(no subject)
Just to let you know ahead of time…this entry has two parts. Part one is very just fun “what I did the past few days” and part two is me still happy… but it’s just... another one of those “pei” rants…
Wed: I took finals. Enough said lol
Thurs: took MORE finals I think I did decently well… AND I want to be a PUBLICIST! Couldn’t you see me in that career??? I think its FABULOUS!
Anyways, that night after finals, liz and I drove to Benecia. Its this cute little suburb of like Vallejo, and we got to spend some time with Melinda that night. We were really dorky and played some games, like silly mind games, such as Alien Numbers, just things you played when you went to camp and were like seven. It was COMPLETELY dorky but COMPLETELY fun! Very enjoyable.
Fri: Woke up at like 9ish to hear CATS MEOWING outside our window. MY GOSH THEY WERE ANNOYING. So liz and I both ignored it… until we just got pissy and liz let the cat in… we fall back asleep almost… and five minutes later.. the OTHER cat wants to come in too. OMG. Anyways… we go back to sleep and get up at about ten. We do our morning stuff, and go to meet up with her friend, and dorm mate, Chris. Now, let me tell you what I knew of Chris before I met him.
1. He dances
2. he does physics
3. he rides a unicycle
4. he hurt himself riding a unicycle and got a concussion
5. he’s a very good Christian boy
6. he plays cs with liz
7. is from benecia
8. is a tall skinny white guy that goes to UCI (now THAT is rare! )
and that’s pretty much it. Oh and that he is like stannon BEFORE he went all bahhalsdhroiehaojdflakheish on everyone. But its not just stannon that he reminds me of… He also is VERY Erik ish. Blonde minnasota erik… It was crazy. Anyways back to lunch….
So we eat lunch at a restaurant by a gas station (classy, I know )and there is a REALLY funny and HOTT waiter named Matt there (ill post a picture later). It was just fun to talk and joke…. Poor Chris could barely eat anything. Get this: He cant have ANY dairy products: i.e. milk, cheese, BUTTER. Like…WHO can’t eat butter??? *sigh* anyways… we finish lunch, and since liz wouldn’t let chris pay… he was as thick headed as she was, and as we walked out the door threw money on the table… later we asked how much he put,, cuz liz left a decent tip too.. get this… we left over a 50% tip. LOL. My gosh we are AWESOME!
Any-who we talk after lunch for like an hour outside, then we all leave, and liz and I go say goodbye to Melinda at her school.. then head home. Liz and I take the LONG way home… we left at 2:15 and got home at like 5:30.. we are awesome. You know whats MORE awesome? I had work at 5 =-o hehe. My boss knew I was going to be late I called. But anyways… then I had to go to work… and today at work I was in a REALLY good mood. Because I have come to a conclusion, well… a conclusion I am going to express yet again.
PART II OF ENTRY
Those who read my journal regularly already know what I am going to say. So I wont even say its name, ill just talk about it.
It is like everytime I think, I cant help but wonder if it will ever happen to me. I look at people and see how happy they are with it, I see their smiles, their laughs, but mostly I see how whole they are. I always feel like, no matter how great a day I have, or how wonderful of something happens to me, I always feel like its not AS great as it can be because I don’t have someone to share it with. Yeah I have my friends, but I want a different connection.
I want to be able to look at someone and know that I am special. I want to look at that one someone and feel that I am special, and cared about. I want to find someone who’s arms I fit in, who’s smile reflects my own, and who is just as dorky as I am. I need this void filled.
And maybe that’s why I don’t understand people who have casual sex. Yes it feels good… but why do we throw ourselves into complicated situations? Our bodies are sacred... they are not a tool. They are the embodiment of our souls. I just don’t see how it can be good for us. Maybe that’s my morals just barking at my heels…but really though. Lust and love are two different things… I am looking for the latter. And so far, I have never been able to find anyone who I feel like that about. Or maybe once I did…. But I did what every other person does… I shut it away and I always look back. *sigh* I don’t date casually because I already know what I want. I want to find someone that I can seriously consider spending the rest of my life with. I want to find someone that makes me giggle, laugh, and just feel good around. I just want happiness.
And I am like any girl. When I was younger, I dreamed about Prince Charming, what he might look like…. If he was tall, short, funny, witty, sarcastic…. if he had a castle, or maybe two. I thought about what the wedding would be like.,,., what celebrities we’d invite… which house we would use. I dreamed about going shopping without a spending limit and just cuddling at night with my prince. There were violins playing, and magical stars.
But I don’t need the houses, or the money. I don’t need the looks or celebrities or limitless credit cards. What I do need is the companionship, and humor. I need the cuddling, and silly jokes. I need arms that are willing to help me hold my world together, and I help hold theirs. I need hands that are strong enough to protect, but soft enough to help me with my wounds.
I sound like a bad cheesy movie… But that is the truth. That is what I want.. that is who I am. And I know I sound like I am asking for a lot… but isn’t that what you want too? Don’t you want that soft smile that can just make anything go away? Or that touch that sooths and excites you at the same time? Don’t you ever think about that one person you could actually spend eternity with? Because I do. I do every day.
But don’t forget. My perfect person may not be your perfect person… there is different humor, different touches. Chemistry exists, but it is a matter of finding who you connect with. So I end this entry with this: Best of luck to you all looking for your own “it”. I wish you the best of luck. For those who have “it”, count yourself lucky.
