Fic: Letters to You, Epilogue
Title: Letters to You, Epilogue // Master Post
Word Count: 1609
Pairing: Pinto AU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: An unexpected visitor shows up on Chris’ doorstep
Warnings: Sappy romance
Disclaimer: All made up.
Chris juggles his notebook and binder, trying not to get the condensation from his iced coffee cup onto any papers. The meeting with his editor didn’t take too long, and it doesn’t seem like there’s much more that he needs to do. If all goes well, the final edits will get done in the next couple weeks, just in time for the trip he has planned to New York.
He’s making a mental list of all the places he wants to visit in the city and trying to unclip his keys from his beltloop that he doesn’t notice the person sitting on his front doorstep. When he sees a pair of Converse sneakers on the second step, he stops, looks up, and gasps. His iced coffee crashes to the pavement as he stares. Zach stands up and looks helplessly at the rivets of coffee that run into the cracks of the sidewalk.
Chris doesn’t think it’s possible, but Zach’s even more beautiful now than when they were in college. The eyebrow ring is gone and the eyebrows themselves are more groomed and shapely. His distinctive bone structure is still there, but under a more mature and handsome face, unobscured by his hair, now that it’s brushed back. It’s easy to see, even with clothes on, that the rest of him has also filled out. He’s still thin, but his chest is broader and his arms defined by lean ropes of muscles. Zach stands a bit taller now, shoulders held up with confidence. His eyes are still the same: warm, brown, and hopeful, lined by those thick and dark lashes, and Chris suddenly remembers what they feel like brushing against his cheekbone.
A slow smile spreads across Chris’ face, turning into a grin. Zach looks relieved, the tension dropping from his shoulders, and he mirrors Chris’ wide smile.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Chris responds.
“Umm, yeah, sorry to just drop by like this. I probably should have called first,” Zach says quietly.
“No, this is... this is cool. How long are you in town for?”
Zach grins and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Actually, I’m not visiting. I moved here. Two weeks ago. I stayed with Matt and his boyfriend for a couple days, and then Joe, while I looked for my own place. I didn’t realize you lived, like, ten minutes from me until Matt told me. He gave me your address, said that you guys meet up occasionally for dinner,” Zach confesses slowly.
“Oh, yeah.” Chris blinks, trying to process what Zach’s just told him. “Well, I guess, welcome to the neighborhood. Umm. You’re here for acting?”
Zach looks down at his feet. “Yeah, I did a couple plays off-Broadway...” He looks up at Chris and shrugs. “I thought I’d see what it was like out here. Change of scenery, I guess.”
“That’s so cool, Zach. I’m really happy you got some gigs off-Broadway. That was always your dream.” Chris suddenly laughs as he picks up his empty coffee cup. He’s not sure he believes that Zach’s really in front of him. “You busy now or you want to come inside and we can catch up instead of hanging out on my front stoop?”
Zach’s face lights up. “Yeah. I mean, as long as you have time.”
After a brief tour of his house, they sit in the kitchen and talk about what they’ve been doing since they last spoke. Chris offers to show him around Silverlake and they wander around, looking for a place to get dinner. It’s then that Chris shyly admits to dabbling in acting and having some bit parts in local theater productions in addition to his career as a writer. Zach just smiles.
“Is your dad happy you’ll be carrying on the family business?” he asks teasingly.
“He’s my biggest fan. Asks for the best seat in the house even if I’ve only got five lines.”
It shouldn’t be surprising that their conversation flows so naturally and Chris is quickly enchanted by Zach again. There’s so much of him that’s matured and grounded, but his laugh is the same, and so is the way he moves his hands around when he’s talking passionately about something, like he’s juggling the words as they come out of his mouth.
Chris feels this pang of longing in his chest. They’ll never go back to that summer, never be those two boys so madly, blindly, and recklessly in love.
Maybe Zach was right. Maybe they were too young and naïve. They burned too brightly and too quickly, and they probably would’ve self-destructed. And it would’ve been even more devastating than how things actually ended.
He looks at Zach over their iced teas and burritos and wonders if he’s thinking the same.
After dinner, they stop by a bakery, split a cookie for dessert and end up on a park bench near the dog run.
