Little Do You Know
Title: Little Do You Know
Series: Faded (3/?)
Pairing: Ohmiya
Raiting/Genre: PG-13, romance, angst.....
Dislcaimer: Nino can't keep his eyes and hands away from Ohno and Ohno doesn't even try get away from them. How could i own them?
Summary: a massive headache, a room that he didn’t recognize, a faded red rose, moving out of the room, the smell of coffee
note: Thank you ALL of you who helped me to finish this, fixing it and pushing me to write it. I'm so thankful for your help! THANK YOU!
This fic is for daisukidesu3 ! Thank you for giving me the photos!! it made me so happy and now I hope you enjoy this chapter and wish that you wont kill me in the end <3 For my twinnie cause she's important and she's been waiting for this.. For jade_lil cause she's cute and i've missed to talk to her and she's sick *hugs* and For so many others (you know who you are). And yes, I haven't given up on this series, i haven't! it's just hard to write... So you guys who haven't given up on this fic nor me but waited and kept asking, THANK YOU. I don't think you guys know but it makes me happy to know someone wants to read more of my stuff and makes me open the program and try to write more. so thank you guys, seriously, THANK YOU.
It felt like something was trying to blow his head up inside out.
A headache. Great.
It was huge like a mountain. It really felt like it was close to blow up soon, like a volcano, that was minutes away from bursting.
He needs to drink some water. And oh my god a painkiller or two.
Moaning, Nino slowly turned to his side, wrinkling his nose onto the soft pillow, wishing that he had some painkillers still left in his bathroom cabinet. He hasn’t had one for awhile, so he couldn’t remember if there were still some left.
But to get those painkillers, he needed to get up from the bed.
Even the thought was enough to make his head spin. Which, of course, didn’t encourage Nino to move even a single toe to get out of the bed.
Especially when the bed felt so comfy and warm.
Wait.
Was his bed always this comfy?
Was it always this soft?
Did it usually feel this warm in the mornings?
Actually..
How did he even get back to his apartment?
Wait.
What exactly happened last night?
Softly groaning, Nino shifted back on to his back, keeping his eyes still tightly closed, not wanting to catch any light as humanly possible, and tried to remember the events from last night.
But nothing clear came back to his mind. Only little blurry flashbacks.
He remembers the first drink that he bought. Then he bought the second as he talked to his manager. The third drink was bought by another guy, who wanted Nino to stay longer, but Nino tried to decline by saying that it was already late and he had to go home. The guy insisted, and it seemed, it had worked. By the fourth drink, Nino started to lose details.
And if there were more drinks, which he believed there were, he had no memory of them.
Which really doesn’t sound good.
But back to the main question..
How the fuck did he get back to his apartment?
Ah!
Maybe Takahiro drove him back or took a taxi with him? Mm.. Maybe.
Or
Did someone else take him to his apartment? But who could it be?
Or..
Did someone pick him up from the club and brought him to their apartment.
Hopefully not, but that is also a one possibility that he couldn’t rule out.
Holy shit, where was he?
With a jerk, Nino opened his eyes, anxiously looking around the room, trying to find something that would calm him and tell him where the fuck he was. Hoping, for the sake of his poor heart, that he will find something familiar. Like, the ugly lamp on his nightstand brought by his stupid best friend as a housewarming gift. They both knew it was ugly, but that was the point. His friend wasn’t happy about his decision to move and that’s how he showed his feelings.
Yes, weird, he knows but that’s just like him.
But he didn’t see that. Nor anything else that would have been there if it was his own bedroom.
Nothing seemed to be familiar to him, he couldn’t pinpoint anything that could explain his whereabouts. Which, of course made his fear grew bigger.
What happened last night?!
Nino closed his eyes once again and tried to push all his memories from yesterday to the front. He tried to find leads from one point to another.
He remembered the guy who had offered him the drink, no, drinks, and then dragged him to the dance floor. Nino remembered that they had started to dance pretty close to each other not long after they even got there. So close that the other man’s hands were on his hips, and were pulling Nino closer to him.
In a blink, he moved forward. This time Nino wasn’t dancing alone with the man, now there was one more person, and he could feel how the situation had been hot. The two men were around Nino, surrounding him. One man was in front of him, dancing hip to hip, the man’s hand on his lower back, pulling him closer. The second man was behind Nino, the man’s hip right next to his butt, basically jutting against it, and hands on his hip.
Nino doesn’t know how they might have looked to the others, but the memory of it is enough to tell that it must have been a sight. He could remember having hands everywhere and how hot he had felt.
Nino shook his head, feeling embarrassed that he had let himself go that far.
But then he recalled one other memory. A memory of someone taking hold of Nino’s hand and pulling him hard. He could remember that he had not felt scared when it happened, but he had been slightly mad at the person who had taken a hold of him. The person whom he wasn’t even able to see, which didn’t really surprise him, thinking how badly wasted he had been.
But the smell of the captor?
Nino couldn’t remember exactly what the smell could have been, but it had been kind of sweet and somehow a very shooting one. It felt like he had found home.
Which was weird.
He couldn’t remember anyone whose smell reminded him of home. Not for a long time.
So.. Who was it?
Who was the person who took him to their home from the club?
Seriously, how wasted could he have been for not remembering it?
Not remembering the part when they came to the apartment and…
Oh right, was he sore?
As that question popped up in his mind, he closed his eyes, checking and searching for anything that could feel even slightly wrong or painful. But there was nothing, except his head. Everything seemed to be fine and that there was no soreness of the after sex. Which meant that he had not been fucked nor had he fucked anyone.
Which brought his mind back to the questioned room around him.
Nino opened his eyes, and looked around once again.
This definitely wasn’t his bedroom.
That was for sure.
And he couldn’t find anything familiar that would tell that he was in an acquaintance’s house.
Nothin-
Wait… what is that?
Nino slowly sat up on the bed.
His eyes grew bigger as he kept looking at a rose. A red rose. Shriveled red rose to be exact.
It was on a stand on the other side of the room, right in front of the bed. There was nothing else on it, well at least he couldn’t see anything else.
But.
A red rose.
Nino couldn’t help but hope that he was just overreacting and thinking too much. Anyone could have a shriveled rose in their bedroom. Even if the room somehow started to feel half empty, half full.
Anyone could have one. So there was no reason to panic, yet. There was no reason to think that this could be a very cruel joke nor that this could mean something else entirely. That the person, whoever it was that took him to their home, could even have exactly the same thing inside their bedroom.
After that thought, Nino tried to pick up anything that could lead him to somewhere else, to tell him that this wasn’t the place that he thought it was. Some of the things started to look a bit familiar. But it was mostly less than half of the stuff. And because of that Nino didn’t let himself think for the worst.
But what’s the coincidence?
Of someone having a dry rose in their bedroom?
A high chance. At least that’s what Nino hoped for.
-
Taking a deep breath, Nino carefully lifted up the blanket and stepped down on the chilly floor, surprised to find himself dressed up in pajamas; meaning that the person who had brought him here seems to have had to undress him totally naked from his clothes to these. The thought was enough to make him blush like a tomato from embarrassment.
Though if it was the man that he seriously was afraid that it was, then the person had already seen him naked many times before.
Closing his eyes, Nino took another deep breath, trying to calm himself down and then stood up. He stayed there for awhile, letting his head get used to be so high in the air again without any help of God’s invention of aspirin.
When it seemed like half of his mind was finally back on Earth, Nino opened his eyes and took a step towards the rose.
When he was close enough, he could see that the rose wasn’t the only thing that was over there. Right next to it was a CD, and Nino was damn sure what that cd was, but he wasn’t able to, didn’t want to, trust his eye to see it right.