Remember, if you HAPPEN to meet someone or know someone that would be great for me, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I think I am finally ready to get my heart broken and mended. Here we go…..
Wed: I took finals. Enough said lol
Thurs: took MORE finals I think I did decently well… AND I want to be a PUBLICIST! Couldn’t you see me in that career??? I think its FABULOUS!
Anyways, that night after finals, liz and I drove to Benecia. Its this cute little suburb of like Vallejo, and we got to spend some time with Melinda that night. We were really dorky and played some games, like silly mind games, such as Alien Numbers, just things you played when you went to camp and were like seven. It was COMPLETELY dorky but COMPLETELY fun! Very enjoyable.
Fri: Woke up at like 9ish to hear CATS MEOWING outside our window. MY GOSH THEY WERE ANNOYING. So liz and I both ignored it… until we just got pissy and liz let the cat in… we fall back asleep almost… and five minutes later.. the OTHER cat wants to come in too. OMG. Anyways… we go back to sleep and get up at about ten. We do our morning stuff, and go to meet up with her friend, and dorm mate, Chris. Now, let me tell you what I knew of Chris before I met him.
1. He dances
2. he does physics
3. he rides a unicycle
4. he hurt himself riding a unicycle and got a concussion
5. he’s a very good Christian boy
6. he plays cs with liz
7. is from benecia
8. is a tall skinny white guy that goes to UCI (now THAT is rare! )
and that’s pretty much it. Oh and that he is like stannon BEFORE he went all bahhalsdhroiehaojdflakheish on everyone. But its not just stannon that he reminds me of… He also is VERY Erik ish. Blonde minnasota erik… It was crazy. Anyways back to lunch….
So we eat lunch at a restaurant by a gas station (classy, I know )and there is a REALLY funny and HOTT waiter named Matt there (ill post a picture later). It was just fun to talk and joke…. Poor Chris could barely eat anything. Get this: He cant have ANY dairy products: i.e. milk, cheese, BUTTER. Like…WHO can’t eat butter??? *sigh* anyways… we finish lunch, and since liz wouldn’t let chris pay… he was as thick headed as she was, and as we walked out the door threw money on the table… later we asked how much he put,, cuz liz left a decent tip too.. get this… we left over a 50% tip. LOL. My gosh we are AWESOME!
Any-who we talk after lunch for like an hour outside, then we all leave, and liz and I go say goodbye to Melinda at her school.. then head home. Liz and I take the LONG way home… we left at 2:15 and got home at like 5:30.. we are awesome. You know whats MORE awesome? I had work at 5 =-o hehe. My boss knew I was going to be late I called. But anyways… then I had to go to work… and today at work I was in a REALLY good mood. Because I have come to a conclusion, well… a conclusion I am going to express yet again.
PART II OF ENTRY
Those who read my journal regularly already know what I am going to say. So I wont even say its name, ill just talk about it.
It is like everytime I think, I cant help but wonder if it will ever happen to me. I look at people and see how happy they are with it, I see their smiles, their laughs, but mostly I see how whole they are. I always feel like, no matter how great a day I have, or how wonderful of something happens to me, I always feel like its not AS great as it can be because I don’t have someone to share it with. Yeah I have my friends, but I want a different connection.
I want to be able to look at someone and know that I am special. I want to look at that one someone and feel that I am special, and cared about. I want to find someone who’s arms I fit in, who’s smile reflects my own, and who is just as dorky as I am. I need this void filled.
And maybe that’s why I don’t understand people who have casual sex. Yes it feels good… but why do we throw ourselves into complicated situations? Our bodies are sacred... they are not a tool. They are the embodiment of our souls. I just don’t see how it can be good for us. Maybe that’s my morals just barking at my heels…but really though. Lust and love are two different things… I am looking for the latter. And so far, I have never been able to find anyone who I feel like that about. Or maybe once I did…. But I did what every other person does… I shut it away and I always look back. *sigh* I don’t date casually because I already know what I want. I want to find someone that I can seriously consider spending the rest of my life with. I want to find someone that makes me giggle, laugh, and just feel good around. I just want happiness.
And I am like any girl. When I was younger, I dreamed about Prince Charming, what he might look like…. If he was tall, short, funny, witty, sarcastic…. if he had a castle, or maybe two. I thought about what the wedding would be like.,,., what celebrities we’d invite… which house we would use. I dreamed about going shopping without a spending limit and just cuddling at night with my prince. There were violins playing, and magical stars.
But I don’t need the houses, or the money. I don’t need the looks or celebrities or limitless credit cards. What I do need is the companionship, and humor. I need the cuddling, and silly jokes. I need arms that are willing to help me hold my world together, and I help hold theirs. I need hands that are strong enough to protect, but soft enough to help me with my wounds.
I sound like a bad cheesy movie… But that is the truth. That is what I want.. that is who I am. And I know I sound like I am asking for a lot… but isn’t that what you want too? Don’t you want that soft smile that can just make anything go away? Or that touch that sooths and excites you at the same time? Don’t you ever think about that one person you could actually spend eternity with? Because I do. I do every day.
But don’t forget. My perfect person may not be your perfect person… there is different humor, different touches. Chemistry exists, but it is a matter of finding who you connect with. So I end this entry with this: Best of luck to you all looking for your own “it”. I wish you the best of luck. For those who have “it”, count yourself lucky.
Remember, if you HAPPEN to meet someone or know someone that would be great for me, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I think I am finally ready to get my heart broken and mended. Here we go…..