40
Dead. Two strokes, and... if Kayura hadn't... if Cid- and Yuna, gods, Yuna-
I can hear his voice every time every time the world goes silent... I can just close my eyes and I'm back there... I can't sleep, I relive it all, every minute, every second- theneedlethegasthewhipthefirei'mafraidi'mafraidi'mafraid -I can feel every single touch and it burns, it- He's out there, they're both out there, they're out there and they could come back at any second and there's nowhere I can go to get away- if they come back and- I can still hear him-
"What the hell would a pathetic piece of shit like you have that is so precious?"
At the time... I thought I had something to hold on to. I thought... I could be strong. Not be the animal they were trying to make me into. I thought that if I could just hold on, even for a little longer, someone would.... I thought he was wrong, wrong about everything.
"You're incapable of saving those you supposedly care for."
Heh. Turns out... I'd let go of what I was holding to. I couldn't be strong. It was my own fault for it ever happening in the first place. I... was wrong. About everything. I've been wrong... for a very long time now.
"The fact of the matter is, you already are broken, Reeve. Long before I came into the picture."
I... tried. I thought I could... I thought I could move on. Shove it all into a little corner and... hide it. Pretend it wasn't there. Pretend everything was all right. Pretend I hadn't been a caged dog, filthy and begging and- As long as I didn't look into a mirror and see the scars... then I could pretend. As long as I had them- as long as I wasn't alone- I almost... almost... made it work.
.... heheheh, he said... he preferred screams to tears. I gave him plenty of the former... might as well give him the latter as well.
I fucked up again, though, didn't I? Heheh, it's... what I've spent my life doing. I shouldn't be- shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be hurt... because he was right.
He was right.
... I don't want to beneed to be alone. Don't bother me.
((ooc: Extremely hackable. Somebody give the woemuffin some happyjam?))