But there it was. His debut single. With the dry red rose.
Nino knew that anyone could have it there and that he shouldn’t be that surprised to find his single there, since he has gotten pretty famous in Japan and little outside the country.
But if it was just a fan, why the rose? There was no meaning to have a dry rose next to his single. At least there shouldn’t be. But he knew there was one person whom could have a meaning for it.
Though, Nino doesn’t understand why that person would even have his single here, in his bedroom, and keep that damn rose! Why?
But can it be someone else?
Could it be anyone else?
Nino turned to look around the bedroom again, slowly and carefully.
Now he found things that were slightly familiar and the things that didn’t… he could already picture why they were there and who had bought them.
But there was nothing that was conspicuous enough to tell him that his suspicion is wrong, and that sent butterflies to his stomach.
A corner of paper, under the single caught Nino’s eyes and he froze.
Breathing shakily, he turned slowly to look at the door.
Hundreds of thoughts flew around inside his head, his fingers trembled and his heart leaped in his throat as he walked towards the door.
He stopped right in front of it and stared at the handle.
What will happen when he opens the door? Is the person, he thinks that owns this/the apartment, on the other side?
But what if, if this place wasn’t the one he thought it was, and there would be someone else. Someone totally unknown to him?
Then it would be a one night stand that wasn’t really a one night stand since they didn’t seem to have sex in the end of the night… He would go out and then come back dress up and leave, like people usually do. He hasn’t done this for a long time, not even once on the past year when he’s been living alone.
But he’s pretty sure, that that person owns this apartment..
So if it is his...
Is he ready to meet the other one? Face to face? Inside a small apartment without anyone else?
Is he?
No.
But does he have any other choice?
Maybe.
But would that solve the situation.
Not really.
So what will he do?
Gulping down his fear, Nino pushed the handle down and opened the door.
-
The corridor behind the door was quiet. No one was on the sight.
From the doorway, Nino wasn’t able to see to any other rooms.
Nino took a slight step forward, his right hand taking a hold of his shirt and holding it tight. Hoping that it would stop the shaking. Which didn’t seem to work.
He looked around the corridor
A shiver broke down his back.
It looked familiar. Way too familiar.
Familiar to the apartment he has known for awhile.
Nino couldn’t help but think of all the reasons why most of the things are still on the same places or why the person would still, even after everything, stay in this place.
A small whiff of came towards Nino, bringing a slight smell of fresh coffee to his nose and halting down the racing thoughts in his head.
Without even thinking he had let his nose take the lead and had started to walk forward, towards to origin of the smell.
Nino stopped as the smell got stronger. He was standing next to the wall, and the door to the kitchen right in front of him.
Just one more step and he would be able to see inside. Just one step, look to the right and that’s it.
But it wasn’t just “that’s it”. No way close to it.
It could be the beginning of a hurricane. The beginning of the end of the world. At least that’s what it felt like for Nino. He was breathing heavily and shaking all over.
Everything was in chaos inside his head, and in his heart. He couldn’t shake off the bad feeling of how familiar everything was, and that he was pretty sure where he was, who he was with, but...
But the worst and the one thing that made him slightly angry and confused was that even though he, Ninomiya Kazunari, had made the decision to leave, to leave this place and the person, he still could feel himself all the way deep down, if he could just let go of his fears that is, how very comfortable he could be and feel safe as he was close to the older man.
Nino tightened his hand on the shirt, bringing it closer to his heart as his other hand formed a fist next to his stomach, like he was trying to protect his heart from the world outside by hugging himself. He closed his eyes once again, taking a deep breath before letting it all out. He opened his eyes and stepped forward, hoping against hope that he wasn’t where he thought he would be.
The moment his eyes caught the scenery, he froze.
He couldn’t breath. His lungs stopped working the way they should.
His heart skipped a beat.
Afraid that he would get the attention of the man that was sitting on the chair next to the table, drinking coffee and reading news paper.
The man that he hoped he wouldn’t see. But knew he would in the end.
The man that he had been avoiding the whole time in the studio yesterday. With very slight success.
The questioned man, that he had been avoiding the whole fucking year, even though Nino still dreams about him everyday. Still crying over the decisions he made.
That man he still loved so deeply. But that was something he wasn’t going to tell anyone. Not now and probably never.
But..
His skin, his hair, his lips.
Oh my god
Why was he sitting there!?
Why was this man here?
And
Why was he there?
Why
Oh dear god, why
Nino’s breath hitched lightly, his lungs wanting some air.
Why are you here?
Satoshi.
-
It might be bit corny, but Ohno didn’t care. He wanted to have these things he got in his bedroom.
To keep reminding him of what he lost,
and what it cost.
What he could have had for the end of his life,
but was careless enough to not to see how it was slipping away.
To not to see how he hurt the person, he cared the most,
and to see a person who lied behind his back.
Ohno lifted the single on the stand and then put the beautiful red rose right next to it. He looked at those cute hands he could see on the cover of the single, those that he missed to touch. And then at the rose, trying to figure out the message behind it.
There was always a message behind everything that that man did. And Ohno wasn’t always able to see them, but it had been fine. Until now.
Now Ohno just wanted to know what it meant.
The last item was still on the bed behind him.
He had read it so many times, over the last days. Trying to understand how this happened and why. He has been running around with it, asking question and screaming his pain out.
But it hadn’t brought any of the answers that he had been looking for.
And Ohno couldn’t be sure he would ever get them.
The only one who could give those answers, wasn’t to be found.
Oh, He had tried his best to find him, but to no avail.
And it breaks him.
That’s why he’s putting them here.
To remind him, of what he lost.
Ohno picked up the letter, looked at it, then pushed it under the single.
To remind him, to find the person he lost and get him back.
-
It’s was already terrible when Ohno could see but he wasn't allowed to touch. After so many months and months of loneliness and depression, Ohno was finally allowed see and smell but not touch. It’s killing him inside out.
But this…
This was even worse than that.
To see the person you’ve yearned to see, smell and touch, so much that your fingers just itched for the touch, to see that person be surrounded by other people and touched the way he wished he could. And the worst was that it’s not just one person that’s touching the man, but two.
And they were so, so close that it’s hard to see the lines of where one body ends and other starts.
Ohno was trying his best to stay away. He had no rights to go and stop them. Those rights had been cut when the man in the middle of that gross scenery had left him.
However, the moment he saw one of them men slide open the zipper and pushed their hands inside of the man’s clothes, they were sandwiching, he snapped forward.
His mind caught him when he had snatched the light man from the arm towards himself, and pushed one of the guys away from them with other hand. He didn’t know if he was causing a scene or not, and to tell the truth, he didn’t fucking care.
All Ohno cared about was to have this light man, who obviously was totally wasted as he tried to wiggle away without any strength, in his arms, feel him against him and know that the younger man was safe with him.
Ohno quickly turned them around and rushed them away from the center of the dance floor, his eyes were on the exit door of that damn night club. He fought against the sluggish arms that flailed around, most probably as a way to push him away which definitely wasn’t working but it did make his work of fixing the younger man’s clothes harder.
As they got closer to the door, the sluggish man in his arms seemed to give up and just let Ohno do what he wanted. Then the younger man tucked his nose against Ohno’s neck, making the older man shiver by the touch.
Grunting, Ohno walked faster and pushed the door open. The cool air hit them immediately, making the man in his arms moan and curl more into him. The movement warmed Ohno’s heart in that instant and he wrapped his arms around the man tighter.
