out a long sigh. Zach knows that sigh, the one where Chris tugs at the ends of his hair, head cocked to the side.
“Kyle said that we’re mismatched. Can you believe that? Mismatched. Like we’re a pair of socks.”
“Oh.” For once, he actually understands one of Kyle’s metaphors. He should probably say more, but “So you’re single again?” seems inappropriate. He settles on something along the lines of asking if Chris was alright.
“I guess. Disappointed but--” and the rest of what Chris says is drowned by the blaring of a cab’s horn, before Zach hears, “--a change of heart.”
“Hey, it’s kind of hard for me to hear right now. Do you want to meet up?”
“God, yes. Drinks?”
“Yeah, of course.” Zach hitches his messenger bag higher on his shoulder and glances at his watch. “When can you leave work?”
“Now.”
“So, Dive Bar in half an hour?”
“Sounds good,” Chris agrees.
“See you soon.”
Zach hits “End” on his phone and slips it back in his pocket. He darts down the stairs and makes it onto the platform just as his train arrives. Squeezing his way in, Zach burrows to the middle of the car and grabs onto the bar for purchase as the doors chime and shut and the train screeches away. He hops off the train a few stops later and runs up the stairs to hurry toward the bar two blocks from their apartment. Chris is already at the bar when he gets there, welcoming Zach with a sad smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Hey, am I late?” Zach asks, hugging Chris tightly.
“No, I just got here,” he says as he pulls away from Zach.
“Grab a table for us and I’ll get us drinks,” Zach tells Chris.
When Zach arrives at the booth, Chris is sitting with his elbow propped on the table and his head in his hand.
“So what happened?” he asks.
Chris peeks at him through his fingers. Inhaling deeply, he reaches for his beer and takes a long drink, his Adam’s apple bobbing each time he swallows, before placing it on the little cardboard coaster on the table.
“Are you ready for some serious whining?”
Zach nods and busies himself with stuffing a lime slice down the neck of this Corona.
“I’m unlovable,” Chris states dryly.
“Stop it.” Zach refrains from kicking him under the table.
“I am,” he says, matter-of-factly with a shrug of his right shoulder. “Kyle said that he has doubts about how he really feels about me. That he loves me, but he’s not quite sure that he could love me, because things are beginning to feel like a chore.”
“First of all, you’ve been dating for a month and a half, so all talk of love is probably premature. Unless you’re using it the same way as when you describe your feelings for Rachel Maddow. And second of all, what wouldn’t be a chore?” Zach’s eyes grow large. “Oh my god, was he talking about sex?”
Chris frowns. “No, not sex. Well, I don’t think so. He just meant... I’m actually not sure what he meant. I don’t know what he means a lot of the times. I think he’s trying to be deep but he ends up being vague.” Chris picks at the label on his bottle.
“Wow. Okay.” Zach lifts the bottle to his mouth.
Chris nods.
“But,” Zach continues. “In all honesty, did you really picture this leading somewhere?”
“No.”
Leaning forward, Zach lowers his voice. “Look at me.” Chris raises an eyebrow but does as he’s told. “You are awesome. You’re smart, funny, and fantastically good-looking. You have an amazing job, you’re a decent cook, a wonderful friend, you have a kind heart, you foster sick puppies--”
“Not anymore,” Chris interrupts. “Not after the landlord found out.”
“Whatever. The point is that you would if it didn’t mean we could get kicked out of our apartment,” Zach counters.
Chris chuckles and tears his eyes away from Zach. “I know you’re obligated to say all that cause you’re my friend, so thank you.”
Rolling his eyes, Zach sits back and crosses his arms. “I wasn’t just saying that cause I’m your friend. It’s completely true and it’s Kyle’s stupid loss if he can’t see how spectacular you are and fall head over heels in love with you.”
“Zach, the problem is that no one has ever felt that way about me. I get to a certain point in a relationship and... I don’t know, it falls apart because there’s something about me that stops people from going all in.”
“Not true.” Zach bites his lip to keep from confessing the newfound feelings he’s been harboring for Chris. “The problem is that you date people you wouldn’t want to sustain a relationship with anyway.”
“Ugh, not always.”
“Yes, always. Like that guy, the one with the spades and clubs tattooed on his knuckles?” Zach points out. “Ex-convict with ties to the mob. And the guy with the--”
“Ass implants,” they say simultaneously.
“Who turned out to be an ex-reality TV star on LOGO,” Zach finishes. “Or, remember the guy who would never meet up with you in his work clothes? He had to go home first to change out of his suit? What was his deal?”
Chris scrunches his nose. “Closeted Republican.”
“Oh right,” Zach muses.
“What the hell? Where do I find them?” Chris says, shaking his head and looking down at his hands.
Zach lifts his Corona to his lips. “It’s tricky, falling for someone and having them reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity. The odds of it happening seem so low, but that’s why it’s romantic when it does happen.”
Chris finally looks up and Zach notices the blush staining his cheeks. It’s beyond him how anyone could not fall for Chris.
“Hungry?” Zach asks, pretending to check his phone.
“Starving,” Chris replies. “Let’s get Mexican. I really want guacamole. Kyle used to scoop guacamole onto a chip, lick it off and then redip it into the guacamole.”
Making a face, Zach begins sliding out of the booth. “I’m so glad you’re done with that freakshow,” he mutters.
“He didn’t know your favorite cookie, which is appalling given how much you love cookies,” Zach states.
It’s a valid point. Kyle didn’t know Chris’ favorite cookie. Or rather, he just never bothered to notice. Chris hums his agreement and shoves another chocolate chip cookie in his mouth. He sinks further into the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, and waits for Zach to scold him for it, but is surprised when Zach mimics his movement.
He sighs happily, feeling better than he did earlier in the day. Zach always knew exactly what to say and do to make him feel better. After every break-up he’s had, Zach would be there to comfort him on the couch, helping to nurse his wounded ego and bruised heart. Over the years, he’s similarly helped Zach through his share of disastrous dates and failed relationships with the hope that on one of those nights, Zach might fall into his arms for comfort before falling into his bed.
“You know my favorite cookie,” Chris says around a mouthful. “And my favorite wine,” he adds, mock-toasting Zach with his near-empty wine glass. “And a lot of other things that Kyle couldn’t be bothered to learn. I swear he was the biggest space cadet.”
“Yeah, he was something.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re better off now,” Zach says.
“Someone else will come along, right?” Chris asks.
“Of course.”
“And he’ll be ridiculously hot and smart and fun to be with and will be my soulmate for all of eternity?”
“Sure.”
Turning his head, Chris stares at Zach’s sympathetic eyes. “Zach. All joking aside, is it too much to ask that I end up with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them?”
Zach stares back him, eyes warm and intense at the same time, and Chris finds himself leaning into his friend, breathless and drawn by some invisible force. He blinks and the moment passes.
“Fuck him. Fuck Paul. Fuck all of them,” Chris says, turning away from Zach. “Let’s go out. We’re both back on the market. Let get ourselves some ass.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Wherever. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure we’ll find some pretty but dumb guys to suck us off and then come home and bitch about how there are no men with substance. Sometimes I think we’re the only sensible people left in the world. We should just date each other.” It takes a second for it to register that he said the last part out loud. He stares at his toes, unsure if Zach might say anything.
“I kissed you once,” Chris blurts before Zach has the chance to respond and he nearly claps his hand over his mouth. “On your thirtieth birthday,” he continues. “On that amazing balcony overlooking the East River that John had at his old place.” He’s clearly lost all control of his mouth and sense of judgment.
“I remember,” Zach says softly.
“You kissed me back.” Why am I still talking? Chris wonders.
“It was nice,” Zach whispers.