“Did you forgive me?” Zach asks quietly.
Chris smiles. “No, never.”
“I suppose that’s fair.”
Chris clears his throat. “Maybe I did. I don’t know. You were the most brilliant yet traumatic thing that’s ever happened to me. It wasn’t so much the break up as much as...”
“The way I cut things off cold turkey,” Zach finishes for him.
“Yeah.”
Zach nods. “I can’t forgive myself either. I wish I could explain how sorry I am.”
Chris waves his hand casually. “Don’t do that.” He quickly adds, “I mean, I’m not making light of it. It’s just, I know. I don’t have any regrets when I think of you. We don’t need to pick it apart. Not right now.” Peering at Zach, he pokes him in the arm. “You seem good, though. In a good place. Calmer. More zen.”
“It’s all the yoga I do,” Zach says with a smile.
Chris chuckles. “But it wasn’t all for nothing, right? You’ve worked on those things you needed to?”
Zach leans his head toward Chris and pouts his bottom lip for a second. It’s a familiar gesture and the nostalgia makes Chris’ stomach flutter.
“Yeah, I’ve... been seeing a therapist. I started to not too long after you were in New York,” he says.
Chris gives him a grin and pats his knee affectionately. “That’s good. That’s really good. I’m proud of you. It’s helped, right?”
“Yeah, definitely. I’ve let go of a lot of stuff, learned to trust myself. I’m not perfect or anything --”
“No one is, Zach.”
He holds Chris’ gaze for a long moment. “No one is,” he repeats. “But, I’m better, a lot better, than I used to be,” he says. “Still horrible at relationships, though,” he mutters.
Chris turns to him. “Still think you’ll be abandoned in the end?” he asks softly.
With a shake of his head, Zach’s hands fidget in his lap. “No, I... different problem.” He sighs heavily and looks at Chris, his eyes full of hope.
Chris studies him closely. “Looking for something you don’t think you’ll ever find again.”
Zach gives him a weak shrug.
“Five years is a long time. We’re different people now, Zach.”
“I know,” Zach whispers.
It starts to get dark so they walk back toward Chris’ house. They’re walking slowly, dragging their feet and stretching out the time they have together.
He makes Zach wait in his living room while he runs to his bedroom. Chris returns after a couple minutes and hands Zach an envelope. A dark shadow moves across Zach’s face when he realizes what it is.
“Chris,” he says, almost as if he’s pleading.
“Why did you move here, Zach?”
His eyes flicker between the old envelope and Chris’ soft expression. “I think you know why.”
“Then just read it,” Chris tells him quietly.
He sees Zach to the door and watches as his figure, head bent in deep thought, grows smaller with each step away from his house.
Just as he’s about to climb into bed, he hears a knock. Chris pads out to the door and opens it without checking to see who it is.
“Do you remember what you wrote?” Zach demands, holding up Chris’ last letter in his left hand.
“Every word of it.”
Zach steps inside and Chris closes the door. He turns and looks at the half smile on Zach’s face and wet gleam in his eyes.
“I’m here. It took five years, but I’m here. And I’m ready,” Zach whispers.
“About time,” Chris says with a lopsided smile.
Zach steps forward, cups Chris’ face, and guides their lips together. Instinctually, Chris wraps his arms around Zach and feels himself being pulled closer. His heart aches at how much he’s missed this, but knows it was worth the wait. It’ll be better this time around, without the hurry and clutter of young emotions.
Zach smiles as he pulls back slightly, then hugs Chris and tucks his head into the crook of his neck. Chris closes his eyes and leans his head against Zach’s. The only thing he hears before being steered toward his bedroom is the familiar thrum of Zach’s pulse beneath his skin and the gentle tap of his letter falling weightlessly onto the hardwood floor.
Asshole.
This thing we have won’t die, Zach. It’s woven into every part of me, for years now, and I know it’s true for you, too. Somewhere, in your mind or in your heart, some place that’s not ruled by your doubt that you’re not good enough for me, you know that we’re only good for each other.
Whenever you’re ready, come find me. It’ll still be best thing either of us will ever know.