Spontaneously he started to hum, an instinctual reaction that was still inside of him. After all these months, Ohno still knew how to calm down the younger man without thinking about doing it.
As the younger man relaxed in his arms once again, Ohno hailed a taxi and tugged them inside. He had to think for a second what to say to the driver as they sat down, remembering that he actually didn’t know the drunk man’s address. Though, he didn’t feel like he was ready to leave the younger man and keep him away from himself. So he did what came to his mind first and told the driver his address,
while tucking the younger man’s head under his chin, enjoying the feel of the small puffs against his skin once again.
-
It was about two months ago when Sho contacted Ohno about a new job opportunity, to choreograph and dance in a music video.
At first Ohno was a bit uncertain about the motives and if this work related opportunity was real and worth the time. But then Sho told him something, something that made him unable to say no to this job.
Just a name was enough to make his heart skip a beat. Just a name and he was ready to say yes to everything. Anything that involved that questioned man with that name.
He has been trying to find a way to get closer, to get to touch, to find where that man is and maybe, maybe finally ask the questions he’s been dying to ask for more than a year now.
His relationship with Sho wasn’t the same as it had been before, before everything had crashed down and slipped away from his hands.
His world, his life, his future, his love.
His everything.
His love of his life had left and everything fell down from their right places.
Nothing was interesting anymore. Acting and dancing lost their meaning. He wasn’t interested in dancing for someone else, and he wasn’t even interested in reading the script for the upcoming plays. Food didn’t taste good anymore, it was like eating shit. No matter what he ate. He wasn’t able to taste the flavors.
Colors. Oh, all the colors. He’s always loved colors, but they became grey and meaningless. There were no bright lovely colors anymore. The sun wasn’t the lovely yellow he used to love. The sea wasn’t the bright blue he used to get drawn to. Every color around him became a mixed gray.
And music. Music. He used to love and listen to the songs. Dance around to them and sometimes sing with them. But now, it just made his heart scream and his eyes cry.
Ever since that specific day.
The day he got that letter, that red rose.
The last things from the person who meant everything to him.
-
After he had heard the song and managed to grab the letter from the floor, he read it for a second time. He tried to understand the words written there but couldn’t. Ohno had run out of the theater all the way back to their home, hoping for the life of him that what he was thinking wasn’t the truth, that it wasn’t what was actually going to happen. But, as Ohno finally got the apartment door open, all he was able to see was darkness. The apartment was dark and cold.
There was no indication of someone being inside. No lights, no sounds, nothing that could tell that someone could be there. When usually at this time of the day, there would be lights at the living room with sounds coming off from the TV, or lights in the kitchen with food waiting for him in the fridge, and Ohno could hear the very light snoring coming from their bedroom as the other person had already gone to bed.
Ohno stepped inside, shakily looking for the switch. When the lights turned on, he could see things that were there in the morning when he had left. But he also wasn’t able to see some other things that he had seen on that morning.
There were no shoes other than his on the entry. No ones else's jackets hanging on the racks than his own.
Ohno moved forward in rapid steps from the doorway to the inside of the apartment that had always felt like home and safe. The apartment that now felt cold, hollow and totally different to what it was yesterday.
Living room felt empty. There were no games laying on the floor or table, nor were there any on the shelf that was meant for them. No game controllers nor consoles.
Turning around, Ohno ran towards to the bedroom, slowing down to stop as he reached for the door. His fingers hovered over the handle, his breathing rapid, his whole body shaking.
Taking a breath in, gulping down some courage he didn’t feel, he opened the door.
There were no guitars in the corner of the room, nor any music sheets laid on the table nor laying on the floor. No one was on the made up bed, and when Ohno opened the doors of the closets, it was easy to see that some of the clothes were gone, as well the cute yellowish toothbrush from the bathroom. Now, the bluish toothbrush stood there all alone.
And that did it. When the truth finally kicked in, that this is the reality.
Ohno stumbled backwards towards their bed, feeling like someone had just kicked him hard on the chest. His body gave up for the shaking and his legs lost their energy to keep him up, making him drop down on the bed. And when his back hit the mattress, the last strength that Ohno had kept for the hope of this being a cruel lie, blew up in the air, as he finally understood that all the things that made this home theirs and not only his, were gone.
They were gone.
They were all gone.
The love of his life had left.
And then his mind blanked out.
-
Next morning, Ohno woke up from the slumber, feeling sluggish and his eyes dry. He felt warm, and as he looked at his surroundings, to pinpoint the reasons, he found himself in their bed, tucked under the blanket and his head on a puffy pillow. There was a small ray of light coming from under the doors crack, and he was able to hear light noises coming from the other side.
When his brain finally woke up, bringing back the memories of the day before, memories of the cold dark rooms and words that made his heart bleed, Ohno was ready to jump up and run towards the reason of the noises, but before he even managed to sit up properly, the bedroom door creaked open.
A person stepped forward and stood right in front of the light, making it hard for Ohno to recognize if it’s the one he’s been dying to see and talk to.
But as he got a better look at the shadow, he saw differences to what should be there. That the person on the doorway was taller and boarder than the one he expected, wished, hoped for, and when the shadow spoke, it confirmed his suspicion.
But he hadn’t expected to hear that voice.
Not now, not here.
“Satoshi, are you up?” The shadow asked lightly.
Everything was quiet for awhile. No one moved, barely breathed.
And when the person at the door took a step forward, Ohno finally jumped up and ran.
“Satoshi? Are you okay? I made some soup, it should be edible..” the shadow with slopping shoulders said, looking down at the tray with food that most probably had his breakfast.
But Ohno didn’t care. Didn’t care what this man might have said or done. Not now. Maybe never.
Ohno’s hands snatched the tray and threw it away from his way and then he took a hold of the man’s shirt and pushed him against the wall with such a force he’d never used before.
“YOU” Ohno shouted, “YOU!”
He’s angry. Furious.
Ohno slammed him against the wall once again, as the other tried to push back.
“WHAT DID YOU DO!?” Ohno shouted again, his head was starting to spin.
He’s confused.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?”
He’s close to breakdown.
And if, if the words in the letter were right, he’s going to kill this man.
He knew his anger was clouding his mind and doing the actions, the judgmental thinking already far gone.
But how could he stay calm and think clearly, when everything he needed was gone because of this man.
“SHO” Ohno shouted, his hands shaking on the shirt, staring at the other’s eye’s with fire and breathing heavily. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GO DO?!”
“WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT WHERE YOU THINKING SHO!? HUH?!?”
Ohno got closer to Sho, their faces not even a breath away from each other. His fists in the shirt moved up towards the face.
He could see that the other was shocked and nervous. But he didn’t care.
He’s fucking mad and if punching Sho means that he can get the answers, he will.
Oh he will, and he would enjoy it.
“TALK!” Ohno growled. Seconds away from punching the shit out of Sho.
“M-maybe you should calm down first-” Sho started in a small voice but was cut off by Ohno’s growl, one of his hands leaving the shirt to grab Sho at his neck.
“NOW!”
He pushed more strength to his hands.
“Okay, okay!” Sho shrieked, hands flying around, as if trying to take a hold of something. “But let go of me first! I can’t talk like this.”
But Ohno didn’t move, even though he heard Sho’s words. He didn’t know if he could trust the man. Didn’t know if he’s able to let go.
“Please..” Sho pleaded in a smaller voice.
A second and then Ohno let go.
He could punch Sho later. But now he just wanted answers.
He just wanted fucking answers. That’s all.
-
Ohno came back from the memories by the sound of someone taking a sharp breath.
He looked up from the newspaper, that he’s been staring at the past two, wait three hours?, to the door that led to the kitchen.