They fall silent and Chris’ heart begins to race. This is dangerous territory. Very dangerous. And flirty and kind of thrilling and the wine is making hard for Chris to conceal his curiosity.
“What would you do if I kissed you again?” Chris asks, peering at Zach from under his lashes.
Time slows, until Zach finally looks at him, not saying a word. He just stares at Chris, eyes soft and expectant, mouth slightly parted. Chris closes the short distance that separates them, cups Zach’s face, and presses their lips together. He brushes his thumb across the stubble on Zach’s jaw and their tentative kiss deepens. Zach reaches for him, pulling him closer until Chris is in his lap straddling him. The fluttering in Chris’ chest explodes into a bolt of lust that shoots down his spine. He grinds their hips together and relishes the feel of both their hardening cocks trapped between them. There’s a moan that escapes Zach as Chris traces the tip of his tongue along Zach’s lower lip, licking it before gently capturing it between his teeth.
Then Zach ducks his head and pulls away from Chris.
“This is a bad idea,” he gasps.
Chris ignores him and begins licking at the corner of Zach’s mouth.
“Chris, I mean it. We should stop if you don’t want this to go any further.”
“What if I want it to go further?” Chris challenges, keeping his voice low as he kisses up Zach’s jaw.
He hears Zach’s sharp intake of breath. “Do you think this would be a good idea?”
“Do you want me, Zach?”
Chris feels his friend shiver underneath him. In a blur, they’re both off the couch, stripping themselves of their clothes, dropping shirts, pants, and briefs while stumbling to the bedroom.
Chris grabs Zach by the shoulders and gives him a playful shove backward onto the bed. He kneels on the bed next to Zach, taking in the sight of his slender and elegant frame, and stretches out on top of Zach. He drops a trail of kisses starting from Zach’s sternum up to his mouth. Zach’s hands are all over him, touching every inch of skin within his reach. Batting Zach’s hands away with a laugh, Chris crawls over him and places his hands on the top drawer of the nightstand.
“In here?”
Zach nods and Chris fishes out a condom and lube. He laughs again as Zach runs his hands up and down his chest, plucking at a nipple.
“So perfect,” Zach murmurs and sucks the nipple into his mouth, making Chris hiss.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, Zach. But I was -- oh fuck, that feels good -- too afraid to say anything.”
Chris settles himself between Zach’s long legs and kisses at the skin pulled taut across his hipbones.
“You were too afraid to say anything?” Zach pants. “I’m always telling you how amazing you are. And hot you are and how fantastic your ass is.”
“In a friendly, platonic, non-sexually-objectifying way.”
“I’ve objectified you plenty. I meant it in an objectifying way every time I said it.”
“Yeah, well I’m not an artsy-fartsy film student. Or poet. You would’ve laughed in my face if I tried to make a move on you,” Chris tells him, flicking his tongue at the tip of Zach’s cock.
“I’m not laughing now, am I?” From beneath hooded eyes, Zach looks at him and runs a hand up his arm, curling it over his shoulder. “Tell me what you want.”
“You,” Chris says. “And I want you to want me back.”
Propping himself up on an elbow, Zach sits up and wraps his hand around the back of Chris’ neck, fingers gently massaging the skin behind his ears.
“I want you, Chris. I love you.”
Chris stills as the words hang in the heated air between them and soak into his skin, piercing his heart. Zach’s gaze doesn’t waver from Chris’, and suddenly tears sting the back of Chris’ eyes and he lunges forward, smashing their mouths and their bodies together.
“Do you know what it was like living with you all those years and not being able to touch you like this? Sleeping across the hall when you brought dates home? The walls are thin, you know. I can hear everything. Every gasp and moan,” he whispers against Zach’s cheek as he snakes a hand down between then to pump Zach’s cock. “Do you know how many nights I’d jack myself off to the sound of your bed creaking, wishing it was me in here?”
Zach whimpers underneath him and begins kissing and sucking at his neck.
“When I first met you in college, I thought you were so awesome; the attractive, too cool senior, but I was just a little freshman with a crush. I wanted you to be my first. You weren’t, but sometimes I still wonder what it would’ve been like.”
“Fuck, Chris,” Zach gasps and throws his head back. “What I would’ve given to have been the first one to see you all innocent and inexperienced. You were so young back then.” He closes his eyes in contemplation. “So young and it would’ve been so wrong.” Zach opens his eyes, his gaze darkening. “We should’ve done this a long time ago.”
The wind is knocked out of him as Chris is flipped onto his back. He looks up at Zach and the naked want and hunger on his face as his eyes roam across Chris’s body. Zach lowers himself to drop kisses along his chest, settling himself between Chris’ legs and spreading his knees open. He rubs his hands along Chris’ thighs while blowing on his cock. Chris bites his lip when Zach presses his lips to the juncture between the base of his swollen dick and his ballsack and sucks gently.
“My my, what big balls you have. I bet they’d feel fantastic thumping against my ass if you fucked me. But that’s not tonight. Not your first time.”
A drop of precome dribbles out of Chris’ slit and smears across his abdomen. His hands fist in the sheets, the muscles in his arms flexed and shaking as Zach reaches for the lube and slides a pillow under Chris’ hips.
“It might hurt a little bit if you’ve never done this before,” Zach whispers. “But I’ll go slow. I’ll take good care of you.”
When Zach slowly pushes a finger into him, Chris’ eyes roll to the back of his head. His entire body feels like it’s about to either float off or burst into flames while Zach lavishes attention on him, complimenting him and coaching him, assuring him he’ll make it special. Chris unleashes a moan from deep in his gut when Zach finally enters him, inch by inch, until he can feel the unruly nest of Zach’s pubic hair pressed to his ass cheeks.
Zach bends forward to stroke his hair with a shaky hand. “You’re so perfect,” he whispers.
As Zach begins to move, Chris reaches for one of his hands and laces their fingers together. Zach pins their linked hands on the pillow next to Chris’ head. Their hands stay that way as Zach quickens his pace and lifts Chris’ hips higher.
“Is this okay?” Zach asks on an outward stroke. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“Nnngg, yeah,” Chris garbles and places his other hand Zach’s waist, marveling at his tight muscles as they work to propel his hips forward and back. “Fuck, so good. Don’t stop. Please don’t ever stop fucking me.”
It’s all the encouragement that Zach needs. Hiking one of Chris’ legs over his shoulder, Zach growls as he snaps his hips faster and faster, thrusting long and deep and making Chris whimper incoherently. With each slap of skin, Chris gets nudged closer to the headboard until he has to let go of Zach’s side and press his hand to the cool wood above his head to keep from colliding with it.
“Want you to remember our first time,” Zach pants between thrusts. “Want you to think of me every time someone else is inside you.”
“Fuck, I don’t want to be with anyone else after this,” Chris whines.
Zach’s hips stutter and something flashes in his eyes. “God, I love you,” he whispers and leans down to cover Chris with his body and claim Chris’ mouth. For that moment, the desire and affection that Chris feels for Zach bubbles up from his stomach, up through his chest, and Chris is sure that Zach could taste it on his tongue and in his breath. He feels utterly complete in a way that he didn’t think possible.
As Zach pulls back from their kiss, he squeezes the hand that’s joined to his and wraps his other one around Chris’ ankle. He bends Chris a little more and drills into him. Chris’ vision blurs from the frantic pace of their fucking while the sound of his screams and Zach’s grunts echo off the walls. He screws his eyes shut as the head of Zach’s cock rubs over that bundle of nerves, that tightening cord of tension building in his belly and behind his nuts.
“Come on, Chris. Please, you’re so close. I can feel it,” Zach says through gritted teeth.
