(no subject)
Work has been frustrating lately. Things just haven't seemed to go right. Things take longer than expected or gigs cancel at the last minute, or someone books me and forgets they did so and I have already turned down a different gig and I lose out twice. Ug.
I've been exercising alot. I'm curious if the little amount of T I am taking will change the way I develop muscle. I certainly seem to be doing better with upper body strength, but that might just be related to exercising more. I got some tips from someone who works at a gym/fitness center that seem to be helping.
I want more kayaking in my life. Need to prod friend who can rent kayak for cheap. Kayaking on Lake Merritt really made me realize how totally happy it makes me.
I'm thinking of finding a talk therapist. And maybe, just maybe, going on some meds for my anxiety. Except I hate how the traditional anxiety meds make me feel sort of dead emotionally. There might be other options than what I have taken before, but I don't want something I HAVE to take or get sick or go crazy or have withdrawl. I know that the work stuff and money stuff is what is driving me to feel this desperate. Life is just so much more expensive in Vancouver.
I really want to just start school, for fuck's sake. This wait list is excruciating. I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of holding pattern, can't get on with my life until I at least know WHEN I will be starting. It is hard to stay committed. I just want to run away to the beach in Mexico or some similar place.
There have been LOTS of good things in my life. Good people. Sexy times. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to having left Oakland and the places that feel so much like home.
I miss how many people love me and want to be with me in Oakland and the Bay Area. I feel really isolated here.
I've been exercising alot. I'm curious if the little amount of T I am taking will change the way I develop muscle. I certainly seem to be doing better with upper body strength, but that might just be related to exercising more. I got some tips from someone who works at a gym/fitness center that seem to be helping.
I want more kayaking in my life. Need to prod friend who can rent kayak for cheap. Kayaking on Lake Merritt really made me realize how totally happy it makes me.
I'm thinking of finding a talk therapist. And maybe, just maybe, going on some meds for my anxiety. Except I hate how the traditional anxiety meds make me feel sort of dead emotionally. There might be other options than what I have taken before, but I don't want something I HAVE to take or get sick or go crazy or have withdrawl. I know that the work stuff and money stuff is what is driving me to feel this desperate. Life is just so much more expensive in Vancouver.
I really want to just start school, for fuck's sake. This wait list is excruciating. I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of holding pattern, can't get on with my life until I at least know WHEN I will be starting. It is hard to stay committed. I just want to run away to the beach in Mexico or some similar place.
There have been LOTS of good things in my life. Good people. Sexy times. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to having left Oakland and the places that feel so much like home.
I miss how many people love me and want to be with me in Oakland and the Bay Area. I feel really isolated here.