And found himself staring at the most beautiful man in the whole world.
-
Time passed but neither of them dares to be the first one to move.
It’s like one of those staring games, where the first one to look away or blink loses.
Though this is so much different.
This is about someone he has loved ever since their first meeting to this moment. And no matter what happened a year ago, it didn’t stop him loving the younger man.
That doing something so small is actually a world shattering.
And he’s not sure who’s going to break first.
The atmosphere was getting heavier and heavier by each second.
Ohno was close to give up, seconds away from standing up and running to the other man, when the younger man fell down on his knees.
Ohno froze, surprised of the sudden movement.
The man whispered something, but he couldn’t hear it well enough to understand. But as the man whispered for the second time, it was lightly louder and he was able to hear the words. And it was enough to make his knees shake.
“Sa-Satoshi,” the lighter man whispered for a third time, with small hiccup. A couple heavy tears suddenly ran down Nino’s milky white cheeks.
And Ohno was up and kneeling down in front of the man in seconds.
His shaky fingers reached out towards the cheek, his eyes staring at those golden brown eyes that he always loved but never liked to see them sad. His lips were shaking as he opened his mouth, trying to remember how to use his voice.
“Kazu” he croaked as his fingers finally touched that smooth, oh so smooth, cheek.
“Kazu,” Ohno repeated as his fingers gets gradually greedier as they start to touch Nino’s face. Trying to touch everything all at once. “Kazu.”
“Kazu,” his hands held Nino’s face, watching as the tears fell down and new ones replacing the fallen ones. He tried to fight against his own tears but he was not sure whether he was winning that fight or not. Either way, he didn’t care. How could he when the man he been wanting to touch once again for a year was in his reach and he was actually able to touch him. How? “Kazu.”
“Satoshi.” The younger man whispered again as the tears got heavier, until he wailed. Nino fell forward, towards his arms and he quickly caught him. Always. He will always be there and catch him if he can.
Ohno hugged him and lightly swayed them slowly from side to side, while starting to hum a song he had always done when the younger man had been feeling down. Hugging, hugging and hugging, until the young man in his arms calmed down and fell asleep, once again.
Ohno picked him up in his arms, carried him to the living room and placed him on the sofa that has been there ever since they bought the house together. He sat on the edge, watching Nino sleep, his fingers tingled and warm from all the touching he had just done. But he couldn’t get enough. Who could? Especially when he finally got Nino next to him.
Ohno lifted his left hand and touched Nino’s cheek again, trying to wipe the moisture away. As he touched, he finally realized that the man in front of him had changed a bit from the last time he had seen him.
Nino’s skin was still light and smooth, soft as silk. His lips were still soft red, and his nose was still the button nose he has always loved. His hair was still that pretty dark brown and so soft to touch.
But...
The man had dark bags under his eyes, and his lips looked dry. But the thing that worried Ohno the most was that Nino, who’s always been bit skinny in his eyes, was much skinnier than last time. Nino had lost too much weight.
And Ohno was sure it couldn’t be healthy.
Hadn’t there been anyone to watch over him? Watched that Nino ate food when needed? No one who would have stuffed a milk bun into his hands when he could and would eat something? Who could have allowed him to get in this position?
The thought of no one caring if Nino ate or not, since Ohno knew that Nino usually would just forget or just didn’t want to eat, made his heart clench.
And then he remembers that he’s one of those that hasn’t managed to take care of the younger man (over the past year).
He’s one of them, so he has no right to complain.
Why has Nino let himself go this bad. Oh why.
-
Nino woke up for a second time that day, but this time, instead of the terrible pain, he felt soft, oh so soft, and warm touches on his cheek.
Nino purred and sneaked his nose towards the warmth, a very small smile, so small that it only lifted the corners of Nino’s lips up, grew on his face.
It’s been awhile since he had felt like this.
He felt so rested. Like he slept a whole week through, like he got rid of everything that bothered him, which hasn’t happened for awhile.
He had dreamt about Ohno. He had woken up in their old apartment and found Satoshi sitting in their kitchen, eating breakfast. Like he rarely did since the old man did love to sleep.
It all felt like a nice dream, not a nightmare as it usually felt when he thought of Satoshi, but a very nice dream.
Last time he felt like this was… more than year ago.
Before he met Sho.
Before he decided to leave Ohchan.
Satoshi.
…
Wait a minute.
Was that a dream?
And then everything from earlier started to flow back to his mind, a massive headache, a room that he didn’t recognize, a faded red rose, moving out of the room, the smell of coffee, going to the kitchen, seeing a man, man that he has missed for the past year and with a thud he remembered everything.
Nino opened his eyes in a flash.
-
Nino stared at the hand that was in front of him.
It was a hand he knew, fingers that he loved.
But it was a hand that belonged to someone he had tried to stay away from.
“Why are you here?” Nino muttered almost soundlessly. Still looking at the slim fingers that froze as he opened his mouth.
“Why are you here?” Nino asked again slightly louder, his voice hoarse. He blinked as the hand moved away from his peripheral vision and felt how dry his eyes were.
Oh my god, did he go and cry himself out in front of Satoshi??
Could he embarrass himself more in any way?
Nino cleared his throat, so he could try to talk normally.
“Why are you here? And why am I here with you?” He asked with a clearer voice, happy that he was able to hide the trembling he felt on his lips. He was still looking away from the other man. But he wasn’t going to turn and let him see how badly this closeness, to be this close to the other one, made him feel.
He couldn’t.
He was the one who cut it off. So he had no right to act like a miserable little shit he actually was to the older man.
No fucking right.
But there was still no answer from behind his back.
Nino took a couple deep breaths, and tried his best to take control of his feelings. Hide the nervousness, sadness and shock in a small box and throwing it to the smallest and darkest corner of his heart, hoping that it would be far enough away from prying eyes of Ohno Satoshi.
And then he turned around.
To finally faze the man he had been running away from for a year now.
To finally look him in the eyes.
To finally speak to him, face to face.
Even though he wasn’t fucking ready for it. And he was sure he would never be, but he wasn’t able to run away from this now. He was trapped inside their old house. Trapped between the sofa and the man he wanted to stay away from him but also wishes to stay right next to him.
“Why am I here with you?” Nino snapped, now glaring straight at Ohno’s eyes. His voice sharp and clear.
But Ohno didn’t say anything. He just kept staring at him. His face set to show no emotions, and he has always hated that.
With those dark brown eyes. Eyes he could easily get lost into. But Nino kept his ground. He couldn’t let himself get lost and forget to ask questions that were important, questions like why was the man he left here with him? Why hasn’t Ohno already punched or strangled the hell out of him? Like what Nino would have done if Satoshi was the one who had left him… Nino would be dying to know the answers to all the damn questions that would be going in his head.
But no. Instead of punching him, Ohno had embraced him, had carried him to the sofa and allowed to take the small nap he had needed. And now, he was just sitting there, staring at him.
And it made Nino feel nervous, his heart beating faster and his palms sweating.
Why the fuck was this happening to him? Why did his life have to be so messed up?
Nino forced the thoughts away from his head as he sat up on the sofa, still staring at the older man.
After minutes of silence, Nino opened his mouth again and demanded an answer to his questions. He at least needed to know some answers, and he was going to get them. One way or another. And after that, he would run.
“Why the fuck am I here?!” Nino demanded once again.
note2: Once again thank you guys! I hope you guys enjoyed this fic and please do not kill me.... if you want more, just bug me and I think I will try more then xD
Thank you Sharon, Jade, Roro, Sunshine, Marion, Piimy, Diana my devil obaachan, Lindren and many other for this <3
Series: Faded (3/?)