He plunges into Chris with one long stroke and his dick rumbles right over that little bump one last time before Chris’ orgasm ripples through him, his untouched cock spilling enthusiastically onto their skin. Zach squeezes his hand again and continues fucking Chris until his thrashing subsides. Opening his eyes, he sees Zach gazing down at him with a wondrous expression.
“So beautiful,” Zach tells him.
Chris is sure his smile is entirely goofy and not sexy, but he licks his lips suggestively anyway and clenches around Zach. “Come on, I want to see you come.”
Moments later, Zach’s pulsing inside him with a growl before his face relaxes into total bliss, collapsing on Chris. The last thing Chris remembers before he falls asleep is the feel of Zach’s fingers buried in his hair.
Even before Zach opens his eyes, he’s hit by the familiar scent of Chris and the unmistakable smell of sex. But he doesn’t hear the sounds of Chris snoring or feel his breathing next to him, so Zach cracks open an eye. Sitting up in bed, he quickly glances around the room and confirms that Chris isn’t there. He slides out of bed and pulls on a pair of pajama pants that were draped over the back of a chair. Zach pads out to the kitchen. No Chris. No sound of him in the shower either. He pokes his head into Chris’ room. Empty.
Returning to the kitchen, he scans the fridge for a note, but finds nothing. He spins around, lost in frantic thought. It’s Saturday, which means that Chris probably ran out to grab them their weekend-only treat of gourmet coffees from the pastry shop around the corner and will be back in a minute. He probably didn’t want to wake Zach.
An hour later, Zach jumps in the shower and stands under the spray for a lot longer than he needs to.
This was not how the morning after was supposed to be with Chris.
Zach texts him and asks if he wants to meet up for lunch. It takes a while for Chris to text back, but when he does, he says he’s hanging out with Zoe. He makes no mention of the night before or why he left without a word.
Zach’s concentration is shot and he finds himself staring wistfully at his phone every few minutes as his mind wanders to the image of Chris writhing under him, back arched and moaning his name. It was the toe-curling, all-consuming, choir of angels singing kind of sex that Zach thought people exaggerated about. But it happened, and it left him trembling to the core in Chris’ arms afterward.
The day goes by and Zach doesn’t hear from Chris. A dull ache forms in his chest, like it’s been hollowed out. Chris has to come home eventually, doesn’t he?
He’s sitting on the couch, hunched over his phone, debating whether midnight is too late to call up John to see if anything is going on for the night, when he hears the jingling of keys and Chris swings open the door.
They stare at each other wordlessly.
“Hey,” Zach finally says.
“Hey.”
Chris moves to stand by the couch, far enough from Zach that he’s not within reach.
“How’s Zoe?”
“Good. She says hi. She went shoe shopping so I tagged along,” Chris explains.
“Cool. So you had a good day?” Zach asks.
“Yeah, it was alright. Been thinking a lot,” Chris says quietly.
“Me too,” Zach says.
They fall silent again.
“So,” Zach starts. “I don’t want things to be weird between us because of the other night.”
“I don’t either,” Chris agrees. He sits next to Zach, leaving a foot of space between them. “I’m sorry I left. I guess I sort of freaked out -- not in a bad way,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t think we’d ever hook up like that.”
Zach bites his lip. “Do you regret it?”
“No,” Chris says. “Do you?”
“No,” Zach says, shaking his head.
A lengthy minute passes. Chris finally clears his throat. “So we’re cool?”
“We’re cool,” Zach confirms, and bites his lip again to keep from saying too much.
Chris reaches for the remote and they watch the History Channel for a while, not saying much to each other as footage from JFK’s assassination is dissected through a computer simulated reenactment on their TV screen before they decide to turn in for the night. Zach gives Chris’ shoulder a firm and reassuring squeeze, his muscles strong but malleable under Zach’s hands, as they walk down the hallway to their bedrooms.
“Good night, Chris.”
“Good night, Zach.”
Striping off his clothes and underwear, Zach pulls on a pair of pajamas bottoms and crawls into bed. With a heavy sigh, he closes his eyes, chastising himself for not speaking up and saying what he really wanted to say to Chris -- to ask if Chris could envision them as more than just friends, more than roommates. Instead, they were now left with this weird, uncomfortable silence between them. Zach turns onto his side and tries to calm his mind, pushing away the disappointment. The awkwardness between them would subside; Zach wasn’t so sure his feelings for Chris would.
He only vaguely registers the slight creak of his bedroom door as it’s opened some time later. He’s in a sleepy haze when the other side of the bed dips under Chris’ weight as he settles in with Zach. A few moments pass before he feels Chris move. And then move again, resting his hand on Zach’s hip. He’s wide awake now, unsure if Chris intends to do much more than simply sleep with him; he’s always a bit clingy after break-ups. Chris remains still for a long time and the weight of his hand on Zach’s side becomes a welcome comfort. Things would be fine. Zach could be grateful if this was all Chris had to offer.
His eyes fall shut and he’s nearly drifted off to sleep when Chris’ fingers slide under the waistband of Zach’s striped pajama pants. He gasps in surprise, but doesn’t object. Chris shifts even closer, pressing his chest flush to Zach, his chest hair ticking Zach’s bare back, and trailing his fingers down Zach’s hipbone and into the thick hair nestled at his crotch. Zach moans as Chris twines his fingers in his hair, tugging playfully.
Against his skin, he can feel Chris’ smile as he kisses the back of his neck while canting his hips forward. That’s when Zach feels it: an unmistakable hardness pressing into his fleshy right ass cheek. Holding Zach’s hip in place, Chris rocks against him, hot, hard, and completely naked in his bed.
In his ear, Chris’ breathing gets louder. Zach arches his back, pressing his ass back into Chris, his own dick growing harder by the second.
Chris gives his ass a squeeze through the thin cotton and continues rubbing his cock along his backside. Zach lets out another moan as Chris’ fingers find their way under his waistband again. He slides his hands between Zach’s thighs, nudging them apart. Cupping his balls, Chris begins playing with them, rolling them and gently squeezing them. Every time Chris tugs on them, Zach gasps and pushes back into his body. Chris’ eager erection pokes at Zach’s pajama-clad ass, but he carefully and purposely avoids touching Zach’s heavy cock. Occasionally, his hand wanders to the thatch of hair concentrated below his belly to scratch lightly before traveling up Zach’s chest to pinch his nipples.
He’s been writhing under Chris’ teasing touch for what feels like an eternity and Zach is about to start begging for his cock to be touched when he feels fingertips tapping along the shaft. He bites his pillow, his dick rock hard, throbbing underneath the welcomed attention.
Chris’ fingers are feather-light yet utterly painful as they slowly trail up the length of Zach’s erection. He patiently repeats the same motion -- up and down, up and down -- an almost innocent exploration of Zach’s swollen dick that makes him shake with anticipation. Chris’ forefinger circles around the bulby head and dips into Zach’s slit, collecting the eager moisture and spreading it around the spongy head. Zach can’t help his hips from rocking rhythmically, and behind him, Chris mimics his movements. Zach feels Chris’ hot, rigid cock rubbing along his crack and brushing his tailbone, his balls rubbing against his ass.
Their movements become more frantic, but Chris refuses to wrap his hand around Zach and pump him with the vigor that will finish them both off. Instead, he slows their pace down and continues with his previous, agonizingly patient track from head to base and back again, stopping only to dip and draw the beads of liquid he’s generously leaking from his slit. It’s agonizing and Zach unleashes a growl as he begins to shiver uncontrollably in Chris’ arms.
Chris places a string of kisses down his neck and rests his forehead between Zach’s shoulder blades. Reaching back to grab a handful of Chris’ bare ass, Zach squeezes, not caring if he’s squeezing too hard. With a firm hand, Chris begins to pump Zach while thrusting into his ass and at the base of his spine. Their labored breathing and the creak of the bed beneath them fill the dark bedroom. Deep in his belly, his building lust coils and tightens, and Zach grabs Chris’ ass again. He feels Chris’ breath, ragged and damp on his back.
