(no subject)
I am very lucky. I have an apartment with lots of light to grow my plants. I live just blocks from my doctors. I have enough food to eat and this week I am eating it regularly. I have had work and will have more work. I have been making art again and am constantly amazed at how much I like what I produce. I am going to do NaNoWriMo. I read The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest and enjoyed it very much. That out loud, "this book is so great!", to myself each time I had to put it down to pee or make food. I am trying to figure out a way I can do something active to assist people being bullied and/or those at the edge of suicide. That I feel like I can offer something makes me feel like I have moved so much beyond the depths I have been in in my past.
I have been trying to do this complaining challenge this last week and realize I am not there yet. The challenge is not to complain for a week. I just cannot do that. Part of social intercourse here in this city is complaining. I hear it everywhere. Especially now that I have not been wearing a walkman for the last many months. So much more of what people say is complaining than anything else. On phones, to each other, even those folks who are wandering along talking to themselves. People talk to me and complain. I talk to people and complain. We socially intercourse through mutual complaining. I think I need to start smaller. I need to start crosshatching each time I complain. Do something that brings me into awareness of the complaining and notes what I complain about. I also feel deep inside that not complaining is like being okay with things and I need to find some way to still not be okay with the many things I don't want to just say are ok, but find something to do about it besides complaining. Still, all in all, it has been a worthwhile challenge.
I have been trying to do this complaining challenge this last week and realize I am not there yet. The challenge is not to complain for a week. I just cannot do that. Part of social intercourse here in this city is complaining. I hear it everywhere. Especially now that I have not been wearing a walkman for the last many months. So much more of what people say is complaining than anything else. On phones, to each other, even those folks who are wandering along talking to themselves. People talk to me and complain. I talk to people and complain. We socially intercourse through mutual complaining. I think I need to start smaller. I need to start crosshatching each time I complain. Do something that brings me into awareness of the complaining and notes what I complain about. I also feel deep inside that not complaining is like being okay with things and I need to find some way to still not be okay with the many things I don't want to just say are ok, but find something to do about it besides complaining. Still, all in all, it has been a worthwhile challenge.