Pairing: Ohmiya
Raiting/Genre: PG-13, romance, angst.....
Dislcaimer: Nino can't keep his eyes and hands away from Ohno and Ohno doesn't even try get away from them. How could i own them?
Summary: a massive headache, a room that he didn’t recognize, a faded red rose, moving out of the room, the smell of coffee
note: Thank you ALL of you who helped me to finish this, fixing it and pushing me to write it. I'm so thankful for your help! THANK YOU!
This fic is for daisukidesu3 ! Thank you for giving me the photos!! it made me so happy and now I hope you enjoy this chapter and wish that you wont kill me in the end <3 For my twinnie cause she's important and she's been waiting for this.. For jade_lil cause she's cute and i've missed to talk to her and she's sick *hugs* and For so many others (you know who you are). And yes, I haven't given up on this series, i haven't! it's just hard to write... So you guys who haven't given up on this fic nor me but waited and kept asking, THANK YOU. I don't think you guys know but it makes me happy to know someone wants to read more of my stuff and makes me open the program and try to write more. so thank you guys, seriously, THANK YOU.
It felt like something was trying to blow his head up inside out.
A headache. Great.
It was huge like a mountain. It really felt like it was close to blow up soon, like a volcano, that was minutes away from bursting.
He needs to drink some water. And oh my god a painkiller or two.
Moaning, Nino slowly turned to his side, wrinkling his nose onto the soft pillow, wishing that he had some painkillers still left in his bathroom cabinet. He hasn’t had one for awhile, so he couldn’t remember if there were still some left.
But to get those painkillers, he needed to get up from the bed.
Even the thought was enough to make his head spin. Which, of course, didn’t encourage Nino to move even a single toe to get out of the bed.
Especially when the bed felt so comfy and warm.
Wait.
Was his bed always this comfy?
Was it always this soft?
Did it usually feel this warm in the mornings?
Actually..
How did he even get back to his apartment?
Wait.
What exactly happened last night?
Softly groaning, Nino shifted back on to his back, keeping his eyes still tightly closed, not wanting to catch any light as humanly possible, and tried to remember the events from last night.
But nothing clear came back to his mind. Only little blurry flashbacks.
He remembers the first drink that he bought. Then he bought the second as he talked to his manager. The third drink was bought by another guy, who wanted Nino to stay longer, but Nino tried to decline by saying that it was already late and he had to go home. The guy insisted, and it seemed, it had worked. By the fourth drink, Nino started to lose details.
And if there were more drinks, which he believed there were, he had no memory of them.
Which really doesn’t sound good.
But back to the main question..
How the fuck did he get back to his apartment?
Ah!
Maybe Takahiro drove him back or took a taxi with him? Mm.. Maybe.
Or
Did someone else take him to his apartment? But who could it be?
Or..
Did someone pick him up from the club and brought him to their apartment.
Hopefully not, but that is also a one possibility that he couldn’t rule out.
Holy shit, where was he?
With a jerk, Nino opened his eyes, anxiously looking around the room, trying to find something that would calm him and tell him where the fuck he was. Hoping, for the sake of his poor heart, that he will find something familiar. Like, the ugly lamp on his nightstand brought by his stupid best friend as a housewarming gift. They both knew it was ugly, but that was the point. His friend wasn’t happy about his decision to move and that’s how he showed his feelings.
Yes, weird, he knows but that’s just like him.
But he didn’t see that. Nor anything else that would have been there if it was his own bedroom.
Nothing seemed to be familiar to him, he couldn’t pinpoint anything that could explain his whereabouts. Which, of course made his fear grew bigger.
What happened last night?!
Nino closed his eyes once again and tried to push all his memories from yesterday to the front. He tried to find leads from one point to another.
He remembered the guy who had offered him the drink, no, drinks, and then dragged him to the dance floor. Nino remembered that they had started to dance pretty close to each other not long after they even got there. So close that the other man’s hands were on his hips, and were pulling Nino closer to him.
In a blink, he moved forward. This time Nino wasn’t dancing alone with the man, now there was one more person, and he could feel how the situation had been hot. The two men were around Nino, surrounding him. One man was in front of him, dancing hip to hip, the man’s hand on his lower back, pulling him closer. The second man was behind Nino, the man’s hip right next to his butt, basically jutting against it, and hands on his hip.
Nino doesn’t know how they might have looked to the others, but the memory of it is enough to tell that it must have been a sight. He could remember having hands everywhere and how hot he had felt.
Nino shook his head, feeling embarrassed that he had let himself go that far.
But then he recalled one other memory. A memory of someone taking hold of Nino’s hand and pulling him hard. He could remember that he had not felt scared when it happened, but he had been slightly mad at the person who had taken a hold of him. The person whom he wasn’t even able to see, which didn’t really surprise him, thinking how badly wasted he had been.
But the smell of the captor?
Nino couldn’t remember exactly what the smell could have been, but it had been kind of sweet and somehow a very shooting one. It felt like he had found home.
Which was weird.
He couldn’t remember anyone whose smell reminded him of home. Not for a long time.
So.. Who was it?
Who was the person who took him to their home from the club?
Seriously, how wasted could he have been for not remembering it?
Not remembering the part when they came to the apartment and…
Oh right, was he sore?
As that question popped up in his mind, he closed his eyes, checking and searching for anything that could feel even slightly wrong or painful. But there was nothing, except his head. Everything seemed to be fine and that there was no soreness of the after sex. Which meant that he had not been fucked nor had he fucked anyone.
Which brought his mind back to the questioned room around him.
Nino opened his eyes, and looked around once again.
This definitely wasn’t his bedroom.
That was for sure.
And he couldn’t find anything familiar that would tell that he was in an acquaintance’s house.
Nothin-
Wait… what is that?
Nino slowly sat up on the bed.
His eyes grew bigger as he kept looking at a rose. A red rose. Shriveled red rose to be exact.
It was on a stand on the other side of the room, right in front of the bed. There was nothing else on it, well at least he couldn’t see anything else.
But.
A red rose.
Nino couldn’t help but hope that he was just overreacting and thinking too much. Anyone could have a shriveled rose in their bedroom. Even if the room somehow started to feel half empty, half full.
Anyone could have one. So there was no reason to panic, yet. There was no reason to think that this could be a very cruel joke nor that this could mean something else entirely. That the person, whoever it was that took him to their home, could even have exactly the same thing inside their bedroom.
After that thought, Nino tried to pick up anything that could lead him to somewhere else, to tell him that this wasn’t the place that he thought it was. Some of the things started to look a bit familiar. But it was mostly less than half of the stuff. And because of that Nino didn’t let himself think for the worst.
But what’s the coincidence?
Of someone having a dry rose in their bedroom?
A high chance. At least that’s what Nino hoped for.
-
Taking a deep breath, Nino carefully lifted up the blanket and stepped down on the chilly floor, surprised to find himself dressed up in pajamas; meaning that the person who had brought him here seems to have had to undress him totally naked from his clothes to these. The thought was enough to make him blush like a tomato from embarrassment.
Though if it was the man that he seriously was afraid that it was, then the person had already seen him naked many times before.
Closing his eyes, Nino took another deep breath, trying to calm himself down and then stood up. He stayed there for awhile, letting his head get used to be so high in the air again without any help of God’s invention of aspirin.
When it seemed like half of his mind was finally back on Earth, Nino opened his eyes and took a step towards the rose.
When he was close enough, he could see that the rose wasn’t the only thing that was over there. Right next to it was a CD, and Nino was damn sure what that cd was, but he wasn’t able to, didn’t want to, trust his eye to see it right.