Suddenly, Chris’ hand jerks to a stop and he goes completely rigid. Zach feels the warm splash of Chris’ release on the small of his back. He bites at the junction between Zach’s neck and shoulder as he comes and then kisses it to soothe any pain. Chris begins stroking him hard and fast, and Zach feels the words “love you so much” whispered into his skin, and Zach comes with a cry, shooting into his pajama pants and all over Chris’ hand. With tired fingers, Chris coaxes the last drops out of Zach’s cock and caresses it gingerly, letting it soften while cradled in his palm.
Eventually, Chris mumbles into his skin and pulls his sticky hand out of Zach’s pants. Zach musters up the energy to sit up quickly and pull his pants off. Halfassedly, he wipes at the sticky messes on both of them. He tosses the soiled pajamas in the relative direction of the hamper and flops back to onto the mattress. Chris rolls onto his back and Zach drapes his arm over his chest, hand resting over Chris’ heart.
Chris untwists his legs from Zach’s sheets and stretches. The digital clock reads 3:41 a.m. He can hear the TV in the living room. Brushing his hands over his face, Chris sighs, gets out of bed, and puts on the pajama bottoms he shed before he slid between Zach’s sheets a few hours earlier. He ambles out to where Zach is sitting alone in the dark.
“Hey,” he says, voice rough with sleep.
“Hey,” Zach says quietly.
He narrows his eyes at the image of a leopard scaling a tree with a lifeless carcass in its mouth.
“What are you watching?” Chris asks.
“Planet Earth.”
Chris plants himself next to Zach on the couch. “Can’t sleep, huh?”
He turns his attention to the TV, not really paying attention to what’s on the screen. Suddenly, he feels self-conscious, overly aware of every breath he takes and whether it’s too loud and drowning out Sigourney Weaver’s careful narration.
“Chris, what are we doing?” Zach asks.
Chris picks up the remote and shuts off the TV, shifting on the couch to face Zach. They’re sitting exactly like they were the night before when they crossed the line from friends to lovers. In his chest, Chris’ heart begins to pound and ripples of excitement flutter through his veins.
“There’s something I should tell you,” Chris whispers. “But I’m so terrified of what you might say.”
“Okay.”
“I love watching documentaries with you on Saturday nights. And I love when we do the crossword puzzle in the Sunday paper. I love when we get dinner and go to plays together during the week and even when we sit around and do nothing...” Chris trails off.
“Do you love it like you love Rachel Maddow?” Zach asks softly.
“No. I love it in a way that I don’t love anything else.” He places his hand on Zach’s and hope blossoms in Chris when Zach turns his palm up to clasp their hands together. “The other night, we both said some things... I need you to know that everything I said was real. I meant it all. I freaked out because I had confessed all my desires to you, laid it all out there, and it hit me that maybe you were just playing along with, you know,” he pauses to wave his hand around vaguely, “the whole virgin fantasy thing.”
“I really liked the whole virgin fantasy thing,” Zach says. “A lot.”
Blushing, Chris smiles and leans into Zach.
“Zach,” he continues. “When you said you loved me, was that real?” Chris asks.
Zach rubs his thumb across the back of Chris’ hand soothingly and nods.
“It was real. I love you. I tell you that all the time.” Zach looks at Chris and searches his face. “But you want to know if I love you. And the answer to that is yes. I think I’ve loved you from the beginning but was too afraid to admit it to myself because I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”
It makes Chris grin so widely that his face might split. He rests his head on Zach’s shoulder.
“Do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night?” Chris asks him. “Like, a real date where we make reservations and wear respectable clothes and hold hands under the table.”
Zach returns his smile, his face lighting up in a way that makes Chris feel warm all over.
“And smile nervously at each other while we think about which surface we’re going to have sex on when we get home?” Zach adds.
Chris lifts his head, eyes widening. “Oooh, yeah, I can’t wait to get you in my bed tomorrow night.”
The left corner of Zach’s mouth twists up in amusement. “Tomorrow night? Or?”
Chris thinks for a moment. “Or... now?” he asks brightly.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Climbing on top of Zach, Chris cards his fingers through Zach’s hair and kisses up his jawline. “So. You want to know what it feels like when my balls are thumping against your ass?” he asks in a low voice, lips pressed to Zach’s.
“Yes, please,” Zach eagerly whispers into the kiss.
Author: littleboycalico
Pairing: Pinto AU
Rating: NC-17
Length: 6720
Prompt filled: For years, Zach Quinto has been trying to tell his gorgeous pal Chris that he loves him. But even Zach's surprised when one night his best friend turns to him for comfort -- and they have the most incredible sex! Chris is shocked -- Zach is his closest friend, the buddy who's held his hand through a string of disastrous blind dates and crazy exes. Sex with him was a huge mistake. Now Zach knows all his secrets fantasies...
Warnings: Brief Zach/OMC and Chris/OMC. Slight virgin role play. Boys with feelings.
Disclaimer: Lies.
A/N: Written for pintoharlequin. Eternal gratitude to my two lovely and fantastic betas, eefreeboo and marlee813, for their amazing job and cheerleading. <3
Zach smiles politely as Kyle scoots closer to Chris and whispers something in his ear. From across the table, he can’t see exactly what Kyle’s hand is doing in Chris’ lap, but it makes Zach squirmy and uncomfortable all the same. He drains the rest of his beer and watches as Kyle continues his gratuitous display of PDA.
“You ready to head out?”
Zach snaps his head to his left and finds his boyfriend’s face just inches from his.
“Umm. Yeah. It’s late, we should go,” he says to Paul.
He turns his attention back to Chris and raises an eyebrow when he sees that Kyle has Chris’ earlobe in his mouth. Clearing his throat, he raises his eyebrow even higher until Chris looks up and gives Kyle a gentle shove.
“Oh. Right. We’ll probably head over to Kyle’s for the night,” Chris tells him. “Is that alright, K?”
“Sure thing, babe.”
Zach tastes bile in the back of throat and glances at Paul, who’s already slid out of the booth they were occupying to pay their tab. He follows suit and stands by the table as Chris and Kyle take their sweet ass time getting up, giggling like school children.
“This was fun,” Kyle says and loops an arm over Zach’s shoulders as though it was acceptable. “We should double-date again.”
“Mmm-hmm, yeah,” Zach responds and gives Kyle a totally fake smile.
They step out into the crisp spring New York night and Zach begins walking in the direction of the two-bedroom apartment he shares with Chris.
“See you tomorrow, Zach!” Chris hollers as he hails a cab for him and Kyle.
“Okay. See you,” Zach offers weakly. He watches them enter the cab and speed away. “Ugh.”
“Not impressed?” Paul asks.
“No.”
“You cold?”
“What was up with the way he chews? Like with his mouth open all the time? Did you see that?” Zach says, ignoring Paul’s question.
“I didn’t notice.”
“It was weird. I say this about everyone he dates, but I don’t get what Chris sees in him. He’s like, too quirky, you know? Who greets everyone with ‘good morning’ regardless of what time it is? Or keeps taxidermed squirrels in their apartment? He has nothing in common with Chris. And he’s all over Chris all the time, like he could not keep his hands off him,” Zach complains. “And what was up with all the ‘babe’ stuff. Like, it’s your third date, home slice, lay off the terms of endearment, ‘kay?”
They round the corner and arrive at the brownstone where Zach and Chris have been roommates for five years. He trudges up the front stairs and pauses to fish his keys out from his pocket.
