On a more upbeat (essay-avoiding) note...
So, I was listening to Ben Folds' 'Rocking the Suburbs' today when something hit me: 'Losing Lisa' is strangely similar to the Beach Boys' 'Good Vibrations'. The irony is the extreme difference of the natures of the two songs. In a way, the songs could serve as the meeting and break-up songs for 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. 'Good Vibrations' is the quintessential 'falling in love with someone exciting' song, while 'Losing Lisa' is a song about people moving apart, for many of the same reasons that brought them together. The lyrics don't give as accurate a depiction of the similarity of the songs, you have to listen to the music of both. Anyway, listen to both, if you don't hear it, listen again. I think it's there..
And on an entirely unrelated subject, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing at Trinity. Obviously, I'm studying history, but I'm finding the history programme not to my liking. I know I'm in a post-FYP slump (FYP hangover, or better, FYP-over) but c'mon! surely I won't have to wait until post-grad to study history in context! I was talking to one of the lecturers, who pretty much told me that. Now, I know that you're a 400+ year-old institution, TCD, with plenty of Prestige and Authority on the Subject, but that's absolutely no reason to keep your head firmly up your own ass! Just because you're Trinity doesn't mean that I'm obliged to put up with you. In fact, I can take my intellect and leave. At the moment the only things keeping me here are the possibility that I can transfer into a TSM of History and Classics and the people I've befriended. Dublin may not be a student's city, but it feels like home to me. I've got a good group of friends, a good place to live at the moment and plenty of other options, and plenty of good churches in the area.
Continuing with my academic unsurety, I'm realising what it means for me to be studying history. The thought of academia is increasingly terrifying. I may not be the most socially gifted person out there, but people are profoundly more interesting than books. I don't want to spend the best years of my youth shut away in a library. For example, I find the Berkeley, Usher and Lecky Libraries building to be the most depressing building on campus (followed closely by the Arts Block, but that's a different story). It's cold, impersonal, and just has the feel of a joy-vaccuum. I find myself wondering about the lost souls of students forced to spend most of their time here (among whom I ought to be). Oddly, the Old Library has none of this feel, due in part to a general lack of concrete and use of natural light, but I've been in plenty of (yes, even academic) libraries that don't have the same feel. Almost feels like it's haunted by demons or dementors or ghosts of student suicides. Actually, the Killian (Fort Book) had a slightly similar feel, while the King's Library didn't.
But in all of this, I'm finding that I don't want to leave Dublin. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do here. I'm trying into Classics, but the programme I want to get into is already one student over quota and it's late in the term. The heads of department are considering the issue, but if I don't get in, I don't feel that's there's any reason for me to continue studying at Trinity. I know this seems really extreme, but am I supposed to spend the next four ..well, three and a half years slogging through a subject with no future but post-grad at a university whose approach to the subject I find inherently wrong? I enjoy English and Philosophy, but a formally studying them for their own sakes would make me go insane in much the same way studying history for its own sake is. These subjects are NOT independent of each other. They are meant to be studied in conjunction with each other, as you cannot properly understand what is going on in any one of the subjects if you're entirely ignorant of the others.
The thing is, the way I want to study exists in only a few universities in the world, and not at all in medieval history. I mean, there's St. John's, but that's Classics and Modern; there's King's, but that's FYP and Modern; there's St. Olaf, but that's St. John's/King's/UChicago lite. I even looked into Oxford and Cambridge, their approach is identical to Trinity's, just with more tutorials, which I appreciate, but that's not enough.
Now, on top of this all, I'm considering a few more things. The first of which was something a good friend/boss told me shortly before I left. The thing is, he wasn't really talking about me, but it applied nonetheless. He was talking about how people take the opportunities offered to them, not always stopping to consider whether that's where they really belonged. And that's exactly what I did with Trinity. Now, I'm finding that yes, I belong in Dublin, but not necessarily at Trinity. Along with that, I've been wondering about what God has been calling me to do. And here's the absolutely terrifying thing: I think He may be calling me into ministry, which is probably one of the last things I'd choose for myself. If this is so, and I've been praying a lot about it, then I really don't know what I should be doing or even where I should be.
And yet, despite my unsurety (unsureness? hmm, I may have just been forced to invent a word. Either that, or I entirely forgot the correct word.) I'm more peaceful about the situation than I ought to be. God is in control, which is relieving, as I don't have the first idea what I should be doing after prayer.
Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! (by a day to all Americans who read this, and by a month and a half to all Canadians.)
P.S. Never, ever, if at all possible, take a course with a certain lecturer of a certain subject, whose name shall remain unwritten here because of privacy and self-protection. You could always ask me who it is, but then again, it's not that likely that you're likely to have the opportunity of studying under this particular individual. Ass.
And on an entirely unrelated subject, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing at Trinity. Obviously, I'm studying history, but I'm finding the history programme not to my liking. I know I'm in a post-FYP slump (FYP hangover, or better, FYP-over) but c'mon! surely I won't have to wait until post-grad to study history in context! I was talking to one of the lecturers, who pretty much told me that. Now, I know that you're a 400+ year-old institution, TCD, with plenty of Prestige and Authority on the Subject, but that's absolutely no reason to keep your head firmly up your own ass! Just because you're Trinity doesn't mean that I'm obliged to put up with you. In fact, I can take my intellect and leave. At the moment the only things keeping me here are the possibility that I can transfer into a TSM of History and Classics and the people I've befriended. Dublin may not be a student's city, but it feels like home to me. I've got a good group of friends, a good place to live at the moment and plenty of other options, and plenty of good churches in the area.
Continuing with my academic unsurety, I'm realising what it means for me to be studying history. The thought of academia is increasingly terrifying. I may not be the most socially gifted person out there, but people are profoundly more interesting than books. I don't want to spend the best years of my youth shut away in a library. For example, I find the Berkeley, Usher and Lecky Libraries building to be the most depressing building on campus (followed closely by the Arts Block, but that's a different story). It's cold, impersonal, and just has the feel of a joy-vaccuum. I find myself wondering about the lost souls of students forced to spend most of their time here (among whom I ought to be). Oddly, the Old Library has none of this feel, due in part to a general lack of concrete and use of natural light, but I've been in plenty of (yes, even academic) libraries that don't have the same feel. Almost feels like it's haunted by demons or dementors or ghosts of student suicides. Actually, the Killian (Fort Book) had a slightly similar feel, while the King's Library didn't.
But in all of this, I'm finding that I don't want to leave Dublin. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do here. I'm trying into Classics, but the programme I want to get into is already one student over quota and it's late in the term. The heads of department are considering the issue, but if I don't get in, I don't feel that's there's any reason for me to continue studying at Trinity. I know this seems really extreme, but am I supposed to spend the next four ..well, three and a half years slogging through a subject with no future but post-grad at a university whose approach to the subject I find inherently wrong? I enjoy English and Philosophy, but a formally studying them for their own sakes would make me go insane in much the same way studying history for its own sake is. These subjects are NOT independent of each other. They are meant to be studied in conjunction with each other, as you cannot properly understand what is going on in any one of the subjects if you're entirely ignorant of the others.
The thing is, the way I want to study exists in only a few universities in the world, and not at all in medieval history. I mean, there's St. John's, but that's Classics and Modern; there's King's, but that's FYP and Modern; there's St. Olaf, but that's St. John's/King's/UChicago lite. I even looked into Oxford and Cambridge, their approach is identical to Trinity's, just with more tutorials, which I appreciate, but that's not enough.
Now, on top of this all, I'm considering a few more things. The first of which was something a good friend/boss told me shortly before I left. The thing is, he wasn't really talking about me, but it applied nonetheless. He was talking about how people take the opportunities offered to them, not always stopping to consider whether that's where they really belonged. And that's exactly what I did with Trinity. Now, I'm finding that yes, I belong in Dublin, but not necessarily at Trinity. Along with that, I've been wondering about what God has been calling me to do. And here's the absolutely terrifying thing: I think He may be calling me into ministry, which is probably one of the last things I'd choose for myself. If this is so, and I've been praying a lot about it, then I really don't know what I should be doing or even where I should be.
And yet, despite my unsurety (unsureness? hmm, I may have just been forced to invent a word. Either that, or I entirely forgot the correct word.) I'm more peaceful about the situation than I ought to be. God is in control, which is relieving, as I don't have the first idea what I should be doing after prayer.
Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! (by a day to all Americans who read this, and by a month and a half to all Canadians.)
P.S. Never, ever, if at all possible, take a course with a certain lecturer of a certain subject, whose name shall remain unwritten here because of privacy and self-protection. You could always ask me who it is, but then again, it's not that likely that you're likely to have the opportunity of studying under this particular individual. Ass.