But there it was. His debut single. With the dry red rose.
Nino knew that anyone could have it there and that he shouldn’t be that surprised to find his single there, since he has gotten pretty famous in Japan and little outside the country.
But if it was just a fan, why the rose? There was no meaning to have a dry rose next to his single. At least there shouldn’t be. But he knew there was one person whom could have a meaning for it.
Though, Nino doesn’t understand why that person would even have his single here, in his bedroom, and keep that damn rose! Why?
But can it be someone else?
Could it be anyone else?
Nino turned to look around the bedroom again, slowly and carefully.
Now he found things that were slightly familiar and the things that didn’t… he could already picture why they were there and who had bought them.
But there was nothing that was conspicuous enough to tell him that his suspicion is wrong, and that sent butterflies to his stomach.
A corner of paper, under the single caught Nino’s eyes and he froze.
Breathing shakily, he turned slowly to look at the door.
Hundreds of thoughts flew around inside his head, his fingers trembled and his heart leaped in his throat as he walked towards the door.
He stopped right in front of it and stared at the handle.
What will happen when he opens the door? Is the person, he thinks that owns this/the apartment, on the other side?
But what if, if this place wasn’t the one he thought it was, and there would be someone else. Someone totally unknown to him?
Then it would be a one night stand that wasn’t really a one night stand since they didn’t seem to have sex in the end of the night… He would go out and then come back dress up and leave, like people usually do. He hasn’t done this for a long time, not even once on the past year when he’s been living alone.
But he’s pretty sure, that that person owns this apartment..
So if it is his...
Is he ready to meet the other one? Face to face? Inside a small apartment without anyone else?
Is he?
No.
But does he have any other choice?
Maybe.
But would that solve the situation.
Not really.
So what will he do?
Gulping down his fear, Nino pushed the handle down and opened the door.
-
The corridor behind the door was quiet. No one was on the sight.
From the doorway, Nino wasn’t able to see to any other rooms.
Nino took a slight step forward, his right hand taking a hold of his shirt and holding it tight. Hoping that it would stop the shaking. Which didn’t seem to work.
He looked around the corridor
A shiver broke down his back.
It looked familiar. Way too familiar.
Familiar to the apartment he has known for awhile.
Nino couldn’t help but think of all the reasons why most of the things are still on the same places or why the person would still, even after everything, stay in this place.
A small whiff of came towards Nino, bringing a slight smell of fresh coffee to his nose and halting down the racing thoughts in his head.
Without even thinking he had let his nose take the lead and had started to walk forward, towards to origin of the smell.
Nino stopped as the smell got stronger. He was standing next to the wall, and the door to the kitchen right in front of him.
Just one more step and he would be able to see inside. Just one step, look to the right and that’s it.
But it wasn’t just “that’s it”. No way close to it.
It could be the beginning of a hurricane. The beginning of the end of the world. At least that’s what it felt like for Nino. He was breathing heavily and shaking all over.
Everything was in chaos inside his head, and in his heart. He couldn’t shake off the bad feeling of how familiar everything was, and that he was pretty sure where he was, who he was with, but...
But the worst and the one thing that made him slightly angry and confused was that even though he, Ninomiya Kazunari, had made the decision to leave, to leave this place and the person, he still could feel himself all the way deep down, if he could just let go of his fears that is, how very comfortable he could be and feel safe as he was close to the older man.
Nino tightened his hand on the shirt, bringing it closer to his heart as his other hand formed a fist next to his stomach, like he was trying to protect his heart from the world outside by hugging himself. He closed his eyes once again, taking a deep breath before letting it all out. He opened his eyes and stepped forward, hoping against hope that he wasn’t where he thought he would be.
The moment his eyes caught the scenery, he froze.
He couldn’t breath. His lungs stopped working the way they should.
His heart skipped a beat.
Afraid that he would get the attention of the man that was sitting on the chair next to the table, drinking coffee and reading news paper.
The man that he hoped he wouldn’t see. But knew he would in the end.
The man that he had been avoiding the whole time in the studio yesterday. With very slight success.
The questioned man, that he had been avoiding the whole fucking year, even though Nino still dreams about him everyday. Still crying over the decisions he made.
That man he still loved so deeply. But that was something he wasn’t going to tell anyone. Not now and probably never.
But..
His skin, his hair, his lips.
Oh my god
Why was he sitting there!?
Why was this man here?
And
Why was he there?
Why
Oh dear god, why
Nino’s breath hitched lightly, his lungs wanting some air.
Why are you here?
Satoshi.
-
It might be bit corny, but Ohno didn’t care. He wanted to have these things he got in his bedroom.
To keep reminding him of what he lost,
and what it cost.
What he could have had for the end of his life,
but was careless enough to not to see how it was slipping away.
To not to see how he hurt the person, he cared the most,
and to see a person who lied behind his back.
Ohno lifted the single on the stand and then put the beautiful red rose right next to it. He looked at those cute hands he could see on the cover of the single, those that he missed to touch. And then at the rose, trying to figure out the message behind it.
There was always a message behind everything that that man did. And Ohno wasn’t always able to see them, but it had been fine. Until now.
Now Ohno just wanted to know what it meant.
The last item was still on the bed behind him.
He had read it so many times, over the last days. Trying to understand how this happened and why. He has been running around with it, asking question and screaming his pain out.
But it hadn’t brought any of the answers that he had been looking for.
And Ohno couldn’t be sure he would ever get them.
The only one who could give those answers, wasn’t to be found.
Oh, He had tried his best to find him, but to no avail.
And it breaks him.
That’s why he’s putting them here.
To remind him, of what he lost.
Ohno picked up the letter, looked at it, then pushed it under the single.
To remind him, to find the person he lost and get him back.
-
It’s was already terrible when Ohno could see but he wasn't allowed to touch. After so many months and months of loneliness and depression, Ohno was finally allowed see and smell but not touch. It’s killing him inside out.
But this…
This was even worse than that.
To see the person you’ve yearned to see, smell and touch, so much that your fingers just itched for the touch, to see that person be surrounded by other people and touched the way he wished he could. And the worst was that it’s not just one person that’s touching the man, but two.
And they were so, so close that it’s hard to see the lines of where one body ends and other starts.
Ohno was trying his best to stay away. He had no rights to go and stop them. Those rights had been cut when the man in the middle of that gross scenery had left him.
However, the moment he saw one of them men slide open the zipper and pushed their hands inside of the man’s clothes, they were sandwiching, he snapped forward.
His mind caught him when he had snatched the light man from the arm towards himself, and pushed one of the guys away from them with other hand. He didn’t know if he was causing a scene or not, and to tell the truth, he didn’t fucking care.
All Ohno cared about was to have this light man, who obviously was totally wasted as he tried to wiggle away without any strength, in his arms, feel him against him and know that the younger man was safe with him.
Ohno quickly turned them around and rushed them away from the center of the dance floor, his eyes were on the exit door of that damn night club. He fought against the sluggish arms that flailed around, most probably as a way to push him away which definitely wasn’t working but it did make his work of fixing the younger man’s clothes harder.
As they got closer to the door, the sluggish man in his arms seemed to give up and just let Ohno do what he wanted. Then the younger man tucked his nose against Ohno’s neck, making the older man shiver by the touch.
Grunting, Ohno walked faster and pushed the door open. The cool air hit them immediately, making the man in his arms moan and curl more into him. The movement warmed Ohno’s heart in that instant and he wrapped his arms around the man tighter.
Spontaneously he started to hum, an instinctual reaction that was still inside of him. After all these months, Ohno still knew how to calm down the younger man without thinking about doing it.