I won’t turn you away.
Yours,
Chris
*
Word Count: 1609
Pairing: Pinto AU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: An unexpected visitor shows up on Chris’ doorstep
Warnings: Sappy romance
Disclaimer: All made up.
Chris juggles his notebook and binder, trying not to get the condensation from his iced coffee cup onto any papers. The meeting with his editor didn’t take too long, and it doesn’t seem like there’s much more that he needs to do. If all goes well, the final edits will get done in the next couple weeks, just in time for the trip he has planned to New York.
He’s making a mental list of all the places he wants to visit in the city and trying to unclip his keys from his beltloop that he doesn’t notice the person sitting on his front doorstep. When he sees a pair of Converse sneakers on the second step, he stops, looks up, and gasps. His iced coffee crashes to the pavement as he stares. Zach stands up and looks helplessly at the rivets of coffee that run into the cracks of the sidewalk.
Chris doesn’t think it’s possible, but Zach’s even more beautiful now than when they were in college. The eyebrow ring is gone and the eyebrows themselves are more groomed and shapely. His distinctive bone structure is still there, but under a more mature and handsome face, unobscured by his hair, now that it’s brushed back. It’s easy to see, even with clothes on, that the rest of him has also filled out. He’s still thin, but his chest is broader and his arms defined by lean ropes of muscles. Zach stands a bit taller now, shoulders held up with confidence. His eyes are still the same: warm, brown, and hopeful, lined by those thick and dark lashes, and Chris suddenly remembers what they feel like brushing against his cheekbone.
A slow smile spreads across Chris’ face, turning into a grin. Zach looks relieved, the tension dropping from his shoulders, and he mirrors Chris’ wide smile.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Chris responds.
“Umm, yeah, sorry to just drop by like this. I probably should have called first,” Zach says quietly.
“No, this is... this is cool. How long are you in town for?”
Zach grins and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Actually, I’m not visiting. I moved here. Two weeks ago. I stayed with Matt and his boyfriend for a couple days, and then Joe, while I looked for my own place. I didn’t realize you lived, like, ten minutes from me until Matt told me. He gave me your address, said that you guys meet up occasionally for dinner,” Zach confesses slowly.
“Oh, yeah.” Chris blinks, trying to process what Zach’s just told him. “Well, I guess, welcome to the neighborhood. Umm. You’re here for acting?”
Zach looks down at his feet. “Yeah, I did a couple plays off-Broadway...” He looks up at Chris and shrugs. “I thought I’d see what it was like out here. Change of scenery, I guess.”
“That’s so cool, Zach. I’m really happy you got some gigs off-Broadway. That was always your dream.” Chris suddenly laughs as he picks up his empty coffee cup. He’s not sure he believes that Zach’s really in front of him. “You busy now or you want to come inside and we can catch up instead of hanging out on my front stoop?”
Zach’s face lights up. “Yeah. I mean, as long as you have time.”
After a brief tour of his house, they sit in the kitchen and talk about what they’ve been doing since they last spoke. Chris offers to show him around Silverlake and they wander around, looking for a place to get dinner. It’s then that Chris shyly admits to dabbling in acting and having some bit parts in local theater productions in addition to his career as a writer. Zach just smiles.
“Is your dad happy you’ll be carrying on the family business?” he asks teasingly.
“He’s my biggest fan. Asks for the best seat in the house even if I’ve only got five lines.”
It shouldn’t be surprising that their conversation flows so naturally and Chris is quickly enchanted by Zach again. There’s so much of him that’s matured and grounded, but his laugh is the same, and so is the way he moves his hands around when he’s talking passionately about something, like he’s juggling the words as they come out of his mouth.
Chris feels this pang of longing in his chest. They’ll never go back to that summer, never be those two boys so madly, blindly, and recklessly in love.
Maybe Zach was right. Maybe they were too young and naïve. They burned too brightly and too quickly, and they probably would’ve self-destructed. And it would’ve been even more devastating than how things actually ended.
He looks at Zach over their iced teas and burritos and wonders if he’s thinking the same.
After dinner, they stop by a bakery, split a cookie for dessert and end up on a park bench near the dog run.
