my mistake

[littlebigbob]

I made the biggest mistake of my life recently and I do not know what to do about it. I lost and hurt someone that I love with all of my heart. I never thought I would say that I regret anything, but I regret everything I did that ended up in loosing her. I recently got a car and all it does is remind me of her. I can not believe I turned my

Comments

[sterlingrose]

I can honestly say that I feel even more sad than before and a little confused. I'm also a little upset that this is ending up the way it is. I was getting ready to go through the break-up phase and move on eventually. These things are tough but they happen. Part of me feels like saying "I told you so." But you know what, you broke up with me for the right reasons so I've done a good job of not being angry at you.

I have strange feelings about relationships. While most of my life is intricately plotted out so that everything I do is getting me to where I want to end up, I don't think relationships are like that at all. I think if you want to be with someone, you just know because they light up your life when you're with them. This is why it's hard to explain to your friends why you're dating someone. There aren't words, just that satisfying feeling when you're with them and that empty feeling when you're not.

The fact that we could go through what we've been through for the last two weeks and more importantly a few days ago, makes me think that you doubted that. Bobby, whether you've realized that was wrong or not, you did not feel that two days ago and two weeks ago for that matter. Why would anyone want to date someone they weren't crazy about. I knew this would happen and that is also a lot of why I was upset. I didn't want to see you feeling regretful.

I'm hurt and sad because I love you, but it is because I love you that I would never want you to settle for me. And even when we started going out again, all I felt was guilt because I didn't feel that I deserved you and that I was holding you back from maybe having more serious relationships. I can't give you what you want, I'll never be your wife, we both know that and perhaps that in itself is enough reason for us not to be together.

I think oddly enough, after all this happens and after I am mature enough to part myself from my ego and not be painfully jealous seeing you with other girls, you and I are and will always be great friends. I care a great deal about you and that won't ever change. We go through life and there are always major decisions we make that we go back later and question. No doubt I will always remember this and think, what if? Still, I respect you so much and see how wonderful you are, that I know there is a girl out there who will think even more highly of you. It may seem like a long and hard time until you find her but when you do, after 20 years of marriage, you'll hardly remember the time before she existed in your life.

I'm scared Bobby. So scared that this hurt will last a long time. I'm scared that you will let this get to you and I don't want anything to keep you from being all that I know you're capable of. We'll retreat to our separate worlds for a time and think this over. We'll cry and find solace in our friends to make us feel better. Then, soon, we'll come back and we'll be able to laugh together and share inside jokes. We'll be there for each other when we are confused out our new relationships. And I'll always be there as your friend, that won't ever change.

There is nothing but good that came out of us though, it is hard to see it that way now. I agree with Kristen, this is not the end, we will just share our lives differently.

The way it seems to go, you think you will never find love, then you do and you feel so lucky, you'll never love anyone more than this person, then they break your heart and you think you'll never love again........ until you meet someone and you'll never love anyone as much as you love them.

Bobby you're an amazing person and a wonderful guy, there is no doubt in my mind that you'll be ok in the end. Do me a favor and try and keep your head straight until you figure things out. School, your job, your family life, keep it in check.

I love you.

Sterling

Re:

[littlebigbob]

I didi not break up with you for the right reasons at all. we will talk about that more later. And you have always light up my life, I wish you could realize the ammount of times I would sit somewhere and wish you were with me. Even when we were fighting I just wanted to hold to and go shopping with you and eat at renicance. I wanted to have conversations about things that are important to you. I have always been crazy aobut you, my pride was just holding me back from saying it. How could you say that any man deserves less than you? You are everything to me, I wish you could see that. The serious relationship thing for me was just a cover up to keep me away from facing something that I truly needed to, my pride. I loved how we were before that two weeks and I can tell you exactly where we went wrong and that is all my fault. How could I ever just hang out with you as a friend without wanted to be with you again??? Why would you purposley make a decision so that later you can go back and regret it??? Dont ever think that you are not good enough for me, God could not have made a person with more drive than you, and I love that. I love the way you are passionate about everything you do and I love the way you motivate me to be more passionate. And I think there is plenty more good to come of us, plenty more. I will talk to you tonight more, Until then, I love you.