As the younger man relaxed in his arms once again, Ohno hailed a taxi and tugged them inside. He had to think for a second what to say to the driver as they sat down, remembering that he actually didn’t know the drunk man’s address. Though, he didn’t feel like he was ready to leave the younger man and keep him away from himself. So he did what came to his mind first and told the driver his address,
while tucking the younger man’s head under his chin, enjoying the feel of the small puffs against his skin once again.
-
It was about two months ago when Sho contacted Ohno about a new job opportunity, to choreograph and dance in a music video.
At first Ohno was a bit uncertain about the motives and if this work related opportunity was real and worth the time. But then Sho told him something, something that made him unable to say no to this job.
Just a name was enough to make his heart skip a beat. Just a name and he was ready to say yes to everything. Anything that involved that questioned man with that name.
He has been trying to find a way to get closer, to get to touch, to find where that man is and maybe, maybe finally ask the questions he’s been dying to ask for more than a year now.
His relationship with Sho wasn’t the same as it had been before, before everything had crashed down and slipped away from his hands.
His world, his life, his future, his love.
His everything.
His love of his life had left and everything fell down from their right places.
Nothing was interesting anymore. Acting and dancing lost their meaning. He wasn’t interested in dancing for someone else, and he wasn’t even interested in reading the script for the upcoming plays. Food didn’t taste good anymore, it was like eating shit. No matter what he ate. He wasn’t able to taste the flavors.
Colors. Oh, all the colors. He’s always loved colors, but they became grey and meaningless. There were no bright lovely colors anymore. The sun wasn’t the lovely yellow he used to love. The sea wasn’t the bright blue he used to get drawn to. Every color around him became a mixed gray.
And music. Music. He used to love and listen to the songs. Dance around to them and sometimes sing with them. But now, it just made his heart scream and his eyes cry.
Ever since that specific day.
The day he got that letter, that red rose.
The last things from the person who meant everything to him.
-
After he had heard the song and managed to grab the letter from the floor, he read it for a second time. He tried to understand the words written there but couldn’t. Ohno had run out of the theater all the way back to their home, hoping for the life of him that what he was thinking wasn’t the truth, that it wasn’t what was actually going to happen. But, as Ohno finally got the apartment door open, all he was able to see was darkness. The apartment was dark and cold.
There was no indication of someone being inside. No lights, no sounds, nothing that could tell that someone could be there. When usually at this time of the day, there would be lights at the living room with sounds coming off from the TV, or lights in the kitchen with food waiting for him in the fridge, and Ohno could hear the very light snoring coming from their bedroom as the other person had already gone to bed.
Ohno stepped inside, shakily looking for the switch. When the lights turned on, he could see things that were there in the morning when he had left. But he also wasn’t able to see some other things that he had seen on that morning.
There were no shoes other than his on the entry. No ones else's jackets hanging on the racks than his own.
Ohno moved forward in rapid steps from the doorway to the inside of the apartment that had always felt like home and safe. The apartment that now felt cold, hollow and totally different to what it was yesterday.
Living room felt empty. There were no games laying on the floor or table, nor were there any on the shelf that was meant for them. No game controllers nor consoles.
Turning around, Ohno ran towards to the bedroom, slowing down to stop as he reached for the door. His fingers hovered over the handle, his breathing rapid, his whole body shaking.
Taking a breath in, gulping down some courage he didn’t feel, he opened the door.
There were no guitars in the corner of the room, nor any music sheets laid on the table nor laying on the floor. No one was on the made up bed, and when Ohno opened the doors of the closets, it was easy to see that some of the clothes were gone, as well the cute yellowish toothbrush from the bathroom. Now, the bluish toothbrush stood there all alone.
And that did it. When the truth finally kicked in, that this is the reality.
Ohno stumbled backwards towards their bed, feeling like someone had just kicked him hard on the chest. His body gave up for the shaking and his legs lost their energy to keep him up, making him drop down on the bed. And when his back hit the mattress, the last strength that Ohno had kept for the hope of this being a cruel lie, blew up in the air, as he finally understood that all the things that made this home theirs and not only his, were gone.
They were gone.
They were all gone.
The love of his life had left.
And then his mind blanked out.
-
Next morning, Ohno woke up from the slumber, feeling sluggish and his eyes dry. He felt warm, and as he looked at his surroundings, to pinpoint the reasons, he found himself in their bed, tucked under the blanket and his head on a puffy pillow. There was a small ray of light coming from under the doors crack, and he was able to hear light noises coming from the other side.
When his brain finally woke up, bringing back the memories of the day before, memories of the cold dark rooms and words that made his heart bleed, Ohno was ready to jump up and run towards the reason of the noises, but before he even managed to sit up properly, the bedroom door creaked open.
A person stepped forward and stood right in front of the light, making it hard for Ohno to recognize if it’s the one he’s been dying to see and talk to.
But as he got a better look at the shadow, he saw differences to what should be there. That the person on the doorway was taller and boarder than the one he expected, wished, hoped for, and when the shadow spoke, it confirmed his suspicion.
But he hadn’t expected to hear that voice.
Not now, not here.
“Satoshi, are you up?” The shadow asked lightly.
Everything was quiet for awhile. No one moved, barely breathed.
And when the person at the door took a step forward, Ohno finally jumped up and ran.
“Satoshi? Are you okay? I made some soup, it should be edible..” the shadow with slopping shoulders said, looking down at the tray with food that most probably had his breakfast.
But Ohno didn’t care. Didn’t care what this man might have said or done. Not now. Maybe never.
Ohno’s hands snatched the tray and threw it away from his way and then he took a hold of the man’s shirt and pushed him against the wall with such a force he’d never used before.
“YOU” Ohno shouted, “YOU!”
He’s angry. Furious.
Ohno slammed him against the wall once again, as the other tried to push back.
“WHAT DID YOU DO!?” Ohno shouted again, his head was starting to spin.
He’s confused.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?”
He’s close to breakdown.
And if, if the words in the letter were right, he’s going to kill this man.
He knew his anger was clouding his mind and doing the actions, the judgmental thinking already far gone.
But how could he stay calm and think clearly, when everything he needed was gone because of this man.
“SHO” Ohno shouted, his hands shaking on the shirt, staring at the other’s eye’s with fire and breathing heavily. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GO DO?!”
“WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT WHERE YOU THINKING SHO!? HUH?!?”
Ohno got closer to Sho, their faces not even a breath away from each other. His fists in the shirt moved up towards the face.
He could see that the other was shocked and nervous. But he didn’t care.
He’s fucking mad and if punching Sho means that he can get the answers, he will.
Oh he will, and he would enjoy it.
“TALK!” Ohno growled. Seconds away from punching the shit out of Sho.
“M-maybe you should calm down first-” Sho started in a small voice but was cut off by Ohno’s growl, one of his hands leaving the shirt to grab Sho at his neck.
“NOW!”
He pushed more strength to his hands.
“Okay, okay!” Sho shrieked, hands flying around, as if trying to take a hold of something. “But let go of me first! I can’t talk like this.”
But Ohno didn’t move, even though he heard Sho’s words. He didn’t know if he could trust the man. Didn’t know if he’s able to let go.
“Please..” Sho pleaded in a smaller voice.
A second and then Ohno let go.
He could punch Sho later. But now he just wanted answers.
He just wanted fucking answers. That’s all.
-
Ohno came back from the memories by the sound of someone taking a sharp breath.
He looked up from the newspaper, that he’s been staring at the past two, wait three hours?, to the door that led to the kitchen.