“I don’t get why Chris can’t find someone decent. It’s always someone who’s a half-brained idiot or a complete asshole. He’s such an amazing guy and he wants so much more than a half-dozen fucks before being dumped. He deserves someone equally as wonderful and someone that appreciates him for all he is and -- Paul?”
Zach looks back at him boyfriend still standing on the sidewalk. He gestures at the door.
“Are you coming up?” Zach asks.
There’s an unreadable look on Paul’s face. He bites his lower lip before slowly walking up the stairs to Zach.
“I don’t think so,” he says slowly.
“Why not? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how else to say this,” Paul begins and shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking a lot about this and... it’s not working out. We’re not working out,” he says softly.
Zach searches his eyes for any signs that he might be joking.
“What are you talking about?” Zach asks.
“I really wanted us to work out. I think you’re great and I really really like you, Zach. I’m at the point where I might more than really really like you, except you happen to really really be in love with your best friend Chris.”
It takes a moment for the words to sink in, but when they do, Zach laughs at the absurdity of what Paul just said. He stops, then laughs again even harder.
“I’m not in love with Chris. He’s my closest friend and I care a lot about him, but I’m not in love with him. That’s ridiculous.”
A feeling of dread seeps into his stomach before he even finishes his denial.
“Either way, I feel like I’m always second fiddle to Chris. And that was fine for a while. I’m not about to come between you two and your friendship. I realize that it’s something special.” Paul shrugs. “I need more though. You’re constantly talking about Chris. You rip apart any guy that’s he’s interested in. You invite him along to things when I think it’s just going to be the two of us.”
“I thought you were cool with Chris,” Zach objects.
“I am. I think he’s great. But sometimes I want to be with you. Just you. I’m not dating you and Chris. I’m dating you.”
Zach opens his mouth to protest again, but can’t find the words.
“I need to know that I’m as important to you as Chris is,” Paul adds.
“You are,” Zach says, not at all convincing.
“Am I?” Paul asks. “You can lie to me all you want, but stop lying to yourself.” He places a gentle hand on Zach’s arm. “You’re only hurting yourself,” Paul adds before the turns and walks down the stairs, giving Zach a sad smile. “Take some time and really think about it. Take care, Zach.”
Paul’s figure retreats down the street and disappears into the dark. Zach fumbles with his keys and opens the front door, walking heavily up to his apartment and unlocking it. After he steps inside and kicks off his shoes, he makes his way to his bedroom and flops down on his bed.
It doesn’t take long for him to realize that Paul was right.
***
The beeping of the MTA bus as it’s discharging passengers on the corner and the bustle of people hurrying on their way home makes it difficult for Zach to hear what Chris is saying on the other end of the phone. He’s repeated it three times before Zach plugs a finger in right ear to block out the noise of the street, pushing the earpiece as close to his head as possible.
“Hey, sorry, I can’t really hear. Say that again?” he asks.
“Kyle and I broke up.”
He stops dead in his tracks. A few annoyed rush-hour pedestrians impatiently push and scurry around him to run down the stairs toward the subway. The green awning of the Starbucks looks like a safe haven from foot traffic so Zach makes his way over, dodging a mother and her stroller in the process.
“Are you there, Zach?” Chris asks.
“What... what happened?” Zach stammers.
There’s a pause before Chris lets out a long sigh. Zach knows that sigh, the one where Chris tugs at the ends of his hair, head cocked to the side.
“Kyle said that we’re mismatched. Can you believe that? Mismatched. Like we’re a pair of socks.”
“Oh.” For once, he actually understands one of Kyle’s metaphors. He should probably say more, but “So you’re single again?” seems inappropriate. He settles on something along the lines of asking if Chris was alright.
“I guess. Disappointed but--” and the rest of what Chris says is drowned by the blaring of a cab’s horn, before Zach hears, “--a change of heart.”
“Hey, it’s kind of hard for me to hear right now. Do you want to meet up?”
“God, yes. Drinks?”
“Yeah, of course.” Zach hitches his messenger bag higher on his shoulder and glances at his watch. “When can you leave work?”
“Now.”
“So, Dive Bar in half an hour?”
“Sounds good,” Chris agrees.
“See you soon.”
Zach hits “End” on his phone and slips it back in his pocket. He darts down the stairs and makes it onto the platform just as his train arrives. Squeezing his way in, Zach burrows to the middle of the car and grabs onto the bar for purchase as the doors chime and shut and the train screeches away. He hops off the train a few stops later and runs up the stairs to hurry toward the bar two blocks from their apartment. Chris is already at the bar when he gets there, welcoming Zach with a sad smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Hey, am I late?” Zach asks, hugging Chris tightly.
“No, I just got here,” he says as he pulls away from Zach.
“Grab a table for us and I’ll get us drinks,” Zach tells Chris.
When Zach arrives at the booth, Chris is sitting with his elbow propped on the table and his head in his hand.
“So what happened?” he asks.
Chris peeks at him through his fingers. Inhaling deeply, he reaches for his beer and takes a long drink, his Adam’s apple bobbing each time he swallows, before placing it on the little cardboard coaster on the table.
“Are you ready for some serious whining?”
Zach nods and busies himself with stuffing a lime slice down the neck of this Corona.
“I’m unlovable,” Chris states dryly.
“Stop it.” Zach refrains from kicking him under the table.
“I am,” he says, matter-of-factly with a shrug of his right shoulder. “Kyle said that he has doubts about how he really feels about me. That he loves me, but he’s not quite sure that he could love me, because things are beginning to feel like a chore.”
“First of all, you’ve been dating for a month and a half, so all talk of love is probably premature. Unless you’re using it the same way as when you describe your feelings for Rachel Maddow. And second of all, what wouldn’t be a chore?” Zach’s eyes grow large. “Oh my god, was he talking about sex?”
Chris frowns. “No, not sex. Well, I don’t think so. He just meant... I’m actually not sure what he meant. I don’t know what he means a lot of the times. I think he’s trying to be deep but he ends up being vague.” Chris picks at the label on his bottle.
“Wow. Okay.” Zach lifts the bottle to his mouth.
Chris nods.
“But,” Zach continues. “In all honesty, did you really picture this leading somewhere?”
“No.”
Leaning forward, Zach lowers his voice. “Look at me.” Chris raises an eyebrow but does as he’s told. “You are awesome. You’re smart, funny, and fantastically good-looking. You have an amazing job, you’re a decent cook, a wonderful friend, you have a kind heart, you foster sick puppies--”
“Not anymore,” Chris interrupts. “Not after the landlord found out.”
“Whatever. The point is that you would if it didn’t mean we could get kicked out of our apartment,” Zach counters.
Chris chuckles and tears his eyes away from Zach. “I know you’re obligated to say all that cause you’re my friend, so thank you.”
Rolling his eyes, Zach sits back and crosses his arms. “I wasn’t just saying that cause I’m your friend. It’s completely true and it’s Kyle’s stupid loss if he can’t see how spectacular you are and fall head over heels in love with you.”
“Zach, the problem is that no one has ever felt that way about me. I get to a certain point in a relationship and... I don’t know, it falls apart because there’s something about me that stops people from going all in.”
“Not true.” Zach bites his lip to keep from confessing the newfound feelings he’s been harboring for Chris. “The problem is that you date people you wouldn’t want to sustain a relationship with anyway.”
“Ugh, not always.”
“Yes, always. Like that guy, the one with the spades and clubs tattooed on his knuckles?” Zach points out. “Ex-convict with ties to the mob. And the guy with the--”
“Ass implants,” they say simultaneously.
“Who turned out to be an ex-reality TV star on LOGO,” Zach finishes. “Or, remember the guy who would never meet up with you in his work clothes? He had to go home first to change out of his suit? What was his deal?”
