(no subject)
I struggle for the words to express my emotions. I have finished in Halifax. Well, unless TCD falls through. I have been to my last FYP lecture (intriguing), I have done the last FYP oral exam (bombed), and I have written the last paper (crappy).
Shortly, I will be home, and I have realised that in this past month I have discovered a kindrid spirit to whom I have still not yet truly spoken. This person helped rekindle a certain joie de vivre I have been lacking for years and probably will soon lack once more. I have seen the joy of the city, of the night life, of wine, and of comrades in intellect, mischief and arms. I had not truly understood Baudelaire's "Get Drunk" until this moment, and I only now realise it as I return to my usual grim, dour outlook.
Coren, Martha, and Judy made a Medieval feast in my honour this past Tuesday. I had so much fun, the food was excellent, and the company beauteous. I could describe the entire night, but in a way, that would somehow cheapen it. I'll mention Beaner and Tori (who weren't at the feast) doing a lot of the dishes just for the fun of it, and the broken glasses at the bottom of the staircase after we didn't move the dishes quite safely enough. These people are my family, and I'm leaving them, and I now want nothing more than to both be with them and go to Ireland.
I saw Victor off and said goodbye to Martin this morning, and I won't see them again, or at least not for a long time. Cameron moved out, and I've missed a bunch of my other friends. I'm packing my room up, or what used to be my room. With none of my posters on the walls, without Marya's letter on the door, without the blanket on the window sill/seat, and with all the furniture moved back into its original position, this is not my room anymore. King's isn't home anymore. Now, it's not my dorm room, but the room I'm visiting. I had wondered how I would be able to stand returning to New Jersey, and now I can't wait to leave this waiting room to go anywhere I can make "home". But I want to bring my freedom and friends with me, and I've known since high school, or perhaps earlier (moving makes you grow up much faster and earlier than you should ever have to) that I can't ever have all my friends and family and job and school and church and and and together.
Shortly, I will be home, and I have realised that in this past month I have discovered a kindrid spirit to whom I have still not yet truly spoken. This person helped rekindle a certain joie de vivre I have been lacking for years and probably will soon lack once more. I have seen the joy of the city, of the night life, of wine, and of comrades in intellect, mischief and arms. I had not truly understood Baudelaire's "Get Drunk" until this moment, and I only now realise it as I return to my usual grim, dour outlook.
Coren, Martha, and Judy made a Medieval feast in my honour this past Tuesday. I had so much fun, the food was excellent, and the company beauteous. I could describe the entire night, but in a way, that would somehow cheapen it. I'll mention Beaner and Tori (who weren't at the feast) doing a lot of the dishes just for the fun of it, and the broken glasses at the bottom of the staircase after we didn't move the dishes quite safely enough. These people are my family, and I'm leaving them, and I now want nothing more than to both be with them and go to Ireland.
I saw Victor off and said goodbye to Martin this morning, and I won't see them again, or at least not for a long time. Cameron moved out, and I've missed a bunch of my other friends. I'm packing my room up, or what used to be my room. With none of my posters on the walls, without Marya's letter on the door, without the blanket on the window sill/seat, and with all the furniture moved back into its original position, this is not my room anymore. King's isn't home anymore. Now, it's not my dorm room, but the room I'm visiting. I had wondered how I would be able to stand returning to New Jersey, and now I can't wait to leave this waiting room to go anywhere I can make "home". But I want to bring my freedom and friends with me, and I've known since high school, or perhaps earlier (moving makes you grow up much faster and earlier than you should ever have to) that I can't ever have all my friends and family and job and school and church and and and together.