And found himself staring at the most beautiful man in the whole world.
-
Time passed but neither of them dares to be the first one to move.
It’s like one of those staring games, where the first one to look away or blink loses.
Though this is so much different.
This is about someone he has loved ever since their first meeting to this moment. And no matter what happened a year ago, it didn’t stop him loving the younger man.
That doing something so small is actually a world shattering.
And he’s not sure who’s going to break first.
The atmosphere was getting heavier and heavier by each second.
Ohno was close to give up, seconds away from standing up and running to the other man, when the younger man fell down on his knees.
Ohno froze, surprised of the sudden movement.
The man whispered something, but he couldn’t hear it well enough to understand. But as the man whispered for the second time, it was lightly louder and he was able to hear the words. And it was enough to make his knees shake.
“Sa-Satoshi,” the lighter man whispered for a third time, with small hiccup. A couple heavy tears suddenly ran down Nino’s milky white cheeks.
And Ohno was up and kneeling down in front of the man in seconds.
His shaky fingers reached out towards the cheek, his eyes staring at those golden brown eyes that he always loved but never liked to see them sad. His lips were shaking as he opened his mouth, trying to remember how to use his voice.
“Kazu” he croaked as his fingers finally touched that smooth, oh so smooth, cheek.
“Kazu,” Ohno repeated as his fingers gets gradually greedier as they start to touch Nino’s face. Trying to touch everything all at once. “Kazu.”
“Kazu,” his hands held Nino’s face, watching as the tears fell down and new ones replacing the fallen ones. He tried to fight against his own tears but he was not sure whether he was winning that fight or not. Either way, he didn’t care. How could he when the man he been wanting to touch once again for a year was in his reach and he was actually able to touch him. How? “Kazu.”
“Satoshi.” The younger man whispered again as the tears got heavier, until he wailed. Nino fell forward, towards his arms and he quickly caught him. Always. He will always be there and catch him if he can.
Ohno hugged him and lightly swayed them slowly from side to side, while starting to hum a song he had always done when the younger man had been feeling down. Hugging, hugging and hugging, until the young man in his arms calmed down and fell asleep, once again.
Ohno picked him up in his arms, carried him to the living room and placed him on the sofa that has been there ever since they bought the house together. He sat on the edge, watching Nino sleep, his fingers tingled and warm from all the touching he had just done. But he couldn’t get enough. Who could? Especially when he finally got Nino next to him.
Ohno lifted his left hand and touched Nino’s cheek again, trying to wipe the moisture away. As he touched, he finally realized that the man in front of him had changed a bit from the last time he had seen him.
Nino’s skin was still light and smooth, soft as silk. His lips were still soft red, and his nose was still the button nose he has always loved. His hair was still that pretty dark brown and so soft to touch.
But...
The man had dark bags under his eyes, and his lips looked dry. But the thing that worried Ohno the most was that Nino, who’s always been bit skinny in his eyes, was much skinnier than last time. Nino had lost too much weight.
And Ohno was sure it couldn’t be healthy.
Hadn’t there been anyone to watch over him? Watched that Nino ate food when needed? No one who would have stuffed a milk bun into his hands when he could and would eat something? Who could have allowed him to get in this position?
The thought of no one caring if Nino ate or not, since Ohno knew that Nino usually would just forget or just didn’t want to eat, made his heart clench.
And then he remembers that he’s one of those that hasn’t managed to take care of the younger man (over the past year).
He’s one of them, so he has no right to complain.
Why has Nino let himself go this bad. Oh why.
-
Nino woke up for a second time that day, but this time, instead of the terrible pain, he felt soft, oh so soft, and warm touches on his cheek.
Nino purred and sneaked his nose towards the warmth, a very small smile, so small that it only lifted the corners of Nino’s lips up, grew on his face.
It’s been awhile since he had felt like this.
He felt so rested. Like he slept a whole week through, like he got rid of everything that bothered him, which hasn’t happened for awhile.
He had dreamt about Ohno. He had woken up in their old apartment and found Satoshi sitting in their kitchen, eating breakfast. Like he rarely did since the old man did love to sleep.
It all felt like a nice dream, not a nightmare as it usually felt when he thought of Satoshi, but a very nice dream.
Last time he felt like this was… more than year ago.
Before he met Sho.
Before he decided to leave Ohchan.
Satoshi.
…
Wait a minute.
Was that a dream?
And then everything from earlier started to flow back to his mind, a massive headache, a room that he didn’t recognize, a faded red rose, moving out of the room, the smell of coffee, going to the kitchen, seeing a man, man that he has missed for the past year and with a thud he remembered everything.
Nino opened his eyes in a flash.
-
Nino stared at the hand that was in front of him.
It was a hand he knew, fingers that he loved.
But it was a hand that belonged to someone he had tried to stay away from.
“Why are you here?” Nino muttered almost soundlessly. Still looking at the slim fingers that froze as he opened his mouth.
“Why are you here?” Nino asked again slightly louder, his voice hoarse. He blinked as the hand moved away from his peripheral vision and felt how dry his eyes were.
Oh my god, did he go and cry himself out in front of Satoshi??
Could he embarrass himself more in any way?
Nino cleared his throat, so he could try to talk normally.
“Why are you here? And why am I here with you?” He asked with a clearer voice, happy that he was able to hide the trembling he felt on his lips. He was still looking away from the other man. But he wasn’t going to turn and let him see how badly this closeness, to be this close to the other one, made him feel.
He couldn’t.
He was the one who cut it off. So he had no right to act like a miserable little shit he actually was to the older man.
No fucking right.
But there was still no answer from behind his back.
Nino took a couple deep breaths, and tried his best to take control of his feelings. Hide the nervousness, sadness and shock in a small box and throwing it to the smallest and darkest corner of his heart, hoping that it would be far enough away from prying eyes of Ohno Satoshi.
And then he turned around.
To finally faze the man he had been running away from for a year now.
To finally look him in the eyes.
To finally speak to him, face to face.
Even though he wasn’t fucking ready for it. And he was sure he would never be, but he wasn’t able to run away from this now. He was trapped inside their old house. Trapped between the sofa and the man he wanted to stay away from him but also wishes to stay right next to him.
“Why am I here with you?” Nino snapped, now glaring straight at Ohno’s eyes. His voice sharp and clear.
But Ohno didn’t say anything. He just kept staring at him. His face set to show no emotions, and he has always hated that.
With those dark brown eyes. Eyes he could easily get lost into. But Nino kept his ground. He couldn’t let himself get lost and forget to ask questions that were important, questions like why was the man he left here with him? Why hasn’t Ohno already punched or strangled the hell out of him? Like what Nino would have done if Satoshi was the one who had left him… Nino would be dying to know the answers to all the damn questions that would be going in his head.
But no. Instead of punching him, Ohno had embraced him, had carried him to the sofa and allowed to take the small nap he had needed. And now, he was just sitting there, staring at him.
And it made Nino feel nervous, his heart beating faster and his palms sweating.
Why the fuck was this happening to him? Why did his life have to be so messed up?
Nino forced the thoughts away from his head as he sat up on the sofa, still staring at the older man.
After minutes of silence, Nino opened his mouth again and demanded an answer to his questions. He at least needed to know some answers, and he was going to get them. One way or another. And after that, he would run.
“Why the fuck am I here?!” Nino demanded once again.
note2: Once again thank you guys! I hope you guys enjoyed this fic and please do not kill me.... if you want more, just bug me and I think I will try more then xD
Thank you Sharon, Jade, Roro, Sunshine, Marion, Piimy, Diana my devil obaachan, Lindren and many other for this <3