Chris scrunches his nose. “Closeted Republican.”
“Oh right,” Zach muses.
“What the hell? Where do I find them?” Chris says, shaking his head and looking down at his hands.
Zach lifts his Corona to his lips. “It’s tricky, falling for someone and having them reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity. The odds of it happening seem so low, but that’s why it’s romantic when it does happen.”
Chris finally looks up and Zach notices the blush staining his cheeks. It’s beyond him how anyone could not fall for Chris.
“Hungry?” Zach asks, pretending to check his phone.
“Starving,” Chris replies. “Let’s get Mexican. I really want guacamole. Kyle used to scoop guacamole onto a chip, lick it off and then redip it into the guacamole.”
Making a face, Zach begins sliding out of the booth. “I’m so glad you’re done with that freakshow,” he mutters.
“He didn’t know your favorite cookie, which is appalling given how much you love cookies,” Zach states.
It’s a valid point. Kyle didn’t know Chris’ favorite cookie. Or rather, he just never bothered to notice. Chris hums his agreement and shoves another chocolate chip cookie in his mouth. He sinks further into the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, and waits for Zach to scold him for it, but is surprised when Zach mimics his movement.
He sighs happily, feeling better than he did earlier in the day. Zach always knew exactly what to say and do to make him feel better. After every break-up he’s had, Zach would be there to comfort him on the couch, helping to nurse his wounded ego and bruised heart. Over the years, he’s similarly helped Zach through his share of disastrous dates and failed relationships with the hope that on one of those nights, Zach might fall into his arms for comfort before falling into his bed.
“You know my favorite cookie,” Chris says around a mouthful. “And my favorite wine,” he adds, mock-toasting Zach with his near-empty wine glass. “And a lot of other things that Kyle couldn’t be bothered to learn. I swear he was the biggest space cadet.”
“Yeah, he was something.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re better off now,” Zach says.
“Someone else will come along, right?” Chris asks.
“Of course.”
“And he’ll be ridiculously hot and smart and fun to be with and will be my soulmate for all of eternity?”
“Sure.”
Turning his head, Chris stares at Zach’s sympathetic eyes. “Zach. All joking aside, is it too much to ask that I end up with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them?”
Zach stares back him, eyes warm and intense at the same time, and Chris finds himself leaning into his friend, breathless and drawn by some invisible force. He blinks and the moment passes.
“Fuck him. Fuck Paul. Fuck all of them,” Chris says, turning away from Zach. “Let’s go out. We’re both back on the market. Let get ourselves some ass.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Wherever. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure we’ll find some pretty but dumb guys to suck us off and then come home and bitch about how there are no men with substance. Sometimes I think we’re the only sensible people left in the world. We should just date each other.” It takes a second for it to register that he said the last part out loud. He stares at his toes, unsure if Zach might say anything.
“I kissed you once,” Chris blurts before Zach has the chance to respond and he nearly claps his hand over his mouth. “On your thirtieth birthday,” he continues. “On that amazing balcony overlooking the East River that John had at his old place.” He’s clearly lost all control of his mouth and sense of judgment.
“I remember,” Zach says softly.
“You kissed me back.” Why am I still talking? Chris wonders.
“It was nice,” Zach whispers.
They fall silent and Chris’ heart begins to race. This is dangerous territory. Very dangerous. And flirty and kind of thrilling and the wine is making hard for Chris to conceal his curiosity.
“What would you do if I kissed you again?” Chris asks, peering at Zach from under his lashes.
Time slows, until Zach finally looks at him, not saying a word. He just stares at Chris, eyes soft and expectant, mouth slightly parted. Chris closes the short distance that separates them, cups Zach’s face, and presses their lips together. He brushes his thumb across the stubble on Zach’s jaw and their tentative kiss deepens. Zach reaches for him, pulling him closer until Chris is in his lap straddling him. The fluttering in Chris’ chest explodes into a bolt of lust that shoots down his spine. He grinds their hips together and relishes the feel of both their hardening cocks trapped between them. There’s a moan that escapes Zach as Chris traces the tip of his tongue along Zach’s lower lip, licking it before gently capturing it between his teeth.
Then Zach ducks his head and pulls away from Chris.
“This is a bad idea,” he gasps.
Chris ignores him and begins licking at the corner of Zach’s mouth.
“Chris, I mean it. We should stop if you don’t want this to go any further.”
“What if I want it to go further?” Chris challenges, keeping his voice low as he kisses up Zach’s jaw.
He hears Zach’s sharp intake of breath. “Do you think this would be a good idea?”
“Do you want me, Zach?”
Chris feels his friend shiver underneath him. In a blur, they’re both off the couch, stripping themselves of their clothes, dropping shirts, pants, and briefs while stumbling to the bedroom.
Chris grabs Zach by the shoulders and gives him a playful shove backward onto the bed. He kneels on the bed next to Zach, taking in the sight of his slender and elegant frame, and stretches out on top of Zach. He drops a trail of kisses starting from Zach’s sternum up to his mouth. Zach’s hands are all over him, touching every inch of skin within his reach. Batting Zach’s hands away with a laugh, Chris crawls over him and places his hands on the top drawer of the nightstand.
“In here?”
Zach nods and Chris fishes out a condom and lube. He laughs again as Zach runs his hands up and down his chest, plucking at a nipple.
“So perfect,” Zach murmurs and sucks the nipple into his mouth, making Chris hiss.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, Zach. But I was -- oh fuck, that feels good -- too afraid to say anything.”
Chris settles himself between Zach’s long legs and kisses at the skin pulled taut across his hipbones.
“You were too afraid to say anything?” Zach pants. “I’m always telling you how amazing you are. And hot you are and how fantastic your ass is.”
“In a friendly, platonic, non-sexually-objectifying way.”
“I’ve objectified you plenty. I meant it in an objectifying way every time I said it.”
“Yeah, well I’m not an artsy-fartsy film student. Or poet. You would’ve laughed in my face if I tried to make a move on you,” Chris tells him, flicking his tongue at the tip of Zach’s cock.
“I’m not laughing now, am I?” From beneath hooded eyes, Zach looks at him and runs a hand up his arm, curling it over his shoulder. “Tell me what you want.”
“You,” Chris says. “And I want you to want me back.”
Propping himself up on an elbow, Zach sits up and wraps his hand around the back of Chris’ neck, fingers gently massaging the skin behind his ears.
“I want you, Chris. I love you.”
Chris stills as the words hang in the heated air between them and soak into his skin, piercing his heart. Zach’s gaze doesn’t waver from Chris’, and suddenly tears sting the back of Chris’ eyes and he lunges forward, smashing their mouths and their bodies together.
“Do you know what it was like living with you all those years and not being able to touch you like this? Sleeping across the hall when you brought dates home? The walls are thin, you know. I can hear everything. Every gasp and moan,” he whispers against Zach’s cheek as he snakes a hand down between then to pump Zach’s cock. “Do you know how many nights I’d jack myself off to the sound of your bed creaking, wishing it was me in here?”
Zach whimpers underneath him and begins kissing and sucking at his neck.
“When I first met you in college, I thought you were so awesome; the attractive, too cool senior, but I was just a little freshman with a crush. I wanted you to be my first. You weren’t, but sometimes I still wonder what it would’ve been like.”
“Fuck, Chris,” Zach gasps and throws his head back. “What I would’ve given to have been the first one to see you all innocent and inexperienced. You were so young back then.” He closes his eyes in contemplation. “So young and it would’ve been so wrong.” Zach opens his eyes, his gaze darkening. “We should’ve done this a long time ago.”