“Did you forgive me?” Zach asks quietly.
Chris smiles. “No, never.”
“I suppose that’s fair.”
Chris clears his throat. “Maybe I did. I don’t know. You were the most brilliant yet traumatic thing that’s ever happened to me. It wasn’t so much the break up as much as...”
“The way I cut things off cold turkey,” Zach finishes for him.
“Yeah.”
Zach nods. “I can’t forgive myself either. I wish I could explain how sorry I am.”
Chris waves his hand casually. “Don’t do that.” He quickly adds, “I mean, I’m not making light of it. It’s just, I know. I don’t have any regrets when I think of you. We don’t need to pick it apart. Not right now.” Peering at Zach, he pokes him in the arm. “You seem good, though. In a good place. Calmer. More zen.”
“It’s all the yoga I do,” Zach says with a smile.
Chris chuckles. “But it wasn’t all for nothing, right? You’ve worked on those things you needed to?”
Zach leans his head toward Chris and pouts his bottom lip for a second. It’s a familiar gesture and the nostalgia makes Chris’ stomach flutter.
“Yeah, I’ve... been seeing a therapist. I started to not too long after you were in New York,” he says.
Chris gives him a grin and pats his knee affectionately. “That’s good. That’s really good. I’m proud of you. It’s helped, right?”
“Yeah, definitely. I’ve let go of a lot of stuff, learned to trust myself. I’m not perfect or anything --”
“No one is, Zach.”
He holds Chris’ gaze for a long moment. “No one is,” he repeats. “But, I’m better, a lot better, than I used to be,” he says. “Still horrible at relationships, though,” he mutters.
Chris turns to him. “Still think you’ll be abandoned in the end?” he asks softly.
With a shake of his head, Zach’s hands fidget in his lap. “No, I... different problem.” He sighs heavily and looks at Chris, his eyes full of hope.
Chris studies him closely. “Looking for something you don’t think you’ll ever find again.”
Zach gives him a weak shrug.
“Five years is a long time. We’re different people now, Zach.”
“I know,” Zach whispers.
It starts to get dark so they walk back toward Chris’ house. They’re walking slowly, dragging their feet and stretching out the time they have together.
He makes Zach wait in his living room while he runs to his bedroom. Chris returns after a couple minutes and hands Zach an envelope. A dark shadow moves across Zach’s face when he realizes what it is.
“Chris,” he says, almost as if he’s pleading.
“Why did you move here, Zach?”
His eyes flicker between the old envelope and Chris’ soft expression. “I think you know why.”
“Then just read it,” Chris tells him quietly.
He sees Zach to the door and watches as his figure, head bent in deep thought, grows smaller with each step away from his house.
Just as he’s about to climb into bed, he hears a knock. Chris pads out to the door and opens it without checking to see who it is.
“Do you remember what you wrote?” Zach demands, holding up Chris’ last letter in his left hand.
“Every word of it.”
Zach steps inside and Chris closes the door. He turns and looks at the half smile on Zach’s face and wet gleam in his eyes.
“I’m here. It took five years, but I’m here. And I’m ready,” Zach whispers.
“About time,” Chris says with a lopsided smile.
Zach steps forward, cups Chris’ face, and guides their lips together. Instinctually, Chris wraps his arms around Zach and feels himself being pulled closer. His heart aches at how much he’s missed this, but knows it was worth the wait. It’ll be better this time around, without the hurry and clutter of young emotions.
Zach smiles as he pulls back slightly, then hugs Chris and tucks his head into the crook of his neck. Chris closes his eyes and leans his head against Zach’s. The only thing he hears before being steered toward his bedroom is the familiar thrum of Zach’s pulse beneath his skin and the gentle tap of his letter falling weightlessly onto the hardwood floor.
Asshole.
This thing we have won’t die, Zach. It’s woven into every part of me, for years now, and I know it’s true for you, too. Somewhere, in your mind or in your heart, some place that’s not ruled by your doubt that you’re not good enough for me, you know that we’re only good for each other.
Whenever you’re ready, come find me. It’ll still be best thing either of us will ever know.
I won’t turn you away.
Yours,
Chris
*