The wind is knocked out of him as Chris is flipped onto his back. He looks up at Zach and the naked want and hunger on his face as his eyes roam across Chris’s body. Zach lowers himself to drop kisses along his chest, settling himself between Chris’ legs and spreading his knees open. He rubs his hands along Chris’ thighs while blowing on his cock. Chris bites his lip when Zach presses his lips to the juncture between the base of his swollen dick and his ballsack and sucks gently.
“My my, what big balls you have. I bet they’d feel fantastic thumping against my ass if you fucked me. But that’s not tonight. Not your first time.”
A drop of precome dribbles out of Chris’ slit and smears across his abdomen. His hands fist in the sheets, the muscles in his arms flexed and shaking as Zach reaches for the lube and slides a pillow under Chris’ hips.
“It might hurt a little bit if you’ve never done this before,” Zach whispers. “But I’ll go slow. I’ll take good care of you.”
When Zach slowly pushes a finger into him, Chris’ eyes roll to the back of his head. His entire body feels like it’s about to either float off or burst into flames while Zach lavishes attention on him, complimenting him and coaching him, assuring him he’ll make it special. Chris unleashes a moan from deep in his gut when Zach finally enters him, inch by inch, until he can feel the unruly nest of Zach’s pubic hair pressed to his ass cheeks.
Zach bends forward to stroke his hair with a shaky hand. “You’re so perfect,” he whispers.
As Zach begins to move, Chris reaches for one of his hands and laces their fingers together. Zach pins their linked hands on the pillow next to Chris’ head. Their hands stay that way as Zach quickens his pace and lifts Chris’ hips higher.
“Is this okay?” Zach asks on an outward stroke. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“Nnngg, yeah,” Chris garbles and places his other hand Zach’s waist, marveling at his tight muscles as they work to propel his hips forward and back. “Fuck, so good. Don’t stop. Please don’t ever stop fucking me.”
It’s all the encouragement that Zach needs. Hiking one of Chris’ legs over his shoulder, Zach growls as he snaps his hips faster and faster, thrusting long and deep and making Chris whimper incoherently. With each slap of skin, Chris gets nudged closer to the headboard until he has to let go of Zach’s side and press his hand to the cool wood above his head to keep from colliding with it.
“Want you to remember our first time,” Zach pants between thrusts. “Want you to think of me every time someone else is inside you.”
“Fuck, I don’t want to be with anyone else after this,” Chris whines.
Zach’s hips stutter and something flashes in his eyes. “God, I love you,” he whispers and leans down to cover Chris with his body and claim Chris’ mouth. For that moment, the desire and affection that Chris feels for Zach bubbles up from his stomach, up through his chest, and Chris is sure that Zach could taste it on his tongue and in his breath. He feels utterly complete in a way that he didn’t think possible.
As Zach pulls back from their kiss, he squeezes the hand that’s joined to his and wraps his other one around Chris’ ankle. He bends Chris a little more and drills into him. Chris’ vision blurs from the frantic pace of their fucking while the sound of his screams and Zach’s grunts echo off the walls. He screws his eyes shut as the head of Zach’s cock rubs over that bundle of nerves, that tightening cord of tension building in his belly and behind his nuts.
“Come on, Chris. Please, you’re so close. I can feel it,” Zach says through gritted teeth.
He plunges into Chris with one long stroke and his dick rumbles right over that little bump one last time before Chris’ orgasm ripples through him, his untouched cock spilling enthusiastically onto their skin. Zach squeezes his hand again and continues fucking Chris until his thrashing subsides. Opening his eyes, he sees Zach gazing down at him with a wondrous expression.
“So beautiful,” Zach tells him.
Chris is sure his smile is entirely goofy and not sexy, but he licks his lips suggestively anyway and clenches around Zach. “Come on, I want to see you come.”
Moments later, Zach’s pulsing inside him with a growl before his face relaxes into total bliss, collapsing on Chris. The last thing Chris remembers before he falls asleep is the feel of Zach’s fingers buried in his hair.
Even before Zach opens his eyes, he’s hit by the familiar scent of Chris and the unmistakable smell of sex. But he doesn’t hear the sounds of Chris snoring or feel his breathing next to him, so Zach cracks open an eye. Sitting up in bed, he quickly glances around the room and confirms that Chris isn’t there. He slides out of bed and pulls on a pair of pajama pants that were draped over the back of a chair. Zach pads out to the kitchen. No Chris. No sound of him in the shower either. He pokes his head into Chris’ room. Empty.
Returning to the kitchen, he scans the fridge for a note, but finds nothing. He spins around, lost in frantic thought. It’s Saturday, which means that Chris probably ran out to grab them their weekend-only treat of gourmet coffees from the pastry shop around the corner and will be back in a minute. He probably didn’t want to wake Zach.
An hour later, Zach jumps in the shower and stands under the spray for a lot longer than he needs to.
This was not how the morning after was supposed to be with Chris.
Zach texts him and asks if he wants to meet up for lunch. It takes a while for Chris to text back, but when he does, he says he’s hanging out with Zoe. He makes no mention of the night before or why he left without a word.
Zach’s concentration is shot and he finds himself staring wistfully at his phone every few minutes as his mind wanders to the image of Chris writhing under him, back arched and moaning his name. It was the toe-curling, all-consuming, choir of angels singing kind of sex that Zach thought people exaggerated about. But it happened, and it left him trembling to the core in Chris’ arms afterward.
The day goes by and Zach doesn’t hear from Chris. A dull ache forms in his chest, like it’s been hollowed out. Chris has to come home eventually, doesn’t he?
He’s sitting on the couch, hunched over his phone, debating whether midnight is too late to call up John to see if anything is going on for the night, when he hears the jingling of keys and Chris swings open the door.
They stare at each other wordlessly.
“Hey,” Zach finally says.
“Hey.”
Chris moves to stand by the couch, far enough from Zach that he’s not within reach.
“How’s Zoe?”
“Good. She says hi. She went shoe shopping so I tagged along,” Chris explains.
“Cool. So you had a good day?” Zach asks.
“Yeah, it was alright. Been thinking a lot,” Chris says quietly.
“Me too,” Zach says.
They fall silent again.
“So,” Zach starts. “I don’t want things to be weird between us because of the other night.”
“I don’t either,” Chris agrees. He sits next to Zach, leaving a foot of space between them. “I’m sorry I left. I guess I sort of freaked out -- not in a bad way,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t think we’d ever hook up like that.”
Zach bites his lip. “Do you regret it?”
“No,” Chris says. “Do you?”
“No,” Zach says, shaking his head.
A lengthy minute passes. Chris finally clears his throat. “So we’re cool?”
“We’re cool,” Zach confirms, and bites his lip again to keep from saying too much.
Chris reaches for the remote and they watch the History Channel for a while, not saying much to each other as footage from JFK’s assassination is dissected through a computer simulated reenactment on their TV screen before they decide to turn in for the night. Zach gives Chris’ shoulder a firm and reassuring squeeze, his muscles strong but malleable under Zach’s hands, as they walk down the hallway to their bedrooms.
“Good night, Chris.”
“Good night, Zach.”
Striping off his clothes and underwear, Zach pulls on a pair of pajamas bottoms and crawls into bed. With a heavy sigh, he closes his eyes, chastising himself for not speaking up and saying what he really wanted to say to Chris -- to ask if Chris could envision them as more than just friends, more than roommates. Instead, they were now left with this weird, uncomfortable silence between them. Zach turns onto his side and tries to calm his mind, pushing away the disappointment. The awkwardness between them would subside; Zach wasn’t so sure his feelings for Chris would.
He only vaguely registers the slight creak of his bedroom door as it’s opened some time later. He’s in a sleepy haze when the other side of the bed dips under Chris’ weight as he settles in with Zach. A few moments pass before he feels Chris move. And then move again, resting his hand on Zach’s hip. He’s wide awake now, unsure if Chris intends to do much more than simply sleep with him; he’s always a bit clingy after break-ups. Chris remains still for a long time and the weight of his hand on Zach’s side becomes a welcome comfort. Things would be fine. Zach could be grateful if this was all Chris had to offer.
His eyes fall shut and he’s nearly drifted off to sleep when Chris’ fingers slide under the waistband of Zach’s striped pajama pants. He gasps in surprise, but doesn’t object. Chris shifts even closer, pressing his chest flush to Zach, his chest hair ticking Zach’s bare back, and trailing his fingers down Zach’s hipbone and into the thick hair nestled at his crotch. Zach moans as Chris twines his fingers in his hair, tugging playfully.
Against his skin, he can feel Chris’ smile as he kisses the back of his neck while canting his hips forward. That’s when Zach feels it: an unmistakable hardness pressing into his fleshy right ass cheek. Holding Zach’s hip in place, Chris rocks against him, hot, hard, and completely naked in his bed.
In his ear, Chris’ breathing gets louder. Zach arches his back, pressing his ass back into Chris, his own dick growing harder by the second.
Chris gives his ass a squeeze through the thin cotton and continues rubbing his cock along his backside. Zach lets out another moan as Chris’ fingers find their way under his waistband again. He slides his hands between Zach’s thighs, nudging them apart. Cupping his balls, Chris begins playing with them, rolling them and gently squeezing them. Every time Chris tugs on them, Zach gasps and pushes back into his body. Chris’ eager erection pokes at Zach’s pajama-clad ass, but he carefully and purposely avoids touching Zach’s heavy cock. Occasionally, his hand wanders to the thatch of hair concentrated below his belly to scratch lightly before traveling up Zach’s chest to pinch his nipples.
He’s been writhing under Chris’ teasing touch for what feels like an eternity and Zach is about to start begging for his cock to be touched when he feels fingertips tapping along the shaft. He bites his pillow, his dick rock hard, throbbing underneath the welcomed attention.
Chris’ fingers are feather-light yet utterly painful as they slowly trail up the length of Zach’s erection. He patiently repeats the same motion -- up and down, up and down -- an almost innocent exploration of Zach’s swollen dick that makes him shake with anticipation. Chris’ forefinger circles around the bulby head and dips into Zach’s slit, collecting the eager moisture and spreading it around the spongy head. Zach can’t help his hips from rocking rhythmically, and behind him, Chris mimics his movements. Zach feels Chris’ hot, rigid cock rubbing along his crack and brushing his tailbone, his balls rubbing against his ass.
Their movements become more frantic, but Chris refuses to wrap his hand around Zach and pump him with the vigor that will finish them both off. Instead, he slows their pace down and continues with his previous, agonizingly patient track from head to base and back again, stopping only to dip and draw the beads of liquid he’s generously leaking from his slit. It’s agonizing and Zach unleashes a growl as he begins to shiver uncontrollably in Chris’ arms.
Chris places a string of kisses down his neck and rests his forehead between Zach’s shoulder blades. Reaching back to grab a handful of Chris’ bare ass, Zach squeezes, not caring if he’s squeezing too hard. With a firm hand, Chris begins to pump Zach while thrusting into his ass and at the base of his spine. Their labored breathing and the creak of the bed beneath them fill the dark bedroom. Deep in his belly, his building lust coils and tightens, and Zach grabs Chris’ ass again. He feels Chris’ breath, ragged and damp on his back.
Suddenly, Chris’ hand jerks to a stop and he goes completely rigid. Zach feels the warm splash of Chris’ release on the small of his back. He bites at the junction between Zach’s neck and shoulder as he comes and then kisses it to soothe any pain. Chris begins stroking him hard and fast, and Zach feels the words “love you so much” whispered into his skin, and Zach comes with a cry, shooting into his pajama pants and all over Chris’ hand. With tired fingers, Chris coaxes the last drops out of Zach’s cock and caresses it gingerly, letting it soften while cradled in his palm.
Eventually, Chris mumbles into his skin and pulls his sticky hand out of Zach’s pants. Zach musters up the energy to sit up quickly and pull his pants off. Halfassedly, he wipes at the sticky messes on both of them. He tosses the soiled pajamas in the relative direction of the hamper and flops back to onto the mattress. Chris rolls onto his back and Zach drapes his arm over his chest, hand resting over Chris’ heart.
Chris untwists his legs from Zach’s sheets and stretches. The digital clock reads 3:41 a.m. He can hear the TV in the living room. Brushing his hands over his face, Chris sighs, gets out of bed, and puts on the pajama bottoms he shed before he slid between Zach’s sheets a few hours earlier. He ambles out to where Zach is sitting alone in the dark.
“Hey,” he says, voice rough with sleep.
“Hey,” Zach says quietly.
He narrows his eyes at the image of a leopard scaling a tree with a lifeless carcass in its mouth.
“What are you watching?” Chris asks.
“Planet Earth.”
Chris plants himself next to Zach on the couch. “Can’t sleep, huh?”
He turns his attention to the TV, not really paying attention to what’s on the screen. Suddenly, he feels self-conscious, overly aware of every breath he takes and whether it’s too loud and drowning out Sigourney Weaver’s careful narration.
“Chris, what are we doing?” Zach asks.
Chris picks up the remote and shuts off the TV, shifting on the couch to face Zach. They’re sitting exactly like they were the night before when they crossed the line from friends to lovers. In his chest, Chris’ heart begins to pound and ripples of excitement flutter through his veins.
“There’s something I should tell you,” Chris whispers. “But I’m so terrified of what you might say.”
“Okay.”
“I love watching documentaries with you on Saturday nights. And I love when we do the crossword puzzle in the Sunday paper. I love when we get dinner and go to plays together during the week and even when we sit around and do nothing...” Chris trails off.
“Do you love it like you love Rachel Maddow?” Zach asks softly.
“No. I love it in a way that I don’t love anything else.” He places his hand on Zach’s and hope blossoms in Chris when Zach turns his palm up to clasp their hands together. “The other night, we both said some things... I need you to know that everything I said was real. I meant it all. I freaked out because I had confessed all my desires to you, laid it all out there, and it hit me that maybe you were just playing along with, you know,” he pauses to wave his hand around vaguely, “the whole virgin fantasy thing.”
“I really liked the whole virgin fantasy thing,” Zach says. “A lot.”
Blushing, Chris smiles and leans into Zach.
“Zach,” he continues. “When you said you loved me, was that real?” Chris asks.
Zach rubs his thumb across the back of Chris’ hand soothingly and nods.
“It was real. I love you. I tell you that all the time.” Zach looks at Chris and searches his face. “But you want to know if I love you. And the answer to that is yes. I think I’ve loved you from the beginning but was too afraid to admit it to myself because I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”
It makes Chris grin so widely that his face might split. He rests his head on Zach’s shoulder.
“Do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night?” Chris asks him. “Like, a real date where we make reservations and wear respectable clothes and hold hands under the table.”
Zach returns his smile, his face lighting up in a way that makes Chris feel warm all over.
“And smile nervously at each other while we think about which surface we’re going to have sex on when we get home?” Zach adds.
Chris lifts his head, eyes widening. “Oooh, yeah, I can’t wait to get you in my bed tomorrow night.”
The left corner of Zach’s mouth twists up in amusement. “Tomorrow night? Or?”
Chris thinks for a moment. “Or... now?” he asks brightly.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Climbing on top of Zach, Chris cards his fingers through Zach’s hair and kisses up his jawline. “So. You want to know what it feels like when my balls are thumping against your ass?” he asks in a low voice, lips pressed to Zach’s.
“Yes, please,” Zach eagerly whispers into the kiss.